My Crazy Parents - 6 - More Trash Mismanagement

Behold my parents' fireplace:

That's great that they burn their lottery ticket stubs and junk mail - and it's oh so *green*. What terrific stewards of Father Earth they are!

Except that it's mid-June and living in Massachusetts they won't use the fireplace (for fire!) for another six months.

Ain't nothing like you and your guests staring at RUBBISH in the hearth all day long, every day...for six months!

My crazy parents, they're always thinking...

See also:

My Crazy Parents - 5 - Our Lady Of Blessed Vindictiveness

My Crazy Parents - 4 - The Cluttered Fridge

My Crazy Parents - 3 - Russian Gangsters

My Crazy Parents - 2 - Bend Over

My Crazy Parents - 1 - Tiny Pics

More On #1 Chinawoman - Amy Chua

Surely y'all remember that AMERICAN woman of Chinese ancestry - Amy Chua - and her unblinking racism?

See my first post here and my more entertaining follow-up here.

Anyways the woman's embarrassment(?) has been most likely mitigated by all the books she's sold via her notoriety.

That homeschool-friendly psychologist Peter Gray held his nose, bought her book, and reviewed it if for no purpose other than to prevent others from buy it.

Read - Amy Chua Is A Circus Trainer, Not A Tiger Mother.

Is it wrong to root for Ms. Chua's daughters to read all the people, GLOBALLY, that think her mother a POS?

Perhaps.

It reminds me, to an extent, of that POS woman I blogged on 5 years ago:

Consider the case of author/journalist Amy Richards.

She got pregnant (out of wedlock), a sonogram revealed triplets, and she disgustingly revealed her fears,

"I’d have to give up my life," Richards thought after getting the bad news. “[N]ow I’m going to have to move to Staten Island. I’ll never leave my house because I’ll have to care for these children. I’ll have to start shopping only at Costco [a wholesale club] and buying big jars of mayonnaise.”

What did Amy do? She aborted two of the fetuses.

Now it was bad enough that she did what she did and for the reasons she gave, but it is worse than that. Shouldn't she have at least has the shame to keep quiet about it? No, instead proudly publicized her deed in the New York Times Magazine.

Is it wrong to wonder who is better off, the aborted babies or the one that gets to be raised by such an a**hole? It probably is.

One day that kid will google her mom, "Amy Richards", and will learn probably more than they want to know about the circumstances of their birth. Perhaps they will even be directed to this blog.

#1 Chinawoman Marginalizing Other Chinawoman!

The other day in - Chinese Racism - we met a (typical?) self-righteous, strict Chinese mother.

Christine Lu offers up a nice rebuttal:

Drawing from personal experience, the reason why I don't feel this works is because I've seen an outcome that Amy Chua, the author fails to address or perhaps has yet to experience.

My big sister was what I used to jealously call "every Asian parents wet dream come true" (excuse the crassness, but it really does sum up the resentment I used to feel towards her). She got straight As. Skipped 5th grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity swim team. Student council. Advanced level piano. Harvard early admission. An international post with the Boston Consulting Group in Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for her Harvard MBA. Six figure salary. Oracle. Peoplesoft. Got engaged to a PhD. Bought a home. Got married.

Her life summed up in one paragraph above.

Her death summed up in one paragraph below.

Committed suicide a month after her wedding at the age of 30 after hiding her depression for 2 years. She ran a plastic tube from the tailpipe of her car into the window. Sat there and died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the garage of her new home in San Francisco. Her husband found her after coming home from work. A post-it note stuck on the dashboard as her suicide note saying sorry and that she loved everyone.

Mine is an extreme example of course. But 6 years since her passing, I can tell you that the notion of the "superior Chinese mother" that my mom carried with her also died with my sister on October 28, 2004. If you were to ask my mom today if this style of parenting worked for her, she'll point to a few boxes of report cards, trophies, piano books, photo albums and Harvard degrees and gladly trade it all to have my sister back.

For every success story that has resulted from the "Chinese mothers" style of parenting, there are chapters that have yet to unfold. The author can speak to her example of how it's worked for her but it'll be interesting to see how long you can keep that gig up and pass it down until something gives.

