My Blog Will Chisel Your Mind

Twice now in the past 2 months or so I have met individuals who've completed the P90X regimen. You may recognize it from the nighttime infomercials:



Both guys were quite happy and quite transformed by the product.

P90X is obviously the antithesis of these other fitness programs. Unlike products like the *Ab Lounge*, this one promises to whip your butt.

I have to admit that I an fascinated by infomercials. I watch them all the time. I find the marketing, the new *sells* very interesting.

Though only twice have I ever bought anything. I bought the some *ab wheel* about 10 years ago (It hurt my back too much). And I also bought the Bean so I could do back-supported crunches. The Bean lasted, and got used, for a couple of years. It recently went flat and I moved on to yoga and Hip Hop Abs.

The yoga has been great - read my prior post On Yoga.

But now I might modify my workout a bit. I think I am going to give Yoga Booty Ballet a try!



One note - they ought to make *new moms* off-limits from infomercial testimonials. No matter what they do, even if it's *nothing*, these women are going to lose a lot of weight after they have newborns. That is....so long as they don't get pregnant again.

The Morons Are Still Winning

As you could have inferred from my post the other day - Most Listing Prices Are A Joke! - I'm getting pretty frustrated with this stubbornly high housing market.

Though faced with the prospect of eviction in July when my lease is up (by landlord or bank), I have to get back out there and scour the real estate market for a bargain. Yesterday I inspected three local possibilities:



The first one is too expensive - 900k + exterior paint job + wooden shingles + new boiler. It is *distressed* in the sense that a relo company owns it BUT it would have to be 650k for me to even consider it.



The second house is 4,000 square feet and looks quite attractive....until you go in. It was built in the 1600s; the floors creak, the ceilings sag, and some of the rooms are so unlevel that it feels like you're aboard a boat on the high seas. Anyone who buys this house is an idiot. I just don't get the fascination with *antique homes*.



The last house was quite nice. Even though it's a distressed buy-and-flip speculation, it'll probably sell near it's current listing price of 869k this spring.

It'll sell because this is what happens each year in these parts.

Yuppies - scratch that - 40 year old professionals from Boston who've gotten married late decide to have a kid. They linger in the city for a year or so then decide to move to the burbs. Each spring another wave of these types crash the local housing market. Since they are *older* and usually dual-incomed, they generally have savings and can afford large mortgages. If they decide they want to - or can - spend say 850k, they look at 5 homes in that price range, and then pay the offer on one of them. Seriously. The overall housing market has been dipping for 3-4 years now but you'd never know it by looking at the towns around me.

In fact it's started already. Looking at the sign-in sheets at these open houses yesterday I saw a bunch of people who listed their home as "South End" and "Back Bay".

So these Morons keep snatching all the good homes up before they hit my desired price points.

My wife is more optimistic than I am. She thinks all these 'old coot' yuppies will have real trouble selling their downtown condos this year.

I'm willing and mentally prepared to move to a *less desirable* area and rent some more if that's what the market dictates.

Mrs. C-Nut is most definitely not.

Google Search's Seminar On The Sexes

In a previous post I highlighted - Why do....

So today we'll study - *Why don't....*



As you can see, while the Neanderthal hounds wonder about Adam's apples and farting....



The chicks spend a whole lot of time wallowing in low self-esteem - which probably provides the basis for the last men's question - why don't women leave abusive relationships.

The militant feminists will probably sue Google over this sexist asymmetry.

And it would hardly be the first time they assaulted empiricism.

Marginalizing Rush Limbaugh, Again

There were a few things I strongly disliked about Rush Limbaugh's Wall Street Journal editorial on the current Big Government *stimulus*:

Fifty-three percent of American voters voted for Barack Obama; 46% voted for John McCain, and 1% voted for wackos. Give that 1% to President Obama. Let's say the vote was 54% to 46%. As a way to bring the country together and at the same time determine the most effective way to deal with recessions, under the Obama-Limbaugh Stimulus Plan of 2009: 54% of the $900 billion -- $486 billion -- will be spent on infrastructure and pork as defined by Mr. Obama and the Democrats; 46% -- $414 billion -- will be directed toward tax cuts, as determined by me.

