'Old Coot' Parents, A Font of....

Despite 40 years of experience and an athletic background, my father is a terrible golfer - a 29-handicap!

But that's what happens when one never practices, never studies the golf swing, won't experiment, etc. And now old age is afflicting his game too.

He told me that he recently bought new clubs. Yeah, that will help!

He ordered the clubs you see above from Amazon for $700.

Say what?

Why is he spending this much money? This is the same guy who won't turn the heat on in his house (bedroom record low is 43 degrees!) - the same guy who wouldn't so much as buy a pack of gum for me and my siblings to split.

I told him he had no business spending that much on clubs and that mine, top-of-the-line Titleists, pre-owned, and 6 years old cost me only about $180.

Then it got ridiculous.

He claimed that he *got screwed* because the irons came and bore a price tag of $600.

I asserted that he was not passively screwed, that he in fact SCREWED HIMSELF for not shopping around.

Obviously, someone is acting like a reseller on Amazon. They are advertising things marked up from where they know they can buy them....and hoping for suckers that don't know how to Google!

I did a 2-second Google on my cordless cellphone and found the same exact set for $350 (see above).

But I could not, I'm sure, make a dent in his staunch belief that he had been victimized.

Changing the topic, slightly, I proceeded to berate him for ordering clubs online that he had not tried out first.

In his mind, after 40 years of golf, he maintains that it's impossible to try out clubs before you buy them. Now, understand that due to its 5-month golf season, Massachusetts does not exactly have many golf stores with indoor practice ranges. There are some, but very few.

But his lack of resourcefulness was appalling. I told him that when I was driver shopping, I simply scanned the range for people with decent looking clubs....and I asked if I could take a few whacks. No one has ever said no. Of course pro shops let you do this too. They put tape on the club, you try it out, and then go buy it somewhere else where its cheaper.

Oh....what are you going to do. My parents pinched every penny for years and now that they have a little they spend it like it's water.

What I've realized is that there are 2 categories of cheap people.

In the first are people that are cheap by necessity - i.e. they don't have any money.

And in the second are those that are cheap because they appreciate the value of money.

(Probably a third category of mentally ill misers too....)

The problem inherent with income-strapped pinchers is that they also get used to spending nearly 100% of what comes in. So new money (Social Security, mortgage paid off, inheritance, etc.) simply burns a hole in their pocket.

Worthwhile Screed

Thanks to reader,....let's call him "AnotherSlab", for this one!

Stealing My Original Ideas, Again!

Long-time readers will recall that it was in fact me who:

1) Starting calling old people, "fossils", way back in the early 80s.

2) That I was the one who came up with the idea for the "scoopable Tostito".

3) That it was my idea to for a male cologne that smelled like the Beach.

4) Etc.

And now this - dumping the BMI for a simple physical length ratio?

My college buddies will concur, that 20 years ago I coined and utilized constantly what should most certainly have been, a Pulitzer-Prize-winning metric very similiar to this...

But I called it the "T-A ratio" instead.

And the higher the ratio....the better!

I Can Blame Everything On Schools...

Hah! A "bully".

I don't know who Cruz is, but he appears to be some upstart whom the thugs will most certainly smear, relentlessly to the point of Marginalization. This is what they do with any potential rival. And quite frankly, they seem to be undefeated thus far.

Calling people "bullies"...

I've had thug-supporting, eco-pagan socialists call me that before in arguments, political arguments. (I was insisting too much on facts, logic, etc.)

Remember how they, and I mean Big Media constantly referred to GWB?



Why isn't that a form a bigotry? Why is it okay to impugn frat boys?

All this, and I've said it before on this blog, I believe goes back to *school*. That's where the jock/nerd divide begins.

And guess what, I believe it's 100% artificial. I believe it's manufactured by the system - even if unintentional.

Yeah, and as if confiscating people's money, jamming through legislation, and buying off whole constituencies with said money isn't bullying...

Money Tree

This old mulberry tree in our backyard has been ravaged twice by storms in the past few years - most recently by the post-Sandy snowstorm. It's time for it to go.

I do have that new chainsaw (16 in?) and have thought about felling it myself.

But do you see all those wires behind it?

Plus I've never done anything like that before.

AND it is technically illegal to cut down a tree in your yard (yes!) in our town.

In fact one family begged to cut down a tree in their yard, for years, but the town wouldn't let them

Guess what, it crushed their house during hurricane Sandy! They are suing, naturally.

I imagine if I tried to do it myself and took out the power lines for the whole neighborhood....I'd be in a heap of $hit - or possibly dead in a non-figurative sense!

