How To Handle Bad Friends

I don't think I know a single person who hasn't suffered the experience of a *bad friend*.

It starts with bewilderment then might even devolve into anger. "What in the world did I do?"

They blow you off; never initiate doing anything; or worse. I mean how hard is it to send an email???

Yet you were friends for years...

But were you? Were you really?

The first taste, of course, was in the teen/college years when friends coupled up with opposite-sex partners. I knew plenty of guys who flat-out *fell off the planet* on account of girlfriends. (Many of these chicks were marginal - to put it mildly too!)

Then it happens later on with first wives and first husbands; a busy job; and/or babies. All of a sudden it's been years since you've seen a former jabroni. My daughter is five and some of my wife's old pals haven't even met her. Heck I had to *sever all ties* with the best man at my own wedding only a month or so before the event.

Whatever. Anger, if it manifests, subsides. People growing apart is a fact of life. And the more times it happens to you....the less the sting - provided you're socially healthy and keep making new buddies. If you're going to diversify something as unimportant as your *financial assets*, you probably should be doing the same with your social assets. (BTW, an 80% stock/20% bond portfolio over the past few decades would have correlated with the S&P 500 to the tune of 99%. In other words, "WHAT DIVERSIFICATION!?")

I was thinking about this *bad friend* phenomena from another angle the other day - through my homeschooling lens. I concluded that many (most?) of these foundering friendships were the residue of long ago forced association. They were geographical neighbors and in-town classmates. So these relationships were never built on solid ground to begin with, failing the stress tests of time and distance.

Last I checked the world's population is approaching 6.8 billion. So it's downright Moronic to focus on or fret about specific earthlings here and there.

And going forward it's probably a sub-optimal idea to invest too much of your precious time with local yokels, classmates, and co-workers.

$50 Paranoia Exploitation

Is it wrong that I find this ripoff product hilarious?

I mean take a good look at the images, marketing, and copywriting....it's freakin' funny!

Chew On This!

From TextsFromLastNight.com:

Hah!

You know, some years ago, back when I was an incorrigible, fun-as-all-heck bachelor I was involved in a similar situation.

You see back in college I developed the habit of *nasal mining* while sitting on the toilet - for a lot of solid reasons. For one thing, after leaving my all-male high school I was now among women it wouldn't profit me to be seen cleaning out my nostrils in public.

For another thing, my roommate and I started sort of a contest - if memory serves me. I used the third stall and he used the fourth one....and we vied for the mantle of the *most boogies stuck to the wall* by the end of the semester or something. I dominated but that was beside the point.

This (arguably gross) habit of mine followed me to my off-campus apartment and lasted beyond my Ivy League graduation. In my abode on 20th and South Street (Philadelphia), I continued the practice of picking and wiping on the wall right in front of my toilet. After being in that bachelor pad for 3+ years I had amassed quite a collection on my bathroom wall. And, not for anything, you'd need a chisel to scrape them off, seriously.

It was at this time that my future first wife came into the picture.

She claims, albeit with ZERO corroborating testimony or evidence(!), that one day she was using my bathroom, saw my petrified boogie wall, bolted out of my place as fast as she could, and agonized over why she should or could EVER have ANYTHING to do with such an allegedly sick individual again.

And look, in the end it worked out great for me and my first wife, no?

All I'm saying is that guy shouldn't shouldn't make any rash decisions about the toenail chewing chick.

And you ladies...

Y'all shouldn't rule out this guy either

Sorry.

Click the link above. He says he actually gets *hate mail* because of his nail collection/chewing!

The Ambisexual Romance Turn-Off

Here's the chorus from the extra-inverted singer's latest song:

But if I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need

Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete

If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy

Yeah, if I had you

You-y-y-y-y-you

You-y-y-y-y-you

You-y-y-y-y-you

If I had you

I don't about y'all....but I can't listen to that song when it comes on the AM/FM radio. And I definitely don't want my kids humming along to it either.

