Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Glenn Who?

Now I've, only recently, seen this guy's name on Drudge as having some highly rated news show.

And I've had a few people ask me if I ever watch or listen to him.

But my answer has been a categorical "NO". I've never heard a word this man has ever uttered nor would I recognize him if he walked by me on the street.

That is until this past weekend when I saw his book on sale at the airports.

Arguing With Idiots?

And Small Minds and Big Government?

Without knowing anything at all about his views, it seems to me that Glenn Beck more likely knows WHO I AM and may have gone about ripping off MY SHTICK!

But apparently, like most of my readers, he hasn't learned enough.

One mustn't *argue* with idiots or Morons.

Mock them, Marginalize them, try to profit from their stupidity, or perhaps pray on their behalf....these are the only appropriate courses of action.

I would no sooner *argue with an idiot* than I would curse a rock for obeying the laws of gravity.

The Cheapest Rent

Remember this last year? It was when IndyMac went bankrupt and was taken over by Big Government. Now it's actually called IndyMac Federal Bank!

So what happens to any enterprise or industry when those most incompetent, unionized bureaucrats take over?

Yeah....things get even worse.

When I was down in Naples last week my buddy remarked that his brother was living in a condo for the past 18 months without paying his mortgage.

I asked who the lender was.

You guessed it, "IndyMac".

This is no anomaly. I've read some time ago that those other Big Government financiers, Fannie and Freddie Mac, didn't even list a loan as *delinquent* until it had been for a full two years - never mind initiate a foreclosure proceeding. We all know how *efficient* government is, right?

Meanwhile, there are going to be some clowns who really luck out. I'll bet scores of deadbeats will be able to stay in their taxpayers' homes rent-free for quite some time. My landlord seems to be such a candidate.

If only I had the foresight/balls to stop paying rent and the brains to figure out a way to forestall eviction...

Back From Florida...

Would you believe that guy, still barefoot and in his skivvies, drained the 30 footer for bogey AND went on to shoot even par?!?!?!

I am exhausted and still catching up after my annual GutterBuddy golf excursion to Naples. But right now I will attempt to lucubrate some.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So Much Free Stuff Online...

....That home-based education is a cinch!

My son has been doing this timed US Map Quiz all morning.

Your kids (and West Coast Tom) might be sufficiently challenged by it as well.

UPDATE - 1.5 weeks later my son's record is *30 states* in the time alloted. We'll see if he can get them all done by his 5th birthday next month.

UPDATE - 3 weeks since we started on this, his *record* is now 36 states!

UPDATE - less than a month later, the Prince has passed the test!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

For All Y'all Walmart Bigots

There's a website out there whose sole mission is to make fun of the *diversity* of Walmart shoppers:

I don't think this is funny. Honest to Allah, I didn't smirk even once looking at the last 500 pics or so on that site!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

More Outdoorsy Stuff

My original plan for this past weekend was to hike Mount Kathadin in Maine.

But it's a 7+ hour drive from my place. Furthermore, someone just told me that their friend went on Labor Day weekend and had to get in line at 3:30 am just to be able to do the hike.

I knew they *limited* the number of hikers each day; and I know that a holiday weekend will be especially crowded....but still, there's no way I'm driving that far up to deal with all that BS. Imagine if they didn't let you on the trail!

So we climbed NH's Mount Madison instead - and it was totally fine.

About six years ago, my wife and I went whitewater rafting up in Maine. We did the so-called Dead River and it didn't live up to either its moniker nor all the precautionary *death talk* from the guides. Later on I learned that one had to instead raft the Penobscot further upstate if they really wanted to get crazy.

This is a lengthy video so just watch a bit. In particular, check out the guy at the 1:20 mark. He looks like he is about to get sucked under and recycled(?) before some hero crash-saves him.

Here's a much, much, more intense video of Penobscot rafting - though there's no sound because the audio track was *unauthorized*:

I've had two kids since I first fancied I don't think I'll EVER raft that one upon seeing that clip.

See also - Unconscious Morons.

