The Short Bus...For Parents!

What do y'all think about summer camp - all-day camp, for 1 week, for the princely sum of $175?

Oh wait, that's just for the "busing". Camp in the NYC-area is essentially $100 a day, $500 a week PLUS the $175 for the bus if needed. So it pushes $700.

PER KID!

Have three kids and the summer "babysitting" is 2k per week, for 7 or 8 weeks.

We've done more camp this year than ever before.

First they both did a 2-day chess camp.

Then they did a week of VBS (Vacation Bible School). That was only 3 hours per day and was free. (We donated $200 nonetheless).

Then I sent my son to a week of chess (and soccer) camp run by a Russian grandmaster (only 23 kids). He liked it so much I sent him for a second week. (Plus our normal chess coach has been unavailable. He teaches all summer at the famed USDAN camp (costs $800 per week) on Long Island.

My daughter did a large, multi-sport camp for one of those weeks. It was at best, "okay".

This week she is doing art camp for $475 (9 am to 3 pm). It's not really a camp but rather a small class 2-5 kids at a local studio.

My son was SUPPOSED to be doing Cub Scout camp this week starting today. We were there at 7:25 am waiting for the bus with another family....only the bus never came!

So I got a raw deal out of that. I had not only my son all day today, but also the other family's boy instead of the day-off I was supposed to enjoy! Incidentally, this Scout camp is pretty good. It's all day at the Reservation, and only costs $350 for the week including the bus. My son absolutely loves it; he's outside all day long; so we pretty much have to send him.

The short bus?

For the most part that's what camp busing looks like. All summer long there are these little buses zipping all over the streets. In the morning and then again at the end of the day. The prestigious expensive camps will have their names on signs in the bus windows. Some even have all the kids' names written on the windows. Whatever.

I believe that most of these camps suck. The summer is ideally for free time and most of these poor kids have already been overscheduled and harried all year long.

These camps are glorified, expensive babysitting. They are staffed by 19 year kids for crying out loud.

But if both parents are working....camp is of course a necessary evil.

On the other hand, there are PLENTY of parents that are home all day long who do nothing (order out, have maids, etc.) and still ship their kids off to camp all summer long.

Camp was not such a big thing when I was a deprived child (think "Angela's Ashes"!) growing up in Worcester, Massachusetts. My siblings and I, when we got older, did maybe 1 or at the most 2 weeks of summer camp. And I don't remember it being so prevalent up in Boston when we lived there from 2005-2010. But then again my kids were much younger and I may have just not noticed it.

For sure though, camp is huge here in New York.

While waiting at a major intersection this morning for the Cub Scout bus...

I counted no less than 100 other short buses that went by!

On the 100th one and 40 minutes past the scheduled pick-up time, one I decided to cut my losses and take the kids home.

Money Tree

This old mulberry tree in our backyard has been ravaged twice by storms in the past few years - most recently by the post-Sandy snowstorm. It's time for it to go.

I do have that new chainsaw (16 in?) and have thought about felling it myself.

But do you see all those wires behind it?

Plus I've never done anything like that before.

AND it is technically illegal to cut down a tree in your yard (yes!) in our town.

In fact one family begged to cut down a tree in their yard, for years, but the town wouldn't let them

Guess what, it crushed their house during hurricane Sandy! They are suing, naturally.

I imagine if I tried to do it myself and took out the power lines for the whole neighborhood....I'd be in a heap of $hit - or possibly dead in a non-figurative sense!

Question for y'all - how much do you think they charge to cut down a tree like that in a Wall Street town? In a town where math tutors make $100 an hour and plumbers charge $150...

Bubble Girl?

A student of mine the other day told me an almost incredible story.

But really, in this current *reign of inanity*, I guess it's really all too CREDIBLE.

She said there was a classmate of hers at the local high school who is, "allergic to deodorant and body spray."

And that the school tried to ban THE STUDENT BODY (no pun intended) from wearing deodorant and broad-repellents like Axe Body Spray.

Of course they couldn't do that...

So they put the girl in her own room - a *bubble* if you will.

And they bought a robot for her.