It's bad enough that popular music has glorified *unrealistic romance* to the point where young Morons are so deluded as to what their future spouse will be....that they all but squander their lives in search thereof.

But now we have to bear that crap sung by an unapologetic Tinkerbell in Adam Lambert?  Is this really *marketable imagery?

I'll pass, thank you.  And I sincerely doubt I'm the only one whose stomach turns, and then radio dial turns upon hearing his voice.

A Faux Boom?

I always found it funny to check out the *card section* of CVS or Walgreens the morning of Valentine's Day - it's always jam-packed with procrastinating, stressed out *men*.

This Valentine's Day weekend I was at a local mall where I beheld the above line, a line JUST TO GET INTO THE STORE.

What is Pandora anyway?

I think it's cheap costume jewelry or something.

Note that day I also walked by two traditional, precious metallic, jewelry stores. But both were deserted.

Interrogating Clumsy Morons

First visit - Learn How To Turn A Phone Off!

So, I met up with that *individual* last weekend. Over email, he had been denying that the voice that sounds like his chatty broad and the voice that sounds like him, that I recorded on a phone call TO HIM....he was insisting that it must have been *someone else*. His defense was bull-poopy all-around; he even insisted that he had *lost his phone in Guatemala* - although the participants in South America spoke perfect, albeit gutter, English.

Anyways, I confronted him in person, in mixed company to boot.

Instantly, amidst further weak-a$$ denials, his forehead started oozing and dripping with sweat! It was a hilarious sight to behold, like nothing I've ever seen before.

The Burden of An Unlapsed, Life-Long Learner

I've spent several hours tonight exploring new blogosphere territory - mostly on the homeschooling front. Sometimes it's appropriate for me to *shut up* and get about my own education.

I've read so much on education/homeschooling recently that I think my head is going to explode.

For those of you I haven't ruined for the subject....

Check out Boston College's Peter Gray - a man who seems to have recently gained stock among the homeschooling set.

In particular, visit his article on the revolutionary Sudbury Valley School.

And, for you sterile, perma-bachelors readers out there....

On that same site I found a pretty funny article - The Mating Game Is A Team Sport.

Apparently, women are biologically programmed to talk their friends out of dating the *wrong dude*.

And on the other hand, men are biologically programmed to help their buddies couple (hook?) up!

At least that was my late-hour interpretation thereof. Click the link above.

Chauvinistic Truth Inversion

I found this one amusing on account that is 100% pure SPIN:

Date-Rape Drug

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman..

Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called 'Beer '.

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'... In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females..

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this 'Beer ' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

Thanks to the Private Caller clan for this one.

Economic Transactions Masquerading As Love Marriages

I generally don't like to do this, but here I'm just going to link to an interesting column penned by a woman whose fiancée is trying to get her to sign a pre-nup - Will You Marry Me.

I think most of us marry within our *socio-economic tribe* so even if one half of a marriage brings a bit more financially to the table, the amount usually isn't too problematic.

But there are plenty of instances of trust-funded wealthy people marrying below their station. And in those cases the pre-nup idea most often comes from the *parents*. Think about it, if one is Moronic enough to marry down....then in all likelihood they are too clueless to think about *asset protection*.

Okay, that last line was a jest.

Now read this article - The Chilling Effect Of State's Divorce Laws - for some horror stories on alimony.

Though I haven't researched it much, I'll be that if I did, I'd come down against state-sanctioned marriage for both verts and inverts.

For the record, I'd never sign a pre-nup - not even if I was marrying Bill Gates' daughter.

Yeah, my ego is that big and my brain that small.

Socialization - Lesson 1

I submit that amongst humans:

Lemma - You don't want to be anybody's ONLY FRIEND.

These relationships never end well. A *lack of friends* always implies that something is awry - and it's only a matter of time before discovery.

Also along these lines:

Lemma - Beware of the female that has no female friends.

All of us neanderthals can appreciate the chick who's into football, drinking beer, poker, farting, around whom we generally don't have to modify our behavior...

