Of course it was only a matter of time before some legislation was aimed at these Morons...
Unfortunately it's only one State, the fine is ridiculously low ($25), and the cops need another cause to pull you over for a dog citation.
Rules and the enforcement thereof are always two separate issues. For example, the hands-free cell phone rule in New York...
Well they don't seem to ticket anybody (besides me, once). Half the drivers on the road are still brazenly texting, dialing, and reading.
Maybe the cops don't want to do it because they think it will stoke the ire of the populace? Maybe the cops are afraid that doing so would endanger political support for their lavish pensions?
I don't know. But it seems that all the police need is a $100 digital camera and to stand at any traffic light and they could write $160 tickets all day long, get some money for our *lean* government, and who knows, perhaps even make the roads safer...
So I write about my buddy whose neighbor's 5 DOGS are crapping on his lawn....and what-do-ya-know, this story comes out right after!
It was the same thing - multiple dogs, running free, pooping all over other people's yards. The article refers to it as an *ongoing dispute*.
The City of Brotherly Love is a curious place. The people there can be some of the warmest, most welcoming around (in the Northeast)....but they will shoot you over dog poop, if you park in their shoveled-out space, or if you call them *cheap* in front of all their jabronis.
I remember being shocked when I first moved there in 1992 at what goes on on the golf courses.
Rangers didn't/wouldn't say anything to slow foursomes....because they might get smashed over the head by a club - or shot! This was in contradistinction to the Nazi scolds I grew up under in Massachusetts. If a kid *runs at the pool* up there they go ape-$hit like it's the end of the world for crying out loud!
My buddy, whose dog poop ordeal I highlighted the other day, give me his list of *most inconsiderate/most stupidest* earthlings:
1. Smokers 2. Motorcyclists (for noise) 3. Dog people
Now that list is a rank generalization - something I hate to put out on my blog without my standard qualification....
Caveat - All stereotypes are 100% true!
A decade in Philadelphia certainly had its effects on me...
In 2002, I was playing golf in Phoenix, Arizona. Some Moronic ranger kept hassling us to speed up even though: there was no one behind us, we weren't playing slowly, AND we had each paid $100+ for the round!
Incredibly on the 15th hole, he told us to skip the 16th hole to speed up play! (There were only 4 holes left.)
I channeled my Philadelphia education (not UPenn!) and told the idiot ranger that if he effin' came near us again I was going to clobber him with my 7-iron. And my father and godfather (in my foursome), both lifetime Massachusetts provincials, were more than a little be shocked at what I said. Hee hee...
But back to my buddy here who's being tormented by his neighbor's dog $hit...
Again, he's complained to them for years, he's complained to the HOA, he's complained to the Board of Health all to no avail and is now frustrated to no end. He's afraid that if he finally steps up an *does something* that these jerks will retaliate in some form or another. He does have a bunch of small children in his brood to worry about.
I chided him for letting it get this far in the first place. That's one thing about me - I've never taken an ounce of poop from anyone or any animal, ever. Fear of reprisal? I reminded him that I took on that criminal, maniac, muscle-bound, coke-sniffing Haitian landlord of mine back in Boston. Believe me, I had that guy - who had stolen everyone else's money and bullied the whole town around - up nights *hating on me*.
You just can't take any poop from anyone....because ignoring it only emboldens them, and because the authorities are never going to do anything until YOU blow your top....then they'll arrest/charge YOU.
Though I'm thinking it's probably better to make the animals/evidence *disappear* than to leave a trail of meatball clues.
You know in the old days you never had to pay lawyers and endure 12 months of court to kick out a delinquent tenant. You used to just pay a couple of large Italian guys $500 to go over and throw the bums out.
I'm thinking that this meatball murderer might have been better off hiring some Chinese guy to take care of his problem...
An elderly Brooklyn woman was mauled in a terrifying, unprovoked Rottweiler attack as she took an early morning walk through Prospect Park yesterday.
"I was just walking on the sidewalk [inside the park], and two dogs ran after me. They attacked me on the hands and face," the still-trembling, 80-year-old victim, Yuk Ho Chan, told The Post after she was released from Methodist Hospital.
"They were clawing at my face."