Then we compare. We see which stimulus actually works. This is bipartisanship! It would satisfy the American people's wishes, as polls currently note; and it would also serve as a measurable test as to which approach best stimulates job growth.

This is hardly a situation where we can cut the baby in half to determine its true mother. There's simply no way that the consequences from such a hybrid bill could or WOULD ever be parsed accurately.

But the main thing I really disliked about this editorial is the false dichotomy it accepts. Our choices are not by any means limited to either *government spending* or *temporary income tax cuts*.

We could let bad companies fail, we could halve the size of Big Government; we could do away with entitlements; we could flatten or eliminate the income tax; there's a whole lot of things that could be done to effectively restructure and re-stimulate the economy.

Furthermore, I detest, even if it is tongue-in-cheek, Rush's deprecation of the 1% who did not vote for either Obama or McCain as *wackos*.

Given a choice between Beavis and Butthead, I'll refrain, thank you.

You'd think that right after a presidential election where the public had to decide between two pathetic leaders of a *9% approval rating* Congress that Rush would be more understanding of *wackos* who reject both parties.

See also - Rush Limbaugh Profited From Your Adjustable Mortgage.

Green Evangelicals....

....raping young fragile minds:

Climate change takes a mental toll

Last year, an anxious, depressed 17-year-old boy was admitted to the psychiatric unit at the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne. He was refusing to drink water. Worried about drought related to climate change, the young man was convinced that if he drank, millions of people would die. The Australian doctors wrote the case up as the first known instance of "climate change delusion."

Robert Salo, the psychiatrist who runs the inpatient unit where the boy was treated, has now seen several more patients with psychosis or anxiety disorders focused on climate change, as well as children who are having nightmares about global-warming-related natural disasters.

Now c'mon. That really wasn't the FIRST KNOWN CASE of climate change delusion!

More accurately, it might have been the *billion and first* known case.

My wife had an old boss whom I described here:

It's a good thing I didn't attend my wife's holiday work party with the senior executives. She got seated next to the BIG BOSS's wife who proceeded to lecture everyone about the perils of "global warming". When I say "lecture" I mean it. She interrogated everyone on how they commuted to work. My wife won momentary plaudits for taking the commuter train into town. Yet uncomfortable with those laurels Mrs. C-Nut proudly declared that she owned a Chevy Suburban. I guess it was analogous to when Cubs fans throw opposing teams' homerun balls back onto the field.

Well anyway, all I wanted to point out was that this high level executive and his flaky wife also had a school-age child who apparently couldn't sleep at night - for fear of *global warming*.

Religion Florida Style

One aspect of my Naples trip that merits a mention is the palpable difference in spiritual culture - from the Northeast anyway.

The radio dial in southwest Florida is filled with contemporary Christian music and preacher men. There's absolutely none of that to be found on my FM dial in Boston. I listened to quite a bit of it throughout the month. If y'all recall, my current reading project is the Bible. I'm about two thirds of the way through it and hope to be done before summer. I found the radio sermonizing to be quite soothing and also a very helpful *field* complement to my textual study.

Also, seemingly every non-'snowbird' I met down there tried to get me to come to their church. This is the true definition of *evangelical* even if today's dictionaries have *characterized by ardent or crusading enthusiasm* as its sixth listed meaning. It's pretty unbelievable how pejorative that term is up North; heck, it's essentially an epithet. But let's be scientific here. I've lived in Massachusetts most of my life and never once did anyone ever invite me to their church. Never once did I witness anyone at any of the several Catholic churches that I attended *bring a friend*. Never once did I even hear a priest encourage parishioners to do so. There's simply no *ardent or crusading enthusiasm* for religion up here. If I haven't ever met a so-called evangelical, then I doubt many of the rest of the these Massholes has either. As such, the epithet has zero basis in personal experience. To a New Englander, an evangelical may as well be a martian!

