THIS Is Funny

He apparently said it *90 times* this past week in speeches, "PASS THIS BILL".

I can honestly say I have no idea what he's talking about - no idea what the *bill* is as I don't follow the din of contemporary politics.

But I'm quite sure that more rules, regs, and money printing in Washington isn't going to help the economy.

I do thank him for the damn good, teleprompter-skipping, laugh though!

Really...Who LOVES Their Dentist???

Did any of y'all know that dentists supposedly have a very high *suicide rate*?

I mean I knew that postal employees had a high homicide rate; I knew that those fat vegans have the highest herbicide rates...but I had no idea that dentists turn their savagery inward (as well).

Here, you can Google it.

Very interesting...

'Slim Pickings' On The Democratic Plantation

This story is making headlines today - that the black employment rate hit a new low of 56.9% (versus the white rate of 68% or whatever).

OBVIOUSLY that's Bush's fault or something!

Anyways, I want to throw a stat out there that I've never heard outside of an economics class I took in 1994 or so.  Whatever it was back then I imagine it's worse today.

It stated that out of the African Americans who ARE EMPLOYED....that a staggering 75% of them work for the government, either federal, state, or local.

BTW, I got very excited for a few brief moments today. At Wendy's, an irate customer came screaming up to the counter and threw her burger down. She was gushing expletives and demanding to know WTF those people working there thought *extra pickles and extra onions* looked like. I kid you not.

No employees would respond and she went ballistic - calling them *undocumented* mo-fo's and whatnot. Of course the lady threatened to *come on back there and whoop somebody*. You can't make this up!

I was paying for my meal and enjoying it all....then alertly I put my money down and dug for my Droid camera as she was only 7 feet away.

I did catch the last few seconds of it but unfortunately missed the really good opening barbs.

It's too bad because I yearn to be back on Drudge, again.

Shoot, that was four years ago now.

Why Couldn't I Have Learned This Stuff 20 Years Ago?!

Getting a job and trading your time for money may seem like a good idea. There’s only one problem with it. It’s stupid! It’s the stupidest way you can possibly generate income! This is truly income for dummies.

Why is getting a job so dumb? Because you only get paid when you’re working. Don’t you see a problem with that, or have you been so thoroughly brainwashed into thinking it’s reasonable and intelligent to only earn income when you’re working? Have you never considered that it might be better to be paid even when you’re not working? Who taught you that you could only earn income while working? Some other brainwashed employee perhaps?

Don’t you think your life would be much easier if you got paid while you were eating, sleeping, and playing with the kids too? Why not get paid 24/7? Get paid whether you work or not. Don’t your plants grow even when you aren’t tending to them? Why not your bank account?

Who cares how many hours you work? Only a handful of people on this entire planet care how much time you spend at the office. Most of us won’t even notice whether you work 6 hours a week or 60. But if you have something of value to provide that matters to us, a number of us will be happy to pull out our wallets and pay you for it. We don’t care about your time — we only care enough to pay for the value we receive. Do you really care how long it took me to write this article? Would you pay me twice as much if it took me 6 hours vs. only 3?

Non-dummies often start out on the traditional income for dummies path. So don’t feel bad if you’re just now realizing you’ve been suckered. Non-dummies eventually realize that trading time for money is indeed extremely dumb and that there must be a better way. And of course there is a better way. The key is to de-couple your value from your time.

That is from a most worthwhile blog post - 10 Reasons You Should Never Get A Job. Be sure to read the rest of it.

See also - Book Review - The 4 Hour Workweek.

For Corporate Wage Slaves...

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) the next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block: Synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practice, bottom line, revisit, expeditious, to tell you the truth (or "the truth is), 24/7, out of the loop, benchmark, value-added, proactive, win-win, think outside the box, fast track, result-driven, knowledge base, at the end of the day, touch base, mindset, client focus(ed), paradigm, game plan, leverage.

