In the course of my continuing self-educational program I happened to peruse old friend Perry Eidelbus' blog recently. On it I saw he had another net altercation and proudly linked to it so we could all behold his....idiocy?
On AlarmingNews.com he was arguing with one "Hashfanatic" about something when the debate escalated to old-fashioned invective. Some of Perry's choice words:
No sh*t...you think?
I should have known you'd resort to this vapid socialist rhetoric.
Complete bullsh*t. Do you even know what the hell you're talking about, or do you have to lie to promote your agenda?
You're just jealous that you saw my blog and realized my fiancee is far more beautiful, far more of a real woman, than you could ever hope to have.
Ah yes, you couldn't resist going back to ad hominem...
Make me, *sshole. You just try, and I swear to God in heaven, you'll have so much 7.62 mm in your *ss that your descendants will think they were born with buckshot.
You say "good night," and I say "go to hell." You just name when, and where, and I will deport your sorry face into the pavement.
Listen, f*cker, you're the one who threatened to "deport me." You want to threaten me, fine, but be prepared to reap the consequences. Go right ahead and try, because it will be the last, I swear to God, the last action you'll take.
c*nt-faces like you
...before I open up another can of whoop-*ss for you.
Name the place and time, punk. Then again, we all know you're just a coward.
Note that the ellipses are mine - I've got to keep my blog moving through those parental content filters.
So how does this involve moi?
Well, there was a part of the exchange that sent me reeling with laughter:
Hashfanatic - Perry? Do you think it's wise to threaten people with firearms over the internet? Particularly with your stellar relationship with the NYPD, and a third-world mail-order bride on the way?
Perry - ...if you insult my fiancee again with the lie that she's a mail-order bride, I will beat you within a millimeter of your sorry life.
Now allow me to explain why this is so doggone funny.
Flashback to January 14th, 2008 - that was the date of my uproarious post The Mail-Order Bride - An End Around.
When I posted it, I figured that if Perry had a brain cell in his dome, that he'd ignore my post to at least limit dissemination. I am right sure he saw my jab, either via an email alert on his name or through his own blog traffic. For all I know, I may have only sent him 3 clicks on his blog. So he likely steamed in private until someone else accused him taking the Mail-Order route. His AlarmingNews spat came two weeks later on January 27th.
Now this is pure conjecture but it looks like Perry was going to ignore my provocation but once another combatant nailed him with his UPS bride, he figured he better address the fact that, for all intents and purposes, he was looking like a mail-order bride purchaser. So, the tool decided to respond to my post.
What a mistake that was.
Here's the link to his retort which posted February 14th. In it he asserts that I can't afford a plane ticket to the Philippines, that I am a "moron", a "typical liberal", that I "beat my wife", among other comically ludicrous accusations. Of course the tough guy threatens my physically, again, over the web. He's certainly mastered the art of the template tantrum - "Liar, liar...FU...I'll beat you up" - Yaaaaawn. Y'all are probably going to have to read the entire post to grasp its inanity.
Now it gets even better.
The next thing I know, my original Mail-Order End Around post is getting slammed with hits. My tracker indicated a ton of clicks from the Philippines and Utah via Perry's artless post. Utah I believe is where Perry's extended family hails from. And the Philippines, well, I am sure it had to be the Mail-Order Bride and her family reading about her, well, Mail-Order characteristics - and not to mention the unbecoming portrait of her
So Perry succeeded in alerting all his readers, fans, friends, family, and future in-laws (pending Homeland Security clearance) to my biting post.
Don't y'all think he should have stuck to his original plan of ignoring it?
But I am the "moron"...
Recently I emailed Hashfanatic,
I was just reading your hilarious "dialogue" with Perry Eidelbus from an AlarmingNews post (1/27) when I busted a gut laughing.
Tell me, did you discern the "mail-order" status of his "fiancee" from my blog post?
Or did you put 2 and 2 together yourself?
Hash responded that he didn't see my Mail-Order Bride post, that his riposte was of his own creation. Ergo, Perry faked himself out. Remember from above, I conjectured that the only reason Perry published a response was because Hash was belting him with the same stick as yours truly. The whole thing reminded me of Seinfeld's The Red Dot episode:
Elaine - Hey George, did you buy that sweater knowing that red dot was on it because you could get it at a discount?
George - What? Did I what?
Elaine - You did didn't you.
George - Elaine, I'm, I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Here I go out in the spirit of the season (Elaine looking like she's not buying a word of it) and spend all my savings to buy you the most beautiful Christmas sweater I have ever seen to show my appreciation to you at Christmas and this is the thanks that I get at Christmas.
Elaine - Well Jerry told me that you did.
George - You told her? How could you tell her? I told you not to say anything.
Jerry - I didn't tell her you stupid idiot. She tricked you.
See what I mean when I said:
Well, when it comes to Perry Eidelbus, it seems you can put the poop ten miles away from him, send in in the opposite direction, blindfolded, and he'll still end up walking on it.
...the other day???
Now a poster named Contractor left a very well written indictment of Perry on my blog and the Petulant One devoted another entire blog post to addressing it.
Contractor accused Perry of being somewhat "racist" for explicitly wanting to marry a Filipina. Perry insisted he was not; he insisted that he was "traditionalist".
Only later on in the post could readers grasp the full meaning of that defense. Apparently the tradition in his family is to strike out in America and then resort to finding a spouse in the Philippines. He writes:
I've been thinking of moving there, as a matter of fact, as my father did. He went there on business, to invest in mining operations with some friends, and then he happened to meet and fall in love with someone he met at a party. So my father also married a "mail-order bride" too?
Like father, like son. Is there any doubt that the loserhood is genetic?
Is there any doubt that Perry Eidelbus is about as self-oblivious as one can get?
Man, his self-emasculating revelations seemingly have no bottom.
Lastly, some "childhood classmate" of Perry emailed me a pic of little Perry from way back when.
Now I am skeptical as to whether this really is little Perry. Nonetheless, it may as well be.
Same amplitude. Same dorkitude.
Oh boy, now I've done it. I really hope Perry threatens me with his gun this time. I feel that if anyone (Hashfanatic?) merits a virtual gun waving it's me!
I've got to end this here; and I haven't even gotten to how Perry pathetically tried to rat me out to Google for using his "copyrighted" images. What a "libertarian"!!!
UPDATE - Perry has blocked my direct links to his posts. So to get to his blog from here, one must right-click on my links, copy the shortcut, and paste into another browser tab or window. For more on this childish tactic of his - click here.