Dear Editor,
I would like to register a strenuous objection to the recent "Woman Undercover" article in the March Golf Digest. As a man, and I am hardly alone in this, I am completely sick and tired of the anti-male bashing that is rampant in the media and in pop culture in this country. To continue these stereotypical attacks is highly irresponsible and I demand a retraction and an apology. The entire premise of the piece is typical of the woman-centric writing these days.
Basically you start with your own bias and prejudice and then attempt to manipulate the circumstances to justify your preconceived notions. You couldn't even get through the first sentence before the insults and name calling begins. "Ask a guy what he thinks about women playing golf, and unless he's a knuckle-dragger of the first order." So, if I'm a man and I don't want to play golf that day with a woman I am a "knuckle-dragger"? What is the female equivalent of that, "miserable bitch"? What would you say if a man wrote that about a woman? Would Golf Digest print that? Why is it OK to refer to a man as a knuckle-dragger and not refer to a woman as a miserable bitch? Clearly there is a double standard in these matters. So, the premise of the piece is that you trot out Kim Hall in her archetype costumes attempting to bait men into giving you the response you want and the one that matches your preconceived bias. The most revealing part of the article is, "More than once, Kim and I encountered men who deliberately sped away from a woman to avoid playing golf with her. This is their right, I suppose. But it's also rude. And shameful. Can we really wonder why golf is struggling to attract women when they get this kind of treatment?"
That is their right, you suppose? You are God-damned right it is my right. In this country I have the legal right to associate with anyone I choose and if I don't want to play golf with women I can do that. "But it is rude. And shameful." Really? Why, because you say so? I have no obligation whatsoever to play golf with women and if I don't want to I won't and you have no right to force me to do it or insult me because of my choice. I paid my money to play golf and that is all. I didn't sign up for any political statements or gender warfare bullsh** and I do not want to be subjected to it from you or anyone else. It isn't my job to attract women to the game of golf. I didn't sign up for that. I play golf to escape the madness that pervades our society. It is my respite from people telling me what I should do. Get out of my face and go bother someone who cares about your agenda.
Here is the deal: Men often pay golf to get away from women. It is a short time away from the badgering, bitching and manipulation that men are subjected to from women on a regular basis. One major issue of today's modern woman is that they never, ever take responsibility for their actions and their role in any situation. Somehow they have successfully sold a bill of goods that makes them immune to any criticism. If a man has the temerity to actually criticize a woman he is immediately subjected to demonization, ridicule and name calling. Men are not genetically born with an aversion to playing golf with women. It is a learned response from environmental factors. Men know they can't talk to women about it without getting bitched at so they just avoid it altogether by "speeding away." The stupid nonsense of not stopping at the forward tees for a woman is preconceived idiocy. Do you actually think a man would do that on purpose so you can bitch at him and spoil his day? I have been in situations where I was driving the cart and the guy riding with me was playing a forward tee and I forgot to stop. It has nothing to do with gender and is a simple oversight. The fact that you choose to make it some kind of gender issue says more about your paranoia and a woman's desire to control through negativity than anything else.
Men don't want to play with women for one simple reason; because women are a pain in the ass. You should hear what is said about women in candor from every level of employee at a golf course from the cart boy to the starter, to the pro shop and the waitstaff and they will tell you that women are a pain in the ass to deal with. They complain, they are rude and they are cheap. Maybe, just maybe, you ought to do a piece on what women can do to make it more palatable to play with men. Or better yet, let me do it. Would Golf Digest print that?
As a practical matter why Golf Digest would print such an insulting article is very questionable. I assume the readership is probably 80-90% male. Why would you insult your core audience? Obviously Golf for Women magazine failed because there wasn't enough of an audience to support it. Should men be blamed for that too? It appears Ms Sternberg has inherited the token female voice for Golf Digest and normally she has a reasonable response to questions regarding male/female golf issues but this piece was way out of line. I have been a subscriber to Golf Digest off and on for over 30 years and I have the current renewal notice on my desk. I will not renew my subscription until I see a printed apology for this irresponsible hack job.
Wayne Mills, Nashua, NH
Last year, Lindsay Demma Gibson was thrilled to find a stocking and, under the tree, several carefully wrapped gifts from her husband Christmas morning.
That is, until she opened them.
Ms. Gibson, an elementary-school teacher, had been hoping for her favorite perfume, new boots or a nice purse.
Instead, her husband gave her golf gloves, a golf skirt and a golf shirt with a country-club logo on it—even though she rarely hits the links. He also presented her with a heating pad, Listerine breath strips and generic nasal strips to prevent snoring.
Tom Valentino, who grew up in a large Italian-American family, blames his upbringing. In his parents' house, Christmas was all about religious values—and food. Gifts were an afterthought.
Flash ahead a few decades, when Mr. Valentino, an accountant, had to pick out a holiday gift for his wife. "I started to think, well, we have three kids already, so no need for anything from Victoria's Secret," he says. "And I bought her a fancy watch last year for her birthday. How many of those does she need?"
Then he remembered his wife had said she needed a vacuum and a bigger pasta pot. Off to Macy's he went. "I could almost smell the sauce cooking with meatballs, sausage and braciole," he says. "How could a woman not be happy with these?"
He found out, because the gifts made his wife cry. "The worst part of it all were the looks the kids gave me," says Mr. Valentino, 52, who lives in Cheshire, Conn. "It's been about 15 years, and I can't tell you how many times I've been reminded of those gifts."
Really, wake the hell up. Now. I understand that most of you have 9-to-5 jobs, that you leave tired and come home tired and just wanna chill in front of SportsCenter with a bowl of chips. But, seriously, you have no remote idea: Being a stay-at-home parent is exhausting. At the office, you can hide. You can take lunch. You can pretend you're working while scrolling the Internet for Yankees-Blue Jays and, ahem, Lindsay Lohan news. You have genuine social interactions with folks over the age of, oh, 12. People ask questions about your day -- and listen to the answers.Hah! Weekend golf is NEVER only 5 hours. Such an erroneous characterization definitely calls into question his *man cred*.
I envy you, but I sort of pity you. Kids grow. Age 1 turns to age 3, which turns to age 7, which turns to 15 and 18 and 21, all in the blink of an eye. If you're there, as I am, it flies. If you're not there -- if you're almost never there -- it barely exists at all. Which is why I just can't stomach those millions of dads who view their days at home as recovery from work, who'd rather rest than engage, who have no problem with passing the tykes off for more alone time with mom and who, literally, moan to their wives, "You have no idea how hard I work."
For you, I offer these 10 commandments of righteous fatherhood. Pay close attention, because, behind your back, people are pitying your wife:
1. No golf on weekends: Seriously, it's ludicrous. Your spouse is home with the kids all the time, and you think it's OK to take five hours on a weekend day to pursue your own pastime? Selfishness, thy name is Father.
...and 41% of the women confessed to being regular toilet readers.Besides that one lady who worked in my wife's office in Philly - who would blatantly fetch a newspaper(the sports section only!), tuck it under her arm, and saunter her way over to the comfort station....I had heretofore thought the practice was rare among the other gender.
My girlfriend Ginny gets taken to the movie theater to see "Fast Five". After a preview for the Hangover 2, a trailer for a movie comes on. A trailer I made of her father and I where I ask her father for her hand in marriage. After he gives me permission, I race off to the theater she is at to ask her to marry me.
What she doesn't know is our familiy and friends are in the theater with her watching the whole thing, along with about 100 strangers ;-)
100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband ~ HIS Way
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.I found that on a *chick* blog that I'm too embarrassed to credit. So instead, here's the original source.
from anon.
"...gender reassignment."!!!