And I just came across two more harrowing river vids - both featuring kayaks:

Partial Book Review

I was only about 28% of the way through this book when my wife swiped it from me this morning on her way to NY.

But so far it's been good - and it's confirmed my previously articulated position that age-segregation may in fact be the worst aspect of Big Education. [Again, no small feat!]

The author asserts that parenting is not a *skill*. It's a RELATIONSHIP.

The way to get through to children is not simply to tinker with one's words and methods - time outs, rewards, punishments, etc. Because, once the brats have decided that their peers are more important, parents no longer matter at all. In fact, they are to be rebelled against by necessity.

Children, immature animals that they are, NATURALLY need to attach to people that can somehow comfort and protect them. Since they are at pre-school and K-12 school the majority of their time, they instinctively look to their age-peers for emotional acceptance. Psychologically, they CANNOT have intimacy, or attachment, with both their parents and their schoolyard jabronis as each represent opposite, even competing, poles.

Who did y'all think more about when you were youths?

What was more prominent in your thoughts and worries? Mom and Dad or certain kids at school?

What hurt more? Problems with age-mates and social difficulties in school? Or what your parents did and said?

Be honest with yourselves. Do you want your brood to spend as much time, energy, and emotion as you did fretting over transitory BS with other kids - kids who'll soon fade into irrelevance?

The author makes the salient point that teenage rebellion is not *natural* as most think of it. In fact it's a sign that parents have lost their kids. Teens, with their round-the-clock text messaging, hazing of misfits, peer pressure, and complete conformity are anything but INDEPENDENT. They've simply traded parental attachment for a *peer-oriented* DEPENDENCY. It's as I said in a prior comment thread:

Youthful rebellion is perfectly natural.

However, it used to be that 15 year olds wanted off the farm. They wanted their own plot - and a wife.

They were itching for grown-up responsibility.

Send your kids to school (to create space?) and they will join the *youth culture*. You'll lose them forever AND they won't be hankering for any part of the adult world - save for your car keys, your credit card, and your home equity to pay for their year long camp, aka "college".

See? I intuited this stuff long before reading the fruit of some Phd's 30 years of research!

Now I haven't gotten to the part where the author explains how to foster a healthy RELATIONSHIP with your kids. And, 85 pages in he curiously still hasn't even mentioned *homeschooling*.

But I'll be better able to summarize this book when I get it back from the Mrs. and actually read the whole thing.

See also:

Can't Even Google "Age Segregation"

Elevating Rick Boyer

UPDATE - Complete Book Review - Hold On To Your Kids.

Unappetizing Restaurants

Now the few in there from *native speakers* are obviously, deliberately provocative.

While the Asian ones are obviously, ESL literal translations.

Though, in their defense, English is a hard enough language to learn by itself - never mind learning all of its vulgarities!

Thanks to the PrivateCaller clan for this laugh.

One More Crudity From NH

I've known the college buddy who accompanied me this past weekend for over 16 years - or, at least I thought I knew him. Thankfully he's pretty much incognito in the above pic - because the info I'm about to reveal about him is jaw-dropping - way beyond what that chunk-a-do broad said at the bar.

First of all, my CollegeBuddy made that 5,000 foot climb fully fecated.

Because I knew he was not a morning person (requires 8 hours of sleep!), a veritable slow mover, the night before I asked him, jokingly, if he was going to be able to evacuate in the 40 minute window between wake-up and departure. Without a clear answer I probed, "Are you on a daily?"

And he smugly responded to my hectoring that some days he *doesn't go at all*!

"Oh really?", I thought. Is it possible to have an ego on this matter?

So morning came and, let's just say, CollegeBuddy had to add a roll of bathroom tissue to his backpack.

I had my camera....and was quite sure that with all that Burger King and beer in our his system....that some sort of *bloggable situation* would occur on our 7 hour hike.

He made it to the top carrying all that excess baggage, but halfway down he told me to *go on ahead* - it was time.

I took off yet he caught me 10 minutes later all geeked up and with a spring in his step.

I asked and he confirmed a successful departure. Then, he said something about the hard part being *staying clean*.