"It was very scary. I didn't know what happened," said Yuk, who had dried bloodstains smeared on her jacket. "He [the owner] couldn't control the dogs. They were mean-looking and they were furious."
Christie Smythe, 28, who walks a Jack Russell terrier mix in the same area of the park, said, "My dog isn't always fond of elderly people. They move differently than other people and that seems to set off a reaction."
"He'll see older people power walking and he snaps. He growls and snarls, and I have to yank him back."
That's a pretty horrible story. It could have been anyone's grandmother, wife, or child.
I don't care what anyone says - those vicious dogs (pit bulls, bullmastiffs, rottweilers, etc.) should all be murdered and ground up into egg rolls or something.
It is curious though, that the *dog people* quoted assert that their mutts don't like the oddity of 'old coots'.
I assume y'all know that they eat *dog* in places like Vietnam, no?
This guy's Flickr photos of a dog being *slaughtered, deboned, eviscerated,...* on the street by a sous chef were banned by the site - much like my rodent drowning on YouTube.
Don't be a weak-stomached wimp - click the link and check out his edifying slideshow.
I have to reproduce this article in its entirety here, because, well, read it and you'll see:
MANCHESTER – Adam Lamotte, a Manchester man who turned himself in to police yesterday for shooting his dog, says he "made a terrible mistake" when he decided to euthanize the animal himself instead of taking him to a vet.
Lamotte, 39, is charged with one felony count of animal cruelty, which carries a possible sentence of 3 1/2 to seven years in prison, according to Auburn police. Lamotte's 5-year-old pit bull, Buster, was found Thursday afternoon, tied to a tree and dying from gunshot wounds in a wooded area off the Route 28 bypass in Auburn.
Lamotte was released on $5,000 personal recognizance bail. An arraignment is scheduled in Candia District Court on April 7.
Lamotte, who works in maintenance, yesterday said the tan and white dog he'd raised from a pup was "the greatest dog in the world."
Buster always slept in bed with Lamotte and his wife. "He had to be covered up and everything or he'd whine," he said. "He was a big baby."
But about a year ago, Buster started going after family members when they started to leave the house. "He would basically attack us, try to grab our ankles or our hands or whatever," he said. "We had to lock him in a room if we knew somebody was leaving."
About a month ago, Buster bit Lamotte's wrist, sending him to the emergency room for stitches. He brought the dog to a vet, who diagnosed the animal with separation anxiety, and put him on the anti-anxiety medication Clomicalm.
A few nights ago, Lamotte said, Buster went after Lamotte's 17-year-old son, tearing his pant leg off. Lamotte said he worried what would happen if the dog went after his 10-year-old daughter. "I couldn't take that chance."
He decided to put Buster down himself. The 78-pound dog was afraid of veterinarians, Lamotte said. "And, I don't know, in my warped thinking, I thought I was doing the right thing."
"It sounds absurd but somehow it was better, me doing it."
Around 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, Lamotte said, he took Buster to the trails on Manchester Water Works property, a favorite spot for the two of them, and let him run for a while off-leash.
Then he called the dog to him and shot him in the head with a handgun. But Buster didn't die. "He didn't make a sound. He just looked at me," he said. "It was terrible."
He fired the gun two more times but isn't sure whether he hit the dog. "I've never shot anything in my life."
Then, he said, "I just panicked."
"I didn't know what to do. I tied him to a tree and left."
Lamotte said he believed Buster was dying when he left him.
Early yesterday morning, Lamotte went to a drugstore for coffee and the newspaper and saw his dead dog's photo on the front page of The New Hampshire Union Leader. And he learned that the dog had lived through the night, tied to the tree, and had to be put down by the Auburn animal control officer.
"That was horrible. I can't even describe it," he said.
Lamotte called Auburn police and turned himself in.
He also had to face telling his wife what he'd done; he had told the family he had taken Buster to a vet to be euthanized. He still hasn't told his three kids the truth.
Lamotte called what he did "the biggest regret of my life."
"I should have went to the vet and just had him euthanized," he said.
"I wasn't trying to be cruel to my dog. I know that doesn't make any sense, but it's true. I wasn't trying to leave him tied to a tree all night. That wasn't what I set out to do."
"He's my dog. And we loved him."
It's just got to be a three-way toss-up as to this story's most INSANE element:
1) The fact that a guy could face time for euthanizing a demonstrably vicious and dangerous beast.
