Justice-Free Markets - If We Can Call Them 'Markets'

Despite my steady diet of *selective ignorance* of all things deemed news....I accidentally came across that article in my web surfing and it infuriated me.

So why is JP Morgan actually halting their *foreclosures*?

Well, for a variety of scumbag reasons.

First, it gives them cover to CONTINUE to not realize the crippling losses on their mortgage books.

And THAT, allows management to CONTINUE paying itself bull market wages.

It's also an act of political obeisance to Big Government - after all, JP Morgan is so completely bankrupt that they only exist because of direct access to Washington and to the printing press. So they have to occasionally submit to bend over for that other posse of Big Gov apparatchiks - lawyers.

There's also this econo-illiterate theory prevalent among bankers and Washington incumbents that by simply stalling/halting foreclosures....that this will keep the housing market from EVER falling back to reality. They genuinely believe this but in fairness, these Morons hold dear a vast number of other myths and legends.

But what really made my blood boil in that article was the mention that GMAC - a 200% taxpayer-owned entity - had already, yet again, come up with this same BS excuse to let people like my old landlord hold on to properties that there were already a couple of years delinquent on.

In fact, he's still collecting rent on that rat-infested house that I used to live in. The bills haven't been paid in 2.5 years!!! His first bankruptcy filing was over 6 months ago and he still hasn't been dispossessed of the 4 homes he *owns* and is milking.

Everybody in this picture is making out like the bandits they are.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are suffering from all sorts of crafty new banking and credit card fees, zero interest on our savings, and higher taxes at every level of government.

It doesn't take much foresight to see that these pols WILL NEVER, EVER reverse course - towards the isle of economic prudence.

Nope. They've set us on the path to a full-blown currency implosion.

Today I heard, for the first time in the nearly 15 years I've been following the stock market, I heard some Top-40 DJ mention how great the stock market is doing. He said, "Run home and open those end-of-quarter statements and you'll be smiling..."

Can you say, "shoe shiner stock tips"?

Eviction Chronicles - Parting Gifts

Every few weeks I get an email *reminder*.

It helpfully reminds me that [my scumbag landlord] has invited me to join Facebook! Can you believe that?

This is so ridiculous that I should probably just go along - join Headbook.com and *friend* him!

Actually, I have long joked that I won't join Headbook.com until you can *foe* someone through the site. De-friending just doesn't go far enough for me.

So, what did I do on my way out of the house last week?

Well, for one thing I procured a telescoping light bulb changer and de-bulbed all the recessed lighting. I say 'why not' - the light bulbs cost nearly $5 apiece AND I paid for them. At the time I was pretty sure that scumbag was planning on moving back into the house. Let him go out and spend the money to replace 40 bulbs!

I also went back and forth with a notion to jack up the water bill. Since he's already declared bankruptcy (and I already paid for his last 9 months of water) every incremental drop of water would be on him. At one point I just let the faucet in a bathroom run constantly - until someone warned me that it could back up the septic tank. They helpfully advised me to *run the outside faucet*. But I thought of this idea too late and wasn't fully committed to it. Every time he pulled up in the driveway I had to sneak out and turn the water off. Like I said, on this one I went 'back and forth'. But it's sage advice for other disgruntled tenants. Run the water and stiff your landlord because there's almost nothing they can do to stop you.

I might have accidentally packed the garbage disposal lids - the kind that need to be engaged to activate the disposal...

I pulled out the water filter from the refrigerator. There was no way I was going to allow this scumbag to come back into the bank's house and enjoy a cold glass of filtered water from the door of the fridge. That thing cost an annoying $35 - annoying because it had to be mail-ordered.

A friend suggested I buy a dozen eggs and deposit them deep into the air conditioning vents. This way the stench of rotten eggs, after some time, would fill the entire house and be impossible to pinpoint. Though I absolutely loved the idea, I wimped out because I wasn't 100% sure the Moron was going to re-squat at this essentially taxpayer-owned house.

Other small stuff: the movers *helped* themselves to a few small items, we left the house without vacuuming a floor or wiping down a counter - believe me it was filthy, several large items that we didn't want were simply unmoved, I forgot to leave the key to the side door - a key that I'm sure my landlord didn't have a copy of (how much does it cost to change locks?), like a twit I locked the bedroom doors on my way out, I made sure to remove the bulbs from the basement and then I cut the power of that circuit-breaker thing - whatever it's called. Let him figure it all out with flashlight in that flooded, rodent-filled basement!



I'll bet y'all are thinking that I totally wussed out - and you're right. What I did was nothing compared to what I contemplated: taking a hammer to the granite countertops, absconding with the appliances, breaking windows, etc. Screw this guy, right?

But if he potentially wasn't going to move back in, and if the bank was just going to auction it off (again!) soon then what could possibly be the point? All I might be doing is opening myself up (more) to some annoying future lawsuit.

There were a few things that I heard about my former abode today over email that piqued my curiosity and my still-simmering anger, yet seconds later my blood returned to 98.6 degrees and my pulse-rate to my normal 58 bpm.

I've moved on - literally, figuratively, AND emotionally.

Eviction Chronicles - Blowing Gas Up My Landlord's....

Excuse my filthy stove - I'm just not going to clean this place up a few days before my deadbeat, scumbag landlord moves back in.

But note my gas leak. That flame shooting out gets bigger all the time. Don't dare put anything on the counter near it; and you can't even stir a pot from that side without burning your hand. Its true size shows up better at night (but my camera can't film in the dark.) Of course I notified my landlord several times of this fire hazard but he hasn't even responded.

Recall from my post yesterday that by order of the District Court I have to move out this week - Friday to be precise.

And while my landlord's attorney insists that the scumbag is not planning on moving back in here, I don't believe it for a minute. Remember, the dirtbag told me explicitly back on February 21st that *homesteading* this house was one of the tactics he'd employ to stave off foreclosure. Furthermore, he's been sneakily moving stuff back into his illegal *office*; he's loading up his SUV with all sorts of junk and burying it in the backroom....but when he thingks I'm not looking. All of a sudden he's got the shades mysteriously pulled down to hide what he's hiding.

While my neighbors most certainly ARE NOT, I am chuckling at the thought of this Moron trying to move back in here when he might only get a couple months out of it before the bank ultimately boots him out. For one thing, I'm going to get the utilities turned off and/or switched into his name. Note these are the same utilities he owes serious coin to.

The electric company won't *turn off* the power, I don't think. It's probably too expensive for them to send someone out and then re-activate later on for whomever.

But the gas company, National Grid to whom he owes $7,000, came by today to *read the meter*; shutoff is scheduled for next Wednesday.

By chance I noticed the service vehicle in my driveway and made my way out to talk to the servicewoman. She said that she was having trouble *reading* the meter. But she never got out of the car. She was using some digital device that must have been searching for a signal. I asked her if I could help or if she needed to get into the house or something. It turned out to be a very good thing I came out and offered because she was just about to drive away - and because of what then transpired.

She found the meter next to my house but couldn't read it even from up close because it was *old* and *not up to code*. Additionally, she said the pipe-work was improperly, illegally, and dangerously installed.

Scrutinizing some more she became confused at the routing of the line. I mentioned that my landlord uses the detached office across the driveway and a light clicked in her brain. She was pretty sure that my landlord was siphoning my gas line in to heat his office - a BIG NO-NO she added. I myself had wondered about this some time ago. He did spend something ridiculous like $4,000 to get the electricity sub-metered back when I moved in 2007. He paid the water bill so that was irrelevant. But with the heat and hot water I always assumed that he at least had an electric heater over there or something. Guess what....if he doesn't, he's going to be in deep poop. Stealing the gas that I pay for???

