Father Nature's Stairmaster

Up in Arctic Massachusetts this weekend...

My wife and I decided to tackle the *most climbed mountain in the world* yesterday morning.

It's only 3,166 feet, but ascending and descending Mt. Monadnock (in NH) at a brisk pace is quite the workout. It took about 3.5 hours of motoring on the popular White Dot trail.

My wife is still a little sore, but I feel energized and fantastic.

I wish I could figure out how to get that kind of quality vigorous exercise in more often. For some reason lifting weights, running, yoga, and other stale activities don't deliver the same uplifting results.

Maybe I need to start playing basketball or something again???

That pic is a little misleading...

The leaves have not changed up there, yet.

But just give it a week or so!

The kids, I left at my parents' house...and my wife is en route to Zurich on a work trip.

So I'm here alone in New York this week with my lengthy HomeschoolDad.com to-do list...

Overnight Camp?

My wife emailed me today:

Do you think kids are too young? It is 5 nights only. I think they would LOVE it.

http://www.campsfatimabernadette.org/specialprograms.php see starter week

So I googled Camp Fatima to see where it was.

First of all, New Hampshire is too far for me.

Second of all I noticed the tag *sexual abuse* on the Google Map page.

What the heck is that?

Well, another google revealed that Camp Fatima was the scene of some alleged(?) sexual abuse not too long ago (2002?).

I sent my wife the link to that info and the terse response to her suggestion "Good one!"

Artic-Bound

My youngest cousin is getting married in York, Maine on Saturday. I'm very excited to go up north before the snow hits (next week?).

On my mother's side there were 12 of us cousins. And after this weekend they will essentially all have been married except for one, a forty year old, well-marbled male - who my first wife insists, despite innumerable girlfriends, is a closeted invert. Whatever.

Around age 30 we were in wedding-overload. Many were fun but there were plenty that were brutal - obligatory, boring, in undesirable locales, expensive, etc. Thank God we're finally out of this life stage. There are a few re-marriages on the horizon....but those tend to be, or SHOULD tend to be lower key.

It should be clear sailing once I get over the Throg's Neck Bridge tomorrow morning. It's been painful lately. The GPS says 5.33 hours to York; but it will take us 7 with stops and traffic.

The best part of the trip, sorry Cousin, is that I'm going to play Wentworth By The Sea Country Club with a long-lost buddy on Sunday morning in New Hampshire. This is my fifth private club invitation in the past two months....so why should I ante up and join a club of my own??? Plus I have nearby Bethpage...

Alright I was kidding.  I've very happy for my cousin and excited to see my entire family at what will no doubt be the last family wedding for several years.

Suing For Cause?

DOVER, N.H.—A New Hampshire high school student shocked so severely in shop class that his heart stopped beating is suing his teacher, the school district and the city of Dover.

Kyle Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not warn Dubois and other students of the dangers of the electrical demonstration cords in their electrical trades class.

On March 11, Dubois attached an electrical clamp to one nipple while another student attached another clamp to the other. A third student plugged in the cord.

Dubois was critically injured.

The New Hampshire Union Leader says Dubois' suit contends he suffered permanent brain damage.

Brain damage?

It'll be for a jury to decide, of course, but I don't know how they are going to discern *pre-existing* brain damage from whatever additional might have resulted from the auto-electro-nipplification!

Plus I'm right sure our own West Coast Tom has indulged in this activity, many times over the years, with ZERO noticeable effects...

More From The Bizarro World Of Dog People

I have to reproduce this article in its entirety here, because, well, read it and you'll see:

MANCHESTER – Adam Lamotte, a Manchester man who turned himself in to police yesterday for shooting his dog, says he "made a terrible mistake" when he decided to euthanize the animal himself instead of taking him to a vet.

Lamotte, 39, is charged with one felony count of animal cruelty, which carries a possible sentence of 3 1/2 to seven years in prison, according to Auburn police. Lamotte's 5-year-old pit bull, Buster, was found Thursday afternoon, tied to a tree and dying from gunshot wounds in a wooded area off the Route 28 bypass in Auburn.

Lamotte was released on $5,000 personal recognizance bail. An arraignment is scheduled in Candia District Court on April 7.

Lamotte, who works in maintenance, yesterday said the tan and white dog he'd raised from a pup was "the greatest dog in the world."