My friend who lives in Naples is what I would call a "real Christian". One night at the bar we got to discussing *charity*:

CaptiousNut - Charity is one of my serious weaknesses. Outside of confiscated taxes, which get redistributed to the *needy*, I don't give a nickel to anyone. I'm cynical. I think all these charities are scams....

ChristianFriend - Well, what about at church?

CaptiousNut - I put $20-$30 a week in the collection basket. You know what, when I think of it, we did *adopt* one of those kids in Africa. My wife wanted to do it....it costs like $35 per month. So there's my charity - even if I think the money probably gets partially stolen.

ChristianFriend - You have ONE KID? We sponsor EIGHTEEN KIDS!

CaptiousNut - Whoa....what does that cost? About....

ChristianFriend - It costs $600 per month.

Now I was dumbfounded. My buddy doesn't have near the income or means that my wife and I have. In fact, he's got some real looming financial problems (i.e. adjusting mortgages). Not to mention he's got 3.5 kids - one of whom he just adopted from Guatemala.

In describing my buddy and the rest of the *evangelicals* I met to my wife, I said, "As Christians, they walk the walk..." - as opposed to me and the rest of my charading New Englanders.

Getting down to Naples for the month of January was certainly fun - but it was also a great experience. It's important for me and my family to be ever mindful that the world is indeed a very big place; that it's so much bigger than our town and its 30 minute driving radius. (There's also something called roadschooling - whose definition, if you can't infer it, you can discover by clicking on the link.)

Very much worth reading, and re-reading, is Will Durant On Religion.

[That pic at the top is from Ave Maria - the University/planned-community just east of Naples that was founded by the Domino's pizza tycoon.]

I Am A Special Victim Of Boston

Last night my wife and I tried to *go out* since my parents came to see their grandkids.

We first tried the Scarlet Oak Tavern which was so busy we couldn't even get into the parking lot. Instead we took a drive up to Nantasket Beach in Hull. We were going to go into the Red Parrot but decided to try out some nondescript Italian restaurant called Mezzo Mare - a joint we've heard good things about. The place was actually kind of busy.

Having dined finely already (make your own pizza at a 4 year old's b-day party!) we just wanted a drink and an appetizer. One of the specials was *grilled asparagus with asiago and ham* for $12 and that's what we ordered.

Mrs. C-Nut assumed that the *ham* was really prosciutto and was astounded when the dish came. The ham was ham - in fact it was sliced deli meat! Y'all have to understand this restaurant had $24 entrees. They might have been able to get away with *real ham* on a $12 plate of asparagus but not lunch meat.

Reminder - this is Boston, the town where restaurants have no competition because of restricted liquor licenses.

The bartender was horrible as well. She was incredibly slow to take our order AND, then after we ordered, she went about gingerly getting us place mats and silverware; she struck up a conversation; and basically wasted a full 5 minutes before putting our food order in. How many times have I mentioned the staggering incompetence of Massachusetts bartenders?

Okay, the service was, well *par* for these parts. And the food hit an interesting new low with the ham. But the most ridiculous, most insane facet of the evening was the ambience.

In a somewhat busy restaurant on a Saturday night, at the bar, there was no music - no Frank Sinatra, no Bee Jees, not even any Delilah. They had the TV on and the barflies were mesmerized.

No, it wasn't ESPN, it wasn't a replay of a Red Sox victory, and it wasn't a breathless CNN report of some plane crash.

They had Law & Order SVU on two televisions with the volume turned way up. THAT was the ambience for me and my wife's date.

First of all, the premise of that show is unfathomable. Who really wants to watch a weekly show on sex crimes?

But having all of the color TVs tuned to that, on Saturday night, at a moderately expensive restaurant was mind-boggling.

Most of the bar patrons were sitting with their heads angled up to watch the show - like glazed zombies at home in their living rooms. Seriously.

I'll definitely go back to this terrible place soon - there simply aren't too many other options in this miserable town of Boston.

See also Boston and Alcohol and also Boston Without Alcohol.

