Exhilarating Ad!

Watch it on full screen....try to guess the product.

Who couldn't figure out how to enlarge it?

I'll bet you have an AOL email acct...

Truth In Advertising?

I always wondered why say a restaurant didn't try to advertise itself as having *the most fattening cheeseburger* or something.


I guess if it did, it would ring like this:

Ineffective AND probably expensive to make on account of the *star power*. I'm sure someone in the marketing dept. of Hulu got fired over this one!

Ads For 'Old Coots'

At my aunt's house the other day down here in sunny Florida(!), I noticed her Kindle on the coffee table.

The ads were running on the screen so, having just arrived, I figured that we interrupted her reading.

But many hours later I saw the ads still flashing on the Kindle, in the same spot,...

CaptiousNephew - You know, you can turn that thing off...

Aunt - It IS off.

CaptiousNephew - No it's not.

Aunt - Yes it is.

So I picked it up, slid the power switch to the right and counted out loud slowly, "one two three....six seven" and the Kindle did a miraculous thing - IT TURNED OFF. You should have seen the look of amazement on her face!

CaptiousNephew - Don't you have the directions?

Aunt - Of course. I filed them too.

CaptiousNephew - Well, you should have READ them first!

Later on that night I was talking to my mother - my aunt's sister - via a cordless cellphone...

With my aunt next to me I started to relay this humorous episode to my mother - much to the chagrin of auntie.

Then I caught myself mid-anecdote:

CaptiousSon - Wait Ma, do you have ads running on your Kindle.

Mother - Yes. I can't stand them.

CaptiousSon - Do you know how to turn them off?

Mother - Nope.

And then I walked her through the complicated 7-second-button-hold process.

It turns out she also prudently filed her directions.

Me? I took one quick look and tossed them!

I do wonder how many 'old coots' are out there staring at ads on their Kindles unnecessarily.

And I do wonder if Amazon's engineers did this intentionally!!!

Someone also has to tell these fossils that they can HIT THE MUTE BUTTON when the color TV commercials start blaring too! I mean it's bad enough that they don't have/use DVR technology...

See also - The Jurassic Butterfly Effect.

Another Great YouTube Entrepreneurial Success Story

Yeah, it involves *dragon breath*.

Click here.

30% Off Nothing!

I just quit Groupon - the email coupon subscription service.

I had seen the commercials and heard raving praise and thus felt obligated to sign up. I kind of have to force myself to check out the *trends* so I don't miss the bounty of TNBT.

But this one stunk. It offers deals on over-priced garbage that I'd never even think about splurging on in the first place.

And in general that's what I've always thought of old-fashioned clipped coupons too.

I have my brands; I stick with them; and I load up when they're on sale.

Terrific Marketing Imagery!

Say what?

Magic is *comfortable in his own skin*???

Well we already knew that he wasn't comfortable in latex or organic sheepskin!!!

Color TV - The Best Marketing Medium For Shiftless Morons

This one is a few years old, but I hadn't seen it before this morning:

The website - YourBabyCanRead.com - has a better video that should autoplay when you click the link.

It looks like total BS, right?

Well it might be and it might not. It probably plays off the truth that these youngsters are capable of a whole lot more than their parents/society expects. So a little *work* will go a long way and turn heads in the process.

Be careful though, that website only lists a $14.95 price BUT I believe that is only the *trial price*. After a month they send you a bill for $100 or so.

Here's another one that I saw this morning on my low def color TV:

Ha!

And that one is even more of a rip at $347. It's got a lovely re-directing domain - WeFixKids.com!!!

What I love about infomercials is though - how they so clearly manifest market demand.

People out there, the lumpen masses, really do just want: a 3 minute workout, get rich in real estate secrets, magic pills for weight loss, the snuggle blanket, male enhancement, and good report cards from well-behaving kids.

I'm not minimizing these popular desires in any way at all.

It's just that there are sundry other ways to go out and achieve these goals, but they all require one significant gesture of self-propulsion...

Yeah, you have to actually get off the couch!