Yeah, a robot. She controls it remotely from her *bubble* and directs it into classrooms where she observes teachers via webcams on the effin' robot!

How much does this ridiculousness cost????!!!!

Although by itself it's probably a drop in the bucket given that my school district - or, the one I get assessed for - spends $27,000 PER PUPIL....PER YEAR now.

Omnipotent, Again!

It took over two weeks....but I've finally had all my *powers* restored.

The electric had been out essentially for the last 15 days due to the *storm of the century*.

Either due to that or to a gigantic union scam that has all the utility wires running through heavily treed BACKYARDS. (Union workers from all across the country are making double pay here....for 4 WEEKS.)

The pic above was just a pitching wedge from my house and the main culprit for the lost power....for the first week or so anyway.

You can't see it too clearly, but there are actually two trees that fell across the street - snapping the wires and poles.

Whatever. It went by fast. It wasn't that bad. But I may have been THE ONLY PERSON on Long Island (or NJ) who wasn't whining like a spoiled b*tch these past couple of weeks.

I got a ton of exercise in. I cleaned out my cupboards of canned goods that threatened to sit there for decades a la my/your parents!

Basically no one can amuse themselves today without a color TV or a color iPad.

I actually sort of enjoyed it all.

There are a few pics from my town - here.

And I wrote a bit about the experience on HomeschoolDad.com.

It truly has been a very educational time....about what is truly needed in the course of a day, etc.

Big Education = One Big Scam

Read - How Long Island Teachers benefit from Unusual Raise System.

It's not just another article on the *exploitable inefficiencies* of a government school system....some of the stuff is truly outrageous.

The last sentence in the story couldn't sum it up any better:

"When you talk about reform -- good luck," he said.

Robbing The Robbers!

So what's the difference between them stealing from you and vice versa?

Oh, yeah, they have the Big Government thugs on their side!

A plumber just left my house. He changed the *insides* of two toilets.

Guess how much?

With tax, $283.51.

And he wouldn't leave the house until I paid him, either. No more *billing* because people have been stiffing THEM, back.

I don't blame them even though the premium in my price no doubt is subsidizing those debtors.

$135 an hour for labor? That seems high to me - extraordinarily high actually.

And I love how they mark-up the *parts* which they certainly get for 50% of retail prices...

Those 'Old Bags' Were Right?

99 degrees today in New York...

On days like this it's too hot to go to the (government) pool so I wait until the evening - which is generally pretty nice.

After an excruciating 30 minute wait to renew my membership (3rd attempt this week!) we finally got into the pool area.

Not 3 minutes later a *floater* was supposedly espied by the lifeguards and they evicted 200-300 people from the water!

Everyone left but we waited an hour for the *flush*, i.e. re-open.

Later on the story changed to a *puke situation* and was verified. (They sent the scatologist home.)

Obviously, whoever the Moron kid was, they DIDN'T WAIT 20 MINUTES after eating before jumping back in the pool!

Brutal Honesty, Oozing Out

I sort of put my foot in my mouth earlier tonight.

I was talking with a local *mom* who I just met through my daughter recently.

Making get-to-know small talk she asked me if I had ever been to (certain local establishment, catering to kids).

CaptiousNut - Yeah. Only once. When I saw the absolutely ridiculous prices....I walked right out.

Woman - Well, we own that.

Woops!

I apologized, a couple times. But I guess it wasn't that bad - what I said. It wasn't like I said, "The place is run by a$$holes" or anything, right?

She told me that she wants to raise the fees even higher but her husband is reluctant.

Why so expensive?

$6,000 a month in taxes, $5,000 a month in utilities, insurance, mortgage (they bought the building in 2005, ouch!)....all told, with employee salaries she told me that it costs 70k per month just to operate.

45 minute classes there cost $30. Like I said, ridiculous!

And who wants to take their kid(s) to a 45 minute class? It's so short, you can't even run to the grocery store in the meantime...

Lawyers Ruling Spineless Morons

Would y'all believe me if I told you that our town's baseball league has decreed that all players (age 7) have to wear a *heart-guard*???

Not just catchers or pitchers, but everyone.

This is flat-out ridiculous!