An Easy Call

So A-Rod was juicing....who's really surprised?

Not me. One of my good buddies from college was a childhood friend of A-Rod. He's known him since they were 5. He told me that A-Rod was so tiny, such a wuss, that the whole gang of kids used A-Rod to practice *wrestling moves*. They used to body slam him, put him in the figure-four, and, most memorably for my college buddy, they use to suplex A-Rod all the time.

The gang - a bunch of mostly pale-skinned Cubans - also nicknamed A-Rod an *epithetical diminutive* that I won't write on my blog. So guess away!

Ken Lewis Interview - Followup

Though I did tape the buffoon's CNBC interview yesterday I have to admit that I have no desire to watch it. The scapegoating and predictable, clichéd optimism I find too boring to bear. And I did hear right, Bank of America's Ken Lewis did invoke *patriotism* as a factor in him bending over for Merrill Lynch's John Thain:

He said that he and his executives eventually came to agree with the government's position: "They said, 'We strongly advise you that it is not in your best interest or the country's best interest to walk away from this.'"

Yeah, right.

"We're going to get on with doing business," he said. "And frankly, we had a pretty good January."

Yeah, right.

How much do you wanna bet that on the next disastrous *earnings* report, he blames a *pretty bad* February or March?

In the memo, Lewis called the company's performance in January "encouraging." The "extreme dislocations in the capital markets we suffered last quarter seem to have moderated" but "credit costs continue to be a big issue."

Oh,....but if not for those nettlesome *credit costs*!

That'd be like a football coach saying his team practices well, works hard on defense, plays together, knows the plays,.....just has a minor issue *outscoring their opponents*!!!

*Credit costs* = BIG LOSSES, BIG MISTAKES....they are hardly just an item in a balance sheet.

Firing former Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain is "ancient history," Mr. Lewis said. Mr. Thain, 53, left his post as head of Bank of America's investment banking and wealth-management units on Jan. 22. "I'm sorry it happened. It's never pleasant."

With much of Merrill's senior leadership departed, Mr. Lewis said it's better for officials of acquired companies to leave sooner rather than later. ""Nobody executes better than we do. This plays to our strength," he said.

Nobody *executes* better than Ken Lewis?

How about nobody *commits suicide* better???

[I pulled those quotes from a variety of sources. The full transcript is here - and it's an annoying PDF.]

Here's a more accurate picture of Bank of America:



Consignments and donations welcome!

[The disrepair is more apparent if you click on the image. This building is on route-41 in Naples.]

Marginalizing Myself

When I was in Naples last month, I had the scare of my life.

I was at the pool with my kids who were playing on the steps of the shallow end. The water went to about 4 feet deep so my little ones (ages 2.5 and 4.16), who can't exactly swim yet, were limited to the first 3 steps.

I had my trunks on and was about to go in with them. Then my achy back reminded me that I hadn't sat down all day. So I pulled up a chair to about 6 feet from Little C-Nut and Princess C-Nut and opened an old Forbes magazine.

There were about 7 other people there - all 'old coot' snowbirds. I got involved in a conversation with one of them and the next thing you know, my son came running up yelling, "Dad, my sister is swimming underwater! My sister is swimming underwater!"

Of course I barely *heard* him. We parents become deaf to the incessant whining of our kids. Then a second or two passed, I looked up and couldn't see my little angel.

I dove in and scooped her out. It wasn't until I grabbed her that I could see her struggling, kicking away. I picked her up and her stomach seemed full of water. Now, her eyes were open and she was breathing - but that didn't matter. I started screaming for someone to call an ambulance. The world seemed to stop turning. Within moments, a throng of people came out including a couple of nurses. Safety is the real benefit of living in a dense community.

Again, my daughter was breathing and her eyes were open. A nurse examined her and tried to calm me down. You have to understand, I have no idea how long she was underwater. It could have been 5 seconds or a minute. It seemed like just a split second that I took my eyes off them but I was involved in a conversation (about something stupid like UCONN) and I could very easily have not looked up for a couple of minutes. What if my son hadn't alerted me? What if he was playing at the other end? He's only 4.