So the servicewoman was already telling me that an inspector was going to come over and fine him for the improper metering and installation, make him pay to fix it, AND that was before she figured out he might have been taking my gas.

Then I brought her inside and showed her my leaky gas stove which she took even more seriously - as she should - than the preceding violations. She declared it a major fire hazard.

I think it's safe to say I just counter-punched my landlord here but good. The service woman was insistent that he wasn't going to be able to snake his way out of this one.

And if it turns out that he was in fact taking my gas, not only will that blunt any of the future lawsuits his lawyer is planning on harassing me with, in that case I will go on the offensive and sue the pants off him!

Apparently when the inspector comes he demands immediate access - and if denied a cop is summoned forthwith. Gas is a very, very big deal - as it should be.

Eviction Chronicles - Judgment Rendered

After a brutal day in court with my landlord (er, his attorney) we have some clarity.

Recall last Tuesday I was served with an order to appear in court today, less than 7 days later, for a motion to evict me for non-payment of rent, alleged malicious destruction of property, and the alleged interference with the sale of the property.

First of all, it became clear to me last week that my wife and I messed up royally during the course of our March *mediation* with him. Back then, my landlord took me to court because I wanted to use my pre-paid last month rent for March because the house was scheduled for bank auction. After filing to evict me and demand rent, my landlord, er his attorney, actually PAID us the money he owed us (water bill + interest on last month rent = $1,200) AND he said we could stay through April and May provided we pay $2,500 for each month.

What my wife and I didn't realize, was that the opposing attorney snuck in a judgment for *possession* into the agreement. What the bleep did that mean? It was literally a tiny box checked on the form. I thought he already had possession as the landlord. Furthermore, in the course of our mediation, the opposing counsel didn't utter the word a single time. As I said, it was literally snuck into the agreement.

So what exactly is *possession*? Well, apparently when a landlord has it the tenant has basically no rights. The landlord doesn't have to fix anything AND he can pretty much throw you out on a whim.

Hence I wasn't going to the tenant-sympathizing *Housing* Court today; I had to go to District Court where a judge was most likely just going to rule on the legality of the motion - i.e. I didn't pay the April and May rent, ergo the landlord could legally evict me.

I realized all this on Thursday and was downright pissed. All that work, research, and self-defensive legal maneuvering (Board of Health citations, etc.) on my part would be for naught on account of a technicality - *possession*.

So essentially, my landlord barely has to even provide hot water AND he can show the property to buyers at his leisure - the crux of my case was suddenly irrelevant.

And the news got even worse...

I was told by a local attorney back in January that it would cost my landlord $4,000 to hire the sheriff and a moving company to physically evict me. There's no way my bankrupt scumbag landlord would ever put that kind of money up. So my fallback move would have just been to force him to go into his pocket and dare him to physically evict me.

But late last week another attorney, a buddy of mine, told me that the cost for physical eviction was *only $300* and that the tenant (i.e. me) would have to pay to retrieve their stuff.

Crap!

So now my worst case scenario was losing on Monday, getting notified by a sheriff, and having strangers pack up my house in 48 hours on Wednesday.

Double crap!

Could you imagine the injustice of ME GETTING BOOTED OUT OF HERE???

So I scrambled. First of all, we had been planning to move out roughly around May 24th anyway. The movers from my wife's company had already contacted us about a date. But could they move it up to Tuesday or Wednesday of this week? On 5 days notice? They hadn't yet returned my wife's phone calls.

Option 2 - Swallow my pride?

I tried to approach my landlord about a possible compromise. He wouldn't even talk to me. I emailed him my proposal, "$2,500 (half of what he thinks I owe) and I'd move out in two weeks, May 21st." He essentially told me to get lost.

Recall the guy is a lunatic. It'd be highly unlikely that he do better than that in court. A judge would probably give him a judgment for execution (i.e. eviction) OR some money....he wasn't going to get both - I don't think.

My wife calls me later in the day, Friday, and informs me that the movers can come pack on Thursday and load the truck on Friday. So that was comforting. Even in the event of a courtroom loss, I'd inform my landlord that I'd be out on Friday. STILL, he might, out of his palpable spite, decide to sick the sheriff on me right away, Wednesday, before my movers got here. I know I certainly would if I were him! I was definitely worried about this and resolved that in the worst, worst case scenario, upon receiving 48 hours notice from a sheriff, I'd simply run down to UHaul, rent a truck, and conscript my friends to help me load it. But again, that's the worse of the worst possible outcomes. I figured that I had to be totally prepared no matter what happened.

But still, I had one heck of a case and my landlord, with his $5 million, 88 page bankruptcy filing, is not exactly a sympathetic fellow. There was a solid chance that a judge would scoff at my landlord and his refusal to supply hot water during the first week of April, at his Board of Health citations, and at his portfolio of harassment and tell him and his attorney to take a hike. In fact, my landlord's attorney had already prepared for this event - he had already filed (and served me) with a Summary Eviction Notice for May 27th. I would, if I could, argue that is where my case belonged in the first place. That would be a much better venue for a tenant to defend himself AND I could file a response by May 24th and get the case punted for two additional weeks automatically. It'd be mid-June before I ever saw a courtroom - and the bank might well have taken *possession* for itself! (And the bank might well have been offering me $3,000 to vacate the place in good shape.)

I show up in court today at 9am. There's no sign of my landlord or his attorney. The judge comes in fashionably late and starts whizzing through the motions. My stomach is turning with anxiety and the hope that a no-show will default in my favor.

My case is called and I rise up...

Some lawyer dude runs out and gets word to someone...

My landlord comes running in looking like a basket-case....he says his attorney is *coming*.

The judge says he can wait and calls for a 10 minute recess.

Now my nerves are totally frayed watching the clock and watching people come in and out of the courtroom THAT AREN'T MY LANDLORD'S ATTORNEY.

The judge comes back in and starts rifling through the cases again...

My stomach feels like it just did every ride in an amusement park....and I notice on the carpeted floor of the courtroom about 56 disgusting fingernails (none of which were even mine)!

Still, no attorney. My illiterate scumbag landlord is now sitting in front of me poring over the paperwork in front of him. He's going to have to present this case himself - if at all...

Now it's just us left in the courtroom and the judge asks my landlord where his attorney is.

Scumbag - [shaking] He's coming....He's on his way from the airport, getting back from Florida.

Say what? He filed a motion less than a week ago to drag me into court....with a flight that would be cutting it close?

The judge said "OK....I'll hear this one in First Session when he gets here."

I protested. Like a Moron, I stood up and called BS on the judge.

CaptiousNut - Your Honor, if I showed up late you'd rule against me. I couldn't even get an attorney on such short notice.

Now at that, he could have easily jammed his gavel right up my hiney....but he didn't. He calmly asserted that if I had an attorney running late, he'd give me more time.

So out of civil and into a criminal courtroom I went. How fitting for my landlord - only I was the defendant!

There the agonizing wait continued. In the meantime, I got my first experience ever in a criminal courtroom. Some young chick next to me was furiously typing away on her iPhone throughout - though furious in the sense of how a normal broad would do it. Her calmness became a mystery to me when the judge called her before him. This girl had been arrested for her third possession of heroin charge within a couple of months. She was going to jail and didn't show any concern whatsoever.

And then there was a serial alcoholic send to *a bed*; a grocery store shoplifter; someone (else) accused of malicious destruction of property and intimidating a witness; a dude charged with robbing at knifepoint an alleged drug dealer of his cash and needles; and best of all were two drug addict clowns accused of masked armed robbery - one of whom couldn't stop laughing throughout the deliberation.

While I appreciated the distraction, I was still exasperated that the judge had given opposing counsel now 2 hours extra time to show up. And show up he did just then.

