Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Self-Marginalizing Forum

Are any of y'all happy members of *forums*?

I'm most certainly going to add one to my edu-site, but stuff like the following, which I just pulled from a widely read *homeschooling* forum gives me pause:

I think my inner Momma Bear has calmed down enough to write about this in a coherent manner. Last Friday we had a group Valentine's Day party. We met at a church to exchange Velentines and have snack. Then we went to a paint-your-own-pottery store. I had all three kids there sitting at different tables. Oldest dd went up to put away her completed artwork while I was managing the other two. She came back and acted as though everything was fine. After finishing up at the pottery store, two other moms and I went back to the church to clean up. One of those moms came up to me and said "Did you see what Mrs. X did to your dd?" I didn't think anything of it since Mrs. X often says stupid things to everyone. Apparently, while dd was putting away her pottery, Mrs. X walked right through her, pushing her out of the way. No apology. No joking. She just completely pushed my kid out of the way without so much as a grunt, nod, or blink of an apology. A 10yo! A skinny, scrawny 10yo! After I got over the impluse to slash this woman's tires and scratch out her eyes, I casually asked dd about it. She said she was standing out of the way and Mrs. X just ran right into her, pushing her out of the way. Poor dd didn't understand why Mrs. X did it, but it didn't seem to bother her.

Now, this is not the first instance of Mrs. X somehow attacking my dd when I am not around. Last Christmas we had a hs choir program. The one time I dropped off dd and ds without staying, Mrs. X called out my dd and started yelling at her for no reason. I had two other moms tell me the exact same story concerning the incident. Again, after taming the urge to pull Mrs. X's hair out, I asked dd about it. She didn't understand why Mrs. X was yelling at her when she(dd) was following directions. The mom in charge said dd was not a problem.

There have been other stupid comments that I have ignored. Mrs. X is the mom that has to yell at everyone else's children to distract attention from the fact that her own children are usually physically fighting one another, throwing huge tantrums, or otherwise making a huge spectacle. She often, and I mean OFTEN picks out faults in other kids, then casually notes how wonderful her children are. That type of behavior I can ignore. I cannot ignore her singling out MY dd any longer.

So give me some advice on how to handle this situation. This woman also attends my church. making things a bit more complicated. I don't think I am over-reacting anymore. I've gotten over the urge to strangle her and leave a flaming bag of poop on her doorstep. I know another mom who has had to confront Mrs. X on her behavior, so I don't think it's just me. Help me! I'm not good at confrontation, well, at civilized confrontation. I don't mind it, but I tend to get a little loud when my kids are involved.
Usually I'm all for the messiness of open dialogue and look with scorn upon those afraid of unminced words, unfiltered information, and the whining of insecure homeschool moms...

There's definitely need and a place for such outlets, I just don't know that one of them is on my doorstep.

I mean doesn't she have a husband she can ask for advice? Or a non-virtual friend? Perhaps even a brain of her own to tap?

I don't know, maybe it's not as bad as I think. Personally I'm just so swamped and short on time widely-articulated nonsense like the above flat out perplexes me.

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