All About The Parents

So I just read - Training a Tiger - the book written by Tiger Woods' father, Earl.

Here's my conclusion...

Tiger Woods is nothing more than a creation of his hard-charging father. He wasn't born with any more golfing aptitude or physical prowess than millions of others young brats.

The ONLY reason he became a great golfer is because his father STARTED EARLY. That's it.

The freakin' kid was learning to swing before he was even a year old. And I mean LEARNING, not swinging a Fisher Price club once in a while. Tiger and Earl practiced EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Earl was deliberate, scientific, and UNRELENTING in his tutelage. Rightfully, every trophy Tiger hoists up is a tribute more to his parent(s) than to himself.

So if you want a proven recipe for raising an extraordinary child....there it is.

(It worked for Mozart too.)

Funny 'Old Coot' Malaproprism

So I overhear this 'old coot' at the driving range yesterday talking about 22 year old US Open champion Rory McIlroy:

OldCoot - Tiger who???

Cracking himself up...

OldCoot - He never should have got married!

Pause...

OldCoot - He had all these wild oats he needed to ho(e)?

I think, had he known the correct idiom, he meant to say *oats he needed to SOW*!

Not so much why oats, as why wild oats. The saying is referring to a European grass species with the formal name Avena fatua, which has for centuries in English been called wild oats. Some botanists think it’s the wild original of cultivated oats. Farmers have since ancient times hated it because it’s a weed that’s useless as a cereal crop, but its seeds have always been difficult to separate from those of useful cereals and so tended to survive and multiply from year to year. The only way to remove it was to tramp the fields and hand-weed it. Even today it’s still a problem, despite modern seed cleaning and selective weedkillers.

So sowing wild oats was the archetypal useless occupation, indeed worse than useless. It’s not surprising that the phrase sowing wild oats was applied figuratively to young men who frittered away their time in stupid or idle pastimes. But there’s a strong sexual association here, too, because the phrase was often applied, in a more or less indulgent way, and always to young men, to what was politely referred to as youthful dissipation. The associations between male sexual activity and sowing seed are obvious enough.

The saying is first recorded in English in 1542, in a tract by the Norfolk Protestant clergyman Thomas Becon, though I’m told that a related phrase appears in the works of the Roman author Plautus. It’s common in older English literature, no doubt because the image struck a chord in a society that was still mainly agrarian. Here’s a typical example, from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, of 1869: "Boys will be boys, young men must sow their wild oats, and women must not expect miracles".

Tiger Woods - A Tim Ferriss Retort?

Story:

For the first time, Woods and trainer Keith Kleven offer detail and insight into a fitness regimen that has enabled the world's No. 1 player to add nearly 30 pounds of muscle since he left Stanford in 1996 after his sophomore year.

"Pound for pound, I put him with any athlete in the world," Kleven told the magazine.

The routine is built around stretching up to 40 minutes before each session, core exercises, endurance runs of 7 miles and speed runs of 3 miles, along with weight training. But while Woods is competitive on the golf course, he said he doesn't have an ego in the weight room.

"I've never, ever hurt myself lifting," Woods said. "I hear people say, 'I hurt this' or 'I hurt that.' I don't even know what that feels like. I've been sore, but I've always been able to function and do whatever I wanted to. ... Some people let their ego get in the way. You have to listen to your inner self. Your body knows when it can be pushed and when you just need to back off a little bit."

Woods opts for high repetitions and smaller weights, although Kleven said he is "off the charts" with how much he can lift.

Did you catch that? High reps and low weights...

Tim Ferriss preaches the opposite - higher weights with lower, intense rep counts.

I understand that so-called experts will say that Tiger is looking to build muscle and stamina whereas Ferriss is intent on increasing pure strength.

But I'm inclined to think one of them is wrong working out sub-optimally. And I'm guessing it's Tiger. Three hours lifting weights in the gym at a time? Ferriss only works 4 hours per week!

Of course it's easy to take shots at Tiger now with him in such a prolonged slump. For all the stretching, core work, and Pilates he does his swing certainly looks too stiff, too mechanical, almost like he lifted too many weights!

His hands are way too close to his body...

From his website, and I think I may have linked to this before, here's Tiger's insane, anti-Ferriss daily regimen:

6:30 a.m. - One hour of cardio. Choice between endurance runs, sprints or biking.