About 15 minutes later the judge espies the lawyer, whom he knew well apparently, in the courtroom and tells him to meet with me outside. One thing I learned from this day in court is how common this directive was. I guess, in contradistinction to color TV drama, this is how the creaky wheels of justice mostly turn - out in the hall from ordered mediation.

And during this first courtroom experience of mine, I realized that the judge wasn't really going to be very interested in the details of my case - my pics of dead mice, a flooded basement, and whatnot. He wasn't going to care how slimy my landlord was - or about any of the small (compared to heroin) issues I was all fired up to present.

So out into the hall I went with this lawyer...

Lawyer - What are you offering?

CaptiousNut - Well I offered (dirtbag) $2,500 and to move out on May 21st (11 days later) last week but he wouldn't even talk to me.

Lawyer - Why didn't you send that to us?

CaptiousNut - He didn't tell you about that?

Lawyer - He did, but....you should have contacted us.

CaptiousNut - I'm not offering that anymore.

Lawyer - Why not?

CaptiousNut - Because I had to spend all weekend getting ready for this trial. And because I had to scramble to line up movers in the event that I lost.

Lawyer - What are you proposing?

CaptiousNut - Nothing. I can be out by Friday.

Lawyer - Well, we can evict you immediately...

CaptiousNut - Yeah, you can have a sheriff there by Wednesday and if I'm notified I'll rent a truck and move myself.

Lawyer - Look, you don't want to go down that road. You are opening up yourself to be sued for damages. You still owe (dirtbag) money - one month plus a third of this month's rent.

CaptiousNut - What about all the Board of Health citations? What about him entering my house without authorization? Look, I'm prepared to lose; I realize that I messed up granting him *possession* back in March.

And this went back and forth several times. Really, it was a discovery process for the attorney. He tried to act all calm and friendly but I knew he was just trying to get the gist of my argument so he wouldn't embarrass himself in court. But I was doing the same, to an extent anyway, or so I thought.

For example, in this motion filed against me, where dirtbag accused me of *trying to frustrate the sale of this property* his attorney wrote:

....Tenant has refused to allow access for the showing of the property and has continued to actively interfere in all efforts to sell by making false and defamatory statements to potential buyers. These actions have been done with the express intent to frustrate the sale of the property. Tenant has even gone so far as to advertise the property on Craigslist with the express intent to interfere with any potential sale of the property.

And during the course of our hallway *mediation*, the attorney brought it up.

Lawyer - What was that Craigslist ad all about? You know, advertising someone else's property for sale on the internet like that is a big deal. It's a serious offense...

CaptiousNut - Hah! That ad just proved that IT WAS THE BANK WHO WAS SELLING THE PROPERTY AND NOT YOUR CLIENT. AND WITH THE MIDNIGHT BANKRUPTCY FILING IT PROVES THAT THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO FRUSTRATE A SALE WAS YOUR CLIENT.

Lawyer - Well then what was the ad for?

CaptiousNut - I was going to grant access to my house for any auction bidders....I was going to charge them $100 apiece - a number they'd surely cough up before bidding several hundred thousand dollars on a property without otherwise seeing the inside of the house.

Now I realize that I messed up here, again. I should have not given my counterargument to opposing counsel here for free. Obviously, in hindsight, he didn't fully understand the issue and had he brought it up in court I would have embarrassed him for his ignorance.

But I also learned a thing or two from this conversation. I learned that one of my claims - the harassment from my landlord running his unauthorized businesses on the property - had already gone to court three years before. And the court ruled in favor my landlord. So that was an issue I now knew not to push in front of a judge.

Lawyer - So it looks like you want to continue fighting...

CaptiousNut - I absolutely do not. I want to move on.

Lawyer - Well then pay the man what you owe him. You've inflicted serious harm on him with all this. He's really hurting.

CaptiousNut - I can't pay him, not when he's made my life a living hell for the past 5 months. How much do you think I should deduct for all the deferred maintenance and the loss of hot water?

Lawyer - Deduct $200 from April rent and pay for 10 days of May. (about $3,300)

CaptiousNut - Only $200?

Lawyer - Yeah.

CaptiousNut - I already had to pay the plumber $100. You think no hot water for nearly a week, for the fourth time is only worth $100.

Lawyer - No. I'm giving you $200.

Obviously, the guy didn't understand the math. This went back and forth a bit more. The attorney told me I should pay up because it was the right thing to do. And he even threatened me with a defamation suit. He said that dirtbag's new employer (whom I called a little while ago) was willing to sign an affidavit testifying to the fact that I *defamed* my landlord.

CaptiousNut - Well I could pay all the rent money you are demanding and (dirtbag) could still bring a defamation suit against me. So I'm not afraid of that threat.

Lawyer - IT'S NOT A THREAT. I'm not threatening you in any way....

Lawyer - You need to pay the man his money.

CaptiousNut - I'll tell you what, I'll pay $1,200 and be out by Friday.

Lawyer - No. Let's go see the judge.

CaptiousNut - You're not even going to take that offer to your client?

Lawyer - Nope. Young man, you're taking a big risk.

CaptiousNut - Let's go see the judge. I'm totally prepared to move out.

Ten minutes later, the judge calls us.

Judge - Why didn't you pay your rent?

CaptiousNut - I had no hot water. I lost hot water on March 30th and the landlord was completely non-responsive. I had no hot water for a week; this was the fourth time I had lost hot water; and it was a problem that the landlord was cited for by the Board of Health.

Judge - Let me see the citation. (he read it)

Judge - But all these (Board of Health) issues were there before you entered an agreement for judgment.

CaptiousNut - But there's been a whole lot more. We have a gas leak on our stove; we have rodents in the house; the landlord is entering my house without notice and without permission; the house in the late stages of foreclosure; he's trying to harass us out of there so he can homestead it to delay another auction....

I tried to cram as much stuff in there as I could. Again, from my earlier experience in the courtroom I could tell that these details were not going to interest the judge much. After all every landlord/tenant relationship has a contentious history. I did my best, in my 30 second opportunity to convey the worst about my personal situation.

CaptiousNut - The living conditions are so bad, I want relief from that judgment. I'm prepared to move out May 21st. I have kids in school that they need to finish up.

Judge - (to opposing counsel) What's the problem with that? It's only 10 days away?

Lawyer - That's not acceptable to us. Money is owed.

Judge - Has there been any deal offered?

CaptiousNut - I offered him $2,500 and a May 21st move out date last week (turning around toward landlord indignantly) AND HE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.

Judge - Are you offering that now?

CaptiousNut - No. I'm not because he dragged me into court. I offered only $1200 now and to move out this Friday.

Lawyer - That's not acceptable to us.

Judge - What is this about *malicious destruction of property*?

Lawyer - (slowly, stammering) Things were functioning properly before we signed the agreement....so we assume that he damaged them since then.

CaptiousNut - WHY WOULD I DAMAGE MY STOVE? I have a burner on my stove that shoots flames out and is a fire hazard....I have children in the house that can reach it...

Here I should have gone ballistic and accused THEM of making false and defamatory statements. That lawyer included an accusation in the complaint that had ZERO BASIS in fact. In hindsight, I should have expressed every ounce of the indignation I felt. I should have yelled, "Your Honor, this is exactly the type of harrassment I've been subject to. They make completely bogus accusations and then I have to answer them in court! It's legal harrassment!"

Judge - If he pays $1,200 execution is stayed until Friday.



Out in the hall, I wrote a check for the dirtbag and handed it to his attorney who said, "We'll deal with the balance of what you owe later on."