2) That, had he NOT put it down, he could well have been facing prison the next time it bit someone.
3) Or is this guy himself, the laughing stock of the story? He slept with the dog, loved it, got mauled by it, couldn't kill it with a gun, AND is palpably guilt-ridden over the whole ordeal!!!
Much thanks to Kfell for this cornucopia of laughs.
As always, click here for my master link of deranged dog people.
So today a local *mom* was lamenting to me the burden of her new 65 pound St. Bernard - that she couldn't travel far without making arrangements, feeding it, shedding, etc.
So I blithely and thoughtfully suggested...
C-Nut - You know what? You should put it down!
At that her face went blank, and she frantically paused to assess the depth of my seriousness. This *mom* is a very nice lady so I cracked a smile to spare her the burden of my obliqueness.
I've used it a several times now - this *why don't you put it down?* or *you didn't put it down yet?* suggestion - and I have almost always received a *better than expected* reaction. It's got a pretty secure place now in my portable, recyclable, and formidable(!) arsenal of humor.
Dog people are mortified that one would suggest such a thing. My golfing buddy responded with "d*ckhead" in about a tenth of a nanosecond flat when I targeted his *Muffy* or whatever its name is!
The idea of putting down a beloved pet is simply absurd in pet-lovers' eyes.
Of course, aliens might objectively think humans ABSURD for their deranged pet worship!
We were in fact the only ones there sledding today at 1pm.
It was quite fun, except for a frightful beginning.
The park is on the border of Weymouth and Hingham in Massachusetts.
And....it's a *dog park*.
While we were heading in, we had to walk a few hundred yards to get to the hill. A woman was descending with her sloshing dog. I couldn't see what it was, but it was definitely all fired up. As it got closer, it picked up speed and headed right for us. My son, the 5.08 year-old Prince, was languishing about 30 yards behind me. As the dog sprinted past me and my daughter, I could see that it was a pit bull type or something.
I hollered at the lady, "Is that a pit bull?" and she didn't answer. She called the dog faintly and yelled, "It won't do anything" as it accelerated, full-speed straight for my son.
It went past all 35 lbs of my son, then turned around and buzzed right next to him three more times. My heart was racing and I tried to calmly ask the woman to get her dog away. She did next to nothing except say "he won't do anything", yet again. Finally, as eternity mercifully came to pass, she and her dog had made it beyond my waddling son.
Then she screamed, "Yes, it is a pit bull! THIS IS A DOG PARK!!!"
But what the eff did I do?
I was too relieved at the ordeal being over to process the fact that she was a complete POS and deserved some sort of retribution for her callousness.
Yeah, it was a *dog park*, but still, the signs say they have to be leashed and scooped - subject to a $200 fine. "Should I have called the cops for the second time this month?", I wondered.
I relayed this episode later this afternoon to some guy, a crazed libertarian type.
He strongly recommended that in this world I....always carry a gun.
I'm not too crazy about that idea, but his point is not to be taken lightly. Only a genuine Moron would depend on government agents to protect themself.
BTW, the sledding was quite fun!
Though tomorrow we're heading somewhere else.
Realize that this is at least the third such incident I've had with my kids and Deranged Dog People at parks. And I believe I had additional one at a beach.
There are only three things on this overheated planet that I'm afraid of:
As Taylor would say, we truly do live in an absurdist society.
Here's local article of *news* from Boston's South Shore:
The town selectmen have ordered Gabriella to be euthanized after it bit two customers, a decision that stunned the owners and broke the hearts of the people who made the decision. Now, the owners are trying to find a no-kill shelter that would take the dog.
In the days since the decision, police have disclosed several other complaints against the shop owners, Bob and Megan Ulman, about their dogs. Twice, the Ullmans have faced misdemeanor charges in Hingham District court because of the dogs, and area merchants and selectmen say the owners have often failed to keep a close eye on the two English Mastiffs that weigh in at about 140 pounds apiece.
"They never should have had her in the shop in the first place," said Catherine McLaughlin, an 18-year-old server at Brewed Awakenings. "They set they’re[sic] dog up to get killed. They put her in that position, but she shouldn’t die for their mistake," she said.
