Chainsaw ROI

Perhaps 4 or 5 times this summer we have been slammed with high winds and/or thunderstorms. And with all these old, massive trees everywhere, branches (or entire trees) are always getting knocked down.

In fact I recently had to hire an enterprising guy with a chainsaw from Craigslist when the landscapers/professionals asked my MIL for $400 to cut up (and chip) our fallen trees.

I asked the chainsaw guy how much it would cost and he couldn't/wouldn't answer because he needed to see the trees first, obviously.

I suggested that I email him a pic....an idea that flabbergasted him for its *brilliance*.

Anyways, I got him here and he did the job in an hour for $100. (I told him he only had to cut and I would take care of moving the wood.)

Even before he came I was thinking how I should probably buy my own chainsaw on account of these frequent summer storms - and put my own phone number up on Craigslist after the next thunderstorm.

Though apparently there's a lot of *science* to properly using and maintaining these saws; there's so-called dirty wood to avoid; they break a lot; it can be very dangerous; etc.

Now, living in a less-urban area, there's probably no play here. Most likely everyone has a chainsaw or access to one - AND, no one is going to pay someone $100 to make a few cuts with one.

But in the NYC area *investments* like this are aplenty and constitute careers for thousands of local hustlers.

The guy I used told me he landed a week's worth of work for his $400 chainsaw from some old lady during the tornado. Then I hired him....and while we were finishing up in the backyard my neighbor came over and hired him on the spot to cut up one of his trees.

I'm SURE he reports all this income to the taxing authorities too!

Even if I don't want to become a local lumberjack, I could, minimally, just buy one and do a couple of jobs to essentially own a saw for free. Another man-tool like this that has a rental value and is good to own might be a power-washer.

To see my what my $100 job looked like, visit - Re-Energized!.

Also see - Idiots Chasing A Tornado.

Free P90X

Ha!

I don't even see a difference!

And I call BS on his claim that he *lost 27 lbs*.

Anyways, there are others, plenty of others who've done well with p90x - some within my own social circles.

Obviously (see my pic) I don't need to do it. But I'd like to try it out just to perhaps find some new exercises to add to my workout regimen.

I won't do the nutritional stuff; and I won't be doing all the workouts which, a buddy informs me, require roughly 1 hour a day; AND I won't be paying full freight - $140 on Amazon.

Nope. I'll buy it on Craigslist for $50-$60 - the customary 60-70% off retail for items posted there.

I'll give it a go.

Then, maybe, I'll sell it on Craigslist for $50-$60!

What We'd All Like To Do!

The following *forward* is supposedly straight from a Craigslist post:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

Obviously, this is of dubious veracity - but that shouldn't smother your laughter, nor does it make it different from just about everything else we read!

Thanks to the Private Caller clan for this one.

Scared of Moi?

link

So, about an hour ago I just had a woman come to my house to buy something I had advertised on Craigslist.

She came to the door waving money but seemed hesitant to come in. So I implored her. She wanted to inspect the item first, right?

She tiptoed one step in and I reached to close the door because it was pouring out (again!) and that's what I generally do - I CLOSE DOORS (on account of the environment).

But as I was doing so, she reached out and blocked the door. She blurted out, "My husband is in the car!"

Okay. Now this all happened so fast. I retrieved the item, handed it to her, she threw the money on my counter and ran out.

It wasn't until she was ten steps out of my door that I realized what was going on.

She was petrified to come in my house.

And for some reason it really pissed me off even though she acted exactly how I would want my wife to act in such a situation.

Regardless, just to mess with these worrywarts, the next time I sell something I am going to answer the door topless and in my BVDs....

Christmas Bargains

Some Moron paid $1,200 apiece for a couple of these chairs two years ago.

I bought both of them last week from the Moron for $500 apiece!

They go nicely with my liquidation shelves.

You gotta love Craigslist...especially in a Depression.

Since my back had just went out and since my four year-old son fell asleep in the car....I had to ask the seller, an early 40s *Mom* to help me carry and load my new chairs. A thousand bucks cash ought to get me a helping hand, no?

I made some small talk. The woman had just moved within this very wealthy town (Weston, MA) and no longer had room for the chairs. From that, and the unshoveled driveway, I deduced that she was manless. She most likely just got divorced and downsized locally to keep her girls' social lives education unimpaired.

Carrying the chairs she proved quite healthy. So I asked if she *worked out*....

She smiled and turned beet red.

Haha! I was just spreading around the holiday cheer....that's what I do.

Though, regrettably, I should have turned on the charm before I unsuccessfully bid her $900.

Broke-Ass Liquidation

Click to enlarge.

I was thinking about driving over to Quincy and bidding this guy $375 or $400 for his chair....

But that one line in his ad hints that he mightn't have much wiggle room on the price:

In your email, just indicate a time when you can come to Quincy and see it..If you wish to leave a number I will contact you at 9pm when my phone minutes are free...

When his phone minutes are FREE???

I should call him *collect* just to mess with him.

Sell The Hound's Chair!

Click the pic to enlarge.

Yeah, while I'm down in NY for a few days, I'm trolling craigslist for *bargain* furniture. This is what you can do....when you possess the spacious Chevy Suburban.