He said that it was only recently that he *learned not to stand up before wiping*.


CaptiousNut - What do you mean....stand up?

CollegeBuddy - I used to stand up first?

CaptiousNut - What are you talking about?

CollegeBuddy - I used to stand up first and I'd get all these messy sh*ts.

CaptiousNut - What do you mean 'stand up first'? You would wipe standing up?

CollegeBuddy - Yeah. No one ever told me to wait before I stood up?

CaptiousNut - No one ever told you to wipe while sitting down?

CollegeBuddy - No. I just figured it out on my own about five years ago.

Okay, now this was from a 35 year old Ivy League graduate. How am I supposed to digest this?

He was an engineer by training to boot.

Yet for 25 years he thought nothing of getting himself into a half-closed position a split-second before clean-up.

As a friend, I'm sincerely happy about his discovery. But I do wonder why he didn't take that realization all the way to his grave. He should have pondered the ignominy of perhaps being the only one on the planet challenged in this department.

And I wonder why he would tell ME, his ball-busting buddy with a blog called Marginalizing Morons!

Think about it....he had no idea how to properly wipe his own arse.

He and I argue *politics* all of the time. From now on, at any standoff I can just say, " didn't even know how to poop!"

Now I'm not one to watch another man urinate, but the next time I see him, I may try to catch a glimpse of CollegeBuddy doing so. I suddenly find myself very interested in his *technique*.

The above graphic is from *Establish your pooping method* on - How to Poop in the Woods.

That clever graphic comes from here.

Monday, September 21, 2009

When The Music Stopped....

So Saturday night my buddy and I are enjoying some adult beverages at Crabby Jacks, a joint in Gorham, NH....

There's an amateur DJ blasting some tunes....

And plenty of large, young broads throughout the bar. One of whom was sitting 7.5 feet away from me on a stool, gabbing away with her girlfriend....

One song ended, rather abruptly....

But the 250 pound girl next to me was slow to reduce her speech volume....

I heard, loud and clear:


My head instantly swiveled, the zaftig one and I made eye contact, and even her friend turned around to assess the damage.

Realizing what I heard, the kiss-and-teller's face went white and I snapped back to my straight-ahead posture. How was I going to react to this one? How was I going to polish this sizable nugget? How, pray tell, was I going to not urinate in my slacks???

I could very well have burst out laughing to aggravate her mortification....

Or, I could engage them in compassionate, mitigating conversation. I might holler over, "No way! Not on the first date!" or "Personally, I prefer the front door".

I could be respectful and act like I heard nothing....

During the 4 seconds in which I dispassionately pondered my reaction, I looked over and saw that the two of them had thrown money on the bar and raced for the exit.

With my options suddenly revoked....all I could do is revel in the moment with my buddy who, most ironically, also happens to have an extensive record of LOUD TALKING inappropriate content after the music has stopped!

Sorry for the raunch folks, but this one was hilarious!

I've got one more crude story from this weekend to relay - but y'all will have to wait for tomorrow.

[Here it is.]

Climbed Mount Madison

On Saturday, my buddy and I drove up to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

We did a short hike in the afternoon ("Imp Trail"), got ourselves situated in the motel, and downed a few beers later that night.

Sunday morning, I arose at my usual time (4:46am or so). Later on, after scraping the ice off my windshield and whatnot, we headed for the base of Mount Madison. I think it was 29 degrees at 8am when we got going. And I thought Massachusetts had an early winter!

Three hours and forty minutes later we hit the windy peak.

But, fortunately for us, it was an unusually clear day at that altitude. I don't know how many visits I've made up there since I was a kid, but I don't think I've ever actually seen the peak of Mount Washington - which was staring us in the face:

Here's a still shot:

That's the *auto road* winding up it. It doesn't look so treacherous from this angle but I've heard countless stories from people who drove it and were scared half-to-death. I think some motorcyclist died there recently.

Now I'm not a *hiker* by any stretch. I've been up Mount Monadnock as a kid and a couple other 3,000 foot peaks. So at 5,367 feet Mount Madison is now the highest peak I've walked up.