Selectmen Chairman Laura Burns said the Ullmans’ actions after the first biting gave officials little choice.
"They had already defied the authority of the police on multiple occasions, multiple times--we couldn’t trust them to follow what we wanted them to do," Burns said in an interview. "They put us in an impossible position and I did what was best for public safety and residents even though I’m saddened by it," she said.
One of the victims was Stacey Wakefield, wife of Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield, who was bitten in June 2008. She described her bite as a 1 1/2 inch wound on her thigh that broke the flesh. A year later, the dog bit a second customer, Krista Brewer, who told the selectmen that Gabriella’s teeth caused a puncture wound in her stomach.
Police Chief Taylor Mills showed close-up photographs of her bruised and swollen abdomen taken after the attack.
Mills said the dog was seen at the South Street gallery after the first bite, and the Ullmans were charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. The charges were reduced to a civil infraction and the Ullmans paid a $25 fine and agreed to keep the dogs out of the shop.
The Ullmans face another criminal charge in Hingham District Court for disorderly conduct because of the second bite a year later. After the second bite, Lt. Mike Perraino said, complaints about the dogs increased.
Police log entries show six calls about the dogs in a two-month period this summer. Some calls were complaints the dogs were running loose in the square. Another reported the dogs in the store. Another reported dogs barking, and yet another reported large dog out front barking.
"After the second bite people seemed to not want the dogs there anymore," Perraino said. "We got more calls and complaints."
Merchants and others in town said while some customers loved the dogs and came to the gallery to visit them, as the Ullmans have said, others feared the Mastiffs. What irked some was the dogs often lounged on the sidewalk in front of the gallery unleashed—a violation of the town’s leash law.
Since the selectmen's decision, the Ullmans have said they will appeal the decision and hope to find a compromise. One idea they suggested to selectmen was to find a no-kill shelter that would take the dog, said Town Administrator Kevin Paicos. He said selectmen might be in favor of that, but a judge would have to make the decision.
The Ullmans have said the bites are not drastic enough to take the life of Gabriella. "It was our, fault not the dogs. We didn’t lock the door, but there was a sign in the window that said closed and they went in anyway," Bob Ullman said. "I still maintain there was a 50-50 responsibility," he said after the hearing.
Around Hingham, residents interviewed this week were more likely to blame the dog owners, not the dogs.
Hingham resident Russell Reeves said he has been in the shop and has not seen the dogs be aggressive.
He said the decision to euthanize is too harsh, especially when all parties admit it’s not the dog’s fault, but the owners.
"You can’t euthanize the owners," Reeves said. "There has to be another option. There has to be someone up in Maine or somewhere to take them.
Selectmen John Riley said Gabriella may be sweet and lovable most of the time, she has shown a pattern that she can be dangerous when left unattended.
Riley said once he went into the shop to buy a postcard as a gift for his daughter. He said both dogs growled low as he walked through the store. He said he paid for the postcard and has not been to the shop since.
"We could go around in circles with this, but there is a pattern of biting and a pattern by the owners of not complying with the town’s demands," Riley said. "Our job is to protect the public."
Before anyone declare the MOST absurd aspect, consider the full slate of nominees:
The town selectmen have ordered Gabriella to be euthanized after it bit two customers, a decision that....broke the hearts of the people who made the decision. [BROKE their what?]
"They set they’re[sic] dog..." [Boston Globe editorial illiteracy!]
...paid a $25 fine... [Ooooh that'll teach'em!]
One of the victims was Stacey Wakefield, wife of Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield... [The dog was anti-Red Sox? In my book, that's a mitigating circumstance!]
Or, how about the fact that one of the death-sentencing selectmen was *growled* at by the dog? Shouldn't he have rightfully excused himself from the proceedings on account of prejudicial experience?
But the winner has to be the owners themselves. How Moronic are they to put huge, unleashed, nasty animals outfront to welcome their customers?
I've walked by this store a few times and do remember the dogs. I always keep my kids far away from all non-poodle dogs. And stories like the above only justify my precaution.
So the other day I had it out with a deranged woman over her dog. I came extremely close to calling the police.
You see, at the playground where I take my kids daily, there're always piles of dog poop. And everyday, I'm there scrounging for a stick to flick the logs *out of bounds*. Otherwise, one of my kids will surely step (or fall!) in it.