Question for y'all - how much do you think they charge to cut down a tree like that in a Wall Street town? In a town where math tutors make $100 an hour and plumbers charge $150...

Asian Invasion!

I'm not talking about Queens, NY either...

Do any y'all know what those are?

They are bamboo shoots - from my backyard!

There's a shut-in/hoarder diagonally across from our backyard. Anyway, her yard was so overgrown that the town stepped in and cleared it out. She's still there though, collecting, amassing, etc.

But from her back yard into all of her neighbors' has spread this bamboo. What's scary is that I chopped it all down and yet it's coming back.

In fact I read that bamboo is an *invasive species*; that it's the fastest growing plant on earth (but not as fast as Big Government!); that it has an underground root structure that is resistant to weed killers; and it can only be eradicated by a compelete physical removal of lots of soil - so much that you will have to bring new soil in.

Yikes.

And apparently this has become an epidemic in this area.  Towns are passing ordinances banning residents from planting it.

Of course it's likely too late for that.  And it reminds me of that Nile Monitor Lizard problem in FL which was probably introduced by pet owners.

Anyone else ever have this bamboo problem?

iMorons, Multiplying

Hah!

At Easter my 10 year old niece said to me, "Hey you have the same phone I have!"

And she did.

The phone only cost $70....to buy, though.

She had a full data/email plan on it.

I remarked that that cost $30 per month. Figure at least another $10 per month for the phone and this little girl's annual telecommunication budget was pushing $500!

MoneybagsSIL - Oh,...I wouldn't even think about the money.

CaptiousUncle - What if she loses it?

MoneybagsSIL - That's what insurance is for!

So she pays for insurance too.

Of course the other daughter has one as well...

Everyone today is so nuts, retarded, and addicted with their phones, I quite frankly don't know what to do or how to deal with it.  Can we escape Earth somehow?

I mean really, was everyone just as dumb and just as loser-ish before cordless cell phones???

The Next LeBron???

14 years young?

Wow!!!

Slave Shuttling

Hah!

But I don't think it's necessarily the commute.

It's more accurately the *slavery*.

Because....what do slaves do to alleviate their misery?

They eat junk, smoke, and engross themselves in the mindless faux drama of others via color TV, spectator sports, and the God-awful *news cycle*.

Of course NO ONE teaches kids to think long term.  No one warns them that they ought to figure out how to avoid the grind - no less that they CAN.

Oh yeah, it's the *sitting* too.  Sit on a train or in a car....sit all day at a desk.

NYPD - Now Accepting Applications!

But the pension deal ain't as sweet as it used to be (a mere 20 years)...

The police may have guns, but they aren't the only ones.

Look how careful the two of them were until back-up came.  It wouldn't have taken much for that to erupt into an ugly riot.  I mean the only reason everyone hung around was to harass the cops, no?

When I worked in Manhattan and lived in Brooklyn (8-9 years ago) I used to dread getting on the train home when *school* just got out.  The kids were in packs and always trying to impress each other with unruly behavior.

Boston Blows

Longtime reader and content provider (via his antics) DrMark was .75 miles (yes, racing) from the finish when the bomb blew.

Biologically, I may even be related to him.  But I won't admit to that in person ever, or again on this blog.

Hearing of the bombing, my son asked, "Is DrMark dead?"

At which point I assured John that he was okay.  I pointed out that there was NO WAY DrMark would be nearing the finish in 4 hours!

Furthermore, I told him that DrMark had 'built-in bomb protection' in terms of his corpulence.

Yes, I kid you not.  Fat guys can run marathons! - though technically he didn't finish this one...

I did read/hear that initially Obama wouldn't  call the incident *terror*.  Figures.  Not that I really care.

I mean some dippy broad yesterday told me she was extremely anxious to see what the President and other politicians would say.

WHY????!!!!!

The terrorists don't need to attack us....we're already goners if the public is at all like her.

So what happens next?

Well Boston is going to at the same time, change NOTHING about their naive geo-political stances and they will likely make a huge, perennial deal about this attack in terms of memorials and whatnot.

They will, of course, blame Bush and other preferred bogeymen...

Time Flies

Thanks to PrivateCaller for this one.

If this doesn't make you feel old....then wake up from your nap, wipe the drool off your face, and think about it for a second.  Do the math...

Alternatively, you can go look for your glasses.

Why Couldn't It Have Been LeBron???

Sorry.  Celtics fan here...