In other words, he was threatening/promising to sue me for probably $2,500 plus, I would assume, damages. This would really suck as I'd have to come back up from New York to fight it. He knows that and even said in the course of our prior talk, "Pay the man what you owe him. You don't want to have to come all the way back up here from New York for court again..."

While I do very much want and need this thing to be over, it looks like there's more to come. At some point, and we may already be there or past it, I have to do a calculation of how much time and effort I'm expending over a couple of grand. I know full well that's what he (and his attorney) are banking on; and that's precisely how he stole so much money from plumbers, contractors, former tenants,....by wearing them out to the point where they figure it's not worth it to fight over $500 here or $3,000 there. While it was never about the money for me, it was about the moral obligation of standing up to a bully crook, still I have other stuff to do - I have to get on about building a new life for my family, and maybe a new career in New York.

A lawyer friend of mine told me, given that expressed threat, to expect a regular *breach of contract* lawsuit from my landlord - if he in fact pursues the matter. I would think they try to serve me with a notice in the next couple of days before I disappear to *somewhere in New York*.

So....did I win or lose? Or should I be judged on *how I played the game*?

I felt like I lost. I was sick to my stomach afterwards and I don't understand why. Maybe I've worn myself out fighting this matter; maybe I was hungry; maybe it was the stock market bouncing 400 points yesterday?

The inherent problem with my case, aside from not being a tenant under the protection of a lease, was that by arguing strenously that my house was *unlivable*, in order to forcefully make that arugment, I have to planning to move out soon. In the end, my landlord, via his negligence and harrassment, did in fact force me out. And that'll be my defense later on should I be sued for monetary damages.

On one level I did win. I offered my landlord $2,500 last week and he turned it down - probably, along with his lawyer, assuming I would still be willing to pay that much, if not more, in a court. Since he only got $1,200 from me, I won that little game-within-a-game. Recall my pedigree as an option pit trader. I know value and I know that when a good offer is made and rejected you have to make penalize the pigs who held out for more; you have to reduce your terms. Only amateurs bid-and-offer less than they are willing to commit to with a hope of splitting the difference later on. In my email to my landlord last week I told him point blank that I would offer this deal if I had to waste my weekend preparing for court.

And I also won in the sense that the opposing counsel turned down my offer in the hallway only to be forced by the judge to accept it. I could have done worse, and I could have done better. The judge sliced the baby in half and moved on to the next case. Later on I'll do a post on *how I should have argued*.

But still, I didn't feel good about the outcome at all. Usually after these things there would be implicit relief in their closure. But there was no closure here with his attorney promising to keep coming after me.

I'm mildly upset at myself too - for granting *possession* to my landlord back in March. Ask almost anybody and they have no idea what that legal term means. Perhaps I read the agreement too quickly before signing. I'd have never given up any more of my rights as a tenant had I known what it meant - especially given the situation with my negligent landlord. Would having a lawyer have helped me? Sure. But it would have cost money too. I dealt with a Summary Evictions Notice and two Motions all on my own. An attorney would have cost at least $1,000 for all that. And what would it have accomplished? We were voluntarily planning on moving before the end of May anyway. So we moved a couple of weeks earlier. So what?

But I don't beat myself up over my mistakes - recall I've been a trader for 15+ years and hence demonstrably wrong at least 70% of the time.

Back in April, when this nonsense started up again with a loss of hot water and the scumbag demanding access to *show* a house he could never in a million years sell....my wife and I promised that we would fight him but not to the point where it spoiled out time here. On that mission we failed miserably. It was simply too hard to keep this last battle unemotional. It'd be one thing if the house was simply falling apart. But the killer was the physical presence of my landlord on the property, right outside my window, at all hours, every single day. It's tough to ignore a jerk of this magnitude who's on your doorstep all the time. Heck, not only are his victims customers rolling in and out of my driveway all the time, and not only he is lingering in his *office* past midnight dreaming up new theivin' schemes, but his teenage kids drop in whenever they feel like it (with their punk friends) and even his dog is here all the time.

As I've said before - the past 2.75 years here on Boston's South Shore, a place, despite being a native Ma$$hole I knew nothing about 3 years ago, my time here has been the most joyful of my entire life. Ideally I would have been able to spend my final days here saying goodbye to our friends, having one last huge barbecue at the house, and hitting, one last time, all the local places around here that had become special to us - instead of fighting with a dirtbag over a couple of grand.

Here's what I wrote most presciently about the scumbag over 2.5 years ago, after I had just got to know him a bit:

Now before I even signed my lease with this guy I knew he was in financial straits. He was trying to sell this particular house we rented for over $1 million but I knew from researching the area that it wasn't worth a nickel over 700k. Furthermore, he candidly told me that he owed $1.2 million in mortgage debt on the property AND that he owed $1.8 million on his abode. I Zillow-stalked him a bit - meaning I researched the size and value of his other house and learned that it also was worth much less than its debt load. And it suffices to say that every other bit of info I discovered about this guy literally screamed that he was tapped out and broke. So I knew what I was getting into from the get-go.

The guy wanted "first, last, and security" upfront - $7,500 ($2,500 in monthly rent). We signed the lease and Fedexed it to him with our check on July 3rd. On July 5th, the guy literally called me four separate times asking where the check was. I said, "Hey buddy, settle down. Yesterday was a holiday. If it's not there later today, it will be there tomorrow or the next day. We aren't moving in for a month. What's the big deal?"

Don't think for a moment this guy deposited the money in an escrow account as the more professional landlords would do. He obviously needed it to pay his personal bills forthwith.

Renting from this guy was making me more nervous by the second and we had a month yet before we moved in. Once we did, he effectively only had $5,000 of our money that we could lose. Since we would not be paying rent again for our "last" month, he would effectively only have $2,500 to hold over our heads. My wife remains very concerned about this clown we rented from - especially after I just relayed her the conversation I had with the previous tenant. I had to remind my wife that our monetary risk was a mere $2,500 and that I lose that kind of money in split-seconds trading. Everything one ever does has financial risks. The trick is to stay on top of their probabilities and magnitudes.

It also goes without saying that the landlord always takes on more risk than the renter who could just stop paying rent at any moment. In most states it will take many months for a landlord to get an eviction notice executed on a non-paying tenant. I could very well decide not to pay my penultimate month's rent - as well as the "last" month's - and leave the landlord with effectively no security deposit to withhold. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Outside of the security deposit, tenants still bear other risks while renting from a bankrupt landlord. For one thing, he'll skimp on maintenance. I already noted that I have a fire hazard of a chimney that my landlord won't deal with. There's also the general issue of having a business relationship with anyone who is losing their shirt. They'll be understandably ornery. I once worked for a guy who was losing millions in his own trading accounts. The bastard took it out on me and that effectively ended our partnership. I don't know that most people have ever seen acquaintances, friends, or colleagues lose their entire livelihood via bankruptcy but I can assure them, it's nothing you want to be a party to. It doesn't matter whether the outcome is bad luck, tragic, or even due justice. I guess just as waiters and bartenders tend to over tip, as a trader well-accustomed to losing money, even when some people that I loathe have gone broke I feel for them.

My landlord is a phenomenally nice guy. He does just about everything he can for us but financial realities are tough to overcome with a smile. I'd be really surprised if our rental/business/personal relationship didn't deteriorate rapidly over the next few months. I've just seen this movie too many times.

Well, it lasted, thanks to banks *not foreclosing*, a whole lot longer than I ever expected it to.

In effect, despite the late innings disaster, I have to say that on some level, by being able to stay in this house for the reasonably cheap rent we paid, that I benefitted from the banks' foot-dragging.