BUT, as far as longer term, relationshippy stuff goes, in my experience a woman who can't get along with her catty gender-mates always turns out to be a bit of a whack-a-doo.

Since mass government schooling has anti-socialized most of y'all, some irreparably, I've taken it upon myself to commence socialization lessons - even if I have....like no friends myself!

But seriously, this is no joke. I could teach my kids all about history, trigonometry, and entrepreneurialism.....but if they end up smitten and married to the wrong people, their lives will surely be ruined. We've all seen it too many times, right?

Who amongst y'all has ever researched *socialization*? Or, more to the point, studied the course of your own social lives?

When it's all said and done, with whom we chose to associate with will have played a major role in our life's legacy on this overheated planet.

This facet of our lives most certainly merits serious contemplation and analysis.

Could There Be A Less Desirable Mate?

I just discovered that Comcast has On-Demand personals. I watched a handful of them last night and let's just say the *mystery* of singlehood was painfully obvious.

Check out this one chick. I was in stitches.

You can't really see it on the web, but she had white hands to go with that fake-n-bake red face.

Money quote - "I think it's really hot when guys....wear hats."

Hooking Up My Boyz

I found a great online dating service for West Coast Tom, Taylor, my cousin, and the rest of you incorrigible bachelors.

It's called ActForLove.org and it's for self-described *progressives*. It's sponsored by the ACLU, NARAL, et al.....I kid you not!



It also boasts:



Already have a life?

Okay, if they say so.

It's a great business model though.

The average paying member will probably last 15 years!

Valentines Day - Another Pagan Holiday

So what in heaven's name are we to make of Taylor's personalized valentines?

What a ridiculous holiday Valentines Day is!

I submit that spinsters shouldn't have a *special day*. They're entitled to nothin' until they're married.

One of the funnier sights I ever saw was at least ten years ago at the CVS on 20th and Chestnut in Philadelphia. It had to be 8am on V-Day morning and the card section was mobbed. There were at least 20 slacker dudes (no chicks!) there mining for the perfect card to sub-in for a presumable lack of gifts. I'll bet half of them wrote-in a *coupon* for a massage on the $3 cardboard expression of passionate love!

In fact, I recognized one of the romantics there as the boyfriend of a young lady I once very much fancied.

The next time I saw her, I promptly ratted his tardy butt out!

Full Disclosure - I wasn't at CVS that early buying a card....I was buying personal lubricant.

I'll bet Mrs. C-Nut buys me nothing this year, yet again.

Google Search's Seminar On The Sexes

In a previous post I highlighted - Why do....

So today we'll study - *Why don't....*



As you can see, while the Neanderthal hounds wonder about Adam's apples and farting....



The chicks spend a whole lot of time wallowing in low self-esteem - which probably provides the basis for the last men's question - why don't women leave abusive relationships.

The militant feminists will probably sue Google over this sexist asymmetry.

And it would hardly be the first time they assaulted empiricism.

Googling That Wacky Other Species

The new rule of life must be:

When in doubt or if you're curious....just google it.

Check out these illuminating Google Search Suggestions:





The first search suggestion on *men* took me by surprise. I've never pondered that one in the slightest.

And, the last one for the *women*, I found absolutely hilarious. I never wasted time wondering why....I just channeled my energies to that end!

When Did We Cross That Line?

My recently-divorced BIL (brother-in-law) told me that one nice thing about dating (again) is that there are boundaries.

His new girlfriend has yet to fart on him. And she's yet to institute an open-door bathroom policy.

This was in contradistinction to his (and everyone else's) marriage where the *line was crossed* who knows when.

He said that the first time she *lets one out* on him, SBD or not, he's out of this relationship in a heartbeat. I am sure that the first one his ex-wife (and everyone else's) hit him with was *cute*. He ain't making that mistake again.

We ought to have them over for dinner, serve 'em chile or my potent sausage and lentil soup, and put that promise to the test!

[Check out the young lass above. Someone branded her hiney like she was livestock!]

