Friday, January 21, 2011

Chew On This!



You know, some years ago, back when I was an incorrigible, fun-as-all-heck bachelor I was involved in a similar situation.

You see back in college I developed the habit of *nasal mining* while sitting on the toilet - for a lot of solid reasons. For one thing, after leaving my all-male high school I was now among women it wouldn't profit me to be seen cleaning out my nostrils in public.

For another thing, my roommate and I started sort of a contest - if memory serves me. I used the third stall and he used the fourth one....and we vied for the mantle of the *most boogies stuck to the wall* by the end of the semester or something. I dominated but that was beside the point.

This (arguably gross) habit of mine followed me to my off-campus apartment and lasted beyond my Ivy League graduation. In my abode on 20th and South Street (Philadelphia), I continued the practice of picking and wiping on the wall right in front of my toilet. After being in that bachelor pad for 3+ years I had amassed quite a collection on my bathroom wall. And, not for anything, you'd need a chisel to scrape them off, seriously.

It was at this time that my future first wife came into the picture.

She claims, albeit with ZERO corroborating testimony or evidence(!), that one day she was using my bathroom, saw my petrified boogie wall, bolted out of my place as fast as she could, and agonized over why she should or could EVER have ANYTHING to do with such an allegedly sick individual again.

And look, in the end it worked out great for me and my first wife, no?

All I'm saying is that guy shouldn't shouldn't make any rash decisions about the toenail chewing chick.

And you ladies...

Y'all shouldn't rule out this guy either


Click the link above. He says he actually gets *hate mail* because of his nail collection/chewing!


Anne Galivan said...

I could have gone my whole life not knowing about your "past" habit.

I hope your wife got a ginormous engagement ring for taking a chance on you!

CaptiousNut said...


I'm going to chew on the irony of you, of all people, lodging a *TMI* complaint!