Still Battling Vermin!

A minute ago I found this under my rump on my desk chair down here in Naples:

I can't for the life of me figure out how it got there.

Must have been a retarded mentally challenged lizard...

See also - Mice Body Count - 13.

Euthanize Teens?

I vote *YES*...

Packing Up To Go Home

It was tempting....but we decided NOT to buy any Naples real estate and stay here permanently. In a couple days we are heading back up north, to our home in NY.

The highlight of this trip was having my first wife with us here for 2+ weeks at the end in addition to 5 days during our first week.

This year we branched out - as we always do. Habit is the hallmark of 'old coot'-hood!

For the first time we went to beaches other than Vanderbilt Beach.

Delnor Wiggins Beach, just a little bit north, was fantastic!

We didn't like Barefoot Beach as much - although it was cold that day and may have affected our assessment. It seems like Barefoot Beach is where all the Ft. Myers people go to get away from, well, Ft. Meyers people!

We also went to Lowdermilk Beach. That too was fantastic. If you go, be sure to be there BEFORE 9:30am because the tiny lot fills up quickly.

And today we ventured all the way down (25 miles?) to Tigertail Beach on Marco Island which was nothing short of spectacular. The best *shelling* I've ever experienced.

I did play golf twice - once at the Country Club of Orlando with a Philly jabroni and again at Arrowhead in North Naples. Arrowhead is okay as a layout but its greens are terribly slow, as is the pace of play. While there are plenty of golf courses in Naples most of them are private and only really cost effective and accessible in the off-season. Arrowhead is one of the only ones with a decent price ($50-$80) that is open to the public. So it's mobbed. I don't know that I'll play golf here again in February.

Although I did get plenty of much-needed practice putting in - on the condo development's artificial green. I was putting every morning AND every night for a good 30 minutes. It definitely paid off...

Yesterday we hit Randy's Fishmarket - apparently it's a super-famous restaurant here. Who knew?

Well it was sensational. And realize that I am a complete, spoiled NYC food snob when I say that. I thought it was awesome, as did my wife, and another NYC couple that dined with us. And, get this....I don't even like seafood!

So if you are in Naples, do try to get there. Warning - at 5pm or so it gets packed.

The kids got a ton of schoolwork done - as they always do. Luckily the library down here sold us a temporary library card for the whopping sum of $10. 40 books per week were consumed, easily. And before my wife got down I had them doing a significant amount of math each day too.

The condo we rented was terrific. For $3,200 (all in) we enjoyed a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath unit with 13(?) foot ceilings in the Bridgewater Bay development. It's 1,800 square feet and going for between $200,000 and $215,000 these days....down from $435,000 or so at the top.

The units downstairs are a little smaller - 2BR, 1,400 square feet - and get this....the guy downstairs owes $370,000 on his! On the market today they are only going for around $170,000.  How'd you like to be the bank holding that note???

I actually took this pic!

Yeah, there are a ton of 'old coots' here. Everywhere you look you see them. Invariably they are DOING NOTHING, TALKING ABOUT NOTHING, reading vaping non-fiction books through closed eye-lids, and MOVING SLOWLY. People have asked me *how can you stand being around all those dinosaurs???*.

Well, it's easy. As a lifetime golfer I'm pretty used to 'old coots'. Plus, it's not like there aren't annoying people of younger ages everywhere up north - or a bazillion drooling, napping geriatrics!

We had an absolutely great time this year - it was the best snowbirding month we've enjoyed yet. Perhaps my wife is right about February being better...

Warren Buffett - A Housing Moron Too!

Apparently in the past he said that housing would have bottomed by now.

Single family homes only look cheap in Florida and other places that have been over-developed. And they only look cheap because of record-low, unsustainable mortgage rates.

NYC had 3 housing crashes in the 1970s alone. Meanwhile all these bull-market housing Morons think that today, somehow, the housing market correction is going to happen without NYC-area real estate dropping hardly at all - which it hasn't!

Here's the link for his latest.

See also - Warren Buffett - STEALING From Taxpayers!.

Burger Rec

I finally made it to Five Guys, the upstart burger joint. I had been avoiding it because of my kids' allergies - sesame seed buns and peanuts all over the place.

If you haven't had one of their cheeseburgers....I HIGHLY recommend you going!

Both times that I went (this week!) I got my burger *all the way*, i.e. with a bunch of toppings.

Toppings, all of them, are free.

And this is a welcome change. For this is the one case where I'm a complete *socialist*. I'm just sick of these places that surcharge for everything extra. ($2 for a slice of cheese on a sandwich at Circes in Scituate, MA, $2 for a little scoop of guacamole at Chipotle, etc.)

At Five Guys you can get any or all(!) of the 16 toppings for *free*, sort of.

Of course the place is pricey compared to fast food burger joints.

A cheeseburger, small fry, and a regular drink cost $11.63.

So basically there is a surcharge on those Morons that like *plain burgers*. They are subsidizing people like me - as they should!

(Like those fools who, when as a group you have to decide on a pizza, complain that they only want a plain/cheese pie. They should be shot!)

I say skip or share the fries. They are tasty, but you might not even have room (or budget) for them. Seriously, the burgers are so big the fries could be split 3 ways.

Okay. I had the dude put my fries in a separate bag - to keep them away from the sesame seed-loaded burger. And I gave the fries this afternoon to my kids...

As I was typing up this post I read on the Five Guys' website that their fries are made in 100% peanut oil.

Now, allegedly my daughter is/was severely allergic to peanuts - according to some Moron with a medical degree who had her *tested*.

She's still breathing and hasn't reacted at all that I can see....so I guess we've been lugging her Epipen around for 5.5 years, and getting all paranoid around peanuts for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!

Classical Funny

Tony Soprano's Mother!

So I'm looking up common and important Latin expressions for the flashcards I'm creating for my son et al...

And I come across this hilarious one:

Obit anus, abit onus

It means - The old woman dies, the burden is lifted.