Going forward, the packers will be here on Thursday and the truck will be loaded on Friday. The only loose end we have here is my daughter's dance recital on May 23rd. So I am going to squat a my parents house in Worcester for a week - hopefully getting in a few rounds of golf - and then come back out here next weekend for the recital (before heading down to NY). My wife is busy as $hit with her new job and she'll be in Miami all next week because of it. Much of her new staff is based there and, hopefully, she'll be able to work out of that office in the wintertime. Therefore my future snowbird plans are shifting across Florida from Naples to Miami. THAT I'm very much looking forward to. (I like to walk South Beach with my head swiveled landward.)

As I mentioned earlier in this post, with promised future suits, these Eviction Chronicles might not yet be over.

HOWEVER, realize that we are moving in the the MIL on Long Island. So I'm trading one monstrous landlord for another, i.e. there'll be NO decrease in abode blog material!

Note she's not only a veteran landlord in her own right, but also a meticulous reader of this blog. No doubt she's taking careful notes and will be fortifying *possession* claims before we move in!

Eviction Chronicles - Upcoming Courtroom Brawl

There's a whole lot of stuff still going on here between me and my deadbeat scumbag landlord. Y'all didn't think this saga was over, did ya?

Yesterday I was *served* with notice to appear in court next week.

He complains that not only have I not paid rent, but that I have engaged in a *malicious destruction of property* AND that I have done several things to *frustrate the sale of the property*.

Moi?

Hah! I didn't need to destroy any property. His jerry-rigged, half-a$$ed construction and gross negligence took care of that!

As for frustrating the sale of property...

He's the one who's done that! He's the one who (fraudulently) borrowed $1.2 million on a 500k house. He's the one who frustrated the bank's attempt to SELL THE PROPERTY by declaring personal bankruptcy at midnight before the scheduled foreclosure auction.

I guess if one is going to lie, they really should, from a ROI standpoint, go for a REALLY BIG LIE. His complaint is nothing short of a complete inversion of the truth.

When my wife came home last night I instructed her to read the complaint *several times* before commenting. She couldn't restrain herself and started fulminating right away. "Read it a few times first!" I re-lectured. His case is so ludicrous that it's nearly indecipherable and incomprehensible.

So court should be fun next week. My wife wants me to delay the court date somehow. I say Why?....I've got the weight of evidence firmly on my side.

Though she's probably right. My landlord doesn't deserve a speedy judgment one way or another. Heck I got served less than a week before the court date. That's got to be some procedural error or something - I would think.

For the prior installment of this series - see Eviction Chronicles - Bankruptcy Filing.

A Diversified Attack, On Scum

I found out that my scumbag landlord has scored himself a job, sort of.

So today I contacted his new employer and had a nice 10 minute discussion with him. Items of discussion included: integrity, debt, bankruptcy, fraud, lying, etc.

His new employer was very interested in the discrepancies between what he had thought about my landlord, and what I had just informed him of!

Next I called a State *loan regulator* with whom I wanted to discuss what might be *illegal* self-advertising on the part my landlord. I didn't get through today but will try again later this week.

Then I issued a formal letter of complaint to my local housing authority about some *ordinance violations* by my landlord. A formal letter requires a formal response - which can be appealed and publicized. (I've done a fair amount of leg-work on this one. And it's additional to my already filed Board of Health complaints.)

After that I contacted the office of the bankruptcy judge who is presiding over my landlord's appeal for a *clean financial slate*. I was told they have considerable discretion in meting out leniency. And I was told to write to the judge and convey the whole story of my landlord's theft/crime/fraud/harassment. Except the woman there (a clerk) essentially blew me off. She told me to go bother the *trustee*. So I did.

I called him up and discussed a couple of *misrepresentations* that I found on my landlord's bankruptcy petition. Though the petition is written under an explicit penalty of perjury, the trustee wasn't very receptive to my Captious input. He shrugged his shoulders and half-scoffed that he handles 600 cases a year. But he did tell me precisely the type of evidence he was looking for. So I'll see what I can do.

Now the C-Nut family is moving on and out of this rat-infested house very soon. So why should I care about this clown?

I'll tell you why - BECAUSE no one else does. BECAUSE that's what he's banking on. He sticks his elbows out, screams loudly, and the invertebrates back off.

Most everyone I've contacted about him (banks, utilities, law enforcement, etc.) has stiff-armed me. They simply don't care. They are large bureaucratic entities funded by third party pools of money.

I really enjoy being the ONLY ONE who cares as it sets me apart, as it elevates me into the saddle of a high white horse.

Understand that my landlord does everything in his power to game the system.

So I'm going to match him and do whatever I can think of to see that he loses!

Like a dabbling entrepreneur....I only have to be right but once.

Guess what his new job is?

He's become a *loan originator* for a distressed debt fund!

So he went from pushing toxic loans on minorities in Dorchester, Brockton, and Worcester...

And personally stealing millions from banks with unsecured HELOCs....

To now being essentially a vulture of the very toxic, now-defaulted loans that he helped proliferate (and profit from) in the first place!!!

He may be only one guy in Boston and perhaps couldn't even get a job as a boot-black in Lower Manhattan...

But his career path is nearly a microcosm of what happened on Wall Street these past several years. They trafficked in junk the entire the way up, and will on the entire way down.

Eviction Chronicles - Served Again!

In January, my wife and I decided not to pay rent. We took pre-emptive action against our landlord who was going to just *steal* our un-escrowed security deposit on our way out. The Moron kicked and screamed, served us a notice to quit and then tried to take us to court. At the last minute he capitulated in the face of my threatened counter-suit.

In March, with our house scheduled for *auction*, we decided to not pay rent. More accurately we told him that our pre-paid *last month* would have to suffice for March. Displeased with that, the scumbag had us served with a notice to quit on March 2nd!

Recall that gripe of HIS ended up with HIM writing me a $1,200 check in court-sponsored mediation!

April came and we had no hot water due to his negligence (also clogged sinks, a bee hive in our shed, a malfunctioning stove, etc.) so we weren't going to pay him a dime, no less a nickel. He kicked and screamed yet again. Though curiously, he hadn't initiated legal action against us.

That is until today. This morning I was served with my third notice to quit! I expect him, in 10-14 days or so, to attempt to legally *vacate* the terms of our mediation - i.e. demand payment and/or eviction.

It is interesting that he waited until April 19th to *re-start the process*. His uncharacteristic hesitation suggests some exhaustion PLUS, perhaps, a non-optimistic view of what a judge might say.

I'm fairly confident that he'll get buried in court but it almost doesn't matter.

In the rare event a judge says something ludicrous like I didn't sufficiently notify my landlord of the problems and makes me pay....I don't care. The money isn't the issue for us; it's about moral principle. I'd be happy to pay rent to the bank or to donate it to charity. If this dirtbag wants the money I'm going to make him work for it (pay filing fees, pay servers, and pay an attorney).

My wife and I have agreed that we'll happily go to court with light preparation (in terms of not hiring a lawyer, documenting the neglect, etc.) Again, if a judge rules against us....we don't care as we're moving on anyway.

Plus, should I be ordered out I can always just force the broke-a$$ Moron to physically evict me. That will cost him $4,000 out of his empty pockets.

He can't win and I'm trying to pound that reality into his dense skull.

We just don't want the end of our stay here marred by too much animosity. So we're taking a laid-back approach to whatever happens.

I just called to confirm the new auction date and was told that *none is scheduled*. So the scam artist has successfully delayed the authorities, yet again. By rights and the laws of other eras he'd be in jail for $4 million in mortgage debt plus another 500k in unpaid credit card bills.

The problem, for us, with him having punted the auction to who knows when is that it's probably given him more *false hope* and hence more energy to battle us.

Unfortunately for him, I have a rather large reserve tank of fuel myself!