As a responsibility to herself as a "superior Chinese mother", I think Amy Chua should do a bit of research outside her comfort zone and help readers understand why Asian-American females have one of the highest rates of suicide in the U.S. -- I bet many of you didn't know that. I didn't until after the fact. It'd make a good follow up book to this one she's currently profiting from.

***
A few years ago I got up the guts to begin sharing the story of my sister because the more I learned about depression and suicide following her death, I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with the stigma of depression in our society. I was also shocked to learn that Asian-American females had one of the highest suicide rates in the U.S.

http://www.pacificcitizen.org/si...

I have personally helped 2 young women in the last few years who reached out to me as a result of sharing my story. Both the "perfect" daughters of "superior Chinese mothers" who were sharp Ivy League grads hiding their depression from their families and friends. I was also able to play a role in preventing the suicide of a friend of mine several months ago because of the awareness I've developed about depression and suicide since my sister's passing.

I want to clarify again that my sister's story is an extreme example that hits home for me. I'm not trying to say that strict "Chinese mother" style parenting was solely the cause that lead to her depression and suicide nor will it result in all kids burning out later on in life.

But I do hope it shows that this parenting style isn't a proven template that results in all kids turning into the success stories that author Amy Chua gives herself credit for raising.

Not for anything, but this Christine Lu is one decent-looking young lady:

She's out in LA I think - rich and gorgeous.

What are the odds that our own West Coast Tom could successfully *buy her a drink*?

It's Tough...

To muster an appropriate or a value-added comment here:

Tosh.0
Guess What Happens Next - Stripping for Kids
www.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

My Crazy Parents - 5 - Our Lady Of Blessed Vindictiveness

After 35 years at their local Catholic Church my parents have moved on down the road - to another Catholic Church.

My mother apparently was miffed at how their long-time parish handled the funeral of her mother last year. So she's taking her business elsewhere.

But here's the crazy part - SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH and hasn't for years, only my father attends mass regularly.

So essentially SHE told him he had to go pray (for her?) somewhere else!

I just don't get it. One doesn't, or shouldn't, go to church based upon the imperfect HUMAN minister. That detail should be mostly irrelevant in the larger scheme.

And I know for a fact that my angelic grandmother wouldn't have given two hoots about the alleged *mishandling* of her funeral.

Lastly, now what are we going to do with my vindictive mother when her time comes?

A *burial at sea*?

See also:

My Crazy Parents - 4 - The Cluttered Fridge

My Crazy Parents - 3 - Russian Gangsters

My Crazy Parents - 2 - Bend Over

My Crazy Parents - 1 - Tiny Pics

Pig Flu Hysteria - Uncurable

So I was out with my *group* at the local library the other day and one of the weirder *moms* yelled at her kid for squirting some of the community hand sanitizer into his palm.

GermaphobeMom - YOU CAN'T USE THAT....IT'S NOT SAFE....WE HAVE TO USE OUR OWN HAND SANITIZER.

At that I couldn't well help myself. I dilated my pupils in the sunshine, ran right over, and SNEEZED all over the lunatic. I probably should have dropped a bio-organic fart on her as well!

Imagine this though. You have to SANITIZE the hand sanitizer!

My wife informs me that her company just installed *tons* of hand sanitizers all over its offices - in the hallways, etc. It's a rather large organization so I wouldn't be surprised if they spent upwards of $1 million because the CDC said to *jump* and they were concerned about being a good corporate citizen.

See also - Swine Flu Bogeyman - Up For Slaughter. That post also has links to everything else I've written on *pig flu*.

Typical, Crazy, Italian Woman!

My buddy down in Florida is about to baptize his daughter; so his 115% Italian family is en route from South Philadelphia. He writes:

My parents are flying in this weekend. The lunacy started two weeks ago. My mother is bringing her own coffee pot, her own parmigiano cheese, and two boxes of ziti (in addition to chicken cutlets and meatballs). This is all a little crazy, but when I asked, "Why are you bringing pasta?" She says, "I already have two boxes. It doesn't make sense for you to go buy more." I say, "The boxes cost $1.29. It doesn't make sense for you to pack them and bring them here." Her reply? "Well I already have them. You don't need to spend that extra money."

Oh, when [my brother] said he needed a haircut before the baptism on Sunday...My mother pressured him to do it before they left. When he said he'd get it done in Florida, my mother replied, "Are you sure they have hair cuts places [in Orlando]?"