I thought better of including it on the flashcards, for now anyway.

Calculated Risk's Bill McBride - Still A Moron!

You can read the nonsense for yourself if you like - but it's a waste of time.

I'll sum it up for you. This Moron says that housing prices are bottoming RIGHT NOW (March 2012).

Of course the fool doesn't even mention RECORD LOW MORTGAGE RATES in his *analysis*. So implicit in his stinky bottom pick is the assumption that sky-high bond prices NEVER drop - at least not in the next 20-30 year lives of mortgages written today.

See also:

Marginalizing Calculated Risk

Marginalizing Calculated Risk, Again

Look, the banks/government ARE NOT FORECLOSING on homes. All of today's optimism has been manufactured by incumbent politicians, the 'old coot' lobby, and sleight of hand finance (i.e. money printing).

I'm not kidding either. Just you watch when NYC home prices inevitably fall...

Check this out:

On February 7, 2012 there were a total of only 242 repossessed properties on the active MLS in Queens according to foreclosure.com. This is a borough with a population of 2.2 million.

If you believe there's really only that many distressed properties in all of Queens....well there's a bridge not far away that perhaps you and Bill McBride should bid on!

Big Government Has Destroyed The Arts

Artsy people are always whining that no one *supports the arts*...

And they are always panhandling government for subsidies....because, you know, no one will ever paint, draw, write, sing or create anything in the absence of taxpayer funding!

It's total bull$hit of course - akin to saying that *no one will educate poor people*, *no one will perform acts of charity*, "no one will develop alternative energies*,....if the government doesn't do it.

Now if you are a starving artist, bent on your own work....what would be the obvious side-job to help pay your bills???

Yes. It would be TEACHING kids.

But those jobs don't exist for a couple of reasons.

1 - kids learn art in the course of their school curriculum.

2 - parents believe that this *education* actually takes place.

Allow me to explain.

Parents who educate their own, especially those who feel artistically ignorant, are always on the prowl for art classes, resources, and TEACHERS for their children. I speak from personal experience here too.

Now imagine if these 80 million children WERE NOT fraudulently *taught art* in school, and imagine if their parents took the lead in educating them...

Do y'all realize how many art teaching jobs would suddenly become available for these long-haired, coffee-pouring, couch-crashing, starving artists???

Alright I have to include this funny painting of a *starving artist* I just found:

They Already Have Marketable Skills....And May Be Set For Life

Ignore the pathetic clown, Letterman:



Don't neglect their studies, their school?

You see, Dave, they are homeschooled!

Check out their album - America's Music.

In Honor Of Presidents' Day...

Gender Roles, Reversed!

It's hard to say who looks worse/more stereotypical!

In case you didn't *get it*....the women were acting like men and vice versa.

The Funnies Keep Rolling...

If you don't laugh at 95% of them, uproariously....they you might want to consider a prosthetic funny bone.

If you're offended....then consider a laxative or finding someone (non-inflatable) to cuddle with.

Movie Rec - The Double

This flick - The Double - is *okay*, watchable anyway.

Normally I'd put a video of the trailer here but it seems that the trailers on YouTube are *spoilers*.

Oil Morons

Oil's getting jumpy again these days and all the Morons know precisely why...

It's because of *Iran* and *Mideast tension* of course!

Anyone who doesn't know that, well, he most certainly can't fancy himself informed.

BUT this is complete bull$hit!

They've been scapegoating Mideast tension, threats, and terrorism for every uptick in the price of oil FOR YEARS.

Check this out:

Oh my! Oil is skyrocketing again from Mideast political nonsense....all the way up to a whopping $31 a barrel!!!

But note that this was clipped from WAY BACK IN 2001!

Yeah, rising oil has nothing to do with years of minimal exploration and development, environmental restrictions, growing global demand, and the biggie....RAMPANT MONEY PRINTING by politicians! If you believed the newspapers, you'd think every single tick from $20 to today's $105 was due to Mideast nonsense.

While we don't have an oil crisis by any stretch...

We do have the far worse crisis of hundreds of millions of Morons who consume, digest, and then re-propagate the *information* that's fed to them by Big Government  - via its apparatchiks Big Education and Big Media.

The Republican Party LOVES this oil/Mideast mythology as it helps rally its sizable pro-military interests and constituents, and Big Oil...

And the Democratic Party LOVES this oil/Mideast mythology because it rallies the peaceniks, internationalists, and environmentalists.

School Apologists = Neo-Nazis!

Here's a terrific read on the sordid, Nazi(!) history of the American government educational system.

Homeschooling - The BIGGEST Threat To Socialism

From that illiberal publication Slate!

Click the link and read the entire Moronic article.

My favorite part was this:

Nor can we allow homeschoolers to believe their choice impacts only their own offspring. Although the national school-reform debate is fixated on standardized testing and “teacher quality”—indeed, the uptick in secular homeschooling may be, in part, a backlash against this narrow education agenda—a growing body of research suggests “peer effects” have a large impact on student achievement. Low-income kids earn higher test scores when they attend school alongside middle-class kids, while the test scores of privileged children are impervious to the influence of less-privileged peers. So when college-educated parents pull their kids out of public schools, whether for private school or homeschooling, they make it harder for less-advantaged children to thrive.

Allow me to translate...

All y'all middle and upper class majorities need to leave your children in those horrible public schools....FOR THE GREATER GOOD! Sacrifice thy own for the sake of Hillary Clinton's *Village*!

What's funny, to me anyway, is how many *secular* homeschoolers will be shocked by this article. Of course most will ignore/dismiss it....but at least a bunch will become annoyed at the aspersion of being *anti-liberal*, *anti-progressive*, or whatever.

The fact remains that educating your own children is the ULTIMATE act of anti-socialism a family can make in 2012 America.

I could even go so far as to turn this around and say....that homeschooling your own kids and not supporting libertarians is a more pronounced demonstration of hypocrisy.