About ten years ago, a good friend of mine in Philly started his first serious relationship. He complained that his *stomach hurt* because he had to hold in so much methane in the presence of his newfound sweetheart. He'd been letting loose for a couple of decades and this new prohibition was taxing the equilibria of his bodily systems.

I myself remember a going through a similar transition back in the day. Now I'm very much at ease, thank you.

No eHarmony For NYT Losers

For a curious joke I was wondering if eHarmony would match my wife and I.

I googled "go on eharmony to see if me and my wife are a good match" and up popped an article from a New York Times writer who's already run this experiment.

Here's his article - My eHarmony Experiment: Can This Marriage Be Matched?

To make a short story shorter, eHarmony didn't match John Tierney and his wife of 12 years. That certainly doesn't disprove the eHarmony algorithm as we have no idea how happy their marriage really is. AND, of course, *for example* does not constitute proof.

What makes this article blog-worthy is its hilarious, telling comment thread.



I haven't read the entire thread, but it suffices to say the tone was set by the first few comments. In fact, six of the first seven comments involved *gayness*.

Then the losers quickly ramped it up, inveighing against the *Christian* founders of eHarmony and their "bigotry".



The author, "John", was quick to defend himself...."I already mentioned their bigotry in a prior article!"

Hah! These guys and gals living in the NYT bubble-world are stereotypical to the bone.

The thread goes on with young women - most likely bereft of any relationship harmony - lambasting the author for giving momentary false hopes to the handful of women he was actually matched up with.

OMG, this comment thread is really funny. Make sure you click on the link above and peruse this well of levity for yourself.

Comment #44 - "Yes, I’m gay but, hey, I like to walk on the beach too..."

Comment #48 - Let’s say a restaurant reviewer goes to a place that won’t serve blacks. Should they mention it? Should they even *eat* at the place? Is it okay to say, "Gosh, I thought it was great! Too bad they don’t serve blacks."?

Comment #53 - I too submitted to eHarmony scrutiny once. I am not a practicing Christian and after telling them all the things I was looking for in a partner…..I received…one! count it….ONE match. It was a toothless hooker who was 18 years my senior! Which, strangely enough, sounded like the best thing they had to offer! hee hee!

Ah, dude, maybe that's your *match*? Consider it.



Comment #24 - I think you owe the women you rejected a better explanation than “no chemistry”? It’s not just a question of wasted time, it’s a question of feeling rejected.

Maybe if you didn’t "believe that compassion has a role to play in your life, in a structure of values that encourages people to take care of themselves" you would have realized that :).

Sounds to me like they could have substituted that whole spiel of "fostering independence” into the simple phrase "Tends to vote Republican".

— Posted by Debbie R.

Wow, this Debbie seems like a real catch! I wonder if she is single or if she has been chasing the wrong scents???

Comment #23 - Why would any rational person expect a computer to match him with his wife? Nature creates partners mostly by propinquity; computer matching does it based on assumptions by psychologists...

Ah, excuse me, Moron, a computer is a whole lot more *rational* than a person could ever be.

Alright, no more excerpts. Go read the Losers' comments for yourselves.

What kills me - to no end - is how smart and how highminded these NYT stooges deem themselves.

Sluts Strike Out!

The Pill May Put You Off Smell Of Your Man And Ruin Your Relationship

To millions of women it has been the great liberator over the past four decades, allowing them the freedom to control their fertility and their relationships. But the contraceptive Pill could also be responsible for skewing their hormones and attracting them to the “wrong” partner.

A study by British scientists suggests that taking the Pill can change a woman’s taste in men — to those who are genetically less compatible.

The research found that the Pill can alter the type of male scent that women find most attractive, which may in turn affect the kind of men they choose as partners. It suggests that the popular form of contraception — used by a quarter of British women aged between 16 and 50 — could have implications for fertility and relationship breakdowns.



These inane *scientific* studies are at least good for a laugh now and again.

I am wondering, however, how eHarmony and the other dating sites match up couples fond of each other's "scents"...