7:30 a.m. - One hour of lower weight training. 60-70 percent of normal lifting weight, high reps and multiple sets.

8:30 a.m. - High protein/low-fat breakfast. Typically includes egg-white omelet with vegetables.

9:00 a.m. - Two hours on the golf course. Hit on the range and work on swing.

11:00 a.m. - Practice putting for 30 minutes to an hour.

Noon - Play nine holes.

1:30 p.m. - High protein/low-fat lunch. Typically includes grilled chicken or fish, salad and vegetables.

2:00 p.m. - Three-to-four hours on the golf course. Work on swing, short game and occasionally play another nine holes.

6:30 p.m. - 30 minutes of upper weight training. High reps.

7:00 p.m. - Dinner and rest.

So with such a rigorous schedule, how exactly did he find time to destroy his marriage?

Must have been it at *Noon*...

Shorting Tiger Woods

Normally this is the type of clip I'd put on my near dormant golf blog - Marginalizing Hackers - but it's so well done I think *general audiences* may approve:

Don't think for a second this guy is simply Marginalizing Eldrick Woods...

No, he's also at the same time trying like heck to get himself hired!

There are a whole lot of people out there rooting against Tiger. I wouldn't put myself in that category by any stretch BUT like the guy on the video, I'm rooting at least for the drama of his continued struggles.

Battle Of The Bulge

Hah!

And I was just going to do a post on how Tiger probably sufferedt his *bulging disk* from being a swivel-head!

And I already predicted Tiger would have problems playing golf all backed up this year...

Thanks to my cousin for sending me this one!

UPDATE - As expected, YouTube pulled that clip. Try this one.

Mocking Tiger

Somebody sent me this one approximately titled *New Flags At Augusta*:



And then I just heard about this hilarious prank. Apparently someone went into their pocket to fly this banner over Augusta National yesterday - the first round of this year's Masters:



For more on that reference see -
Buddha Bogey.

And for more Tiger hijinks low-kinks, visit:

Not "Pathetic"?

Moralizing From Hypocrisy Island

Win Some, Lose Some

Tiger, Fully Loaded For 2010

Be Happy For Tiger - Soulmate Found!

Buddha Bogey

Tiger Woods raised a Buddhist? Who would have known?

Usually, after a bad shot on the golf course he yells, "God-damn it Tiger!"

Doesn't Buddhism deny the existence of a *Creator*? If so, who exactly is he cursing when he pushes the ball 2 yards to the right of the pin?



Of course I think it's total BS - he's no Buddhist. And his scripted faux-apology was laughable. It was like he was reading the definition of Buddhism, off a tele-prompter, for the first time.

Although at least he didn't bring in that monument to marital fidelity Jesse Jackson to *counsel* him, a la that other hound Bill Clinton.



I've always sort of rooted against Tiger Woods each week on the PGA Tour - if for no reason other than for the tournaments to be competitive.

But now, after all this *dumb cheating* and *therapy*, I'm thinking Tiger ought to be rooted against absolutely.

What the heck do they do in Buddhist $ex therapy anyway - electro-zap the life out of his pecker or something???

Not "Pathetic"?

Recall that golfer Tiger Woods is currently embroiled in a *serial infidelity situation* with his wife/nanny.

His college girlfriend, of over a decade ago, felt inclined to defend the hound. All I can say is....that this whole thing was freakin' WEIRD.

Tiger Woods was my boyfriend for a year and a half while we were both undergraduates at Stanford. I've never spoken to the press about him; I'm not coming forward now for money or to advance any pathetic showbiz aspirations, but merely to stick up for a friend....He was so human and cared so much about other people and the world around him. This may surprise some people, but Tiger was a great boyfriend.

Our relationship ended when Tiger turned pro after his sophomore year. Becoming the first person in my family to earn a college degree was so important to me that I wasn’t willing to give up my studies to follow him. Like everyone else, I was shocked by the revelations about his infidelities. The Tiger I knew was loyal, devoted and self-?controlled. I’m not naive, but I can say with certainty that he was faithful during the time we dated. The speculation that he's being treated for sex addiction is surprising because we enjoyed a normal sexual relationship.

A what?

A *normal sexual relationship*???

Who talks about their college relationships like that?

I mean, who among us won't admit to being a *stupid kid* back in those days.

This dingbat broad can *say with certainty* that Tiger was faithful to her?