Hah! Ain't nothing like toting all those foodstuffs ON AN AIRPLANE - although the *coffee pot* may be the most inane insane of the lot.

If memory serves me, I think my MIL once air-transported a crockpot of chicken soup from New York all the way to Charlotte on account of someone in my family having the sniffles.

Though I freely admit that I LOVE most all Italian women (Mrs. C-Nut is also 115% dago)....I find it curious that NONE of the purebred Italians I know opted for similarly ethnic spouses!

What's the Italian word for *enough*, is it "basta" or something?

[Actually it's abbastanza....but don't try to correct to any Italian-Americans!]

My Crazy Parents - 4 - The Cluttered Fridge

No. I'm not talking about the outside - though THEY are invariably guilty on that count as well.

I'm talking about the inside:



Who are THEY?

THEY are my parents, your parents, and the rest of the 'old coot'/'old bag' demo.

By my rough estimate, my crazy parents have 15 different salad dressings in their fridge. Even a vegan glutton would take considerable time in turning over that inventory!

This is how it always goes....

I show up for a weekend stay at my parents' house - as I did this past Sunday night. I've got a small cooler full of food for my finicky, allergy-riddled brood to eat but there's never, EVER any room in their fridge for *guests*.

I've tried mockery more times than I could count - they simply don't care or are utterly incorrigible. I've even been known to throw out a bottle of *dated* salad dressing on the sly but that's more of an angry gesture than an efficacious cure.

One can't fight these things....just bring plenty of ice and leave it all in the cooler.

Cuz there's certainly no room for cubes in their freezer either.

Worst Baby Name Ever

SOMEONE within my extended family just had a baby and chose the most God-awful name imaginable. I wish I could spell it out for y'all. Instead, everyone will have to make do with a mere sampling of the reaction I've garnered:

• Unbelievable.
• Not in a million years would I name a kid that. WHY?
• That is what everyone is saying - why, how? It sounds perverted in some way to me.
• Poor kid. You almost feel sorry for the little guy, as like you say people will ask why, who, whatever...
• I know - poor kid - people are getting really crazy with their made up names these days.
• I think the grandparents should get together and talk to them about it - I mean he will get made fun of to no end.
• No kidding. I just do not understand why people do that. They think it is cute or something.
• Total a$$holes....
• I'm going to be nonjudgmental on this one....I think they got the idea from "One life to Live".
• Seriously...."cool" nicknames are one thing but what they did is selfish, bordering on abusive.
• I keep reading this and getting more and more pissed off.
• Classic….the kid better learn karate.
• Usually parental mistakes happen a little later….not right at birth.

The last one was my favorite reaction because it came from an *expert* - a parent of a teenager who could easily write the "How to" manual on parental mistakes!

After I emailed my brother the *name announcement* he instantly called me on the phone from overseas. For a day or so he was downright convinced that I was messing with him. "No, seriously, what's the name," he kept pestering me with.

Now remember, this is just a fraction of the feedback I've gotten; it's only what was in my email inbox. The verbal reactions were pretty much unanimous in declaiming it the *worst* name anyone's ever heard.

AND my son, my 4.6 year old son went into hysterics when I told him the baby's name. In between belly-aching laughs he declared, "THAT'S NOT A NAME!!!"

Again, sorry I can't divulge the actual moniker on this blog.

Trust me, this name is absolutely terrible. And consider the one commenter above who said the name sounded *perverted*.

Well, I just googled the name and discovered that the first/middle name inverted is in fact the name of a male p0rn star.

So the middle-aged woman who offered up that comparison just inadvertently admitted to having somewhat of a naughty streak in her!

And the poor kid has to bear that stigma on top of just having a made-up, ridiculous name.



Recently I personally broke through in the baby name department.

And I also blogged a bit on kids' names in - New Parent Empricism.

The First Russian Gangsta Spinoff

Due to the sheer hilarity of this post....

TallDude would henceforth like to be known as PrivateCaller, seriously.

Come to think of it, Taylor needs a more interesting moniker too. How about EricTheClown?

A while back, I actually tried to, well not rename, but add an another identity myself. I started posting on Rich Karlgaard's blog as AirFreshener and lobbed some *positive* comments.

