Monday, April 14, 2008

Marginalizing Men Who Brunch

I can't think of a bigger waste of time, a bigger waste of humanity than waiting 30 minutes for a brunch table at 11am on a weekend. You people toting your newspapers, lattes, and wireless laptops certainly aren't winners.

I just don't get it. In my book, one toils all week so he can do what he really wants to do in life on his days off. If someone's weekly prize is sleeping late and a mushroom quiche then I pity their sad existence. Quite frankly, they probably need a new career and some new hobbies - or perhaps a primer on masculine couple obligations, i.e. she can very well brunch with her friends.

What about the women who crave brunch?

Well, since they can't cook eggs (due to impatience and excessive heat) they get a genetic pardon. The brunch menu obviously caters to the fairer sex, which most certainly buttresses my contention. Remember to never argue with the dictums of the free market. But seriously, breakfast foods are the easiest of all to make, the cheapest, the fastest, and pretty darn easy to clean up. So why turn a simple functional task into a grand production that wastes a good chunk of your precious weekend?

Real men are up at the crack of dawn on Saturday (without an alarm clock!) - either beating golf balls, fishing for largemouth, stalking deer, or doing something otherwise manly like washing their car.

They certainly aren't licking their chops for frittate or for Gingerbread Waffles with Apple & Vanilla Bean Compote (link).


Taylor Conant said...

Taking notes so that I, too, may one day be a real man!

Anonymous said...

Duuuuuuuuuuuudddddeee!! Did you just marginalize sleep? I am sorry but that is taking it too far. You have finally crossed the line. (just kidding)

CaptiousNut said...


No I did not Marginalize "sleep".

But that is a great idea for a future post. All anyone needs is 4-5 hours - at most.

Anonymous said...

I am enjoying going through this blog at the moment. A: I need 6-8 hours of sleep on a regular basis. I can function on less temporarily. Call me a wuss but thats how it is. Everybody is different. Course, I am getting 4 a night for the foreseeable future with the late night feedings and all. Lets see what that does to my physical fitness and otherwise cheerful demeanor. I get so annoyed at those whiny people who are always "sooo tired". Get a friggin life.

Anyway my point: Damn straight a man should get up at the crack of dawn to do something on a weekend. I am very happy to leave the house at 3:30AM and drive 5 hours through a blizzard to ski all day in 10 degree temps. Have a big greasy burger and a couple beers, and then drive back home. That is a manly day. If you are unwilling to get up and at it do do what you like then you are probably a woman...

Slow out.