We just drove through New Hyde Park not an hour ago. I should have found out if the guy had a decent set of golf clubs that she wanted to liquidate!

Taylor, sounds like Alexandra is available - and feisty to boot. Give her a buzz. No excuses. This is precisely the type of stuff I did when I was your age.

Socially Conscious Investing?

Look at this CraigsList ad my brother just sent me:


Socially Conscious Finance Bloggers Needed

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: job-532956231@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-08, 9:01PM EST


The Panelist (http://www.ThePanelist.com), now a partner of Forbes.com, is looking for writers to blog about topics in socially responsible investing. Specifically, we need bloggers to evaluate the ethical values and/or stock valuations of publicly traded companies.

We are also looking for bloggers for the following ongoing projects:

Philanthropy Wars - Compare the philanthropic efforts of competing companies, for example, Yahoo vs. Google or Coke vs. Pepsi
Sustainability Programs - All of the major banks (Lehman, Goldman, Morgan Stanley) have sustainability programs. Which of these are legitimate and which are shallow PR attempts?

Sector blogging - Follow a sector (paper and lumber, wind power, technology, automobiles, health care/pharmaceuticals, telecom) and discuss the socially responsible or irresponsible events taking place in that sector

Event coverage - Cover the socially responsible events in your area (must have a digital camera), write book and documentary film reviews

To apply, send a sample blog in the body of your email (no attachments please). Blogs do not have to exceed 500 words and can be shorter. You must be able to write and edit your own work. We pay about $10/blog for strong writing, finance knowledge and a commitment to and delivery of a set amount of blog entries per month. This is a terrific venue for exposure, as our entries often get picked up by Yahoo Finance, Treehugger, SeekingAlpha and The Huffington Post.



Wow, $10 a blog!!!!! Sign me up. At best they might get 15 year-old tree-humpers to write for them.

Anyway, the only small point I wanted to make is this:

Why do we have "Socially Conscious Investing"???

Or, rather, why don't we have any movements for "Economically Conscious Socialism"???

The answer, of course, is that here in America, the bastion of capitalism, socialists still firmly control the public dialogue....and not to mention, your wallet.

Convoluted Honesty

This recently appeared on CraigsList:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board?

Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

PostingID: 432279810



Here's one of the answers Madame Gold-Digger received:

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Elevating Craigslist

I am moving 30 miles east to the South Shore at the end of this month. Unlike my last two moves, my wife's employer is not paying for this one. So I am currently scrounging for boxes and will likely rent a truck to move myself.

One can easily spend a few hundred bucks on boxes, that is if you are a Luddite. On Craigslist, there are plenty of ads stating, "Free Moving Boxes". Why is that? Well, if you haven't lived in a decent sized place you might not realize how many boxes a small family can fill up when it moves. Probably the guestimate would be anywhere from 50-100 large boxes. Once you move in, unpacking them is a chore in its own right. You'll be swimming in packing paper and you'll desperately want those cumbersome boxes out of your way.

The thing is, free moving boxes don't last very long - especially not in Boston where everyone is cheap and always on the move. The first few ads I responded to too late. But last night, someone posted an ad for their boxes that "weren't broken down" and here was my response.

Hi—we are close by, on the other side of route 9. I can come take them all—doesn’t matter that they are not broken down. I can come any time that is convenient for you. Call or email anytime. Thanks so much!!!

They contacted me early this morning, I put my two kids in the car, and ran over. The guy told me he had tons of responses and he obviously drafted me because I was nearby and because I implied that I would break them down. When I arrived, there it was, a veritable mountain of boxes piled throughout his three car garage. Utility knife in hand, it still took me a good 45 minutes of frenzied work to remove all the packing paper and flatten the boxes out for transport.

I said to the guy, this is what you call a "intersection of mutual needs". In other words, he needed the boxes removed and I was in the market for low cost moving supplies.

In the pre-Craigslist days, this is a transaction that likely would have never taken place. He'd have thrown out his boxes, I'd have wasted money on new ones, and all sorts of time and energy would have been squandered on unproductive activity.

It almost goes without saying that this is the profound beauty of the internet. The web hasn't just lubricated transactions, it's created whole new markets and efficiencies on everything from buying a stock to finding a date to recycling moving boxes.

The bulls yammer these days about "productivity" and how businesses are increasingly getting more done with less. I never liked how academically nebulous that sounded. I firmly believe that the massive economic expansion since 9/11 is due almost entirely to the internet and the enhanced telecommunication it has facilitated. The way I see it, the internet bubble never really popped; it's still expanding and it never really was a "bubble". It's more a phenomenon, a juggernaut, or an elixir whose point of diminishing return is still nowhere in sight.

The gentleman with the free boxes asked where and why I was moving. In a momentary lapse of tact, I left out the part about my hating his new hometown of Newton - after all, the poor guy just paid probably $1.5 million bones for the house he just moved into.

He and his wife were tangibly ecstatic that I had just cleaned out their garage of that massive mess. The guy also bragged that he sold his Brookline condo on Craigslist in three days back in March, sans broker of course. Understandably, he kept singing the praises of Craigslist.

Guy - The other great part about this (i.e. me taking his boxes) is that we get to save some trees.

I rolled my eyes and said to myself,

"This is precisely why he is moving into Newton and we are running far from it."