Thursday, December 25, 2008

Marginalizing What Morons Consider "Christmas"



Have you ever gotten your spouse, significant other, or life-partner to wrap their own Christmas present?

Well I have! A few ears ago I manipulated Mrs. C-Nut into wrapping the gift that I bought for her.

I haven't been successful since. It's kind of hard to sneak a box into her pile when I no longer buy a plural amount of gifts. That's right I'm done. This year, Mrs. C-Nut will receive a single $40 gift from me....in addition to the donation I made in her name to the Human Fund.

As for my kids, well, they're lucky they have a mother and plenty of aunts, uncles, and grandparents. The idea that they need another bevy of new toys is not only ludicrous, it's injurious to their mental and spiritual development.

Yeah, that's right....I read the book (i.e. the study Bible) I got for Christmas last year and morphed into a real Grinch.

Christmas has been co-opted by materialistic pagans and I am having much difficulty shielding my kids from this perversion.

Addendum - I must say that getting my wife to wrap her own gift wasn't that hard. She's a volume doer. You put something in front of her and you can consider it done. Also, she's a bit of a martyr. This summer when we were *out East*, she baked herself a birthday cake, sat down, lit the candles, and sang Happy Birthday to herself . I have it all on tape video!

5 comments:

Funny Circus Bears said...

Quite right about gifts. I tossed the kids in the cellar days ago and released them for an hour today to receive a walnut, a tangerine and a spinning top. Then it’s back to the cellar until school opens again in January. As it should be.

auntulna said...

You need to wise up. I once read the first two chapters of "men from mars, women from venus" where it says for women, all gifts count the same. Based on this powerful knowledge, I began a series of cheapskate gift giving that my gracious wife endured for quite a long time really.

This works OK when your marriage is new and/or the kids are young. BUT, they learn to count after a while, then no more warm fuzzies for you. Yes, it's kind of like tithing; if you want to get to heaven, your percentage of giving needs to be a lot higher!

Anonymous said...

I got into a verbal brawl with my mother in law over the amount of gifts she buys for my 22 month old daughter. First off, how many more stuff animals does the kid need? How many silly outfits especially ones that are 32 yrs old and were worn by my wife. I went into my daughter's closet to get to some plumbing and I needed a dump truck to remove the stuff before I could get to work. I came extremely close to bringing tears to the old lady in law and then thought better of it. I will wait until she leaves town and deposit such gifts to the local charity bin.

CaptiousNut said...

auntulna,

Your warning is duly noted. My gift-giving will be *dynamically hedged* - like my securities positions!

anon,

I say make your MIL cry. Don't be a wussy an enabler!

It's funny how the parents went from depriving us to spoiling our kids. My father wouldn't so much as buy a pack of gum (35 cents!) for us to split. Now, he takes his grandkids to the store for candy EVERY SINGLE DAY HE HAS THEM.

Do you know why they spoil our kids?

Don't laugh.

It's because of Social Security and Medicare.

Our taxes, our transfer payments, have made them feel rich!

Anonymous said...

you are quite the grinch.

-Fafon16th