You'll Shoot SOMEONE ELSE'S Eye Out

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am VIOLENTLY against video games - that I won't let my kids near those dumb, abused kids who are fiddling with handheld game players at parks, at restaurants, in cars, etc.

I'm not afraid of the content so much as I'm afraid of brain cell murder.

Anyways, check out this decent, interesting article I just came across - On School Shootings - The Huffington Post Doesn't Want You To Read This.

Beware The Warmth of Spring!

Hah!

I just saw this on Drudge - "200+ Teens Storm Philly Streets".

As someone who spent many years in the original City of Bro Love, it was just yesterday when the temperature hit 80 degrees that I remarked, "I wouldn't want to be on the streets of Philadelphia today - the first warm day of spring."

That's how it's always been.  Once a buddy and I were caught in ungentrified North Philly on such an early warm spring day.  We were driving back from a round of golf in his *gay* little Alfa Romeo convertible, two UPenn students,...

Well we tried to take a shortcut over to Broad St and well, we practically pooped our pants.  In fact we started running stop signs and red lights because we were petrified to stop at populated *corners*.

Bracket Buster

Did ya'll see that kid's leg snap in the NCAA Tournament yesterday?

Well now you have!

You are most welcome.

You know there was a time when I could name the starting fives AND the benches of almost all the top 30 college basketball teams.

But those days are long gone.

In fact before this weekend (I watched 3 games) I couldn't name a SINGLE player in the entire country (outside of Lawrence Funderburke and Jeff Lebo).

Selfish, Stupid Dog People (Again)

Of course it was only a matter of time before some legislation was aimed at these Morons...

Unfortunately it's only one State, the fine is ridiculously low ($25), and the cops need another cause to pull you over for a dog citation.

Rules and the enforcement thereof are always two separate issues.  For example, the hands-free cell phone rule in New York...

Well they don't seem to ticket anybody (besides me, once).  Half the drivers on the road are still brazenly texting, dialing, and reading.

Maybe the cops don't want to do it because they think it will stoke the ire of the populace?  Maybe the cops are afraid that doing so would endanger political support for their lavish pensions?

I don't know.  But it seems that all the police need is a $100 digital camera and to stand at any traffic light and they could write $160 tickets all day long, get some money for our *lean* government, and who knows, perhaps even make the roads safer...

Boston, Bailed Out?

I harbor a strong belief that if the Boston professional sports teams hadn't done so well over the past 13 years...

That the New England area would have suffered a significantly larger population decline.

Think I'm nuts?  Think I'm a Moron?

Well I'm most certainly not a Moron.

Look, I grew up there and I remember what it was like when the Patriots sucked royally and when the Red Sox were chronic chokers (a la the Philadelphia Eagles!).

The Red Sox are looking to BLOW for a long time now.  The Celtics are about to begin *rebuilding*.  And Tom Brady can't have more than 2-3 magical years left.  So then what?  What is everyone going to treat their misery, their SAD with?

Yes.  Those stubborn 'old coots' are moving to Florida.  And I'll bet a bunch more decided recently.

This winter has been harsh.  I saw a pic of reader Private Caller in his Central Massachusetts driveway....and the snow bank was nearly up to his eyeballs.  And he's a big guy too, measuring 6 foot 3.

Yes it would have to be a very bad winter to get some of those rock heads to move south.  But here's some proof that it's been a *hell frozen over* situation:

....my biological father actually started paying someone to plow his driveway!

Steve Jobs = Complete Jerk!

So I'm reading this book now, the one EVERYONE is saying I have to read.

I'm about halfway through (it's 700 pages!) and I must say that while I never thought too highly of Steve Jobs before (I had no knowledge of him, and held no opinion on him whatsoever), Walter Isaacson's book paints him as nothing short of the DEVIL himself.

I mean even if 1/50th of what he wrote is true, Steve Job's was one of the biggest a$$holes I've ever seen.

Unless something dramatic happens after he is 30 years old (that I haven't read about yet)...

He was one nasty, self-centered monster.

Furthermore, it's not even like he was a savvy businessman or creative genius (as alleged). He was just single-minded and hellbent on doing his thing no matter what. Anyone can become a titan of industry if they toss marriage, children, MORALITY, etc. out the window.

There's nothing nice at all to say about this jerk.

And it wasn't like I needed yet another reason to hate iMorons...

The only thing I find interesting, and hence the only reason I'm still reading the tome, is the historical aspect of his life. For example, right now the book is covering the NeXT comptuter (epic fail!). I remember vividly how I used one at the Rose Hulman Institute of Technology (Terre Haute, Indiana) back in the summer of 1991.