Snake Oil Soda?

How soon is too soon?

Not soon enough. Laboratory tests over the last few years have proven that babies who start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and *fitting in* during those awkward pre-teen and teen years. So, do yourself a favor. Do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of sodas and other sugary carbonated beverages right now, for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness.

Don't you dare laugh or scoff...

Fifty years from now wiseacres will be mocking our pig flu alarmism, faith-based acceptance of failed government schooling, and bio-organic yoga mats that claim to alter the global climate!

Creative Jobhunting - In The Age Of Google

I'm sure a lot of other people have tried this approach now that this story is out.

And why the bleep not?

From Propaganda To 'Public Relations'

Interesting clip here:

Explaining Away The Good News

While us renting, cash-hoarding, stock market bears are happy to read news reports of bankrupt municipalities, crippling debt, and all sort of economic malaise....we also have to digest the occasional *positive* economic headline.

So judging through the narrow lens of *Super Bowl ads*, it appears that this dour economy has some life. $3 million per ad? Sounds downright bullmarkety!

Though I think it's short of last year's $206 million total ad take for NBC's broadcast.

AND, let's not forget that this has to be one of the most exciting Super Bowls in memory.

New Orleans verus Indianapolis looks to be nothing less than a clash of equally-matched titans. I'm not saying that the presence of Brett Favre's Vikings or the New York Jets wouldn't have had similar billing or ratings.

I'm just saying that anything read into the ad sales ought to consider the very compelling matchup.

I'll be rooting for the Saints or against Peyton Manning - however you want to look at it. Obviously, if the Colts win it'll raise Manning's stature above that of Tom Brady.

For sure, the game is going to flat-out suck. The last time I was this geeked up for such a (literal) heavyweight clash was....Tyson v. Holyfield!





After I paid $25 or so to get into a bar to watch it, Tyson bit Holyfield's ear off and the fight was depressingly ended after a mere three rounds!

Alright, for a refreshing bit of sports levity, see - Moronic Athletes. I posted that over three years ago. None of you have been reading me that long, right?

Win Some, Lose Some

Amidst the woes of his exposed polyamory....Tiger Woods has thus far lost endorsements from Tag Heuer, Gatorade/Pepsi, Accenture, AT&T, GM, and Gillette.

But he did gain one new deal:



Thanks to the PrivateCaller clan for this one!

See also - Tiger, Fully Loaded For 2010.

Advertising Failure?

I can't tell if this is a serious ad for a serious product or what:

Advertising What?

I had to rewind the television, twice,...then I got out of bed and grabbed my camera for this shot:



I guess it's good to know that SpeeDee is not only *king* or whatever of the oil change....but they apparently also know how to get one's headlights beaming brightly!

I wonder if they really do use ice cubes for this cinematic effect...

Baby Scat

Had to do a double-take walking past this item at Target the other day:



But I guess that was the point of the attention-grabbing name!

Thankfully, my days of applying such products on my brood's hineys is over and done with.

A French name - Boudreaux - was clever and just on the cusp of propriety.

A Greek name - e.g. Dukakis Butt Paste - might have been a little too much.

Class Action Needed

It simply DOES NOT WORK.

There's no way ANYONE can squeeze out less than a mountain of relish from that bottle.

I googled this subject and found a blog post that queried *why would anyone buy squeezable relish more than once*?

Indeed.

This an egregious case of FALSE and MISLEADING advertising.

At least with other violating products, for example those male enhancement pills, there's the possibility of a delusional placebo effect. Right West Coast Tom?

My advice - squeeze it to the side of your target....and have a fork handy.

Not for nothing, but Heinz has some balls for marketing this product as such.

My Blog Will Chisel Your Mind

Twice now in the past 2 months or so I have met individuals who've completed the P90X regimen. You may recognize it from the nighttime infomercials:



Both guys were quite happy and quite transformed by the product.

P90X is obviously the antithesis of these other fitness programs. Unlike products like the *Ab Lounge*, this one promises to whip your butt.