Buster always slept in bed with Lamotte and his wife. "He had to be covered up and everything or he'd whine," he said. "He was a big baby."

But about a year ago, Buster started going after family members when they started to leave the house. "He would basically attack us, try to grab our ankles or our hands or whatever," he said. "We had to lock him in a room if we knew somebody was leaving."

About a month ago, Buster bit Lamotte's wrist, sending him to the emergency room for stitches. He brought the dog to a vet, who diagnosed the animal with separation anxiety, and put him on the anti-anxiety medication Clomicalm.

A few nights ago, Lamotte said, Buster went after Lamotte's 17-year-old son, tearing his pant leg off. Lamotte said he worried what would happen if the dog went after his 10-year-old daughter. "I couldn't take that chance."

He decided to put Buster down himself. The 78-pound dog was afraid of veterinarians, Lamotte said. "And, I don't know, in my warped thinking, I thought I was doing the right thing."

"It sounds absurd but somehow it was better, me doing it."

Around 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, Lamotte said, he took Buster to the trails on Manchester Water Works property, a favorite spot for the two of them, and let him run for a while off-leash.

Then he called the dog to him and shot him in the head with a handgun. But Buster didn't die. "He didn't make a sound. He just looked at me," he said. "It was terrible."

He fired the gun two more times but isn't sure whether he hit the dog. "I've never shot anything in my life."

Then, he said, "I just panicked."

"I didn't know what to do. I tied him to a tree and left."

Lamotte said he believed Buster was dying when he left him.

Early yesterday morning, Lamotte went to a drugstore for coffee and the newspaper and saw his dead dog's photo on the front page of The New Hampshire Union Leader. And he learned that the dog had lived through the night, tied to the tree, and had to be put down by the Auburn animal control officer.

"That was horrible. I can't even describe it," he said.

Lamotte called Auburn police and turned himself in.

He also had to face telling his wife what he'd done; he had told the family he had taken Buster to a vet to be euthanized. He still hasn't told his three kids the truth.

Lamotte called what he did "the biggest regret of my life."

"I should have went to the vet and just had him euthanized," he said.

"I wasn't trying to be cruel to my dog. I know that doesn't make any sense, but it's true. I wasn't trying to leave him tied to a tree all night. That wasn't what I set out to do."

"He's my dog. And we loved him."

It's just got to be a three-way toss-up as to this story's most INSANE element:

1) The fact that a guy could face time for euthanizing a demonstrably vicious and dangerous beast.

2) That, had he NOT put it down, he could well have been facing prison the next time it bit someone.

3) Or is this guy himself, the laughing stock of the story? He slept with the dog, loved it, got mauled by it, couldn't kill it with a gun, AND is palpably guilt-ridden over the whole ordeal!!!

Much thanks to Kfell for this cornucopia of laughs.

As always, click here for my master link of deranged dog people.

Look Yonder Whilst I Poke Ye In...

So while Kfell warns me of *not registering* my homeschooled brood...

NEW HAMPSHIRE POISED FOR LANDMARK HOMESCHOOL VOTE

Purcellville, VA—On Wednesday, January 6 the New Hampshire House of Representatives is scheduled to vote on an amendment to House Bill 368 which, if passed, would make New Hampshire’s homeschool law the most restrictive and burdensome in the nation. "Members of the Democratic leadership are taking advantage of the system and attempting to slip through the most anti-homeschool legislation ever conceived in New Hampshire," said Mike Donnelly, staff attorney for HSLDA.

Despite the fact that a bi-partisan legislative study committee recently voted 14–6 to retain New Hampshire’s existing homeschool law, the Democratic leadership kept the bill alive and placed it among 30 other bills which are all scheduled for separate votes on Wednesday, January 6.

The proposed amendment to H.B. 368 would require that every homeschooled student be tested every year, a portfolio review be conducted for every student every year. Home educated students’ test scores would also have to be sent to the New Hampshire Department of Education each year, and the DOE would be granted sweeping rule making authority.

"This legislation is completely unnecessary. The existing New Hampshire law works well, and in an era when homeschoolers are significantly outperforming their public school counterparts the last thing homeschoolers and taxpayers need is another bureaucracy wasting their time and money," said Donnelly.

Hah!