For background see:

War And Peace

Eviction Chronicles - Brimming With Schadenfreude

Mice Body Count - 13

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!

I thought I had smelled something funny in my bedroom for the past few weeks - and I discovered the cause last night.

Two things at work here. One, my wife and I agreed to *stop feeding* the rodents in our walls and ceilings. It was better to just hear them scampering ALL NIGHT LONG than to hear them get stuck in and flop around loudly in my baited glue traps each and every early morning.

Secondly, I had run out of the BIG *rat size* traps and so did Lowes. So I had to go with the smaller *mouse size* ones. It turns out they were wholly ineffective - or so I thought until removing the rotting corpse of intruder #13.

My deadbeat landlord slumlord has been out of the country, in fact allegedly on a mission to Haiti, for the past week plus. NEVER have my wife and I enjoyed living here so much as when he's been gone! THAT is how much of a PIA he is. (He's here a lot because he runs his subprime *fraud* operations from a detached office on my property.)

But I fully expect when he returns for legal proceedings to re-commence. Recall that I did not pay him April rent because we lost our hot water and he NEVER even sent a plumber over. There's just simply no way we should have to pay (full rent) to this about-to-be-foreclosed-upon jerk given his full record of tenant torture. A judge will sort that all out.

And given that I expect to be in court in the next few weeks, I think it wise to have a fresh batch of rodents for evidentiary leverage. Note also I have re-deployed my cage traps in the *wide-open* basement; they are baited with crunchy peanut butter and corned beef which I bought on sale after St. Patrick's Day. Hopefully I can land me another rat!

See also the most recent rodent installment - Another One For The Glue Trap

How To Unclog A Garbage Disposal

As a consequence of my deadbeat landlord's *deferred maintenance*....I'm learning a lot about fixing stuff around the house: infestations, flooded basements, re-lighting hot water tanks, etc.

I've had two clogged sinks for some time now that the scumbag has refused to fix. I could always call a plumber, pay them to take care of the problems, and then deduct the bill from my rent. The only problem is, now I probably won't be paying any more rent. So everything I pay comes directly out of my pocket.

Today I unclogged my kitchen sink's garbage disposal - a Badger 7.

All that I had to do was insert a 1/4 inch allen wrench underneath it and turn it 90 degrees. That freed up whatever it was that had jammed it. Instantly, I could hear the water gushing down the drain.

I wrote this post because significant Googling did not reveal this very simple solution. Perhaps others will find this post and save themselves some time, effort, and a plumber's bill. Although the solution ended up being easy, that doesn't mean I didn't bend over backwards trying to figure it out!

Be sure to unplug the disposal before jamming any metal tools into it.

Next up - I'm going to have to kill three hornets' nests that have appeared in my storage shed. At least in that deparment, I have some experience.

War And Peace

Shoot. Has it really been five full days since my last post? I guess I'll have trouble making my *100+* posts this month.

I've been busy. The weather has been spectacular and I've been golfing. Today my kids had a closing ceremony with our homeschool co-op. And of course, we had Easter in between that.

Now for the *war*...

Yep, I'm in YET ANOTHER all-out battle with my landlord. Recall from my prior post that flooding (and more accurately, his deferred maintenance) knocked out my hot water late last Tuesday night. April rent was due on Thursday and he actually had the stones to DEMAND it when I was still without hot water. I told him he'd get it when a plumber came. Here we are five days later and there's still no plumber - so there's no rent.

I did grab a plumber next door and get him to re-light my pilot light on Friday (day three of no hot water) but I wasn't going to tell my landlord - he didn't deserve to know.

And get this, late Friday night, after an entire day where he made no communication to me about when a plumber was coming or anything, he had the STONES to email me and tell me that he *is going to show the house* on Saturday at 7pm and on Sunday at 11am. Can you believe his nerve?

(House showings, when allowed, require a minimum of 24 hours written notice AND, according to judicial precedent, can only take place Monday-Friday 9am-5pm. In other words, *no nights* and definitely *no weekend nights* or *holidays*!)

I waited until Saturday afternoon, when there was still no plumber here and when I was about to hit the road to my parents' house to email him:

CaptiousNut - Since you were non-responsive to our lack of hot water I took care of it myself....Under no circumstances is ANYONE permitted to enter my house this weekend, no less on Easter Sunday....You'll get your rent check on Sunday night less what I had to pay the plumber and less an additional amount that I've yet to determine.

Y'all aren't going to believe his response:

DeadbeatCriminalMoronicLandlord - I never authorized you to hire ur own plumber. I told u that the plumber was busy. Your rent is due in full. The property needs to be shown as I am working with the reactors [sic], the appraiser, and the attorneys. If tomorrow easter is not working for you. I will reschedule but you must allow the showing tonight.

I wasn't *authorized*? I guess I was supposed to just sit there taking cold showers until whenever he got a plumber to re-activate my hot water heater.

I actually had a rent check made out to him minus only $250 that I was going to give him last night. My wife and I figured that we pay April and just stiff him for the whole amount come May.

But after that email exchange and his mind-numbingly arrogant attempt to *show* our house on a holiday weekend, with short notice, WHEN he's having us sit there in cold water....I decided that he wasn't going to get April rent, period.

I just can't imagine any judge not reaming him for this past week's events - and that's on top of everything else. I'll take my chances in court.

BTW, not only did I set little *booby traps* in my house to see if scumbag defied my orders and entered my house on Saturday night, I also sent spies by at 7pm! From what I can tell, he changed his mind and didn't come in. I was actually hoping he would because that'd be a trump card in any legal proceeding.

Eviction Chronicles - Brimming With Schadenfreude

Due to coerced mediation last week, while I got all my money back from my scumbag landlord, I am faced with the prospect of writing him a $2,500 check tomorrow for April rent.

It's not the money on my end so much that I care about, it's the fact that this scam artist can legally collect rent from a property that he hasn't paid a bill for in well over a year.

So it is with great delight that I greeted the flood that hit our basement yesterday - one that knocked out our hot water tank!

You see, now I don't have to pay rent tomorrow - I can at least hold it off until the hot water is restored.

All that's really wrong is the pilot light is out. But in our experience here, it hasn't been easy to re-light. In fact once, my Moronic landlord tried to do it himself only to come barreling out of the basement in a mad search for a fire extinguisher.

Apparently, the tank needs to be slightly disassembled and dried off by someone who knows what they are doing.

But this little problem isn't going to be fixed cheaply.

You see, my landlord has stiffed so many local plumbers that none of them will even return his calls - ESPECIALLY not on a day like today when every basement in Massachusetts is underwater.

The one buffoon plumber who has been doing the latest work for my landlord....I've seen several bills from him recently in the mailbox for my landlord. Obviously, my criminally-deadbeat landlord decided to stiff him as well on his unapologetic march towards bankruptcy.

So essentially, there isn't a plumber who will even respond to my landlord, or so I instantly calculated this morning when my wife woke me complaining of *cold shower*.

My landlord is probably going to have to call his most recent plumber, pay him the few hundred bucks or so he most certainly already owes him, AND then pay him at least another $100 to take care of my heater (and my two clogged sinks). All told, I figure this incident might cost my landlord $500 easily.

Because....for every day I'm here with no hot water to shower, do laundry, wash dishes, etc....I'm going to deduct 1/30th of my rent!!! (That would be $83.33 per diem.)



The timing was absolutely perfect - coming the very day before rent was due. So he knows well that the rent check will be held in *abeyance* until the matter is resolved. Any other landlord, who hadn't harassed and attempted to rob me would have been cut some slack - but not this jerk

AND, this was perfect timing in the sense that the weather is supposed to really warm up in the next two days - 75 degrees I believe is forecast for Saturday. Quick cold showers won't have the bite they otherwise have in the dead of winter.