But that would be a little harsh.  I'm pro-anyone who teaches their own despite their false idols, ignorance, misconceptions, latent bigotries,...etc.  After all, some of my best friends (and relatives) are communists!

Gator Country

I haven't yet seen one myself this month....but the gators are all around us. Only 3 hours up the road in Tampa:

Thanks to LeagueIslander for the link.

Another Tablet

Last year I broke down and bought an iPad for my wife (she needs it for her train ride to and from NYC)...

Today I ordered another - Sony Tablet S - BUT for purely educational reasons.

I've been amazed by the potency of make-your-own flashcard apps. And I sense that there are plenty of other economical educational apps out there worth looking at as well. Put it this way....you won't see me or my kids watching movies on this device like everyone else!

The iPad (WiFi only) runs around $500 and the other Android tablets sit at $400-$430. Now I loathe iMorons and would hate to have to buy another iPad because the Androids aren't relatively cheap enough to justify buying what are most likely inferior products...

But luckily today Sony Rewards (points on my credit card) had a sale on the Sony Tablet S. I'm getting it for the equivalent of only $340 (in terms of earned points). We'll see how it is.

The educational apps market is still in its infancy and most of what I see out there REALLY SUCKS.

But it will get better; I'll use them to help educating my kids; and hopefully I'll be able to help others navigate the new tablet landscape.

Though from an educational standpoint, parents are still far better off buying a PC for their kids FIRST. You can get a decent one from Dell for $600 - which is what we did 1.5 years ago.

Swedes = Neo-Nazis!

Parents in Sweden are amazingly NOT ALLOWED to educate their own children:

Local school officials reported the Himmelstrand family to the social services in November when their 7-year-old son did not show up for mandatory schooling. Jonas Himmelstrand — like many other homeschoolers in Sweden — was forced to meet with local “social” officials to explain himself.

“It was just harassment,” he said. “But we were not going to take any chances with anything.... You never know with Swedish social authorities. You never know.”

Another homeschooling family, the Johanssons, was viciously ripped apart by the authorities in 2009 over the issue of home education as they attempted to leave for India. The traumatic episode still haunts Swedish homeschoolers and is always in the back of their minds when considering their options.

Himmelstrand went to the social services meeting alone — without his son — after making sure that his family was safe on the Aland Islands in Finland. He asked the social services if they would guarantee that his family could remain in Sweden safely. They said no, matter-of-factly stating that to homeschool safely, the family would probably have to leave country.

So they did.

There were huge fines involved, too. Around Christmas, the family received a letter explaining that the authorities had decided to impose a fine of about $26,000 – $13,000 per parent. “At that point we kind of felt like, are these people crazy?” Himmelstrand told The New American in a telephone interview. “Don’t they realize that would ruin our family?”

The Himmelstrands responded with a strongly worded letter asking officials to clarify whether they truly intended to destroy an innocent family based on such a controversial political principle. The family also warned authorities that they would leave as exiles before allowing themselves to be destroyed by the punitive fines.

Incredibly, the local government responded with a letter imposing yet another fine. And that, Himmelstrand said, was the last straw. The family moved promptly thereafter, not making the news public until everyone was safely beyond the grasp of Swedish officials. Himmelstrand did not want to wait around to find out what the local government’s next move might be, he explained.
Some commentators have even seized on the issue of persecution to call for structural reforms such as a true Constitution that protects individual rights in Sweden. The Nordic kingdom — which prides itself on its reputation — has also attracted fierce global condemnation for its half-baked campaign to abolish homeschooling and alternative education. Such schemes have not been attempted in a Western nation since Hitler’s Nazi Germany tried to eradicate home education.

Of course, even before home education officially became “illegal” in Sweden, it was severely restricted. And when parents attempted to educate their children without government permission, Swedish authorities often responded with brute force.

Historians will no doubt remark at the astonishing lack of popular resistance to continued encroachments on liberty, in nominally *democratic* countries.

Perhaps it's easier for the lumpen masses to rise up against a brutal dictator than against a faceless, tyrannical bureaucracy?

Big Government Mythology

Hah!

Only chicks like to watch the SuperBowl commercials, ever notice that? My buddy and I tried to mute /fast forward through the ads but both wives objected.

Rocky Was A True Story?

Thanks to reader Kevin for posting this clip in the comments of Dos Movie Recs.

No School Is Better Than A Sham Education

Hah! Of course all *experts* think they know more than regular folk....they are the high priests of information, and all enlightenment must go through them!

I would love to have asked this *education* priestess, this hideous broad, on the stand, in front of everyone...

What's 7 times 13?

What's the capital of Nevada?

Could you please define *irony*?

Okay. Now you can SHUT UP about *education*.

And I have taken this tack, several times with Morons. Seven times thirteen is my very favorite interrogation!

They invariably respond, "Well I'm not good with numbers/math..." or "I don't know, that's why I send my kids to school to learn more than I did, from more qualified teachers..."

But the fact is, their own basic ignorance is a product of the very same, ineffective educational system. And actually the schools THEY went to way back when were actually more academically demanding.

So, in summary, we have demonstrable Morons eagerly sending their kids to worse institutions than the ones that produced THEM.

He Should Have Shot The Dogs!

So I write about my buddy whose neighbor's 5 DOGS are crapping on his lawn....and what-do-ya-know, this story comes out right after!

It was the same thing - multiple dogs, running free, pooping all over other people's yards. The article refers to it as an *ongoing dispute*.

The City of Brotherly Love is a curious place. The people there can be some of the warmest, most welcoming around (in the Northeast)....but they will shoot you over dog poop, if you park in their shoveled-out space, or if you call them *cheap* in front of all their jabronis.

I remember being shocked when I first moved there in 1992 at what goes on on the golf courses.