While he warns me....his libertarian paradise of NH, after voting for Obama,....they're trying to sneak in a fascist little Nazi regulation on those pernicious little homeschoolers!

Now look, I'm no *party guy*, but everyone who falls into the us-versus-them-ism of party politics has to take a hard look at which one is repeatedly engaging in all sorts of underhanded politicking. They did the same thing in my town recently; they called some midnight meeting, around a holiday I believe, to jam through some *windmill* approval BS. It's always the same people who pull this crap.

And my wife and I got a good laugh at some of the otherwise blue people in town who were sandbagged by the standard operating procedure of dissembling pinkos.

Regular People = Blog Material

So early today yesterday I braved 8 degree weather to be first in line for a oil change before my drive down to New York. There I met an interesting fellow.

First, he was trying to secure a *low price* with the mechanic for some front-end work.

Dude - The thing I'm concerned most about is the price, it being the holiday season and all...

Say what?

How are we supposed to interpret this? That he spent all his disposable income on Christmas presents or something?

I'll bet he did.

Does Christmas really qualify as a *financial tragedy*?

I asked my wife if we spent *$100* on each kid this year.

Mrs. C-Nut - No (bleepin') way!

More? No, a whole lot less. They get plenty of junk from others as far as we are concerned. They scarcely even know who Santa is for that matter.

But I remember as a child, some 25-30 years ago, that I believe my parents spent $100 on me and each of my three siblings. So proportionately, and judged for inflation, my working class parents wasted considerably more money each December.

I just don't get why parents extend themselves so much for mostly junk - toys that'll mostly be long-since-forgotten by next year. Christmas IS NOT a secular, commercial holiday - or at least not in its origins.

Okay, moving on...

This dude also told me about his *thrill seeking*.

He said he climbs Mt. Washington 16 times a year....and skis down it! (For those of you unaware, it's a small but nasty peak in New Hampshire - featuring some of the strongest winds on the planet, extremely variable weather, etc.)

And he also said he surfs, but only in really tumultuous weather, in the tail-end of nor'easters and hurricanes or something.

Dude - (leaning over, unblinking, and with his fist clenched) I've just got to get the adrenaline going....Because of my job (law enforcement), I can't do drugs....and when nothing's going on I have to do other things like *cheat on my wife*...

[quick pause]

Dude - Just kidding (without even so much as a smirk).

Egging him on, I didn't blink or react either:

CaptiousNut - Yeah, and you can't just go to Quincy and get a washy-washy....no....you have to, like, sneak out while your wife is in the shower and tag your next-door neighbor.

Dude - YEAH, TOTALLY!

Anyone else want to buy *puts* on his marriage?

More Outdoorsy Stuff

My original plan for this past weekend was to hike Mount Kathadin in Maine.

But it's a 7+ hour drive from my place. Furthermore, someone just told me that their friend went on Labor Day weekend and had to get in line at 3:30 am just to be able to do the hike.

I knew they *limited* the number of hikers each day; and I know that a holiday weekend will be especially crowded....but still, there's no way I'm driving that far up to deal with all that BS. Imagine if they didn't let you on the trail!

So we climbed NH's Mount Madison instead - and it was totally fine.

About six years ago, my wife and I went whitewater rafting up in Maine. We did the so-called Dead River and it didn't live up to either its moniker nor all the precautionary *death talk* from the guides. Later on I learned that one had to instead raft the Penobscot further upstate if they really wanted to get crazy.

This is a lengthy video so just watch a bit. In particular, check out the guy at the 1:20 mark. He looks like he is about to get sucked under and recycled(?) before some hero crash-saves him.



Here's a much, much, more intense video of Penobscot rafting - though there's no sound because the audio track was *unauthorized*:



I've had two kids since I first fancied Penobscot....so I don't think I'll EVER raft that one upon seeing that clip.

See also - Unconscious Morons.

And I just came across two more harrowing river vids - both featuring kayaks:

When The Music Stopped....

So Saturday night my buddy and I are enjoying some adult beverages at Crabby Jacks, a joint in Gorham, NH....

There's an amateur DJ blasting some tunes....

And plenty of large, young broads throughout the bar. One of whom was sitting 7.5 feet away from me on a stool, gabbing away with her girlfriend....

One song ended, rather abruptly....