Yeah, ask any girlfriend or wife on the planet, most of them are likewise certain they aren't being cheated on either. Extending her logic, MEN ARE MONOGAMOUS the world over!

I'm not doing a good job here explaining what's so off with this article, this admission. Somebody help me out.

Of course Eldrick wasn't exactly a stud in college either. Golfers hardly have groupies until they make some cash on the PGA Tour. By all accounts, Tiger was an adolescent dork - as most prodigy golf kids are. It's really a game for mature men.

More evidence that Tiger was a collegiate geek is....well, the fact that he dated this dippy, unsightly broad in the first place! Today, after Tiger's a centi-millionaire, she wouldn't have a chance with him next to the p0rn stars and high-end call girls that he connects with.

It's either that, that Tiger dated now *advocate for Native American causes* because he was a loser and had limited options back in the day...

Or, any second now 5 other co-eds from Stanford are going to come out and claim they were diddling Tiger while he was *faithful* to Irene Folstrom!

And how darn funny would that be?!



My last couple of Tiger posts:

Moralizing From Hypocrisy Island

Win Some, Lose Some

Moralizing From Hypocrisy Island

Watson - Tiger should 'clean up his act'

"Tiger has to take ownership of what he has done. He must get his personal life in order...."

"I feel that he has not carried the same stature that other great players that have come along like Jack [Nicklaus], Arnold [Palmer], Byron Nelson, the Hogans, in the sense that there was language and club throwing on the golf course," Watson said. "You can grant that of a young person that has not been out here for a while. But I think he needs to clean up his act and show the respect for the game that other people before him have shown."

This isn't the first time that holier-than-thou Tom Watson has taken to criticizing the ethics and morality of other golf figures.

Some years ago, he wrote an infamous letter to Augusta National that called for Gary McCord's EXPULSION from the Masters. McCord's offense?

He likened the fast greens to a *bikini wax*. Yeah, that's it.

I find all this moralizing curious, coming from a man like Tom Watson.

He's a freakin' alcoholic who destroyed his own marriage. That's his ex-wife pictured above, obviously before she sent him papers. I even heard (once) that his kids won't give him the time of day.

I was positively NOT ROOTING for this 'old coot' last year at the British Open - and I may have been the only one besides Stewart Cink!



Nice choke, jerk.

Win Some, Lose Some

Amidst the woes of his exposed polyamory....Tiger Woods has thus far lost endorsements from Tag Heuer, Gatorade/Pepsi, Accenture, AT&T, GM, and Gillette.

But he did gain one new deal:



Thanks to the PrivateCaller clan for this one!

See also - Tiger, Fully Loaded For 2010.

Tiger, Fully Loaded For 2010

No surprise here ↓

As we all know, by now:

Since the term was coined in 1983, "s*x addiction" has become so embroidered in our self-help vocabulary that most of us stopped questioning it. The term gets bandied about whenever Bill Clinton logs extracurricular time with an intern or Eliot Spitzer gets caught having s*x in his socks or David Duchovny separates from his wife. Recently "S*x Rehab" host Dr. Drew Pinsky made headlines by suggesting that Tiger Woods has a s*x addiction. It's become the go-to defense for extramarital affairs (I'm not an a$$hole; I'm an addict!) and been sold to "Oprah" viewers eager to diagnose their p0rn-loving husbands as both addicts and assholes.

Wow. That has to be a record for ellipses on a single MM blog post. Sorry, but I've got to keep my content flowing through all those *adult content* filters - we live in a veritable THEOCRACY!

But getting back to Tiger...

Obviously, the guy is in a world of hurt at the moment. He's embarrassed himself, destroyed his family, and in all likelihood halved his net-worth. Golf is an intensely psychological game even when one has all their chicks ducks in a row(s) - but now it's got to be more difficult than ever for him to concentrate on the micromanagement of his swing. And how's he going to react in the heat of major when some yahoo yells "CHEATER!", "NICE SHOT TAG-ER!", or something at him?

PLUS, with the paparazzi hounding every one (12 15?) of his broads, especially that tart (Rachel?) that he pitifully connected with, it just can't be easy for him to operate and indulge in his favorite pastime. He's got to be positively brimming at the moment!

And that reminds me of my South Philly, golfing GutterBuddies.

One such jabroni, trying to deprecate the 20 yards behind me he was after each and every tee shot...