Rangers didn't/wouldn't say anything to slow foursomes....because they might get smashed over the head by a club - or shot! This was in contradistinction to the Nazi scolds I grew up under in Massachusetts. If a kid *runs at the pool* up there they go ape-$hit like it's the end of the world for crying out loud!

My buddy, whose dog poop ordeal I highlighted the other day, give me his list of *most inconsiderate/most stupidest* earthlings:

1. Smokers
2. Motorcyclists (for noise)
3. Dog people

Now that list is a rank generalization - something I hate to put out on my blog without my standard qualification....

Caveat - All stereotypes are 100% true!

A decade in Philadelphia certainly had its effects on me...

In 2002, I was playing golf in Phoenix, Arizona. Some Moronic ranger kept hassling us to speed up even though: there was no one behind us, we weren't playing slowly, AND we had each paid $100+ for the round!

Incredibly on the 15th hole, he told us to skip the 16th hole to speed up play! (There were only 4 holes left.)

I channeled my Philadelphia education (not UPenn!) and told the idiot ranger that if he effin' came near us again I was going to clobber him with my 7-iron. And my father and godfather (in my foursome), both lifetime Massachusetts provincials, were more than a little be shocked at what I said. Hee hee...

But back to my buddy here who's being tormented by his neighbor's dog $hit...

Again, he's complained to them for years, he's complained to the HOA, he's complained to the Board of Health all to no avail and is now frustrated to no end. He's afraid that if he finally steps up an *does something* that these jerks will retaliate in some form or another. He does have a bunch of small children in his brood to worry about.

I chided him for letting it get this far in the first place. That's one thing about me - I've never taken an ounce of poop from anyone or any animal, ever. Fear of reprisal? I reminded him that I took on that criminal, maniac, muscle-bound, coke-sniffing Haitian landlord of mine back in Boston. Believe me, I had that guy - who had stolen everyone else's money and bullied the whole town around - up nights *hating on me*.

You just can't take any poop from anyone....because ignoring it only emboldens them, and because the authorities are never going to do anything until YOU blow your top....then they'll arrest/charge YOU.

Throw Her Out!

It's coming at me from everywhere....but I saw it on Laura Grace Weldon's stream first.

Really, 25 million views in a week???!!!

The thing is....punishment like this at age 15 really won't/doesn't work.  These parents lost their daughter to the *youth culture* a long time ago.  This is what *school* does to families and generations - it estranges them from each other.

See also - Complete Book Review - Hold On To Your Kids.

Golf - To Get Away From Women!

So apparently Golf Digest ran some politically-correct male bashing piece...

And one 'old coot' went ballistic. Here's his PUBLISHED letter:

Dear Editor,


I would like to register a strenuous objection to the recent "Woman Undercover" article in the March Golf Digest. As a man, and I am hardly alone in this, I am completely sick and tired of the anti-male bashing that is rampant in the media and in pop culture in this country. To continue these stereotypical attacks is highly irresponsible and I demand a retraction and an apology. The entire premise of the piece is typical of the woman-centric writing these days.


Basically you start with your own bias and prejudice and then attempt to manipulate the circumstances to justify your preconceived notions. You couldn't even get through the first sentence before the insults and name calling begins. "Ask a guy what he thinks about women playing golf, and unless he's a knuckle-dragger of the first order." So, if I'm a man and I don't want to play golf that day with a woman I am a "knuckle-dragger"? What is the female equivalent of that, "miserable bitch"? What would you say if a man wrote that about a woman? Would Golf Digest print that? Why is it OK to refer to a man as a knuckle-dragger and not refer to a woman as a miserable bitch? Clearly there is a double standard in these matters. So, the premise of the piece is that you trot out Kim Hall in her archetype costumes attempting to bait men into giving you the response you want and the one that matches your preconceived bias. The most revealing part of the article is, "More than once, Kim and I encountered men who deliberately sped away from a woman to avoid playing golf with her. This is their right, I suppose. But it's also rude. And shameful. Can we really wonder why golf is struggling to attract women when they get this kind of treatment?"


That is their right, you suppose? You are God-damned right it is my right. In this country I have the legal right to associate with anyone I choose and if I don't want to play golf with women I can do that. "But it is rude. And shameful." Really? Why, because you say so? I have no obligation whatsoever to play golf with women and if I don't want to I won't and you have no right to force me to do it or insult me because of my choice. I paid my money to play golf and that is all. I didn't sign up for any political statements or gender warfare bullsh** and I do not want to be subjected to it from you or anyone else. It isn't my job to attract women to the game of golf. I didn't sign up for that. I play golf to escape the madness that pervades our society. It is my respite from people telling me what I should do. Get out of my face and go bother someone who cares about your agenda.


Here is the deal: Men often pay golf to get away from women. It is a short time away from the badgering, bitching and manipulation that men are subjected to from women on a regular basis. One major issue of today's modern woman is that they never, ever take responsibility for their actions and their role in any situation. Somehow they have successfully sold a bill of goods that makes them immune to any criticism. If a man has the temerity to actually criticize a woman he is immediately subjected to demonization, ridicule and name calling. Men are not genetically born with an aversion to playing golf with women. It is a learned response from environmental factors. Men know they can't talk to women about it without getting bitched at so they just avoid it altogether by "speeding away." The stupid nonsense of not stopping at the forward tees for a woman is preconceived idiocy. Do you actually think a man would do that on purpose so you can bitch at him and spoil his day? I have been in situations where I was driving the cart and the guy riding with me was playing a forward tee and I forgot to stop. It has nothing to do with gender and is a simple oversight. The fact that you choose to make it some kind of gender issue says more about your paranoia and a woman's desire to control through negativity than anything else.


Men don't want to play with women for one simple reason; because women are a pain in the ass. You should hear what is said about women in candor from every level of employee at a golf course from the cart boy to the starter, to the pro shop and the waitstaff and they will tell you that women are a pain in the ass to deal with. They complain, they are rude and they are cheap. Maybe, just maybe, you ought to do a piece on what women can do to make it more palatable to play with men. Or better yet, let me do it. Would Golf Digest print that?


