Thanksgiving Escape!

I just endured 5 years AND 3 extended visits since departing in May(!) around my extended family in Massachusetts.

AND I've just spent the last 6 months living in a *section* of my MIL's house - with the rest of my inlaws close by as well.

So I figured I needed a break I'd give them a break from me for Thanksgiving.

A couple of weeks ago I called up my cousin in NJ and essentially invited my family to her Thanksgiving dinner.

Now this is one stupid holiday, way too close to Christmas, centered around an inedible bird, and is a travel-nightmare.

Nonetheless, with my cousin accepting my self-invitation....we're going to face-off with insanity and spend 3 hours in traffic, trying to get across Manhattan and over the GW Bridge tomorrow....just so everyone can get a healthy break *from me* on this holiday.

I do hope my inlaws and outlaws are thankful!

A Faux Boom?

I always found it funny to check out the *card section* of CVS or Walgreens the morning of Valentine's Day - it's always jam-packed with procrastinating, stressed out *men*.

This Valentine's Day weekend I was at a local mall where I beheld the above line, a line JUST TO GET INTO THE STORE.

What is Pandora anyway?

I think it's cheap costume jewelry or something.

Note that day I also walked by two traditional, precious metallic, jewelry stores. But both were deserted.

Nobody Really Likes Turkey

Or pumpkin pie, or pecan pie.

I've tried over and over to explain that to Mrs. C-Nut but she remains firmly entrenched in projective denial.

If human beings actually LIKED Thanksgiving food....it'd be manifest in the free market.

How often do you see turkey or pumpkin pie on a restaurant menu?

Answer - NEVER.

Even the statistics on non-Thanksgiving turkey consumption are likely distorted.

Twice this (late) fall I've heard of people going to dinner at an 'old coot's' house and being served *turkey*.

You know what that was, don't you?

That was the frozen bird the 'old bag' bought last November, on sale for 29 cents a pound or something the week after the holiday.

They figured they had to get rid of it in the nick of time before Thanksgiving - and so they could load up on yet another cheap frozen carcass!

I myself refuse to eat turkey even on this ridiculous holiday for amateur, once-a-year *grates*.

And I advised both acquaintances that they should get even with their 'old bag' relatives.

Next year, invite THEM over for dinner the weekend right before Thanksgiving and serve THEM turkey.

Balls Were Made To Be Broken

The fact is, if a dude sucks his gut in like a broad....

Then he well deserves to get PWNED. His brother constructed the above as his *Christmas card* on one of those photo websites and mailed it out to the entire extended family.

It reads:

Hope in these difficult economic times you're sucking it in like Kevin.

I found it pretty darn funny.

This comic relative of mine takes this tack every year. Once he even tried to victimize moi on his pagan holiday card.

It's money well spent and a whole lot better than sending everyone a pic of you and your dog!

Valentines Day - Another Pagan Holiday

So what in heaven's name are we to make of Taylor's personalized valentines?

What a ridiculous holiday Valentines Day is!

I submit that spinsters shouldn't have a *special day*. They're entitled to nothin' until they're married.

One of the funnier sights I ever saw was at least ten years ago at the CVS on 20th and Chestnut in Philadelphia. It had to be 8am on V-Day morning and the card section was mobbed. There were at least 20 slacker dudes (no chicks!) there mining for the perfect card to sub-in for a presumable lack of gifts. I'll bet half of them wrote-in a *coupon* for a massage on the $3 cardboard expression of passionate love!

In fact, I recognized one of the romantics there as the boyfriend of a young lady I once very much fancied.

The next time I saw her, I promptly ratted his tardy butt out!

Full Disclosure - I wasn't at CVS that early buying a card....I was buying personal lubricant.

I'll bet Mrs. C-Nut buys me nothing this year, yet again.