On Tuesday, I espied a rather non-skinny woman letting her dog run loose there. It was raining so playing kids were scarce. The mutt had no leash on and I witnessed it defecate on the grass. The owner did nothing. There was no *bag in hand* - no movement to assess - no nothing. Clearly, based on the size of the dog it had to be the serial culprit!
So I started walking over to her, hollering, "Do you have your dog crap on this grass here everyday?"
She responded in the negative and her mongrel actually charged me with advertised teeth. It's amazing how well canines can accurately sense hostility.
The next day, sure enough, she was back with the dog. I must have walked toward the phone and turned around 3 times. I wussed out on my promise to call the cops on her unleashed, unscooped pooper.
Note the warm weather is now here and soon enough I won't be able to flick the *softies*. A showdown is imminent and it will be blogged.
I've written a bunch on *deranged dog people* - click here to find most of it.
Was in a mall pet store the other day passing time with my kids. There were four employees standing there each with a different puppy in their hands. Of course they wanted customers to hold and pet them.
I asked how much the golden was, "$1,309," the dude responded.
A bit later I asked how many puppies they sold there:
"Twenty to thirty per week,...."
"Wow! And they're all over a thousand bucks, right?", I inquired.
"Well over a thousand."
Boy do I wish I was on the other side of this business. They are selling $100,000 of puppies alone each month. Even after paying the clerks, the overhead, and for the puppies they must be making a killing. (And I'm sure they make a boatload on the birds too.)
I wish I knew the definitive list of lucrative business models when I was much younger and had wide open career options.
Instead, I was at an expensive Ivy League university learning about C+I+G+X-M and other useless sophistry.
Alright, I have held it in long enough. This stupid commercial I just saw for doggie stairs has put me over the edge.
What is wrong with YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR DOGS?
A good friend of mine just got booted out of his housing development because his dog mauled a neighbor. Okay, he didn't get evicted, the dog was. Instead of sending the dog to the mythical "farm upstate", he has decided to move to a new home.
My sister spends about $300 a week to kennel her dogs when she goes away. That exorbitant sum includes "extra play time" and "doggie phone calls". Yes, she calls the dogs on the phone.
Another friend sends her canine to "doggie day care" five days a week because it is better "socially" for the dog than staying home alone all day.
One in-law seemingly can't send us a family picture that doesn't include their dogs. It is great to see the development of my nieces but I'm not really interested in the growth of two extremely fat pugs. And they are definitely out of place on a Christmas card.
I have friends in Charlestown, MA that are routinely called "yuppies" by the residual townies there and wonder why. Could it be from seeing them walk that 13 pound hairless, emaciated poodle everyday?
Then there are the couples that get dogs INSTEAD of getting married or having kids.
The deranged that get gourmet dog pastries and take the mutts to aromatherapy and pet "healing" centers.
Have you seen these ridiculous ergonomically raised dog dishes?
Cat people can be nuts too. One friend spend $2,000 getting a half-digested piece of string removed from her feline. I think my brother just spend $4,000 saving his cat. My wife has emphatically stated that our cat has a strict $400 "deductible" and a DNR order as well.
Another friend spent $250 to "save a cat" from a website. The site marketed the cats as on "death-row" and about to be killed if no one paid the $250. What a great business plan! Get kittens costing practically zero. Put some pics of them on a website accompanied by a death countdown and take $250 per cat from assorted Morons.
I knew a guy in Center City Philadelphia who started a pet walking business about ten years ago. He sat at the bar all day drinking martinis and bragged about how much money he was making. He had one client who paid him $600 a month to walk his dogs twice a day. Of course the bragger outsourced the walking to struggling artists and the like. But this was definitely a great business to start there at the time.
My grandmother used to regularly bake meatloaf FOR HER DOG!!!
Anyway, feel free to one-up my anecdotes as I am sure they don't do justice to the complete inanity of Deranged Dog People.
UPDATE:
The day after I posted this I went to Spring Lounge on Mulberry Street in Manhattan. Some whack-job had her pug in the bar. It wasn't long before the dog was on the table sampling everyone's pints. The bar was instantly aglow with camera flashes. Alas, my camera got stuck in my pocket and I missed the shot.