As a practical matter why Golf Digest would print such an insulting article is very questionable. I assume the readership is probably 80-90% male. Why would you insult your core audience? Obviously Golf for Women magazine failed because there wasn't enough of an audience to support it. Should men be blamed for that too? It appears Ms Sternberg has inherited the token female voice for Golf Digest and normally she has a reasonable response to questions regarding male/female golf issues but this piece was way out of line. I have been a subscriber to Golf Digest off and on for over 30 years and I have the current renewal notice on my desk. I will not renew my subscription until I see a printed apology for this irresponsible hack job.


Wayne Mills, Nashua, NH

Hah!

I wonder if that's reader Kfell's uncle...

I would add that it's also to *get away from children* - at least in my case.

Heck, my wife WANTS me to play golf so she can have a momentary lapse of peace!

But I Still Have Never Smoked Pot In My Life!

In my 37.5 years as a Catholic I had never before attended a non-Catholic *mass*.

Yeah I'd been to a couple of Protestant wedding ceremonies, I've even donned a beanie at a Jewish wedding, and I've probably been to more than 40 different Catholic Churches before.

That is until this past Sunday when I attended my buddy's non-denominational church down here in Naples.

It really was a terrific experience and we'll be back each week this month.

I really had no idea what to expect going in. The facility was modern, lush, and gorgeous. There was coffee and donuts everywhere. The kids were all whisked off into classrooms for the service. I sat on a chair so comfortable one could sleep on - as opposed to a splinter-shooting wooden pew...

It started off with singing, lots of singing. A modern band played about 5 long songs - songs that you'll never hear in a Catholic Church or on the radio north of the Mason-Dixon line - while the thought-inducing, soul-searching lyrics flashed on an overhead screen.

There were a few short readings from Scripture....and then the minister delivered a very good 20 minute sermon. And that was it. No ceremony. No tacky money collecting. Nobody ran for the door at the conclusion; people actually hung out for a long time afterwards (kids were running around the playground and the gymnasium).

Oh yeah, and my kids ASKED if they could go back next week!

Three years ago this same friend had asked me to join his family there when we were snowbirding but I admit I was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of going into a foreign Christian(!) church. It half felt like a betrayal of my Catholic faith. Plus there's always a latent fear of the unknown.

But I've done a lot of Bible-reading and soul searching over the past handful of years and now my initial discomfort seems absolutely ridiculous. I mean the people that I meet, in general, from non-denominational churches are pretty much the nicest, most-welcoming, non-judgmental people I ever have the pleasure of dealing with.

See also - Finally Done!

'Old Coot' Files - "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff

I don't know why I was so shocked at that circa 2009 pic of him. I mean it's not like I HAVEN'T aged since I used to sneak watching him on a low-def Zenith color TV some 28 years ago or so. (My mother banned me from watching wrestling!)

For those of you who remember....check out his hilarious and unscholarly entry on Wikipedia. They use the word *feud* in all seriousness, an astounding 33 times on the webpage!

Jeremy Lin - An Asian God!

I'll bet you didn't know that this flash-in-the-pan point guard for the NY Knicks, Jeremy Lin, who's been playing great basketball for all of the past 2 weeks(!) is a devout Christian, right? I didn't know either - and why would I....the freakin' guy is less well-known than ME!

Realize that this guy is indeed an Asian god....

Think about it, he's a professional athlete AND a Harvard grad!

And right now I'm pretty in-tuned with Asian New Yorkers (they are legion!) and their ridiculous academic aspirations. I am potentially going to start teaching some math to Chinese kids in Queens through some enrichment academy.

It's kind of ironic, no? I'm about as violently anti-school as anyone on this overheated, doomed planet and I get to work with my literal and figurative antipodes.

But whom else would a teacher want to teach...those dumb round-eye kids that are failing???

Dos Movie Recs

I just went deep into my pocket for the free 1-month trial of Netflix (online streaming) and came across two terrific movies which I highly recommend:





As for The Fighter...

I can't believe that I grew up in Massachusetts and had really no idea who Mickey Ward was! BTW, they did a bang-up job portraying Lowell, Massachusetts in the 1980s. While I've never been there myself it came off as IDENTICAL to my hometown/city of Worcester. (There's very little diversity in that horrible State!)

I'm sure it was just a freak occurrence that I came across two really decent movies on Netflix right off the bat. Motion pictures have generally sucked for 15+ years now. Still it's a pretty good deal at $8 a month...

Funniest Thing I've Seen In Ages!

Thanks to jabroni LeagueIslander for this one!

For those of youse unaware....I spent my deformative years in South Philly, then I graduated from those clowns to marrying a 100% dago chick from Brooklyn/Long Island.

Excuse me now while I watching it *another couple three times*.

Another Techno-Relic

The condo we are renting here in Naples, despite only having 7 channels of basic cable color TV, has a set of *TV trays* in the middle of the open living room.

I remember as a child in the early 1980s (AD) it was a big deal to have a *TV dinner night*. That would be the food (frozen sectioned meal with brownie that always burned) AND the privilege of eating dinner on the couch in front of the Zenith with one of those wobbly TV trays. (We had this big sheet that had to be put on the couch in all eating situations.)

But in 2012 a TV tray couldn't be more OUT.

Why would anyone want to watch TV and eat simultaneously? It would ruin the enjoyment of both. Get a DVR already or better yet stop watching the tube altogether!

'Old coots' are funny with their TV trays, masking tape, phone books, piles of newspapers, warehouses of cancelled checks and utility bills from decades ago, VCRs that have been flashing "12:00" since day 1, AOL email accounts, old coffee cans filled with rusty nails,...

Whose Duty?

The odds are that *Dad* was on duty for this one.

BUT if he wasn't....then the smart money would be betting on the grandparents.