They also say that all the boys need to wear cups. Whatever. I can guarantee you that the cups would CAUSE more injuries, by a factor of 100, than they would prevent.

A few years ago I blogged on kids in San Diego having to wear helmets(!) while they play soccer...

But I think the heart-guards top that in terms of insanity.

See also - Over-Protection Run Amok.

Breaking Out, Finally?

After holding out for a high price and precisely the work I want....it seems that I've finally landed some work teaching math here on Long Island.

Instead of poor-performing rich kids, I'm getting hard-working, ambitious Asians!

It's a summer enrichment program on *competitive math*, the stuff I used to dominate some 20+ years ago.

I'm pretty excited, as is my wife who's presently figuring out how many more weekly hours of work I'd need for her to be able to quit her inhumane Wall Street job!

And let me tell you....these kids are pretty darn smart. At an open house for this *school* yesterday I already met a few who had 800s on their math SATs. They were 13-14 years old.

I also have a potential opportunity brewing at another place nearby, one closer to Queens, and a WHOLE LOT MORE ASIAN KIDS.

I'm extremely confident that I can quickly build up a reputation as THE go-to math instructor around here. And with that would come steep *rate increases* and even the possibility to open up my own shop.

Furthermore, I will be creating my own math curricula for all this teaching that I will then re-package and sell as an info-product via HomeschoolDad. Passive income!

Career re-invention is never easy and definitely takes some time. But this was my plan all along, to set up a tutoring business here in the ultra-wealthy NYC suburbs. Although originally I thought and said that it would be a hedge against not being able to make money with my website. Now it seems they can complement each other nicely.

New York City may be a tough place to live....but it's also a fount of opportunity for hard-working, competent Earthlings.

And this is precisely why we moved here 2 years ago.

Taxing School Slaves, And The Rest Of Us!

What's that?

Well I was one of the scant *No* votes this past week.

I voted AGAINST raising the town's school budget a mere *1.7%* or whatever it was sold as.

I figured that the existing $83 million allocation was plenty of money ($26,000 per student!!!)....and they didn't REALLY NEED $85 million, annually!

It's the same $hit in all these wealthy towns.

They run around telling all these gullible parents that their kids will "fall behind" if taxes aren't raised to pay for football, gifted programs, driver's ed, college guidance departments(!), special education, for low student:teacher ratios, etc.

But really it's just to keep paying lavish pensions...

What kills me is that even people who fancy themselves smart/educated are so easily manipulated. It's only the wise 'old coots' who show up and vote against these annual tax hikes, and only some of them. The really wealthy ones here don't even care to vote.

I can get a little confrontational about this stuff, but what's the point, really?

I usually just mock these Morons by yelling at them that *education has NOTHING to do with money* and that they are fools for thinking so.

I heard a great quote the other day, "Education is a process, not an institution."

Indeed.

Networking?

I hate the word, *networking*, but that's essentially a big and growing part of what I'm doing these days.

For one thing, it's not easy to homeschool kids in New York in the sense that there really aren't that many kids whose parents are educated enough(!) to pull them out of school.

So I'm always driving all over the place, introducing myself to everyone, responding to online forum questions, picking brains, and striking up *education* conversations with just about everyone I meet....all in an effort to find other homeschoolers, convince people to *opt out* of institutionalized AND to promote myself as an educational resource.

I mean today I drove 25 minutes Northeast to a little art/math co-op; then I drove out to middle island for my kids' American History Club (watch John here). Tomorrow we are taking the 40 minute train ride into NYC (plus a subway downtown) for an *Art and Design* fair with the NYC homeschoolers. THEN on Wednesday, we are trekking 90 miles east to an observatory at night!

So that's just a clue as to why my blogging has been so tragically light these days. Florida was easier. Less commitments!

'For The Children' Morons

I bumped into some guy from town the other night at a local restaurant's bar.

He said he was on his way to some benefit at the country club.

CaptiousNut - What for?

Dude - It's a fundraiser for the schools...

Hah!

They already spend a mind-blowing $26,000 per pupil, and they need more?

AND these Morons will voluntarily contribute???!!!