As a novice in this department I had no idea:
  • How fast the temperature changes - between the rising sun, the elevation, physical exertion, etc. I must have peeled/added layers 15 times.
  • That I wasn't supposed to wear a cotton shirt. My back was saturated in sweat. Though it was kind of warm on Sunday, the day prior I believe the afternoon peak temps were below 30 on the Presidential range.
  • About those walking sticks. All of these nerd hikers from Cambridge had ski pole-like sticks to aid their climb/descent.
  • That I'd need a hat and gloves in mid-September! We had to run out and buy them at the last minute.
  • And I had no idea that *going down* would be so hard on my knees (no jokes, please). It was surprisingly more painful than climbing.

Overall I was very satisfied with this trip - only I wish I had time to stay overnight and soak my bones in the hot tub. Instead, immediately after we hit bottom we jumped in the car and had to endure 5 hours of Sunday night traffic on the way back to Boston.

Physically, this trip was at the upper bound of my capabilities. I can barely carry anything on my achy back for any short period of time. But to hike Mt. Madison, I had to carry a pack full of clothes, food, and bottled water for 7 grueling hours. Heck I ate my food by order of weight! Not to mention my knees are pretty frail - one ACL having been blown out and replaced with a graft from a 6'7 black cadaver, and the other knee seemingly 80% gone now as well. In fact I was pretty nervous about the latter popping completely on this hike. My wife has a friend that broke her leg on one of these hikes and had to be carried all the way down the mountain. Despite the nice weather, on this particular day there weren't many hikers at all. Suffer an injury....and you'll be doing a little Bear Grylls through the freezing night!

But thankfully I completed the trip intact. Though I am sore as all hell at the moment - surprisingly my legs more so than my back. Remember I have to rest up for my GutterBuddy Florida golf trip this weekend....

Friday, September 18, 2009

Gone For Two Days

I'm bringing my laptop up to New Hampshire tomorrow but probably won't be posting again until Monday.

So, I suggest reading/re-reading my archives! I've written near 1,500 posts now....

A Mercurial Point Guard

Yawn....Another NBA player in trouble with the law. He was caught with three loaded guns on his person.

But there was a curious line in ESPN/AP's account:

West has said his mood swings seem to be most erratic when his life seems to be in order.

Yeah, me too!

This guy used to be on the Celtics so I've heard his eloquence many times. Let's just say he WASN'T HOMESCHOOLED.

Bailed Out By MTV?

In a prior post I discussed how my landlord's car *blew up*. See - Update - My Moronic Landlord.

Subsequently, I mentioned how he totaled that car, actually getting ejected from the convertible, and almost killed himself. See - More Landlord Recklessness.

Shortly thereafter I was on my deck with family in town when a tow truck showed up with his utterly annihilated car. This schmuck was going to dump the eyesore wreckage on our property! And he did! What could I do?

When I say this car was destroyed, I mean it was DONE, unsalvageable. I'm sure he got the insurance money, right? So why was he keeping this cursed vehicle? This death-trap? And why couldn't the a-hole dump it next to HIS house???

After a few months of having to stare at it, the *explanation* found its way to me.

Turns out, my Moronic landlord thinks he can get MTV's Pimp My Ride to come out and rehab his car for free, as that's what they do on that TV show.

Only a positively empty skull has room enough for such a grand delusion.

But, in fairness, for two years I've seen this clown get all geeked up for each and every *bailout* that was going to keep him afloat. Back in 2007, around this time of year, I remember him having a veritable fiesta at his office with another *subprime* colleague because the Federal Reserve had decided to lower interest rates. That didn't save him or his *business*, nor have all the tax breaks, loan modifications, political rhetoric, or hundreds of billions in newly minted fiat. He's simply been conditioned from without to think that some white mulatto knight is going to someday come to his financial rescue.

I have great BEFORE and AFTER pics of this vehicle....only I won't publish them until after my relationship with this knucklehead is over. When you see the latter y'all will be wondering how on this over-heated Earth did he not die in that crash.