I saw it again yesterday at the playground. Some toddler $hits his diaper and Grandma TALKS about how it needs to be changed for 30+ minutes!

I've seen my kids' grandparents (all of them) do the same. Now 'old coots' are S L O W with everything....but self-defecation is always an urgent situation.  The longer you wait....the harder the wipe!

Two weeks ago I was victimized by a grandmother at the library. She wouldn't change her grandchild's diaper for what had to be 20 minutes. Meanwhile the entire library was getting gassed out. I was about one second from scooping up the poor kid and changing him myself!

Ultimately she took the kid out saying, "We need to go home to change your diaper..."!!!

You know they aren't far from revisiting the self-defecation life-stage themselves.

How about we let them *sit in it for a while*???

Yet Another Golfing Prodigy

Story with more interesting details - here.

From B-More

I'm mining for new *funny pics* for my next album....butt this one couldn't wait!

The question is, "Does she even know?"

Guy Must Be On The Giants...

Because they are always making ridiculous, out-of-their-butt, important catches!

Moron, Immortalized By YouTube!

Jump ahead to the 30 second mark:

The Hypocritic Oath

Hah! Just imagine what the results would have been/said if *doctors* were truly honest in their answers...

Of course it's understandable that doctors aren't totally forthcoming in delivering bad prognoses, in disclosing financial bias, etc. After all it's not like real estate agents, financial advisers, politicians, and the rest are pure by any stretch...

But in my experience, doctors do have an EXTRAORDINARILY LOW OPINION of their patients and the lumpen masses in general.

Why so arrogant and condescending?

Well you have to remember that they have been anointed by Big Education more than just about any other group. Medical school has been, by far, the most competitive and popular destination for *school nerds* over the past 30+ years - if not longer.

I myself haven't been to a doctor in MANY, MANY YEARS. A bunch of them messed me up with horrible advice/surgery after I suffered a car accident some 13 years ago. They actually all told me NOT TO DO precisely what eventually helped!

The idea that a physician can make YOU healthy remains ludicrous. Only individuals that accept their health as a personal responsibility will ever *look like me*.

Google your ailments. Find your own self-help regimens. And emulate the habits of the fittest people on planet Earth....that's all anyone has to do.

Oh yeah....and throw away that poisonous armchair and color TV!

Prime Has Its Privileges!

I've been singing the praises of Amazon Prime ($79 for free 2-day Amazon.com delivery) for several months now...

And the the other day I mentioned that the condo I am renting in Naples at the moment doesn't have color cable TV so I tried out watching NBC's shows on my PC...

Well I just discovered that my $79 also gets me a whole bunch of FREE video content (TV & motion pictures) streamed from Amazon!

The selection is small at the moment but not bad and will surely broaden as time goes on.

Obviously Amazon is taking a run at NetFlix with this new venture.

I'm going to call it quits for the night right now and crawl into bed....Hope Floats is queued up and ready to stream...

February Funnies

It's a slideshow, you sillyheads - not just one pic with an arrow oddly placed in the middle of it!

Some images you'll have to click on and enlarge to *get*.

Dog People = The Worst

So my buddy down here in Naples has a dog poop problem.

His neighbor's mongrels $hit all over the edge of his yard. These aren't small turds either....we're talking Great Danes and there are 5 mutts in total!

He's asked them to clean up....he's complained to the HOA (the neighbor is on *the board*)....he's complained to some Board of Health (they sent out some old lady who loved dogs, apparently)....but nothing has come of it.

Me? Personally I would have been flinging the $hit on their living room window, on their doorstep, all over their cars a long time ago.  Return to sender!

I do think you can probably sue in this case - although the BOH not acting on a complaint will probably be held against my buddy in court.

The only solution now is to Google!

Check this out, it's some animal repeller:

I found one guy online that said that this thing's ultrasonic noises torture the crap(!) out of dogs too. He said that his neighbor's dog instantly kept their distance and duty far from his yard after firing up one of these thingys.

I would say something like this is definitely worth a shot and the money. Unless you are an organic DIY cheapo like me and get your thrills from waging war with jerks.

When I was in 2nd grade one of my classmates told me that his dog went into his neighbor's yard....and the crazy 'old coot' SHOT AND KILLED IT. Poor kid, eh? This was Massachusetts too - not exactly a Wild West sort of Red State.

I wouldn't be surprised if the fossil wasn't fully within his legal rights either. Does anybody know?

One bullet is cheaper than that ultrasonic repeller too...

Another idea I had - on the tip of my tongue too - was to lay out rib-eye steaks laced with poison....what can I say, I'm good at this sort of brainstorming!

All About The Parents

So I just read - Training a Tiger - the book written by Tiger Woods' father, Earl.

Here's my conclusion...

Tiger Woods is nothing more than a creation of his hard-charging father. He wasn't born with any more golfing aptitude or physical prowess than millions of others young brats.

The ONLY reason he became a great golfer is because his father STARTED EARLY. That's it.

The freakin' kid was learning to swing before he was even a year old. And I mean LEARNING, not swinging a Fisher Price club once in a while. Tiger and Earl practiced EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Earl was deliberate, scientific, and UNRELENTING in his tutelage. Rightfully, every trophy Tiger hoists up is a tribute more to his parent(s) than to himself.

So if you want a proven recipe for raising an extraordinary child....there it is.

(It worked for Mozart too.)

My Daughter Won't Be Selling

This is pretty bad:

Last year, the Girl Scouts decided to admit boys who dress as girls. When asked to admit a cross-dressing 7-year-old boy, a Colorado troop leader demurred, explaining to his mother, with tact and irrefutable logic, that her son couldn’t be a Girl Scout because he has “boy parts.”


The troop leader was chastised by the mom as being insensitive and promptly was overruled by the Girl Scout top brass, who, in a statement said, “If a child identifies as a girl and the child’s family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.” Perpetuating this cruel charade on the little boy and forcing little girls to participate in it is “inclusiveness” to the Girl Scouts. To others, it’s child abuse.


