Friday, August 31, 2007

Preach Back!

I was out at friend's house last weekend in Paxton, Massachusetts whereupon he and his wife told me about one of their crazy neighbors. They said he was an "environmentalist" who actually gave my buddy sh*t for mowing his lawn with a gas-powered mower. Putting aside the countless inanities implicit in such thinking, how much gas does a lawn mower actually burn? I think I used six gallons of gas in the past year and a half at my old place - which had a similarly sized lawn.

Apparently the lunatic cuts his lawn with a hand-mower.

I told my buddy that I should have parked my globe-heating Chevy Suburban in front of the environmentalist's lawn and idled it for four or five hours just to rile the Moron up. And that would on top of the least 15 gallons of war blood I burned on the 160 mile round trip to the cookout.

What would be even better, would be to preach Jesus to him every time you saw him. I sincerely doubt he would like YOU throwing your personal religion up in his face...

This tactic has the added benefit that almost all extreme environmentalists are religious-phobic pagans. "Jesus" will likely strike the same nerve that SUV's, non-recycled plastics, and inorganic food agitate.

Here's the globe-heating, Mother Nature-raping mower that I make my kids cut the lawn with.


Anonymous said...

It's precisely pigs like yourself
that give religion a bad name. I'm more than thankful to be pagan, every time a dimwit such as yourself reinforces the ignorance of religion, and the morons who adhere to it.

We'll have the last laugh one day,
when half of low lying mass is under water. It will be hilarious
to see you screaming for Jesus, as your going down.

CaptiousNut said...

r sheir,

Thanks for helping illustrate my point!

Now, don't you have a forest nymph to go pay homage to?