He chocked up my length to *DSB* - which meant "Dreaded....S----....B------".

There's a free C-Nut bobblehead doll for the first one of you clowns to accurately fill in the blanks!



Could Tiger's arms even get any bigger?

I know, as a crude hypothesis test, I'll be watching closely for any jump in Tiger's driving stats this year. In 2009, he averaged 298 yards with the 1-wood.

Tiger Woods' Nothing Statement

A break?

For those of you unaware....right now is professional golf's OFF-SEASON.

Furthermore, for the game's better players, it extends for a few more months - essentially into March.

Tiger, Phil Mickelson, et al have recently starting skipping the first tournament of the season, at Kapalua on Maui, and even then much of the early part of the season. They essentially try to focus the beginning of their long season around The Masters in April, and preparation for it.

It'd be one thing if Tiger *took a break* in May or July...

Because doing so now is like, well, quitting while your boss writes up your pink slip!

(Or, it's like banning a commenter who doesn't even comment!)

There's absolutely no way Tiger skips the Masters this year.

I predict his marriage will be over soon enough.

And he'll be back on the prowl again - aiming to break not only Jack Nicklaus' record, but also now Wilt Chamberlain's.

Bob Ryan...Defining Joke

Bob Ryan is that once-revered, 'old coot' Boston Globe sportswriter. The public only enjoyed reading him because, well, back in the day the information pipelines were monopolized; and he was the best of the worst. The internet and the explosion of non-traditional media has thankfully outed him for the poseur that he always was.

Today he's rambling about Tiger Woods - about how worse than lying to and cheating on his wife is the fact that Tiger has become the butt of *jokes*!

Here's the problem.

You're allowed to falter. You're allowed to screw up. You're allowed to deceive. You're even allowed to lose, once in a while.

But you cannot allow yourself to become a cartoon.

He then attempts to draw a parallel prediction to NBA standout Dennis Rodman - a man whose antics eclipsed his accomplishments.

Is Tiger really in this category?



Well, Bob Ryan writes:

Tiger has more than likely moved into that category. Being a garden variety philanderer who legitimately falls out of love with his legally-wedded wife and into love with another woman is something people can understand, perhaps even relate to. But when you compile a dossier like his, with porn stars and blond bombshells of little personal substance, and your private e-mails and cell phone messages are out there for all to read and hear, you have entered into another category.

That's where I think Tiger is already. He's a joke, a punch line, a cartoon. That's the last thing you want to be, and I'm not sure it's reversible.

Well Ryan, most ironically, has become sort of a cartoon character in his own right in Boston. Everywhere he goes surely people ask themselves, "Why the bleep did I ever care about HIS take on last night's game???"

Though personally, I never, EVER cared much for him.

You know, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, he wrote an article bemoaning that potentially the worst consequence of the disaster was that *many of his favorite restaurants might never re-open*!

And he also got in hot water dissing Jason Kidd's wife. Story here.

Some years ago, I used to harass him all the time over email - as did plenty of other blogger-types. But now, he's so pronouncedly irrelevant that most everybody ignores him.

Fame is indeed a slender reed to lean on....and that goes for all of them.

See also - Bob Ryan - Senility On Full Display.

(Some blogger here says that Bob Ryan hasn't written a basketball article in two months!)

Be Happy For Tiger - Soulmate Found!

Tiger Woods dissing his wife? After the Tiger Woods scandal has unfolded (or imploded, rather) there's news surfacing that Tiger may have dissed his wife Elin Nordegren Woods in an email to one of his alleged mistresses...

According to Radar Online, one of the emails to alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel reads:

"I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. Why didn't we find each other years ago?"

Hmmmmm....

I had thought that the extramarital socialization was the actual *diss*!

But what do I know? I'll have to check one of those old school ebonic dictionaries - which could also probably shed some cultural light on polyamorous males.

And who knew that *diss* has gained sufficient literary acceptance to be permitted in newpaper headlines?!

The link for the non-story is here.

By inference, I guess if Tiger was praising his wife to his umpteen side squeezes....the entire situation would have been so much more palatable to his nanny au pair wife.

Tiger's virility was always suspect. He was never one of *the guys*. Heck, as a youngster he was hanging out with that 'old coot', dullard Mark O'Meara all the time - a man who also recently left his wife.