Did any of you ever hear that rumor that if your college roommate committed suicide....that you would automatically get *all A's* for the entire school year?

Well, in the imaginary scenario where my landlord didn't walk away from that wreck....I've contemplated how long I could stay here *rent-free* before getting booted out.

Daycare = Child Abuse

From page 239-240 of Hold On To Your Kids - Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers:

Not only are the seeds of peer orientation sown in day care and preschool, but the fruit is already in evidence by the fifth year of life. One of the largest studies ever done on this subject followed more than a thousand children from birth to kindergarten. The more time a child had spent in day care, the more likely she was to manifest aggression and disobedience, both at home and in kindergarten. As discussed in previous chapters, aggression and disobedience are the legacy of peer orientation. The more they had been in day care, the more these children exhibited counterwill as indicated by arguing, sneakiness, talking back to staff, and failure to take direction. Their elevated frustration was indicated by temper tantrums, fighting, hitting, cruelty to others, and the destruction of their own things. These children were also more desperate in their attachment behavior: given to boasting, bragging, incessant talking, and striving for attention, as we would expect when attachments are not working.


I thought day care was supposed to be good *socially* for children???

Remember, my son is just about five so I have seen firsthand the differences between his peers who are preschooled a little bit and those who are preschooled a lot (the ones that hit one place in the morning and another in the afternoon!). All my evidence concurs with the above quote.

This book just arrived in the mail and I only came across that passage flipping through it. I'll post a thorough review of it sometime next week.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Gimmie A Price Break

That house pictured above has been for sale - on and off - for at least the two years I've been living on Boston's South Shore. I remember it starting at over $1 million.

Last year I swear I saw it down to $850,000 as a FISBO. Then, this spring Coldwell Banker got the listing. Right away they put it back to $900,000. Now mind you, this was AFTER the market had substantially weakened, AFTER the stock market dropped 40%, and AFTER unemployment started heading to 10+%.

So I said all this to the broker who flat-out denied that the house was ever listed that low. Now, whose memory do y'all want to bet on?

But let's get back to the house itself. It's a staggering, for this region, 4,900 square feet but its LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION is a substantial negative.

It's situated on a major roadway AND, behind it is yet another major roadway. So the noise is severe and continual.

Furthermore, only 200 yards away from it ARE RAILROAD TRACKS. The diesel commuter train shakes this house every single day.

And there's more:

It has NO deck and NO backyard. In fact, since it was carved into a steep hillside, the backyard is a huge severe slope that can neither be sodded nor even landscaped on account of its size.

There's plenty of space and sharp cherry wood floors, YET the most important room, i.e. the kitchen, is small and very ordinary. $900,000???? I don't think so.

Lastly, the house pretty much typifies this recent housing bubble. It's a new McMansion crammed on to a bad lot.....AND it's chintzy *pre-fab* construction to boot!. It flies in the face of the gist of that old real estate maxim - *you don't want to have the nicest house in a bad neighborhood* - because it never rises to it's presumed value.

Someone will eventually buy this house. I'll wager that it's an out-of-stater. People from the South or West get used to big living, buy a whole lot of furniture and plastic toys....and just can't bear to go smaller when the husband gets transferred to a place like Boston. Newcomers will accept the unrelenting noise of a house like this also because they'll have no idea how much it will cost to heat such a monstrosity over the 5 month Massachusetts winter.

What this homeowner did was make a fallacious calculus. He figured that if he sold the house himself at $850,000 that it would be equivalent to a broker-sale at $900,000. He's right with the arithmetic. BUT, he did it backwards. He was supposed to try a broker first. Once the house sat out there *bidless*, there's no way he could raise the price - not in this market.

This is why 99.99% of home sellers are petrified of LOWERING their prices!

It's far safer, in their minds, to stay high and delusional hopeful.

So why did this one make my blog today?

Because I was just alerted to a price reduction on it. They dropped it from 900k all the way down to 890k. What a gesture!

My wife's response was a belligerent, "Give me a break!"