CaptiousNut - How much does it cost to go?

Dude - Well as a family we gave five thousand...

Wowsers! (Tickets started at $300 per couple.)

Dude - It's a way around the state cap....if the town spends any more money the state will reduce its aid. All the wealthy towns do this...

Another attendee, the next day explained further:

OtherDude - Last year it was to install WiFi everywhere. This year it's for smartboards...

Apparently the foundation simply picks a sleek new *cause* each year, preying on the misguided fears of these wealthy parents. Yeah, without smartboards....their kids will *fall behind* everyone else. Right.

As I said, they already have PLENTY OF MONEY in town. The superintendent makes $270,000 per year to achieve the worst academic results of all six towns that abut our district!

OtherDude - But how much of that $26,000 per pupil goes to pensions?

CaptiousNut - Not that much, now anyway.

You see, he has an answer on the tip of his tongue, no doubt echoed by the *foundation* and other naive folk that continue to ignore the school district's criminal fiscal irresponsibility, runaway pensions, and ridiculous salaries; naive (guilt-ridden?) folk that just bend over and take the inexorably escalating property taxes.

The most Moronic assumption of all, however, is that they all just equate money spent with educational outcomes.

There's a verse in the Bible - Proverbs 29:12:

If a ruler listens to lies, all his officials become wicked.

While that may be very true right now in Washington....a proverbial spin on it might well read:

He that hath fatal Moronic assumptions, is ripe for rampant exploitation.

It's just too bad they are dragging the rest of us, the remnant who understands what's really going on, down with them.

They think they are subsidizing smartboards....but all they are doing is subsidizing pensions and incompetence.

Nazism - Alive And Well In America

Check out what was posted on one of my local homeschooling forums today:

I posted 2 months ago about being reported to CPS for homeschooling my daughter Well they did a few home visits I worked with the school did all my paper work right well they came to my house last week and asked my 2nd grader to write her ABC's and she did. I got a letter today telling me I have been found guilty of abusing of my child and if I do not put her in school by monday they will take my child away. I have the books from the school....they gave me their books, I do all the paper work we do 5 hours a day of school work and I still got in trouble. Schools do not like parents homeschooling because they lose money and they are making it harder on parents who homeschool. I just wanted to let everyone know what we are going through.I have all my paper work in order but CPS said NY just does not believe in homeschooling.

That is nothing short of every homeschooling parent's worst nightmare!

And it happened in a district very close to mine.

This is precisely why I paid a $500 retainer to HSLDA only 2 weeks ago.

See - Hired A Homeschool Legal Posse.

Normally I'm a complete DIY'er....but I anted up after reading the horror stories of these Nazi's masquerading as *Child Protective Services* in - Homeschooling: The Right Choice.

Now if I was FORCED to send my kid to government school for a few weeks I could of course do it and everyone would live.

But what if you homeschooled a child in one of the many horrible/violent school districts? And had to deal with the prospect of your child coming home bullied or beat up?

One of the key things I learned from that book is that you NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES let CPS into your house. They will use every dirty trick, (e.g. "...it will be worse if you don't let me in", "I'll have to ASSUME neglect if you don't let me in")

They might even show up with a police officer.

It doesn't matter. Without a warrant from a judge, you NEVER let them in.

You dial your lawyer (HSLDA), and hand the phone out the door to them.

Furthermore, and this is my own take, I would record the entire conversation with them.

I have a digital voice recorder that only cost $40. I KNOW it's going to save me one day. Some government agent is going to say something they shouldn't have....and I'll have proof.

This poor mother would have been in great shape, legal-wise, if she had taped CPS saying that they *don't believe in homeschooling* - a right that's well-protected by the freakin' Constitution!

Obama....Trying To Catch Me

Hah!

I myself got round 31 in just this morning.

Went to bed at midnight. Got up at 3:35am without an alarm...

In line at Eisenhower Park by 4:35am. I was *second* this morning but they wouldn't let us tee off until 7:56am.

Started off at 40 degrees but was an unseasonal 60+ by the end of the round. (Couldn't buy a putt. Shot 83.)