3. Now check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally stand up and shout "BULL$HIT!"
___
"Real Testimonials" from satisfied players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam W., Atlanta

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David T., Orlando

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan J., New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G., Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULL$HIT!' for the third time in two hours. The Bull$hit Bingo Championship will be played at the next meeting." - Rod H

Profiles In Teen Entrepreneurship - Mike Goetz

Read this amazing story...

Then pull your kids out of *school*!

THESE are the young Americans that ought to be glorified by society - not rappers, athletes, and *reality* color TV participants.

Much thanks to the anonymous commenter who sent me this one.

Pedestal Substitutions

Those are Entrepreneur Heroes trading cards.

When I was a kid, I was, for a short time anyway, drooling over Fred Lynn and Kirby Puckett rookie cards. And how many millions of poor kids did/do the same?

Why not encourage the children to *idolize* successful entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs and Michael Dell? I must say that I'm going to acquaint my kids with the biographies of these economic and creative heroes very early on in their education.

Does anyone want to buy my David Robinson NBA Hoops rookie cards? It's time for me to completely let go.

The Altar Of Culinary Sacrifice

My buddy informed me that his wife landed a job at Gramercy Tavern.

CaptiousNut - Wow. That's like a top-10 restaurant in Manhattan. What a great opportunity!

Buddy - Well, it's more like an *internship* and it's actually the top-rated restaurant in New York City. She's in charge of organizing the refrigerator. And it pays minimum wage.

CaptiousNut - But still it'll look great on her résumé and will be a tremendous learning opportunity.

Buddy - She has to start out at the bottom and pay her dues.

CaptiousNut- Yeah. Something will open up soon. She'll move up the food chain fast.

Buddy - But she doesn't know if she wants to work in that kind of restaurant or any restaurant for that matter. It's so crazy intense. People are always chopping off their fingertips and getting burned...

CaptiousNut - You know I was always wondering about that. I always wanted to ask these professional chefs: Chef Ramsay, Lydia from that PBS Show, et al, how many times they cut themselves chopping garlic and whatnot....And you see it all the time on Hell's Kitchen. Almost every season someone gets really hurt.

Here's the menu at Gramercy Tavern. Currently dinner is two courses and costs $86 per person. Good luck with weekend reservations!

See also - Finger Food.

Creative Jobhunting - In The Age Of Google

I'm sure a lot of other people have tried this approach now that this story is out.

And why the bleep not?

Reality Can Bite

My wife was called recently by someone who was looking to hire one of her former employees.

Mrs. C-Nut didn't respond right away. She came home all bummed out that she was put in that position. You see, this particular ex-employee was *absolutely horrible* and my wife is herself a horrible liar.

But both the individual and their spouse had reportedly been out of work for a long time. They have children...

Obviously, any frankness on the part of my wife would probably cost this incompetent person a potential job. My advice whether or not it was actually solicited:

CaptiousNut - But if you aren't honest, this woman may get hired over SOMEBODY ELSE who also needs a job badly, has kids, etc....someone more deserving.

Mrs. C-Nut - But the thing to do is to tell them (the employee) when they ask you to have them ask a different person. I can't remember if I was ever asked to be a reference or if I said 'yes'...There's an etiquette to these things.

It's surely a tough spot to be in - having the power of financial *god* over another person and their livelihood.

My wife did eventually speak with the recruiter/employer on the phone about her former employee. When I asked her what she said I didn't really get a response. Mrs. C-Nut is phenomenally talented at many things but like I said, she can't bull$hit worth a lick.

No clue what happened with the job, but my wife heard that her poor ex-employee's spouse filed for divorce and for full custody. Ouch.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind, Out of Work

Do you know when it's easiest to find a job?

It's when you already have one!

When you're out of work and the bills are piling up it's near impossible to get hired.

My wife interviewed for a position in Manhattan a little over a month ago. They said they same BS that firms always say, "We'll let you know next week."

Only they didn't, of course. Or the next week...

