Friday, December 23, 2011

Last Minute Gift Ideas For HER

Last year, Lindsay Demma Gibson was thrilled to find a stocking and, under the tree, several carefully wrapped gifts from her husband Christmas morning.

That is, until she opened them.

Ms. Gibson, an elementary-school teacher, had been hoping for her favorite perfume, new boots or a nice purse.

Instead, her husband gave her golf gloves, a golf skirt and a golf shirt with a country-club logo on it—even though she rarely hits the links. He also presented her with a heating pad, Listerine breath strips and generic nasal strips to prevent snoring.

Tom Valentino, who grew up in a large Italian-American family, blames his upbringing. In his parents' house, Christmas was all about religious values—and food. Gifts were an afterthought.

Flash ahead a few decades, when Mr. Valentino, an accountant, had to pick out a holiday gift for his wife. "I started to think, well, we have three kids already, so no need for anything from Victoria's Secret," he says. "And I bought her a fancy watch last year for her birthday. How many of those does she need?"

Then he remembered his wife had said she needed a vacuum and a bigger pasta pot. Off to Macy's he went. "I could almost smell the sauce cooking with meatballs, sausage and braciole," he says. "How could a woman not be happy with these?"

He found out, because the gifts made his wife cry. "The worst part of it all were the looks the kids gave me," says Mr. Valentino, 52, who lives in Cheshire, Conn. "It's been about 15 years, and I can't tell you how many times I've been reminded of those gifts."

Those harrowing excerpts are from here.

Believe me. When women say, they don't want *anything* for Christmas/Kwanzaa...

They are lying!

Normally I charge $300 per hour for my sage *gift consultation*....but here are a few valuable(!), free suggestions:

1 - Pole Dancing Classes

2 - Books

3 - Clothes

The trendy knee pads are for scrubbing the floor, pervert!

4 - Exercise Feedback Gadgets

5 - Kettlebells

I got my wife one for Valentine's Day last year!

All these gifts are GUARANTEED to bring a tear(s) to her eye!

Stick with my suggestions.

*Lingerie* will get a Moron in trouble. As will a new *iron*.

And don't buy a new *vacuum* either or the wife might think you have an eye for the undocumented cleaning lady - since she's the one who actually USES it.


Anonymous said...

pole dancing? is it only been popular last few years ? would society accepted pole dancing in 1980s or before

CaptiousNut said...

It's been in Tampa for decades - I think. From 7th grade phys-ed on up!

Now it's even offered right down the street from me in my tony Wall Street town.

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