I'm starting to really enjoy playing with the characters on this muni. These guys, the ones crazy smart enough to camp out early anyway, have just as much *personality* as my South Philly jabronis - which is no small feat either.

We get to play in jeans at Eisenhower too.

Oh, what did I do all that time this morning?

I sat in the car, reading my book of course.

Brookhaven National Boondoggle - Welfare For School Nerds

Today my son had a science class some 65 miles east at Brookhaven National Laboratory - pictured above.

I'd never even heard of it before and was AMAZED at how freakin' huge it was. I mean it was a few miles wide and I hadn't seen this many über-GEEKS since I was last in Cambridge, MA.

An alien visiting from outer-space and armed with today's conventional stereotypes would probably presume that these disheveled, socially-awkward pocket-protectors were homeschooled rather than in fact the *best and brightest* churned out by SCHOOLS.

While my son attended his class:

1) Blocks and Marbles: Students work in design teams to develop a solution to an engineering problem. Teams will construct a "ride" for a marble that must meet specified design criteria. Students will be introduced to the law of gravity.

2) Seeing the Light: What is light? How is a rainbow made? Through a series of experiments students will explore the properties of light. Discover how shadows are made, how light is reflected, and how light can be bent to make colorful rainbows. Students will also see the results of mixing the primary colors of light and experiment with our shadow wall.

3) Sounds Around: Discover how sound is produced and how it travels. Analyze how different pitches and volumes are produced. Experience sound waves as they pass through different states of matter. Watch your sound waves on an oscilloscope and try our invisible strings exhibit!

...I made my way around the *campus* and cafeteria and couldn't get over how much taxpayer money is essentially burned there. I mean all those Phd's make 6 figures+; and they were all moving at about the same speed as the obese women employed by the DMV.

Apparently it's an astounding $760 million a year - that's the annual budget for this boondoggle which employs 2,800 people.

The Republicans tried to cut its budget by 1/3 this year but failed - as they do in every other cost-cutting attempt. They fail so much a supporter of theirs ought to seriously wonder about sincerity.

Of course if I were President dictator....I'd close the whole thing up tomorrow!

I got real angry thinking about this but then I realized that there are probably a hundred of these boondoggles all over the country (esp. near Washington DC!) and that it's just the first one I really came into direct contact with.

My son's class? It was decent. And it was FREE....but only in a manner of speaking.

I was told that the 80s classic motion picture - The Manhattan Project - which I remember enjoying very much, was filmed at Brookhaven Labs:

It featured a young *Miranda* (aka Cynthia Nixon) as the girlfriend.

Stubborn Country Club Math

So I tallied them up...

In 2011 I played 29 rounds of golf at various golf courses from Florida up to New Hampshire.

And I spent a grand total, conservatively, of around $1,900 - or $67 per 18 holes.

I must say I was hoping that the number would come in higher, much higher in fact.

Because then I could more easily rationalize joining a local country club at $8,300 per year (weekday membership + pool).

I've always known that joining a club (in the Northeast) was a jam-job but now, after totaling up my annual golf budget for the first time in my life, I have a better appreciation for my own powers of discernment.  Who would have thought that even possible?!

I mean I could take SEVERAL out-of-state golf excursions, get a many more quality rounds in, before I even came close to that $8,300 annual nut.

Heck I'd probably rather take golf lessons from top pros (Leadbetter?) with that money than waste it on country club dues.

After all, it's far more enjoyable to say *hit laser wedges* off a dog-track then it is to hit the ball sideways off plush, illegal-immigrant-mown fairways.

Job Interview - Follow-up

So the other day I had a *job interview* of sorts. See my - prior post.

How'd it go?

Well okay - even though I'm not about to be tutoring wealthy New Yorkers for $300 an hour through this company anytime soon.

It's funny because, just as I predicted to my wife, the guy asked a million questions about *homeschooling*.

Now I love talking about what we do with our kids, the theories, resources, etc....but this was a total deja vu situation.

Some 10+ years ago, after I messed up my back in that car accident....every doctor I saw wanted to talk to me about the roaring stock market (on account of me being a floor trader). "But hey, Doc, what about fixing my back???"