So I'm happily hoping that no plumber comes for a few days. My wife can shower at the gym near her office. Me? I actually smell better after a few days...

For the prior installment in this long-running saga that might eventually give Bonanza a run for its money....See - Eviction Chonicles - Wimping Out.

Eviction Chronicles - Wimping Out

I have vowed to get my scumbag landlord back for all his harassment, attempted theft of my money, etc.

And I came up with a nice little offensive that I was all set to deploy yesterday....until I was seized by Christian guilt.

When that earthquake or whatever struck Haiti recently, I and everyone else in the contact list of my Moronic landlord received an email from him. He was going to be *fundraising* for a relief mission to his native Haiti. In fact, I received this solicitation RIGHT in the middle of my first *eviction war* with him!

Yeah, sure, I'll forward some money to a serial thief....one who already owes me money and is trying to evict me!

There were tons of people on this email - and two other messages followed - although I wasn't CC'd on those.

The last email thanked everybody for their *generous donations* and announced an additional benefit concert that he was organizing for *victims* - a concert that's to take place this weekend.

My dastardly plan was to take this extensive email list, and from an anonymous new email account....I was going to email EVERYBODY that he apparently knew a message along these lines:

I hope this *fundraising* effort is fully audited. (my landlord) is a prolific crook having stiffed banks, contractors, tenants, utilities, credit card companies, architects, lawyers, and God knows who else to the tune of millions. In fact, (my landlord) just filed for bankruptcy this past week!

And I'd attach a copy of last week's *midnight* bankruptcy filing.

How would you like to be him and have to face all these donors this weekend after they've been informed the night before from an email such as this?

It would probably embarrass the $hit of him. You see, not everybody knows the status his *business*. He fronts with smiles, $1,000 suits, and lies straight to everyone's face - "Yeah, business is good....Things are picking up..."

This was one of my best plans ever; I must say I even impressed myself with it. Hit him right where it counts, no?

My wife was in tears laughing at my conniving, "YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY DO IT!", she said.

But I just couldn't. The line *forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us* was ringing in my head.

My faith really compels me to turn the other cheek?

Shucks!

I guess now that I have all my money back, (i.e. security deposit and last month's rent) I have to really contemplate future antagonism. I don't want to cross the ethical line into his territory.



Maybe I should, when May rent comes due, just tell him that I sent the money to Haiti in his name?

For the prior installment, see - Eviction Chronicles - Moronic Poker Game.

Eviction Chonicles - Moronic Poker Game

First visit - Eviction Chronicles - 422.

So this week, not only was the house I rent scheduled to be auctioned off....but that criminal deadbeat landlord of mine had summoned me into court for *non-payment* of March rent and/or eviction.

Recall that the thought all along, professed by the Moron himself, was that he would declare bankruptcy at the last minute in order to delay the auction another 3 months - 3 months longer that he could milk the properties of rent - 3 months longer that he could procrastinate *moving on* with his life.

I called the bank on Monday - the auction was still on. And I called again the day before the sale - auction still on.

So what was going on here? Was there a chance that he wasn't going to file bankruptcy? Was there a real chance that he was finally going to do the right thing and let go of that which he can't hold on to?

My wife and I arrive at Quincy district court the other day. She had to take a day off from work. AND we had to pay someone to watch our kids to deal with this BS. (Even more of an imposition, was the fact that I had to put on non-jeans and a sport-jacket!)

At 10am, we piled into a courtroom with a bunch of criminals(!) not knowing at all how this process works. I looked around, and there was no sign of the Moron. Ten minutes later, he was still not there!

Pleasant thoughts are streaming through my head, "maybe he won't show!" - but I smother them.

As our names were called, two clown attorneys in front raised their hand - apparently they were going to represent him in absentia. "Is this even permitted?", I wondered.

The court clerk guy (magistrate?) offers *mediation* to us, and the attorneys accept.

WTBleep was going on here? There's nothing to mediate! He filed a motion to resurrect his previous eviction attempt. I was pretty sure that a judge might throw out his motion on procedural grounds. I wanted to see a judge - if a judge told me I had to pay March rent even though the house was being foreclosed, and even though this dimwit already had my last month's rent (plus another $1200 that he owed me), then so be it.

But all this happened so fast. The next thing I know, I was whisked away into a room with these incompetent attorneys, two court mediators, and some observer (a youngish chick who, well, let's just say had trouble IMPARTIALLY not-laughing at some of my outbursts).

We go in there, and after a long preamble from the mediators about confidentiality, etc., they open up the session.

The lead hack attorney looks at me and says what do you want?

What do I want? "YOUR client filed the motion!....I want to go home."

And then it got bad. Real bad. I was as fired up as I've ever been. I described my landlord as a *criminal deadbeat* and his attorney started waving his finger at me, calling me *unreasonable* and *uneducated*; he said I was engaging in *defamation*.

Whatever.

CaptiousNut - Why do I have to pay rent when the house is getting auctioned off TODAY and when even after not paying for March, my landlord still owes me money???

HackAttorney - There's no auction.

CaptiousNut - I called yesterday and they said the auction was on. That's all the information I have to go on.

HackAttorney - There's no auction.

CaptiousNut - What? Did he do a midnight bankruptcy declaration or something?

HackAttorney - NO!....It was 48 hours ago.

CaptiousNut - What's the difference?!?!?!

I was incensed. Not only should I not have even been at the courthouse. My friggin' landlord doesn't even show up and he sends this hack attorney in to represent a case he knows nothing about.

Mediator - I'm detecting a lot of tension.

CaptiousNut - I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE. THIS WAS A TRUMPED UP MOTION. HE'S TRYING TO VACATE A PRIOR DISMISSAL - ONE OF WHICH I HONORED ALL THE TERMS.

HackAttorney - What were the terms?

CaptiousNut - I start to read off ALL 2 bullet points - 'That we pay him February rent and that he considers the return of our security deposit to be January rent.'

HackAttorney - Can I see that? (pointing to the paper)

CaptiousNut - No. What? IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE COMPLAINT YOUR CLIENT FILED AGAINST ME....(to everyone else) OH MY GOSH, HE DIDN'T EVEN TAKE A GLANCE AT HIS OWN CASE!

(*independent* observer chick chuckles...)

CaptiousNut - I'M WASTING MY TIME HERE....A JUDGE MIGHT THROW OUT THIS ENTIRE MOTION BECAUSE IT IS PROCEDURALLY INCORRECT. WHY SHOULD I MAKE ANY DEAL HERE?

Mind you, my wife is kicking the $hit out of me under the table. When I say I was fired up, I mean as much as I've ever been - nostrils steaming, etc. She'll attest to that.

At that point, the mediators suggested that they meet with us separately.

What a colossal waste of time! I needed to get before a judge and who knows how long that would take after this detour now. I should have rejected their request for mediation right off the bat. I didn't because, admittedly, it took me by complete surprise.

At this point, my idiot landlord shows up. I see him out in the hall in a $1,000 suit, loudly yapping on his cell phone like he was....well, not a guy who just declared bankrupcy. Only the mediators won't let him in. They say that since he wasn't there to start, he can't join in now.

We went first with the mediators. But I couldn't come up with an *offer* for them.

So my wife said, "Tell them to pay us the interest on our last month deposit and the water bill that they owe us." (The mediators scribbled it down.)

I scoffed. "That's not an offer....They are suing us for MONEY and to EVICT us. They aren't going to go for that."

The whole thing was ridiculous. We left the room and I steamed out in the hallway - I had to walk as far away from my bleepin' landlord as possible!