West Coast Tom surely had a thang for Nell Carter:

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Life On The Ledge

One Dead, One Critical After Fall from Center City Balcony

One man is dead and a woman was battling for her life after police say they accidentally fell from the balcony of a center city Philadelphia apartment.

Philadelphia detectives say a structural defect in the apartment balcony is to blame for the accidental fall, just before 3:00am on Sunday.

According to investigators, a 25-year-old man and an unidentified woman apparently stepped outside their fourth-floor apartment, above Monks Bar in the 200 block of South 16th Street, when a steel railing suddenly gave way as they leaned against it.

Both victims fell four floors to the alleyway below. The man was pronounced dead at the scene. The woman, who was not immediately identified, was listed in very critical condition at Hahnemann University Hospital.

Engineers from the city's Department of Licenses and Inspections were expected to investigate what caused the railing defect.

City inspectors closed Monks for "code violations" in the building where the bar is located.

Ah....Monks, one of my wife and I's favoritist old hangouts. That place is always jam-packed. Don't even think about showing up there hungry, no less on a Thursday-Sunday night expecting a reasonable wait time. Their famous beer book is a veritable tome. Belgians and whatnot I think. I'm not an experimenter in that department, as I only drink domestic macro-brews.

However I will say that the food is tremendous, burgers and fries in particular.

So what were that dude and broad doing on the roof/balcony at 3am???

Smoking no doubt. That's a habit well-known to be health hazardous, right?

I know a guy who was out on a fire escape in Manhattan that also gave way. He fell some 10 stories breaking umpteen bones; furthermore, one of his *boys* got severed on the way down!


Yeah, he was/is a chain smoker.

So get rid of those cancer sticks, will y'all?

Although that might not help - at least according to my golfing partner. He sees smoking as just a manifestation of irremediable stupidity.

And, man do I miss the bars, restaurants, and people in Philly. A buddy of mine is coming into town tomorrow and bar-wise there's pretty much NOWHERE in all of Boston that I feel like taking him.

If we were in Philly....we could find great food, drink, and atmosphere every night somewhere different for a month, at least.

What kills me is seeing those pitiable twentysomething kids in Boston who claim to *love it*. These Morons have no idea how much else is out there. Yet these provincials will be sure to stay here forever....and elect the next set of 40-year-reigning Masshole politicians.

I will find SOME poopy bar to take my buddy this weekend. Then it's off to Kfell country for a little hike during peak NH foliage. Mount Madison most likely.

Then next weekend, I'm off again to Naples, Fl for my annual golf trip. Last year I tried to get a GutterBuddy from Philly to bring me a soggy cheesesteak from the airport. He said he would but didn't - thinking I was kidding, which I WASN'T.

I'll ask him again this year. If he fails next weekend, I'm just going to have to swipe a few (extra) sleeves of Pro V1s out of his bag.



He probably ordered a *cheesesteak hoagie*....which no one EVER orders.

Reminds me of the time this galactically out-of-touch Moron said his favorite player on the Red Sox was "Manny Ortiz".

There's not a doubt in my mind that if there were a *cheesesteak-soft pretzel-hoagie* on the menu....that John Kerry would have ordered it.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Darn Those Copyright Fascists!

Below find one of my 80s YouTube playlists. Click to enlarge. DO NOT LAUGH or I will jam a Rubik's Cube up your...

Slowly but surely, the record label lawyers have gotten all those tracks pulled off the site (see - [video unavailable]). Perhaps they are just trying to drag me into the 1990s?

I'm sure I could rebuild the list. I'm sure I could find all of those tunes out there *slightly misspelled*. Or maybe not?....Google/YouTube is a lot savvier than Napster/Morpheus ever was. AND their flush coffers make them an easier legal target...

That's one of my favs. I can't tell you how many times I played it on the jukebox at Chaucers in Center City Philadelphia. Usually, I liked to invoke it somewhere between my 11th and 13th Yuengling Lager. I'd sit there and imagine I was going to become Charlie Sheen in that movie.

See also:

You Know You're Old When...

For West Coast Tom!

Copyrighted Morons

YouTube Copyright Policing