But the 250 pound girl next to me was slow to reduce her speech volume....

I heard, loud and clear:

HE TOLD ME HE JUST WANTED TO GO IN THE BACK DOOR----

My head instantly swiveled, the zaftig one and I made eye contact, and even her friend turned around to assess the damage.

Realizing what I heard, the kiss-and-teller's face went white and I snapped back to my straight-ahead posture. How was I going to react to this one? How was I going to polish this sizable nugget? How, pray tell, was I going to not urinate in my slacks???

I could very well have burst out laughing to aggravate her mortification....

Or, I could engage them in compassionate, mitigating conversation. I might holler over, "No way! Not on the first date!" or "Personally, I prefer the front door".

I could be respectful and act like I heard nothing....

During the 4 seconds in which I dispassionately pondered my reaction, I looked over and saw that the two of them had thrown money on the bar and raced for the exit.

With my options suddenly revoked....all I could do is revel in the moment with my buddy who, most ironically, also happens to have an extensive record of LOUD TALKING inappropriate content after the music has stopped!



Sorry for the raunch folks, but this one was hilarious!

I've got one more crude story from this weekend to relay - but y'all will have to wait for tomorrow.

[Here it is.]

Climbed Mount Madison

On Saturday, my buddy and I drove up to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

We did a short hike in the afternoon ("Imp Trail"), got ourselves situated in the motel, and downed a few beers later that night.

Sunday morning, I arose at my usual time (4:46am or so). Later on, after scraping the ice off my windshield and whatnot, we headed for the base of Mount Madison. I think it was 29 degrees at 8am when we got going. And I thought Massachusetts had an early winter!

Three hours and forty minutes later we hit the windy peak.

But, fortunately for us, it was an unusually clear day at that altitude. I don't know how many visits I've made up there since I was a kid, but I don't think I've ever actually seen the peak of Mount Washington - which was staring us in the face:



Here's a still shot:



That's the *auto road* winding up it. It doesn't look so treacherous from this angle but I've heard countless stories from people who drove it and were scared half-to-death. I think some motorcyclist died there recently.

Now I'm not a *hiker* by any stretch. I've been up Mount Monadnock as a kid and a couple other 3,000 foot peaks. So at 5,367 feet Mount Madison is now the highest peak I've walked up.

As a novice in this department I had no idea:

• How fast the temperature changes - between the rising sun, the elevation, physical exertion, etc. I must have peeled/added layers 15 times.
• That I wasn't supposed to wear a cotton shirt. My back was saturated in sweat. Though it was kind of warm on Sunday, the day prior I believe the afternoon peak temps were below 30 on the Presidential range.
• About those walking sticks. All of these nerd hikers from Cambridge had ski pole-like sticks to aid their climb/descent.
• That I'd need a hat and gloves in mid-September! We had to run out and buy them at the last minute.
• And I had no idea that *going down* would be so hard on my knees (no jokes, please). It was surprisingly more painful than climbing.

Overall I was very satisfied with this trip - only I wish I had time to stay overnight and soak my bones in the hot tub. Instead, immediately after we hit bottom we jumped in the car and had to endure 5 hours of Sunday night traffic on the way back to Boston.

Physically, this trip was at the upper bound of my capabilities. I can barely carry anything on my achy back for any short period of time. But to hike Mt. Madison, I had to carry a pack full of clothes, food, and bottled water for 7 grueling hours. Heck I ate my food by order of weight! Not to mention my knees are pretty frail - one ACL having been blown out and replaced with a graft from a 6'7 black cadaver, and the other knee seemingly 80% gone now as well. In fact I was pretty nervous about the latter popping completely on this hike. My wife has a friend that broke her leg on one of these hikes and had to be carried all the way down the mountain. Despite the nice weather, on this particular day there weren't many hikers at all. Suffer an injury....and you'll be doing a little Bear Grylls through the freezing night!

But thankfully I completed the trip intact. Though I am sore as all hell at the moment - surprisingly my legs more so than my back. Remember I have to rest up for my GutterBuddy Florida golf trip this weekend....

Haven't Laughed This Hard In A While

Pol Nabbed On NH Booze Run

A Westport lawmaker who voted to hike the state sales and alcohol taxes was spotted brazenly piling booze in his car - adorned with his State House license plate - in the parking lot of a tax-free New Hampshire liquor store, the Herald has learned.

