Sunday, February 28, 2010

Dangling Dough



Tomorrow the rent is technically due.

Only I ain't paying - not my normal $2,500 anyway; not without some serious *concessions* like a favorably priced standard lease that allows us to stay through the summer in this coastal community.

Between the pre-paid *last month*, the water bill I covered, and 2.5 years of interest on my *last month*...he owes me roughly $3,600.

My plan at the moment is to not pay tomorrow and tell him to consider March my last month. Of course, I won't give written notice to that effect. And I won't convey any more details about how serious I am about moving to - where to and whatnot.

I'll just watch his broke-a$$ blow his lid.

Then, after he cools down in a day or so, I'll dangle a $1,500 check in front of him.

It could be his....if he signs a new lease I just drew up - a lease that reduces my rent to $1,500 per month for the next 19 months (through next summer!). There are some other provisions in there that are laughably favorable to me as well, e.g. there is no penalty for late rent until 90 days delinquency, I can sublet at will, I can terminate the lease with only 14 days notice, etc.

I must say, it was quite fun to download a standard lease from the web, one that's been written to protect the landlord, and TOTALLY RE-WRITE it in my favor!

Of course, he might not care to sign the lease. He is pretty dumb after all. I'm probably going to have to helpfully remind him that physically evicting me will cost him a cool $4,000. So he can take what I'm offering him....or he can starve, in the dark, and hitchhike!

For those of you unaware of the background, my landlord is facing imminent foreclosure. At that time, the bank or new owner will probably boot me out after 60 days. My only possible defense is to have a standard lease agreement. So that's why I'm intent on wresting one from my dingbat landlord.

There's simply no telling how the Moron responds to my *coercive negotiations*. My wife thinks the lease I drew up is too aggressive - to the point where he'll irrationally refuse the money.

But I think he's really, really, really, really broke.

1 comment:

paul mitchell said...

I have always said that this country was founded on capitalizing on the misfortune of others.

Of course, your landlord brought this upon himself. This brings to mind yet another old saw for your philosophy toward this circumstance.

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." H. L. Mencken