I have to admit that I an fascinated by infomercials. I watch them all the time. I find the marketing, the new *sells* very interesting.

Though only twice have I ever bought anything. I bought the some *ab wheel* about 10 years ago (It hurt my back too much). And I also bought the Bean so I could do back-supported crunches. The Bean lasted, and got used, for a couple of years. It recently went flat and I moved on to yoga and Hip Hop Abs.

The yoga has been great - read my prior post On Yoga.

But now I might modify my workout a bit. I think I am going to give Yoga Booty Ballet a try!



One note - they ought to make *new moms* off-limits from infomercial testimonials. No matter what they do, even if it's *nothing*, these women are going to lose a lot of weight after they have newborns. That is....so long as they don't get pregnant again.

Rush Limbaugh Profited From Your Adjustable Mortgage Nightmare

Ah, the adjustable mortgage....

In order for this to be an appropriate product for a borrower, they need to have a considerable cash cushion. They need to have enough rainy-day money where in the event of a housing or mortgage market collapse, they're capable of dipping into their pockets to put the additional money needed down to secure a fixed rate mortgage.

For example, consider the $400,000 adjustable mortgage borrower. Assume they put a *healthy* 10% down on a $440,000 house.

Since then the market has corrected; their house is now worth $350,000. To lock in a new 10% down, fixed rate loan, that buyer would need to pony up $85,000.

Quite frankly, people that buy $440,000 homes do not generally have $85,000 extra sitting around in the bank. Nor do people that buy $220,000 houses usually have $42,500 of rainy-day money either.

I do know one guy who has about a 500k adjustable mortgage on a 700k house. Though he has plenty of cash. In fact, he probably earns 500k in annual income. But other than him, the number of people financially fit enough to borrow on an adjustable basis is almost nil.

Ergo, it follows that the adjustable mortgage is a trap, a con, and snake oil all at once.

I'd only recommend adjustables to my sworn enemies.



On the other hand, Rush Limbaugh has been bombarding his listeners with ads for Quicken Loans and their exotic, non-fixed rate mortgages for years now.

So he's in a profit (obscene?) sharing plan with financial hucksters.

By carrying these ads on his show, he's legitimized a toxic product; he's harmed who knows how many of his listeners naive enough to swallow *you GET to refinance*.

Here would be Rush's defense:

HypotheticalRush - Well, these products saved a lot of money for people as interest rates were trending down....and house prices were rising.

and

HypotheticalRush - I am not into paternalism. I believe my viewers are smart enough to look out for their own best interests.

Plausible arguments? Well that would be a subjective judgment.

I would never take these ads without, minimally, constantly lecturing my audience about the risks. Even with simultaneous warning, I'm still not sure that I'd take the payola to broadcast such outright hucksterism.

Me? I feel horrible if someone buys a stock or commodity I recommended and loses a few grand.

HypotheticalRush - It's the radio network that chooses advertising. They are a business intent on maximizing profits.

Ah, there's nothing like morality sustained by a couple of *degrees of separation*. Yet they have to maximize profits to pay the host his $400 million contract.

Rush's best defense is probably ignorance. Old, wealthy guys have almost categorically missed the housing bubble.

Meanwhile the marginal buyers, young renters who can afford to buy, who've crunched the numbers and seen a historical chart or two, we've been far more lucid on this matter.



I understand that any media business would have great difficulty turning down the highest bidding advertisers.

But still, they might ask, "How can this exotic mortgage company afford to spend so much on ads?"

And they might do well to remember that snake oil is one of the highest margin products ever invented.

Another Marketing Misnomer

How can you possibly call a retirement home Sunrise Assisted Living?

Shouldn't it be more aptly named SUNSET Assisted Living?

Or, how about these more accurate names:

Final Inning Care

Last Lap Living

Grande Finale Nursing Home

The DNR House

???

I love how when these Baby Boomers outsource their filial responsibilities to a nursing home their justification is invariably, "Well, it's better for them to be around their peers..."

Peers?

It's better for your parents to spend their golden years with other doting parents who also have self-centered, irresponsible kids?