After a nice, long conversation we did get around to talking about me tutoring with his organization.

Here's the deal. They mostly do standardized test tutoring. Yuck! And tutors have to teach all three sections to the student: math, verbal, essay.

Furthermore, tutors have to re-take the SAT, score in the top 1% on all three exams, AND then undergo this firm's *training program*.

Forget the exorbitant rates charged to the parents....tutoring pay starts at only $70 an hour.

After meeting with me for 45 minutes, the guy said that he didn't think I would be interested in such a path....and I confirmed it for him right on the spot.

Unless I was getting paid north of $150 an hour, it's not worth my time to tutor through a company because of income taxes, the cost of getting someone to watch my kids, etc. So $150 was my minimum to start with.

Beyond that I don't really care to tutor the verbal and essay sections - again, unless I'm getting paid $200+ hour on the books.

Re-take the SAT? Didn't I have to go through that BS once before?

Well I had been contemplating taking it anyway. I have no idea what the *essay* section even is (note also my handwriting is illegible TO ME at this point).

Apparently 2,200 points would get you in the top 1% overall. That would be, for example, 800 math, 700, verbal, and 700 on the essay sections. Though I'm not sure what the individual section scores would need to be to crack the 1% threshold.

I'm pretty sure I could take the test, ace the math, do significantly better than the 690 I got on verbal in 1991, and get close to whatever score represents the top 1% in the subjective essay section...

But again, why do tutors need to do this?

The answer is simply - *marketing*. I'm sure this company tells its clients, "EVERY ONE OF OUR TUTORS SCORED IN THE TOP 1% ON ALL SECTIONS OF THE SAT."

Now that's their business; it's very lucrative/successful; so I'm not going to pass judgment on its inherent weaknesses. Clearly they rank marketing at least on par with pure competence.  Eben Pagan most certainly agrees with this philosophy too.

I mean, just because someone can score on the exam....that doesn't mean they will be an adept teacher of the content. Who among us doesn't personally know *nerds* with F-level people and verbalization skills?

The other thing is, just as I suspected, all the *management* continues to tutor as well. So they keep the ultra-high-paying clientele for themselves - as I would too if I were them!

They are not really hard-up for tutors who meet their qualifications (top 1% SAT scorers) and are willing to work for less than $100 an hour (which is like $50-$60 cash after taxes) either...

What else do you think graduates out of Harvard each year but another flock of aimless nerds who have high college boards and scant, real marketable skills!!!

It wasn't all bad. The guy and I got along really well and he was very interested in me as sort of an educational consultant for their parents who want to supplement, enrich, or even venture completely into the wonderful world of individualized education. And since he has all the connections to the *people of means* in this area I'm not about to close this window of opportunity.

Conquering Bethpage Black...

Well, sort of.

I finally broke through on the phone tee time reservation system last week.

Allegedly tee times open up at 7pm, 7 days beforehand.

Except that when I generally get through, after 15 rapid-fire calls or so, at 6:59....there are no tee times left. I've pretty much been shut out all season long. I mean it's October and I've only played there once this year!

There's something very unfair and fishy going on. I suspect *foul play*. Rumors abound that the State of New York is selling the tee times for this *public* course in bulk to agencies. One advertises $1,395 for a foursome including transport to and from NYC. Compared to the $70-80 state residents pay....who could be surprised that the operators are *maximizing revenue* at the expense of us residents/taxpayers???

I finally landed a single at 10am for last Friday and was positively psyched. The only problem was that there was an 80% chance of rain (and thunder!) forecast. Undaunted, I got there early and was shocked to get right out over an hour before my time. The parking lot was EMPTY - there was absolutely no one at the 5 courses thanks to fallible meteorologists. We got sprinkled on between the 11th-13th holes and it poured on the 18th for no more than 90 seconds. Otherwise I was bone dry and enjoyed my round immensely.

In fact I played in a two-some with some young kid (27?) from New Jersey, a 4-handicap. I wasn't going to play the back tees this time because it's been raining for the past 2 months(!) and thought it might be impossibly long with no roll in the fairways. But this kid wanted to so I went along.