And then there was this famous commercial which first aired during the *Marcus Allen* SuperBowl:

Work Out?

Probably only those who work out, seriously, will appreciate this...

I do wish I had a pull-up bar somewhere on my property.

Ideally you would have one in the house, in a doorway that you walk through each day. I heard one guy say that putting up a pull-up bar like that, and doing a pull-up every time you walk past (or thereabouts) does WONDERS for the bod.

And that's what everything boils down to - figuring out how to get more reps in.

You can read that guy's latest here.

Half-Assed Athletes

Y'all have seen this, right?

These clowns want credit for running a half-marathon.

What's next, a sticker with 6.55 on it?

For some reason that sticker annoys me. Without any training most people can gut out that distance.

Of course, it's not quite as bad as those Morons who advertise their mutt breeds with a sticker...

Might Have Seen This Before...

It wasn't too long ago that I considered blogging *therapeutic*...

But now that quote sort of sums up why it isn't so fun anymore.

Or maybe it's just that I have so much more going on, personally, on a positive front that I find every mention of *what's going on in the world* so darn off-putting.

Man, I really do HATE FDR. It's hard to make that case that he isn't one of the worse things EVER to happen to America.

Someone Needed

I need someone to read the latest Time Magazine article on healthcare sickcare - Bitter Pill.

It's too long for me....plus I've been vaccinated (successfully!) against that strain of Big Media garbage.

Reader Neil recommended I read it, but I'm too busy and just barely interested.

Just let me know if it's worth my time.

In search of a summary I came across a critique which concluded that the article proved "...that what is wrong with our health care system is not Medicare, it's the private sector."

Obviously I have even less time for something like THAT.

Thanks.

Two Sets of Rules - EVERYWHERE

Remember when Michael Jordan burst into the NBA?

I don't either. Bird and Magic were A LOT better.

But after a few years, this ball-hog was granted a license to repeatedly break the rules.

He was traveling and carrying the ball almost EVERY SINGLE TIME he dribbled.

The NBA didn't care. And all of a sudden poseurs on the playground took to those big loopy, ILLEGAL dribbles and that extra half step when driving.

Now take a look at Lebron James today.

Every single time he bounces the ball, he pushes the defender away with his off-hand. He's actually quite adept at it - does it almost in one rhythmic motion.

I mean the guy is a monster, tall and strong. And the ability to commit offensive fouls on each drive makes him even more of a monster on the court.

Now that I think of it....Shaq was allowed to step over the free throw line after each attempt/miss back in his day too.

Sweating Your Gut Off

Recently I mocked Morons and their thermostat habits - freezing up north, and AC'ing it too much in the south.

In fact one Floridian jabroni confessed to me that his heat goes on at 72 degrees!

One thing I can't stand is the way everyone down here blasts their air conditioner at all times. The worst offenders are, of course, bars and restaurants! (The waitstaff is hot from running around....so to arctic hell with the customers, apparently.)

It's so effin' cold in these eateries. Tonight at Pincher's I demanded a seat in the warmer climes of outside, far away from the darn AC.

There's no way that all this *conditioned air* is healthy, right?

I was sure it was right and one Google revealed that, yes, air conditioning at least make people FAT.

You see heat is a natural appetite suppressant....

So you do the math.

Of course AC also makes people *sicker* from germs and whatnot too.

A Few Things...

I haven't watched color TV outside of a Celtics or Patriots game in God knows how long.

BUT I caught that show last night on the tube and found it passable.

Having spent more than my share of time sitting, thinking in bars....I found this guy's insights pretty interesting.

On an another note...

Naples, Florida is truly a beautiful place. In four words it's sunshine, golf, Christians, and homeschooling. So there lurks considerable appeal to me!

BUT there are really no jobs - not for most people anyway, and not compared to larger cities (excepting Boston).

Of course that doesn't mean there's no economic opportunity here. There certainly is.

Guess what folks, the real estate market down here (as it is elsewhere) is getting a little bit bubbly yet again, in my estimation.

Sure, it's not like 2005.

But I heard a guy the other day talk about *buying lots for 600k, building for 600k,...and flipping for over $2 million* in the nicer sections of Naples. That's a pretty good deal if you can pull it off - even once. Building time is only like 7 months.

I went for a run this morning and in 5 blocks saw no less than at least 8 *spec*/*new* homes going up.

I maintain the worst is still yet to come for house prices. Eight years after the Floridian top we still haven't fallen. Places like NYC, Washington, and other pockets have not even really gone down more than a half a notch.