But it shouldn’t be surprising: The Girl Scouts have a cross-dresser in the front office.


Ten years ago, Girl Scouts media relations officer Joshua Ackley was frontman for the “homopunk” band the Dead Betties. In publicity shots, he’s dressed in women’s clothing, and in music videos, he appears to be naked and feigning masturbation. The video for “Hellevator” portrays a woman being strangled in an elevator shaft while Mr. Ackley flashes a menacing grin.


Today he issues press releases, posts news and views on the Girl Scouts’ blog, and tries to mollify moms who are concerned about Girl Scout ties with Planned Parenthood. In fact, it was Mr. Ackley who facilitated the Girl Scouts’ “no adults allowed” workshop at the United Nations - the workshop in which the Planned Parenthood sex brochure “Healthy, Happy, and Hot” was offered, although part of Mr. Ackley’s job is to deny it.


It wouldn’t be a surprise if someone like Mr. Ackley was behind the Girl Scouts’ recent scandal: a guidebook that tells girls to check with the leftist, George Soros-funded Media Matters before believing what they read in the news.

Now unfortunately most of us earthlings are forced to participate in activities that are run or sponsored by dirtbags...

But in this case, and it's hard to get a straight answer, it looks like over 70% of the money goes to the pinheads, perverts, and inverts that run the Girl Scouts.

I'm normally not much for taking political stands on snack foods but....well, the cookies suck anyway. I'm done with them. And my daughter can sell 4 boxes or so to family - that's it. (Though it looks like the MIL, "Grandma" won't be buying. I don't blame her either.)

Laughing At Those Ubiquitous Little Fascists

I was on the near-empty beach in Bradenton, FL the other day and I turned and asked the couple behind me if they had a bottle opener.

The 'old bag' snapped back, "NO GLASS ON THE BEACH."

Did that mean she had one and just didn't want to *share*???

I shook it off and chatted later on anyway. Turns out she's a retired government school teacher. I was downright SHOCKED.

A couple weeks ago at the library, in the children's section, one of the librarians scolded me for *rocking back in my chair*. Seriously.  I almost knocked the...

We've had some problems in our *secular* homeschool co-op lately - though not with the people who actually DO THINGS. It turns out the phantom hierarchy of our group is about as small-minded as they come. They have all sorts of ridiculous rules, censor discussion unnecessarily, have sham *disclosures*, midnight votes, Nazi moderators who ENFORCE *civility* and inclusiveness,... These people literally have NOTHING else going on in their lives, apparently. I mean most of us have left the school system PRECISELY to get away from all that bureaucracy and political correctness. So these clowns jump at the first chance they get to establish their own little fascist regime?

And unfortunately they have free reign because the rest of us are busy, ya know, doing slightly more meaningful things.

Although my new favorite act of little fascists has just got to be....those people who delete Facebook comments. I've seen and experienced it a few times now.

In almost all these instances the censorship/scolding is far worse/dangerous or more offensive than the offense.

Oftentimes it backfires too. I become emboldened and more persistent...

BTW, there was apparently a sign on the Bradenton beach, "No Glass Bottles, $500 fine"!

A handful of years ago some Moronic lifeguard (a school teacher, in Boston, of course!) told me that I would be surprised at how easily glass bottles can break on sand.

She's right! I'd be blown out of my (bleepin') mind if I saw someone drop a glass bottle ON SAND and saw it shatter! There's probably no safer place for glass bottles on EARTH than the beach.

Plus, it's not like the beach isn't already a veritable mine-field of sharp objects: coral, shells, etc.

Living Up To His Name

Ads For 'Old Coots'

At my aunt's house the other day down here in sunny Florida(!), I noticed her Kindle on the coffee table.

The ads were running on the screen so, having just arrived, I figured that we interrupted her reading.

But many hours later I saw the ads still flashing on the Kindle, in the same spot,...

CaptiousNephew - You know, you can turn that thing off...

Aunt - It IS off.

CaptiousNephew - No it's not.

Aunt - Yes it is.

So I picked it up, slid the power switch to the right and counted out loud slowly, "one two three....six seven" and the Kindle did a miraculous thing - IT TURNED OFF. You should have seen the look of amazement on her face!

CaptiousNephew - Don't you have the directions?

Aunt - Of course. I filed them too.

CaptiousNephew - Well, you should have READ them first!

Later on that night I was talking to my mother - my aunt's sister - via a cordless cellphone...

With my aunt next to me I started to relay this humorous episode to my mother - much to the chagrin of auntie.

Then I caught myself mid-anecdote:

CaptiousSon - Wait Ma, do you have ads running on your Kindle.

Mother - Yes. I can't stand them.

CaptiousSon - Do you know how to turn them off?

Mother - Nope.

And then I walked her through the complicated 7-second-button-hold process.

It turns out she also prudently filed her directions.

Me? I took one quick look and tossed them!

I do wonder how many 'old coots' are out there staring at ads on their Kindles unnecessarily.

And I do wonder if Amazon's engineers did this intentionally!!!

Someone also has to tell these fossils that they can HIT THE MUTE BUTTON when the color TV commercials start blaring too! I mean it's bad enough that they don't have/use DVR technology...

See also - The Jurassic Butterfly Effect.

Newt Gingrich - As Bad As McCain!

Hah!

The New York Times decides to bash and Marginalize Newt Gingrich by saying he was *deeply tied* to a major arm of their OWN socialist machine!!!

Here's what happened with this buffoon...

The Democrats, who own Fannie & Freddie, set a trap. They dangled him that $1 million *consulting relationship* or whatever because, well, it cost them nothing (shareholders, bondholders, taxpayers paid) and because they had to foresight to see that by accepting it they would be putting a huge, indelible black mark on a once prominent Republican/conservative.

Newt was either too stupid to see this obvious trap...

Or he was too greedy to really care.

