Monday, August 18, 2008
A Conspicous Green Moron
Some guy that lives on Main Street in Hingham, Massachusetts has the most gorgeous lawn you ever did see. [not pictured above]
Every time I drive buy it I pause and think about jumping out of the car and carving massive divots on it with full pitching wedge shots.
Last week I noticed that he put up a sign on his doorstep that read "Well Water".
What the heck did that mean?
From last year I knew that these local towns enacted *lawn watering bans* during droughts so perhaps his sign was related. But this year, we've gotten decent rainfall and I haven't heard of any such prohibitions.
Anyway, if this ButtClown was ever cited by a town official, he could just tell them that he was using well water. In other words he needn't a public sign detailing his water source.
But more likely, this guy with the conspicuous, enviable lawn just wants his neighbors and passers-by like myself to somehow realize that despite his plush lawn, he is some sort of steward of the environment.
As far as I am concerned, wasting water is wasting water. If we were in a drought, I think it'd be incumbent on him to pump his extra water to the reservoir - or better yet, to some underprivileged neighborhood.
Furthermore, this guy manifests himself as a morally superior Loser. I mean who cares what strangers driving by your house think of your water consumption? Ironically, this particular stranger was offended!!!
Here's what I do next.
I slip a note into this guy's mailbox:
YOUR GREEN LAWN REPRESENTS A WASTE OF EARTH'S PRECIOUS RESOURCES. I'VE POURED A QUART-SIZED MEDLEY OF MERCURY AND ARSENIC INTO YOUR WELL.
Then I post a sign on my front lawn:
YOUR TAXES WOULD BE HIGHER IF I DIDN'T HOMESCHOOL MY KIDS!
I've also occasionally seen one of these cars in his driveway. Go figure.