But yesterday they did offer her the position and it looks like she'll sign on the dotted line - once the non-small issue of compensation is addressed.

And that's when these surprises appear, when neither she nor I was watching the pot. Heck we'd almost totally forgotten about this position.

But that's in stark contrast to the recent experience of a friend of ours.

This breadwinner been out of work since November and undergone a torturesome 6 or 7 interviews with an interested new employer. Still, after 8(?) weeks of this process they haven't made a decision one way or another.

That's just cruel. Four formal interviews is where you have to draw the line.

After that, put the potential job out of your mind and get back to looking far and wide for other positions.



One more thing.

In your giddyness, don't forget to negotiate *vacation* before signing anything.

Because if Mrs. C-Nut hears one more story about someone 35-45 years old taking a job with only 2 or 3 weeks vacation....she's going to blow her lid!

It's almost like when someone dies - there's too much emotion to haggle with the gouging funeral director (and he knows it!).

Homeschool your kids. And turn them into entrepreneurs that they may never know the agony of a job search.

Undaunted Bull-Headed Morons

So I know somebody locally...

They overpaid for too much house, too soon (before the market dropped and before they procreated) - plus the place needs a whole lot of finishing to boot (sod, basement, driveway, etc.).

Three months after they buy borrow the place, the guy loses his job. And it takes him a full torturous year to find gainful employment. During that time the spouse admitted to many rivers of tears ("everytime I pulled into the driveway") and that they had to withdraw from retirement accounts just to pay the 30 year(!) mortgage.

So, fortunately for him he did secure a rare open position in this ultra-$hitty labor market - although it seems to be substantially *commission-based*.

Now, what does he do not even two months in?

He goes out and buys leases a *Rover*!

That has to be nearly $500 a month, right?

Earthlings simply do not learn - not unless the lesson is jammed down their throat, or fired up their posterior cavity.

Desperation - Now Hiring

I did briefly see this ad during the Super Bowl on Sunday.

And I thought to myself, "CareerBuilder is still in business?"

Maybe 9 years ago I might have put my resume on that site when I moved from Philly to NYC, but don't think I've even heard its name mentioned since then.

I guess I figured that everything went to Craigslist and LinkedIn (and maybe Monster.com). So is there even a market for CareerBuilder??? Especially these days when NO ONE is hiring!

A quick google on this subject revealed that Monster just bought HotJobs from Yahoo for $225 million.

Apparently, Yahoo had first bought it for $432 million some 8 years ago. Ouch!

Perhaps it's just me that thinks CareerBuilder obscure...

But I just don't think companies with scant name recognition after a decade in business, in an imploding industry, ought to be spending $3 million on Super Bowl ads.

Here we are....link:

CareerBuilder released its North American revenue numbers today, which show that while it has been hurt by the recession, it’s still ahead of its closest competitor.

For the fourth quarter, CareerBuilder reported $131 million in revenue, a 30.5 percent decline from the last quarter of 2008. For the whole year, CareerBuilder’s North American revenue was $542 million, down 26.7 percent from the year before.

As a privately held company, CareerBuilder isn’t required to report any of its financials.

Revenue down 26.7% from 2008....that's to be expected.

But a gross total of $542 million in revenue?

Color me shocked, and ignorant, that the top line could possibly be that high!

Again, business is vanishing; they spent all that money producing and running a Super Bowl ad; and I'll bet the marketing team and management is thinking they knocked the cover off the ball with their commercial.

Big freakin' deal.

Yoga Instructor - Best Job On Earth?

WOWSERS!

A while back I wrote a couple of posts on the *worst* jobs:

Click here and then here.

What Wealth Gap?

With financial assets roaring....and unemployment soaring (10%-20% depending on the metric)....

How come we haven't seen any Big Media reports of the *rich getting richer* and the *poor getting poorer*???

I thought they cared about this stuff!

