Chauvinistic Phrenology

phre⋅nol⋅o⋅gy  [fri-nol-uh-jee, fre-]
–noun a psychological theory or analytical method based on the belief that certain mental faculties and character traits are indicated by the configurations of the skull.

Would you date this girl? Marry this girl? Would you be happy if your brother married this young lady?

....And what would your pasty 90 year old grandmother think?!?!?!

How much can one possibly, and reasonably, infer from a mere picture.

A *friend* of mine just sent me the above pic of his current squeeze. He'd been *absent* for a while and I just knew there was a love interest to blame. Like a normal guy, I didn't ask her name, where she was from, what she was like, or any other such TRIVIAL information.

I asked for a picture.

You see, real men don't talk about serious relationships with their buddies. No, we don't, ever.

I have a very, very good friend who was dating a particular broad for three years; and they even got engaged (which fell through). Yet although I saw him regularly and we lived within a couple hours drive of each other, I never once met the chick. And we never discussed the issue either. This is how real men roll. (Taylor take special note.)

Now if someone snags a shapely floozy at the bar....that'll certainly be roundly discussed.

But the serious ones, well, how can dudes comfortably talk about impending death??? Because that's what a superseding female presents to non-homosexual male friendship.

So here she is again:



Nice teeth, heh?

The jewelry says she ain't Muslim (unless she's spying).

Obviously the body type has to be imagined/inferred but we have plenty to work with here.

Her hair is nicely kempt; eyebrows outstanding; facially she's quite comely. This is rather important over the long haul which indiscriminately ravages female bods.

Judging by the softness of her neck, she doesn't scream *athletic*; which would be fine for me. In my book, the worst looking females are hard, team athletes - think softball and basketball. Ballet and yoga would be ideal, but above all, there must be palpable femininity.

Her ethnicity is a mystery to me so I won't even guess. Body hair might be a potential concern for some of you illiberal types.

How old is she? A snorer? Any odors? Does she have a plethora of female friends? What does her mother look like and exactly how crazy is she???? Because that's what this young lady will turn into.

Can she cook and weave? Are her hips *sturdy*....for spitting out babies?

(By the way, my wife's uncle once said that to one of her college friends. Imagine being a 20 year old girl and having some 'old coot' tell you your hips were *sturdy*. He meant it as a compliment. Just take a stab at how she took it.)

Whom did she vote for? Can she dance? I believe a woman who can't dance is also a red flag in these matters.

The factual answers to these questions....I could give two sh*ts about. There'll be another chick in a few months for sure. And hopefully I'll get another picture from which we can discuss upticks and downticks....in the fertile ground of my imagination.

By the way, my request for a picture was only half-serious. Just the fact that he sent one has dire implications in itself.