Ten minutes later we went back in.

Mediator - They are offering to pay you the $1,200 they owe you today, and accept March rent as paid (via pre-paid last month), so long as you move out by the end of the month (that's in less than a week).

WOW.

So they went from suing me for money....to offering to PAY US money.

I guess the attorney was scared that his motion would be thrown out by the judge.

I guess all my screaming and fuming (that my wife scolded me for) paid some dividends.

My wife and I had to discuss this for a moment. "Tell them we want to stay until the end of May", we asserted.

Now my head was really spinning....I figured they were going to come back and say they'd give us until the end of April to get out; I figured they'd midpoint the negotiation.

But the Morons didn't. I felt like I was a sober person playing poker with a bunch of drunken monkeys...

The agreement was drawn up where he'd pay us the $1,200 he owed us right then and there; that we'd pay $2,500 for April rent; that we'd pay our usual $2,500 for May rent; and that we'd vacate the house at the end of May.

So we were made financially *whole* - we have all our money back now. And we get to stay AT LEAST another two months if we want to.

But I was still most displeased.

At this point, after all this harassment, legal and otherwise, I deserved to better than *even*. Or, at least my landlord deserved to be in the *negative*. I really should have resisted the mediation and gotten a judge to throw the whole thing out. Almost everyone thinks that I won but they are only right to an extent. I, an amateur attorney, may have shot even par and won the tournament....but I very easily could have shot 5 under.

Heck, I offered an even better deal to my scumbag landlord two weeks ago and he wouldn't even respond. So he endured the hassle of court and paid an attorney to get a WORSE outcome!

I'm going to continue fighting and torturing the Moron. He's crossed the line with me too many times; he's simply got to pay. I got him cited by the Board of Health for rodents, septic issues, etc. last week. Of course he hasn't done anything about that - so I have grounds to withhold rent - though I won't for April.

My wife consoled me...."We'll just stiff him for May rent. We'll stiff him on the way out."

Note the new auction date is scheduled for mid-May. So y'all can expect a sequel to this tale in about two months; expect him to take me to court again for *nonpayment of rent* while his house is being auctioned off on the front steps. And next time I'm not going to fall for the *mediation* trap.

Sidenote - the auctioneer did show up the other day for an auction that was cancelled. He told my wife that he had a minimum of *what was owed on the house*. Well, the house is worth less than 50% of that figure. So the bank was prepared to *buyback* its property; and unprepared to take the capital loss on its books, still.

Handcuffed By Statists!

Sorry for the recent blogging silence.

At the moment I am wrapped up in *legal proceedings* with the landlord: eviction, bank auction, Board of Health citations, personal bankruptcy filings (landlord), etc.

I should have a good update for y'all tomorrow.

For background, see - Eviction Chronicles - Episode 422.

Eviction Chronicles - Episode 422

With my house scheduled to be auctioned off next week...

On that very same morning, I have to appear in court - my landlord has filed a motion to *vacate* the dismissal from his last attempt to evict/rob from me!

Here's the story.

Given a public notice to foreclose on the house I rent, I told my landlord that March was my *last month*. In other words, I wasn't going to pay rent to him and have my pre-paid last month get blown into the wind. Realize that post-auction, I'd have a new landlord, one who'd be looking to collect rent from me April 1st. One who'd be indifferent to the fact that my prior landlord robbed me.

There's a bit more to the strategy here, but I'm going to omit that for the time being. It suffices to say that I have to appear in court next week.

At first, I didn't know what the *notice* he served me with was. I had thought it was a *summary for eviction* but it wasn't. It is a motion to throw out our prior agreement - where he agreed to consider my January rent paid by the legal return of my security deposit. Why does he want it *vacated*? Because this will allow him to accelerate the eviction process. It will allow him to get a court date quicker - I believe.

As far as I can tell, if he wins the motion, I'll get a day in court to make my case.

But if he loses, he has to start the process over again, and do it correctly.

I don't know, and couldn't find out, the specifics of this legal procedure. I think he may have *procedural* issues with what he did. For one thing, there seems to be some statute of limitations on vacating dismissals - ten days or something (he's at like day 30). Secondly, the only stipulation of the agreement we signed back in early February was that I pay him the $2,500 of February rent. That I did with a check and thus can't be contested.

This Moron articulated something to the effect in his complaint that my signing that agreement, I agreed to pay him rent going forward. Say what?

Another issue entirely came up....like the house being repossessed!

But I don't know the law. Perhaps two *Notices to Quit*, regardless of whether or not they are legit grant a landlord an expedited eviction process. It certainly seems like my Moron is attempting an *end-around* due process. I know. Restrain your SHOCK.

The lawyer I consulted warned me that the Court is a *zoo* and that I could get some idiotic judge who, for whatever reason, rules in my landlord's favor. And while though the motion is nominally to *vacate* a prior dismissal, in the complaint he's also asking the Court for *possession*. So in the unlikely case that I lose and some loony judge grants hims possession....I'd have maybe 10-12 days to pack up.



I will be representing myself in court next week - which invokes that old saw, that I have a Moron for my lawyer and my lawyer has a Moron for a client!

(Don't forget, he's probably going to declare personal bankruptcy a couple days before my court date. Next week certainly is *crunchtime*.)

The Nine Lives Of My Moronic Landlord

A while back I mentioned how the idiot almost killed himself. See - More Landlord Recklessness.

Above is a pic of the actual car that he somehow, miraculously survived; that's the eyesore that he dumped in my backyard praying for an MTV bailout.

Eviction Self-Defense

Really busy today so blog output is light.

Since my Moronic, criminal landlord stiff-armed reason and initiated yet another eviction proceeding against me....I decided enough was enough and launched my counter-offensive today.

The first strike - I had the local Board of Health come by my house for an inspection. From what I can tell, they are going to *cite* the BLEEP out of him: rodents, septic, illegal garbage disposals, etc. It just so happens that I had a *whole folder* of pics and videos at hand that I gave to these two government agents - two town hall types that, well, let's just say already had unfavorable impressions of my landlord.

I sincerely doubt he has the cash or the energy to take them on. So they can, if they want, condemn the place. What does that do? Well, it makes it *unrentable*. So even if he successfully gets me out (unlikely) with an eviction, he won't be able to nab another unsuspecting renter (and bilk them out of their last month's rent and security deposit).

If the citations go out quickly, he might even think twice about declaring bankruptcy *2 days before* this house gets auctioned later this month. Recall that was his scheme to buy another 3 months - 3 months more of *denial* and 3 months more rent from a tenant.

So they'll cite him, threaten him with fines, and he'll just ignore them, right?

Maybe. I mean, he doesn't have the cash to fix anything.

But these citations will probably give me sufficient cover to *not pay* rent for next month, in the case that he does declare bankruptcy, forestalls the bank auction, and is still my legal landlord come April Fools Day.

We'll see how this first salient goes, but I also have a couple of other things up my sleeve. For example, I am going to send a pointed letter to the State Attorney General(Martha Coakley) suggesting they investigate him for *subprime* crimes. Let's just say the big-mouthed Moron told me more about his *business* than he should have way back when. I don't know that they'd really dig into this guy - as offices like these tend to go for headline-grabbing culprits, e.g. *corporations* and serial rapists, but I have already spoken to a friend's friend in that office who strongly encouraged me to *complain*.

That's enough on this crumb for tonight except for one more item.

I just received an email from one of my look-outs; it said that a *notice to foreclose* was just given last week on the Moron's personal residence as well.

So where's the C-Nut family going should this place be boarded up???

That's a good question. My wife is meeting with some folks next week in Manhattan about a new position. All they have to do is give her a bit of a raise...