BTW, I've been saying for over a decade that Newt was a POS buffoon.

Don't be cynical about my cynicism.

Realize the powers-at-be knew darn well that Fannie Mae was a complete fraud and would blow up spectacularly. And they knew darn well that the media would be spinning the news away from the real culprits as the NYT is doing here.

Go ahead....go search the NYT archives for all their investigative news stories into the crap at Fannie Mae. Go find me all their editorials against Big Government's involvement in the housing market. And come back here in a millisecond after you've read them all!

Full Episodes Online?

The cheap 'old coots' that own the condo we are renting down here in Naples have neither an internet connection nor a cable color TV one.

Well they have some *basic cable* that comes for free from the development....but it only has about 7 channels. Now THAT is basic!

On Saturday I did manage to get Comcast to hook up a broadband internet connection for us. Last night, with my wife still here, a raging headache (not related), and while sulking over that horrible American football Superbowl result (also unrelated) we felt like vegetating a bit.

So instead of plugging the TV back in (been replaced by my PC) in the bedroom, I was happy to discover that we could stream NBC's The Firm on the 22 inch monitor of my PC. It came in HD and was crystal clear on a 'full screen' too.

While most of us are not cheap 'old coots' and have cable....I do wonder how many people out there are simply watching their shows (and apparently there are many available) online these days. I mean I no longer endure SportsCenter just to see Celtics highlights (my team) - instead I just watch them instantly on ESPN.com (part of the GO network!).

I would venture to say that most of the networks DO NOT really promote the online viewing option. Probably because of the delicate relationship they THINK they have with advertisers and cable companies.

Whatever. Screw cable and screw commercials! We're trending inexorably towards an online, pay-per-view media landscape.

All this freakin' *bundling* - landlines (who needs one?), cable, and internet is bull$hit. It's just a scam by Verizon, Comcast, and friends to keep consumers paying more than they should, longer than they should have to.

Unsecured Morons

Our rental unit here in Naples won't have its own internet connection until *sometime between 3pm and 5pm tonight*.

Meanwhile I've been squatting on a neighbor's WiFi.

The problem is that they keep turning it off!

Who does that? Who turns off their router to *secure* it? I mean why not just PUT A PASSWORD ON IT. They could even use *password* like the rest of the 'old coots'!

This reminded of me of one of my college jabronis in Philly. Though he was very intelligent in many matters he was a complete Moron with some other stuff.

He thought that the *pitcher* in invert s*x was most vulnerable to HIV; he thought that drinking alcohol before inseminating his wife could give him a retarded baby; AND he also made sure to physically unplug his cable modem each night, you know, so that hackers wouldn't be able to *steal his information*.

Real Estate Insanity Bubbling Again

It's truly astounding how many Morons haven't learned their lessons - despite all the fresh blood.

Real estate remains a complete suckers' bet. Taxes, utility costs, artificially low interest rates, and unrelenting over-supply have conspired to separate all these fools from their money.

I mean I know people, plenty of people, who got their butts kicked and STILL they figured out some way to re-invest, if not physically, then mentally, in a sun-will-come-out-tomorrow real estate fantasy.

My real estate buddy down here in Naples informed me the other day that one of his clients wanted *in* on a new construction development....so he had to have someone stand in line for say 8:30am one morning to get a choice of lots.

And guess what...

At around 7:30pm the night before there were already 7 Morons waiting in line!!!

So we are staying in this very nice 3 BR 2.5 Bath unit in Bridgewater Bay...

It's going for around $220,000 these days which sounds rather cheap.

BUT IT IS NOT.

Doing the math on carrying the mortgage, HOA's, taxes, etc. I come up with about $19,000 per year - or nearly $1,600 per month, EVERY MONTH, for 30 years.

You could argue that it makes sense as a primary residence, which I won't argue.

But as a secondary one it most certainly does not.

It's better off to rent, still, by a long shot.

I mean why would ANYONE camp-out out for a run-of-the-mill new construction home here in Florida, in 2012, when there are 5-7 years of supply of homes owned by the banks and federal government?

Apparently 60+% of new buyers in Florida these days are buying with *all cash*.

That must imply strong healthy demand, that must imply that there's no bubble forming, right?

WRONG.

All it means is that deposit interest rates are ZERO. I'm sure that many people could have paid all cash in prior years (esp. for cheap FL housing) it's just that they were getting more than .25 % on their money in the bank.

Already Tanned!

After 6 days on the road, squatting at friend's, relatives', and Motel 6....we've finally arrived here in Naples for what's now our 3rd snowbird adventure in the past 4 years.

It's funny - the real estate agent remarked to me today that she was surprised how *young* I was. Of course she mostly deals with 'old coots' in these situations.

This year we are a little further from Vanderbilt Beach, but not that bad at all. It's called Bridgewater Bay and we've rented a nice 3 BR, 2.5 Bath unit for the grand total of $3,200 (all in, i.e. taxes, cleaning, fees, etc.).

There were some small communication issues right down to yesterday when I wasn't sure I even had a place to rent. (Note: I was only 2 hours away!)

It's a little risky and annoying to do what I do (wait to the end of the month and then lowball unrented units) but it paid off yet again. Normally something like this would cost $4,000 for February.

There was supposed to be a broadband internet connection here but apparently that's not going to happen until the weekend. Meanwhile I am free-riding one of these nearby fossil's unsecured WiFi.

The journey has certainly worn me out, living out of bags, all the driving, MY KIDS, the insufferable 85 degree weather,....but I think the biggest toll on me was wrought by all the junk food implicit in travel. I just loaded up on groceries at Publix ($240) and hope to be done with eating $hit for a little while.

Aside from all the dinosaurs this really is the life, wintering in South Florida...

My kids excitedly jumped in the pool today and I had to drag them out 2.5 hours later. Seriously, they didn't step out for even a second!

I admit I did doze off a few times while I was on duty. But at least now they can swim.