I mean, firming stocks and bonds do nothing for the average working stiff who lives paycheck-to-paycheck - unless one believes in *trickle down* economics or something. Is that the new creed amongst the Ministers of Information?

See what I wrote last year on this, including an NYT prediction on what Obama would do for *inequality*:

In Search Of New Agitprop

Celebrating What?

Hah!

You've gotta love Drudge.

While most of us are out there trying to enjoy the beautiful weather we've been blessed with for this long holiday weekend....

He just has to remind everyone that they are jobless!

[9.7% is the latest *official* number I've heard for the unemployment rate.]

The ironical humor is, of course, that Labor Day was founded by the OVERWORKED.

Now here's a chart that's been discussed widely on the blogosphere. Click image to enlarge if necessary:



From the high point of the NASDAQ bubble to today, a span of ten full years, America has enjoyed ZERO private job sector growth.

Are you surprised by that?

I'm not.

Put it this way, how many people do you know have PRODUCTIVE jobs? How many people do you know are in an industry that builds something of value?

For example, Bill Gates built a company upon the Windows operating system; it has improved everyone's efficiency; he's increased free time - and productivity - by lowering administrative costs and whatnot.

But seemingly everyone else - that I know anyway - does nothing. They are money-changers and skimmers for Wall Street firms. Or, they are government agents like teachers and social workers. They are in heavily subsidized propped-up pseudo-businesses like academia, *green tech*, or *biotech*....OR Big Medicine! And let's not overlook the intermediating leeches: agents, accountants, lobbyists, and lawyers! What exactly do they do except tax otherwise freely associating human beings?

[In fairness to the leeches, their jobs have been born of Big Government.]

I'm serious. I know almost nobody who's a party to real production. This economy is just a fiat mirage. The Feds print Monopoly money and dole it out to the politically connected entities and institutions that dominate our economic landscape.

Meanwhile, we all delude ourselves that we are wealthy, that this nation is actually wealthy.

How long can the sliver of our populace that is productive continue to carry this nation?

How long can a runaway Big Government continue to expropriate and squander the fruits of their innovation....without dire consequences?



I'm not going to let Matt Drudge, or anyone else, rain on my cookout.

But I'm no Moron - I'm keeping my umbrella handy for what's imminent.

I just wish I hadn't gotten short the markets so soon....

The Scoop

Nothing post here.

My father told me his local creamery put out an ad in the paper for an *ice cream scooper*....

And they received 200 applications!

I find it hard to believe the low end of the job market is that weak, but I guess all the restaurants and retailers really have cut back.

On Job Discrimination

Sure, there are chronic categorical victims.

But it's not always that way.

For example, my wife had to pick a couple of people from her staff of forty to layoff. Here, she was obviously playing *god* with people's livelihoods in this imploding economy.

When it came down to a few married people (with children) versus someone who was single she picked the latter based not insignificantly on that very distinction.

This case defies the perception, generally speaking, that family-men/women, because they can't travel as much and work as late, are discriminated against in the workplace. Perhaps family people have a leg down in the hiring process but fare better once they're on the payroll?

Here's another example from my real estate agent buddy in Naples. He recently hired an assistant (and then another). One of his 50 applicants was incredibly qualified but over-the-top gorgeous and built to boot. She was among other things a former yoga instructor. Despite resounding competence, and absolutely *begging* for the job, my buddy refused to hire her.

He's a married man and probably wants to keep not only his focus at work, but his thoughts *pure*, and wifely suspicion to a minimum.

Poor girl. But at least she can still speed with impunity when she drives - for a few more years anyway.

I've also heard whiny complaints from some *hot* women that men are often intimidated by their looks; that dudes are afraid to approach them at bars and whatnot. Whatever, these broads remain far down, maybe at the bottom, of the sympathy chain.