Yet the undiscerning 'old coots' there didn't even notice.

My Crazy Parents - 3 - Russian Gangsters

Roy = My brother who lives in the Wild West of Ukraine and may or may not be juggling a few foreign girls. I really have no idea what he's up to.

MyFather - So we got some strange message left on our machine the other day....It was foreigners, Russians, or something.....they mentioned Marena or Lorena....Roy's girlfriend.....They were demanding money....It was very threatening....and very intimidating.

CaptiousNut - What!?!?!

MyFather - [Artlessly repeated the story, if you can call it that.]

CaptiousNut - WHAT!?!?!?

MyFather - [Repeated with another unintelligible version.]

CaptiousNut - Did you call Roy and ask him what it was about?

MyFather - No....that doesn't....we don't....[grunts, flails, head-shakes]

CaptiousNut - WHY NOT!?!?!?

MyFather - No....that doesn't....we don't....[grunts, flails, head-shakes]....well your mother listened to the message....we listened to it a bunch of times.....we ended up deleting it.

CaptiousNut - Let me get this straight. Your son lives in Russia (Ukraine, same sh*t), some Russian-sounding dude calls up mentioning his girlfriend BY NAME, DEMANDS MONEY, all in a threatening tone....AND, you don't even tell Roy about it, AND after a group analysis you and Mom DECIDE TO DELETE THE MESSAGE.

MyFather - Well, it was a private caller so....

CaptiousNut - WHAT?!?!? What is wrong with you people?!?!?! What is the one thing you should think of given RUSSIAN, A GIRL, A DEMAND FOR MONEY, AND A THREATENING TONE????

MyFather - Ah,....I don't know.

CaptiousNut - Are you kidding me? It starts with 'k' and ends with 'nap'. How about 'ransom', have you ever hear of that?

[Often, when teaching Prince C-Nut, I can actually see the gears in his head turn and the light click on. Here, with my father, despite my lucid lecture, it was still pretty dark in the room.]

So I went into the other room and emailed Roy; I told him to call me ASAP.

About an hour later or so I got him on the phone.



It turns out, he ordered flowers for his Natasha or whatever, paid with PayPal, but not soon after the payment was yanked back. Y'all will have to forgive Paypal if it's a little hesitant about sending money to those thievin' Ruskies. So the florist (foreign/Russian/?) probably sent out the flowers already and thought he was getting stiffed. Imagine the irony, right? He must have looked up my parents' phone number in Massachusetts and thought that was an appropriate place to leave a threatening message demanding the money.

Little did he know his pointed message was just going to get inexplicably deleted!

My Crazy Parents - 2 - Bend Over

Perhaps only those of y'all who know my father will fully appreciate this one.

And, it's only funny because *no harm was done*.

My father, a clumsy-@ss dervish, recently got dropped off somewhere by his buddy.

He got out of the car, walked right behind it, and then proceeded to bend over and tie his shoe.

His buddy nearly backed right over him!

Who the bleep would bend....never mind.



Is It Yours?

How about *Am I His*?

My Crazy Parents - 1 - Tiny Pics

MyMother - People keep emailing me pictures but they're always so small....I don't know how to make them *bigger*.

I didn't fully understand what she was saying at first, but later on figured it out.

She thought the thumbnail previews were the pictures!

Enlarging/downloading/viewing attached pics is so fundamentally easy, I wasn't even sure if I remembered the specific way to do so. I think we just click on them, right?

For far too long I have *sat on* the fount of Marginalization content that is my parents.

Those days are over - especially in light of the fact that my mother recently told me that she doesn't read my blog because, "You're not nice to me on it".

So when was the last time I ripped my mother on this blog? I can't remember. My father, yes, but she hasn't been targeted at all. I swear these 'old coots' live in a world of make-believe.

Regardless, it annoys me that my mother is so self-absorbed; my blog may be many things, but it certainly ain't *about her*. And it annoys me that she has no interest in a substantial part of my life. What type of mother doesn't want to know what their kid is up to anyway?

So they'll be no more tongue-biting, no more choking on good blog material.

Heck, it's been two years since I even clubbed my father:

Marginalizing My Father

The Jurassic Butterfly Effect