Friday, November 16, 2007

Is It The Math Or The Poop?

My current babysitter, the obese, disheveled lesbian, is an very kindhearted person. She does all sorts of work with disadvantaged, urban kids. One of her tasks has been to teach classes, informally, to these kids that might help them deal with any facets of the real world.

When lecturing on teenage promiscuity, she came upon an interesting discovery. The standard fear-mongering on venereal diseases, AIDS, and whatnot never really hits a nerve with underpriveleged youth. Maybe over the years, they've heard so much of it they've grown deaf. Pregnancy, yes, it did worry some of the kids. But many of them grew up in broken homes and really didn't know what it took to maintain a family. She said more than a few of the girls somewhat relished the idea of motherhood - that is until she started talking about diapers.

She would go up to the blackboard and illustrate via simple arithmetic, how much a mom would have to shell out for diapers throughout infancy. Say 7 diapers a day for a newborn times 30 days a month, and so on and so on.

Apparently, this exercise scares the bejesus out of these brash young women.

So again, I pose the question, "Is is the math or the poop?"

Probably a little of both.

Here's my pontification on diapers from a while back:

PEE AND POOP ARE EXTREMELY OVERRATED (no doubt because of incessant MSM bias).

Of all the lifestyle changes and new parental responsibilities, diaper changing is really one of, it not the easiest new thing to acclimate yourself to.

And you will be sure to get a kick out of the in-laws changing the baby's diapers as well (remember, your parents are in-laws too).

For one thing, they think they have just time-warped back 30 years and are still experts at the whole gamut of childcare. Granted they are inherently a few notches ahead of the baby's parents in terms of knowledge but they have also aged considerably too - no doubt seemingly more from raising the thankless, snot-nosed newbie parents.

The in-laws may have changed a few thousand diapers in their day but now they are prone to putting the diaper on upside down, not fastening it properly, and doing some pretty piss poor wiping jobs (pardon the pun). Not only that, but to see if the kid needs to be changed, invariably the old folk actually stick their finger down a diaper and then smell it!!!

That's right. Those are the hands that cooked us thousands of meals!!!

So fear not, changing diapers is a breeze. The only gross part is perhaps watching the grandparents do it.

By the way, referring to someone as an "obese lesbian" is not inherently offensive - at least not any more that referring to me as a skinny straight. So lighten up you losers. This issue came up on Boston talkradio and though the host who called a gubernatorial candidate a "fat lesbian" was fired, since it is Boston, I actually take that as even more evidence of my certitude.

Lastly, I did a generic Google image search on "fat lesbian" and Rosie O'Donnell came right up. If Google's search results make her the poster child, then who am I to argue?

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