I didn't play that well at all - hitting in 10 bunkers a la Tiger at this year's PGA Championship. But I still managed to card a passable 91 on this 7,468 yard test of golfing manhood. (One has to carry their own bag over this mountainous terrain - no carts allowed.)

Recall last year I shot a 90 on it on my first go-around. Then this past August I improved to 87 there.

The 4-handicapper kid probably shot around 90 too!

But guess what...

One of my golfing buddies here on Long Island had a tee time on Saturday!

So like a 10 year old at Disney I was all geeked up, all week long, to play two days in a row.

Yesterday in blustery conditions I started out poorly again - tripling the easy 2nd hole from the middle of the fairway with a 7-iron in hand. However I got into a nice groove the rest of the way - scoring only bogeys and pars - before finishing up with my best round there yet - 85. All of my chips and pitches were landing within 8-10 feet....I made a few putts. You just can't reach most of these holes. Heck on the 12th hole I hit my driver straight and somewhat solid. Yet I still had 269 yards to the pin, into the wind, with bunkers on both sides.  Out of the 15 holes that are par-3s or par-4s, I only hit irons into 4 of them.  That's how freakin' long Bethpage Black plays!

And I think that's where most people get into trouble. First of all, most people don't drive the ball long and straight like I do. And then when they whip out their fairway woods, from the rough(!),....they start spraying into the fescue and the bunkers - not the green-side ones either! As defeatist as it might feel, they'd be better off playing 5-irons to 130 yards just to keep it in play.

Bethpage really is an amazing course and it appeals to me in fact because it is so difficult and physically demanding. I just don't like playing easy courses at all. Plus if you play badly on Micky Mouse tracks then you feel REALLY BAD. Blowing up at Bethpage Black (or Widow's Walk in Scituate, MA) is no big deal - everyone (else) does!

Golf - Chinese Domination

Alright it wasn't that cold this morning....but it certainly felt like it!

I had four layers on and a winter hat when I teed off at Eisenhower Red - a muni nearby that's pretty good (hosted Seniors' event for several years) and pretty cheap (only $36 for county residents!).

I think it was in the high 40s this morning.

Anyways I had to *work* for this round.

Wide awake at 2:50am, and with my wife working from home I figured I could probably play today.

I left my house at 4:00am and was in line at precisely 4:22am. Note there were actually 6 people/chairs already ahead of me.

Luckily the guy who was first only had a threesome and I was the first single so I leap-frogged the 20 guys represented by the other 5 *chairs*.

It is allowed - to throw a chair down and go sleep or whatever in your car. You don't have to stand there until the clubhouse doors open. I myself went back in the Tahoe, turned the seat heater and lights on, and read 100+ pages of my book while the 'old coots' had their mid-morning naps.

How'd I play? Well despite a triple on 15, four short birdie putts missed, and bogeys on 17 an 18 I carded an 80 or so. That wasn't bad at all for me on recently aerated greens and on a saturated course that I was unfamiliar with. I've been excited by a tip I got from that guy who's peddling his expertise all over the internet these days - C.J. Goecks. He asserts that golfers SHOULD NOT hold the club in the fingertips of the right hand - which I was definitely doing for the past 18 years or so.

On the 10th hole, for our first verbal communication of the morning I asked the guy how early he got in line:

ChineseDude - I number one. (finger gesture too)

CaptiousNut - I know. But what time did you get in line?

ChineseDude - I number one everyday.

CaptiousNut - How early do you have to get here to be NUMBER ONE?

ChineseDude - I get there 2:30...

CaptiousNut - You get there at 2:30 every Friday?

ChineseDude - I number one EVERY DAY....Monday through Friday.

ChineseDude - I number one EVERY DAY....for last four years!

Did all y'all round eyes catch that?

This Chinese golfing wacko sleeps in his car, in a parking lot, five days a week so that he can get the first tee time at Eisenhower Golf Course!

I actually don't think it's that crazy. I mean he's playing a terrific course, for next to nothing, and he's probably home by 10am in the summer. Us non-sleepers understand each other.

Without a doubt though, his wife by now sleeps *in the middle of the bed*.