Michael J. Rodrigues’ blue Ford Crown Victoria, emblazoned with his “House 29” Massachusetts license plate, was parked outside a Granite State liquor store on Interstate-95 South over the weekend, according to a witness who provided pictures to the Herald.

The witness, who requested anonymity, claimed he approached Rodrigues, noted his State House plate, and asked if he was on personal or official business. Rodrigues, who was loading booze into his car, snapped “mind your own business,” the witness said.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!

Of course, he couldn't just say, "I know it looked bad....I just had to get a bottle of wine...."

No, the Moron took the occasion of his documented blunder to cast ridiculous aspersions:

He also blamed the brouhaha on "Republican demagoguery."

"Unfortunately, I think that’s why the Republican Party is in such bad shape in Massachusetts," Rodrigues is quoted as saying. "The electorate here is smart enough to figure out what they’re up to."

As an apostle of truth, I just HAVE TO correct his last line.

It should instead read,

"The electorate here is DUMB enough to NOT figure out that powerless few Republicans in this state have nothing to do with me driving my official car out-of-state on vacation, with me getting caught skirting regressive taxes which I helped raise, nor do they have anything to do with helping cause the fiscal waste that gave rise to the tax increase in the first place!"

Many thanks to Kfell - who was supposed to be fasting from Big Media - for alerting me to this one.

This is the best laugh I've enjoyed since Eliot Spitzer.

Stimulate Thy Neighbor...

Click to enlarge.

Would you believe that I couldn't find this Union Leader article online?

The Boston Herald also ran it but it's lost somewhere in their *paid archives*.

This makes me feel like an 'old coot'....trafficking in clipped-out newspaper articles and whatnot.

So I now feel compelled, for the good of state, to manually input the whole thing:

Bay State passes a stimulus bill for N.H.

by Al Girolamo

I just wanted to thank the Massachusetts Legislature - and the governor - for doing all they could to stimulate the New Hampshire economy.

I know they all worked long and hard hours to help us by seeing that the new 25 percent increase in sales tax would pass - and pass successfully it did!

But the bonus your state gave us with the increase in alcohol and meals tax was unexpected!

Also, the additional support your state gave us by mandating that the tracks in Revere and Raynham be closed couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you!

Seabrook residents are dancing in the streets as they wait to greet their new Bay State patrons to Greyhound Park. As we speak, vendors are increasing their inventories to meet the increased demands that will be placed on sales of everything from gas to cigarettes to beer, home goods and God knows what else.

And the best is that many of your state's welfare dollars will now be spent here thanks to that generous gesture of giving free cars to welfare recipients. Those who used to walk or take the train to Wonderland can now drive to Seabrook. We also appreciate your including free insurance and AAA membership for them. Because although New Hampshire is a non-mandatory insurance state, it's good to know that welfare recipients driving their free cars to Seabrook will be able to cover any property damage they may cause. And the tow companies are pleased with you providing them free AAA because if there is an accident or breakdown, they have a guaranteed paying customer.

Wow! It's like Christmas came early, and what better timing in the middle of a recession! I expect this will have an effect on unemployment figures here too, the increase in business will mean new jobs.

Yes, Massachusetts has done so much to help us bring major businesses to our state that I feel that we owe you a debt of gratitude that cannot be expressed in words. It brings tears to my eyes when I drive through border towns like Seabrook and Plaistow and see the parking lots full at Home Depot, Sam's Club, TJ Maxx, Lowes, Best Buy and Staples. Our restaurants too are busy due to your state's unprecedented generosity. It's a modern day Marshall Plan.

Just one more thing, and I hate to ask, considering all of the sacrifices that your citizens have already made on our behalf. But do you think that you could OK that 19-cent-per-gallon increase in the gas tax that the governor proposed? It would go a long way to help our gas station owners.

Again, my personal thanks to Gov. Deval Patrick, legislators and all of you wonderfully generous taxpayers and citizens of Massachusetts to whom we are eternally grateful.

Al Girolamo is a business owner in Hampton, N.H.

Note that some of that article refers to Massachusetts' recent banning of dog racing. The eco-pagans here were aghast at the alleged inhumane treatment of canines.

See - Massachusetts - More Morons Than Your State.