Thursday, February 16, 2012

He Should Have Shot The Dogs!

So I write about my buddy whose neighbor's 5 DOGS are crapping on his lawn....and what-do-ya-know, this story comes out right after!

It was the same thing - multiple dogs, running free, pooping all over other people's yards. The article refers to it as an *ongoing dispute*.

The City of Brotherly Love is a curious place. The people there can be some of the warmest, most welcoming around (in the Northeast)....but they will shoot you over dog poop, if you park in their shoveled-out space, or if you call them *cheap* in front of all their jabronis.

I remember being shocked when I first moved there in 1992 at what goes on on the golf courses.

Rangers didn't/wouldn't say anything to slow foursomes....because they might get smashed over the head by a club - or shot! This was in contradistinction to the Nazi scolds I grew up under in Massachusetts. If a kid *runs at the pool* up there they go ape-$hit like it's the end of the world for crying out loud!

My buddy, whose dog poop ordeal I highlighted the other day, give me his list of *most inconsiderate/most stupidest* earthlings:

1. Smokers
2. Motorcyclists (for noise)
3. Dog people

Now that list is a rank generalization - something I hate to put out on my blog without my standard qualification....

Caveat - All stereotypes are 100% true!

A decade in Philadelphia certainly had its effects on me...

In 2002, I was playing golf in Phoenix, Arizona. Some Moronic ranger kept hassling us to speed up even though: there was no one behind us, we weren't playing slowly, AND we had each paid $100+ for the round!

Incredibly on the 15th hole, he told us to skip the 16th hole to speed up play! (There were only 4 holes left.)

I channeled my Philadelphia education (not UPenn!) and told the idiot ranger that if he effin' came near us again I was going to clobber him with my 7-iron. And my father and godfather (in my foursome), both lifetime Massachusetts provincials, were more than a little be shocked at what I said. Hee hee...

But back to my buddy here who's being tormented by his neighbor's dog $hit...

Again, he's complained to them for years, he's complained to the HOA, he's complained to the Board of Health all to no avail and is now frustrated to no end. He's afraid that if he finally steps up an *does something* that these jerks will retaliate in some form or another. He does have a bunch of small children in his brood to worry about.

I chided him for letting it get this far in the first place. That's one thing about me - I've never taken an ounce of poop from anyone or any animal, ever. Fear of reprisal? I reminded him that I took on that criminal, maniac, muscle-bound, coke-sniffing Haitian landlord of mine back in Boston. Believe me, I had that guy - who had stolen everyone else's money and bullied the whole town around - up nights *hating on me*.

You just can't take any poop from anyone....because ignoring it only emboldens them, and because the authorities are never going to do anything until YOU blow your top....then they'll arrest/charge YOU.

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