And now Eldrick has been caught texting/emailing a most emasculating:

I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. Why didn't we find each other years ago?

....to a groupie/ho!

What would you do to your jabroni if you saw him emailing that?

One of my Gutter Buddies from Philly....his stance was always that there was nothing wrong with getting wasted and *settling for a pig* but that it was a grave offense to *fantasize* about one!

See also:

Risks of Marrying Down

Tiger Woods Caught With Naked Feet

Three In My Inbox Today

Three In My Inbox Today

Did anyone get emailed more *Tiger's Christmas cards* than that?

And, not for anything, but all of mine came from 'old coots'.

As for Tiger's admitted transgressions...

I have to think that when he married this Elin broad, that he had an *understanding* with her. That's the whole point of going for a Euro, no?

You just know that the pool guy and the gardener over at the Woods plantation are all geeked up to partake in a, less violent, act of *revenge*...

Tiger Woods, Caught With Naked Feet!

Officers are examining whether any crime was committed, and looking into suggestions that Woods may have been driving without shoes, which is illegal in Florida, and that he may have been assaulted by his golf club-wielding wife, Elin Nordegren, before the crash.

Now, for those of you who missed it...

There was quite some debate about the legality (not to mention the propriety and health) of barefeet. See the lengthy comment section of - Is Your Brood Shod?

And the link for the Tiger Woods situation is here.

Meanwhile, the odds are now posted on Tiger's marriage surviving December!

See also - The Risks of Marrying Down.

And the lovely semi-related, visual over at - Foot Nudists.

Risks Of Marrying Down

Hah!

Is it wrong to laugh your tail off at Tiger's *situation*?

The rumors on Friday were that he was confronted by his wife for an indiscretion, she scratched him up, he threw a fit, and went out and crashed his car.

Can you say "John Daly"?

Why is this funny?

Because Tiger, a man soon to be worth a billion smackeroos, went out like a total Moron and married a freakin' stereotype - a blonde, Swedish au pair/nanny!

An extraordinary guy like him has to either:

1) Not get hitched so soon.

2) Or make darn sure one doesn't choose unwisely.

The list of people throughout history who've safely navigated the marital waters of *extreme wealth*....is probably very short.

And man, does she look terrible above or what?

Our Pols - Humorless Liars And Idiots

White House Watermelon Email From California Mayor Dean Grose Inspires Outrage

The mayor of Los Alamitos is coming under fire for an e-mail he sent out that depicts the White House lawn planted with watermelons, under the title "No Easter egg hunt this year."

Local businesswoman and city volunteer Keyanus Price, who is black, said Tuesday she received the e-mail from Mayor Dean Grose's personal account on Sunday and wants a public apology.
Grose confirmed to the AP that he sent the e-mail to Price and said he didn't mean to offend her. He said he was unaware of the racial stereotype that black people like watermelons.

He said he and Price are friends and serve together on a community youth board.

"Bottom line is, we laugh at things and I didn't see this in the same light that she did," Grose told the AP. "I'm sorry. It wasn't sent to offend her personally - or anyone - from the standpoint of the African-American race."

Grose, who became mayor in December, said he sent an apology e-mail to Price and her boss and also left her a voicemail apology.

Regardless, Price said it will be difficult for the two to work together.

"Now I am like - wow, is this really how he feels?" Price said.

He didn't know the *stereotype*?

If anyone believes that....they are so stupid they deserve to be lied to!

Furthermore, I fail to see how the propensity to eat watermelon is an offensive stereotype. It's a harmless fact.

Look, 'old coots' crave bland meat-and-potatoes, Latinos only eat at Taco Bell, Indians have their curry, Asians eat a lot of Ramen and canine, Bostonians like to eat crap, and blacks have a natural hankering for one particular fruit.

(And one particular beer, one particular boned meat, one particular vegetable, one particular evaporated drink, and one particular soft drink.)

So what's the big deal? Where's the *offense*?



Man, was the Fuzzy Zoeller/Tiger Woods incident really 12 years ago now?

How Good Is Tiger Woods?

Despite playing only 6 events this year, if it weren't for a white hot late-season Vijay Singh, Tiger might still have won the money title. Click the pic to enlarge.



Remember that he broke his leg in June AND tore his ACL right before hobbling his way to a US Open playoff victory over Rocco Mediate. Watch the highlights from that one: