Saturday, January 23, 2010

Lawyer Says...



Here's what the lawyer told me yesterday - DO NOT PAY ANY MORE RENT.

He said to call the board of health about the rodents.

He said that in order for a physical eviction to take place (after months of court proceedings)....in order for a sheriff to show up and tell us to vacate....

In that case, my Moronic, bankrupt landlord would need to front the money to a moving and storage company. He would have to give them CASH.

How much? Four thousand bucks?

"At least," according to this particular attorney. Mind you, that's 4k that my landlord most certainly doesn't have.

Though it might only take 6 weeks to get an initial court date. But he said the court is a zoo; that the judge really just tells everyone to go back and work it out. If someone shows up with a check, or a partial check, the judge is satisfied and bids the parties to go back and reconcile. So I could theoretically drag this process out indefinitely; pay a little; stop; have him file for another court date; all the while documenting the trash left on my property; the dead rats; etc.

I definitely have all the leverage here - learning about the cost of *throwing me out* makes me feel even more secure on that front.

The tricky part will be, however, conveying the reality of my strong position to my idiot landlord.

Lastly, the attorney said I had no case for a restraining order - not until the guy threatens or engages in something physical.

To my wife's chagrin, I still have not communicated ANYTHING to my landlord - about why we didn't pay, what our plans are, what our gripes are, etc. As I said before, that is by design, and this unknown is irking the crap out of him.

I want to *slow play* the whole thing. In other words, the rats, the unescrowed security deposit, and my entire litany of complaints will be revealed piecemeal to him, in the manner of slow torture.

I'm still astounded by the irony of this profligate criminal trying to invoke *the law* on someone else. By rights, he should be in jail himself.

7 comments:

paul mitchell said...

This post is funnier than a bunch of kids wearing shoes, stuck to glue traps.

Funny Circus Bears said...

So the lawyer told you to do what I told you to do months ago.

Anonymous said...

And Funny Circus Bears said it for FREE

CaptiousNut said...

FCB,

19 days ago you said,

Now go get a restraining order against him and initiate a civil action.

I thought you might have once told me to stop paying rent but couldn't find it. Dude, I do EVERYTHING you advise - or I try to.

Anon,

Lawyer was here for 1 hour on Friday. I asked him what the cost was. He said *nothing*. I asked him twice in fact.

Was a little weird.

He seemed cocksure that things would soon escalate, perhaps, and I guess that his services would be needed.

Either that, or, some guy in town, a buddy of his, has agreed to pick up all charges! That's my crack-pot hypothesis anyway. You see, knucklehead had a neighbor in town that he had some serious run-ins with. Apparently my landlord once tried to run him over (with car!).

Court date is three weeks away. I was surprised at how soon but am well-equiped to *have my day*. Will bring my kids and dress them in tattered clothes!

Funny Circus Bears said...

Ok I chuckled - no worries, you're doing just fine.

http://tinyurl.com/y93h9qx

Stringing him out in court with kids in tow - I like it.

CaptiousNut said...

FCB,

I've got three weeks to think about my tactics - and think I will!

Can't give him what he wants.

The summons says he wants Jan and Feb rent and that my lease is terminated.

I don't know how he can demand February rent in a notice sent in January, but ignore that for a moment.

I can just say to consider February my *last* month. Then when March 1st comes....I linger and demand a new lease for 2k per month, or something. Otherwise he has to initiate another proceeding.

He needs the money more than he needs me out of here.

Also, I have another idea concerning unpaid water bills...

Anonymous said...

I think your landlord is going to do everything possible to get you out of there, money be damned.

If he is going down in flames anyways, he might as well secure a Pyhrric victory over his pain-in-the-ass tenant.