On correlating *good looks* with *workplace competency* I have one personal anecdote:

As an undergrad at UPenn, I was a manager (work-study job) of some residential facilities. I had to hire 9 other students to work for me. I must have gotten 50 or so diverse applicants. Yet my staff ended up being 8 chicks and 1 dude. What I did was glaringly obvious to everyone but I didn't care one bit. I was 20 and wasn't exactly focused then on philosophy, religion, and the state of world affairs if you catch my drift.

As it turns out, if you were to stack-rank my employees (the dude excluded) on job performance, and then again on *qualities important to the superficial male*, the lists would be perfectly inverted. And at the extremes, the young lady who was easiest on the eyes turned out to be a lazy, entitled b*tch; while the homeliest one was a world-beater.

One of my good friends ended up marrying the world-beater. He himself was considered a very handsome man - and always had plenty of *social* options. We all shook our collective heads at his choice. What the bleep was he thinking?

Turns out, he made a sagacious, farsighted decision. As a profoundly lazy person himself, in choosing the ugly, sturdy duckling, he set himself up for life!

Mrs. C-Nut maintains that her *pretty boy* employees have, over the years, been some of the worst.

And Will Durant asserted that *extreme good looks* were a handicap in life.

Whatever, I shall overcome.

See also - Nanny Criteria.

Brown Collar Work

Almost a year ago I put up a post that covered some of the *worst jobs* on this planet.

Today I found another fit for that category:



There's another video here where it looks like the *manipulator* sticks his whole head in!

I'm sure there are worse jobs out there, so I'll keep looking.

See also - Real Estate Agent - The Second Worst Job In America Today.

Real Estate Agent - The Second Worst Job In America Today

The Orange County Register. "Orange County real estate agents collectively earned about 13 percent less in commissions from home sales last year than the year before. And their income was down about 42 percent from 2005, shrinking by $645 million in the past two years."

"The reductions, spurred by two years of declining home sales, prompted more agents to either leave the business or find jobs elsewhere, while offices either closed or merged with other brokerages. Real estate brokers also reduced agent positions while cutting support staff and costs."

"‘The industry as a whole is definitely taking a gigantic haircut in commissions,’ said Steven Thomas, president of RE/MAX Real Estate Services of Aliso Viejo."

"Forty-five percent of all agents affiliated with an active Orange County real estate office had no income last year from commissions, said Patrick Veling, president of Real Data Strategies Inc. of Brea. Of the 55 percent of agents who had a sale last year, half did just one or two transactions apiece."

"To put that in perspective, a sales agent’s typical commission split amounts to a fourth of the overall commission, or about $8,900 for the sale of one median-priced home in 2007. Fewer than 28 out of every 100 agents did more than two transactions last year, according to Veling."

"‘We have too many agents in the business. This will filter them out,’ said Bill Plattos, broker for a regional chain based in Costa Mesa. ‘People thought it was easy. They muddled it up. Some of them were unprofessional.’"

"Virtually every agent knows someone who’s gotten out of the business, although most who have taken employment elsewhere say they’re keeping their licenses active and trying to keep a hand in the trade."

"One agent, saying he earned just $12,000 last year, took a job at a fitness center to cover living expenses."

"Edward Campbell of Midway City launched his real estate sales career in early 2007 but after six months realized that residential sales were not for him. He switched to commercial real estate."

"Campbell recalled holding two open houses in early 2007 to which nobody came. Those days followed attempts to market the house, then time spent setting up signs and flags. Only to end up spending the day sitting in an empty house, hoping somebody would show up."

"‘It was just boring,’ Campbell said. ‘It was just standing around doing nothing.’" (link)







Okay now, I tried to find some worse jobs (pictured above) but I am sure they pay more than $12,000 per annum. (Don't forget sewer diving.) I have no sympathy for anyone who "loses" income. Y'all have to remember, when us traders have a bad year, it's a NEGATIVE one. Anyway, the agents out there who hustle will still do quite alright - it's the 25 year old newbies and part-timers who are done.

The only job worse than real estate brokering today is, of course, mortgage brokering.