*Speculation* was the culprit before.

Now it's artificially manufactured low interest rates and an inflated stock market. Once the Dow takes a nosedive, all these fossils will shudder. The bull equity run has effectively distracted all the 'old coots' from their loss of *interest income*. They'll take more notice when stocks slide, as they have been known to do.

Think I'm crazy, still calling for a stock crash after all these years?

Well, then, stay long. Sleep tight.

Oh yeah, I also had a fossil in the building tell me that he bought his condo for 108k in 1997 or so.

And he quickly added that that was the price they sold for....BACK IN 1982, as well.

My cousin in Connecticut posted that pic on Fbook.

What do y'all know about *projectors*?

I need to buy one for my classroom teaching - I think.

I'd love to just be able to project questions up on a screen or a wall from my laptop instead of printing everything out. I basically kill entire forests, single-handedly with my math teaching.

Do any of y'all have one? What do you recommend I buy? Thanks in advance

My daughter last week, on Marco Island.

Eating Organic Drama

Amazingly, the Boston/NY blizzard today is all the *nappers* are talking about down here in Naples, FL.

I mean they ostensibly come here to get away from all that nonsense....but, because all they do is sleep, fart, and watch color television, the little bit of snow up there is still dominating their tiny jurassic minds. One guy at the pizza place today gave an in-depth, up-to-the-minute, play-by-play of all the snow that has already fallen, what kind of snow it was, what regions would be hit the hardest,...he went on about travel bans, institutional closings,etc....ad nauseum.

I heard, through my covered ears(!), that there were gas lines up on Long Island again. Of course I predicted that after the hurricane.

All the Morons will run out to buy milk, bread, eggs, and now GASOLINE every time a little weather is on the horizon - FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL DECADES.

I've long since stopped trying to get people to pull their kids out of school. Sure I have a website and I answer direct questions to the extent (tiny!) that I sense they are serious inquiries....but I've wasted too much breath trying to jam the mere possibility of *another way* into the hermetically sealed minds of regular folk.

My latest crusade has been against color television, video games, and staring at nonsense on cordless cell phones.

I've been on this one for a while now and the other day I realized that NOT A SINGLE PERSON I had preached to thought about what I said, no less changed any behavior, even a single iota.

My eyes are peeled, but I can't or at least haven't found ANYONE, ANYWHERE, who not only agrees that passive media consumption is nothing short of a death sentence, but takes the deliberate prophylactic steps needed to keep all this nonsense at bay.

"Oh, my kids ONLY watch one hour per day of television..."

"After school I allow video games so my kids can decompress..."

"What's wrong with watching the news? What's wrong with being kept informed???"

Oh boy, and today I heard someone extol the educational benefits of *Mine Craft* (or whatever the eff it is called). Apparently this *game*(?) is the UNDOING of many of my Asian math students. They tell their parents they are doing Khan Academy for hours on end - but THEY LIE.

Of course the *news* isn't real. It's someone else's, manufactured, processed, genetically-modified drama.

Alright, enough. These posts make me angry when I'm otherwise in a state of profound bliss.

Cold, Stubborn, and Cheap!

My father informed me that last week another record was set in his bedroom...

He said the thermostat hit a mind- and body-numbing 37 degrees in the wee hours of the morning!

Why? Because he and my other alleged biological parent *like it cold*.

Now this isn't the North Pole; it's Massachusetts. And it's not 1800, it's the year 2013.

They started out young and cheap, which is fine.

But as they got older and wealthier, the *no heat* thing went from being a point of pragmatic cheapness to one of obstinacy. Hence now they *like it cold*.

This subject is always a fun conversation starter. Out with a group of earthlings....ask everyone what they set the thermostat at - in the summer and in the winter.

Not for nuthin', but most people are friggin' profligate wimps. They put the heat on to 70 at night.

We do 60 degrees at night and I haven't met anyone in my (wealthy?) social circles who does likewise. The lowest I've heard is 65.

Oh, and the Florida Morons are hilarious too...how they put the heat on at 65!

Man up, y'all.

Our Future Presidents and Senators

Hah!

Read the article.

This is so funny it's sad.

The *best school*....jocks, who shouldn't be at Harvard in the first place, cheating....a lengthy and costly legal process....rank hypocrisy....all in a class called *Introduction to Congress*!!!

The Art of Prank!

This is well-designed...

They have the Morons in an elevator, alone, with the lights out. A scene where anyone would naturally feel vulnerable.

Genius. Pure genius.

I mean it's their own fault for watching so many cheesy, stereotypical horror movies!