Do you know how long it takes to drown? I certainly didn't.

So an ambulance came, they checked out my daughter, asking me over and over again, "How long she was under?". Obviously I had no idea. I wasn't timing her submersion.

At that point you still have to go to the hospital for more tests, and to make sure there's no water in the lungs (aspiration risk?).

Now I was really shaken up. I generally watch my kids like an eagle-eyed hawk. I've just got to be one of the most Captious fathers on this over-heated planet. But all it took was a second or two - a turn of the head for me to have the scare of a lifetime. I definitely learned, and y'all should take note, that *six feet away* for my chair was too far. From now on I'm going right on the edge and the magazines and conversations will have to be delayed.

It wasn't until about 4 hours later, while the doctor was discharging my Princess that I got an iota of relief.

I was badgering him with questions and if I didn't I wouldn't have learned this:

• Florida deals with *submersion* accidents left and right. They have a ton of coastline, lakes, canals, and pools. The Doc told me that most accidents involve kids from the North. And that in Florida everyone really stresses swim lessons at an early age.
• How close was my daughter to drowning? He estimated she was under, and not breathing for 15 seconds. Then I finally got it out of him that it takes about 2 minutes to drown. That's little solace as I could very well have been chattering away for that long.
• When someone goes under, they can actually hold their breath for up to 60 seconds. Then, the windpipe has a natural reflex to close down and keep water out for an another 60 seconds.

So, again, I had no idea how long it took to drown, nor did I have any idea how long my daughter was underwater. She may very well have been under for a while and simply held her breath. My Princess is one tough little cookie.

Though her Dad was a complete Moron that afternoon.

Vaguely, I remember I made a non-small fortune that day with my trading positions but in backdrop of the day's other events - what the h*ll good was that? I had real trouble sleeping for the next couple of nights.

Another unfun aspect of this ordeal was calling my wife up in Boston to report (and ask for HMO information). I actually wanted to blog the incident right away but my wife wouldn't let me. She was concerned how frantic the post would make her mother, my MIL. Of course this post is a public service message to parents - and I would be remiss not to share.

The first day we arrived at the condo we went to this very same pool. There was a young girl there, 2.75 years old, with her mother. This kid freaked us out. She could swim the length of the pool - doggy paddling anyway. She would go under and come up gasping for air while her mother was at the other end of the pool, mindlessly doing her own thing. I asked the her about her daughter,

CaptiousNut - How old is she? Is she a swimming prodigy or something?

Mom - She'll be 3 in April. No. She's just very aggressive. All I did was take her to the pool everyday....

Now this is a Florida/Southern phenomenon. Apparently kids really can swim at a young age. They just have to learn to hold their breath when they go under, not panic, and then surface for air.

So my kids were talking about this *Lexi* prodigy all week long. They kept talking how she could *swim underwater*. Maybe that put the idea in my daughter's head to try the deeper water, maybe she slipped, or maybe my son pushed her. Point of fact, my son watched an episode of Caillou - the PBS cartoon - 1.5 years ago where Caillou just jumped into the deep water at a lake to try to swim. He got a nasty mouthful and so did my son when he tried to emulate him at Crystal Lake in Newton, MA.

So, as we well know, kids are ambitious apers. We need to teach them to swim early and keep our eyes peeled. Mrs. C-Nut must have said *swim lessons* to me fifty times the next two weeks. And she had me looking all over for *swim jackets* for the kids - which weren't anywhere to be found at that time of year.

Though we haven't started swim lessons yet, I did just get one awfully big *parent lesson* that shook me to the core.

I Had To Google Her - Delilah

Delilah After Dark, that is.

I don't know how many years I've heard her on the radio. At first I assumed she was a local DJ. Later on I realized she was broadcasting nationwide. Apparently she makes at least $6 million annually spinning *sappy love songs* for the broken-hearted.

What an easy gig she's got! I could do that. My voice is so much sexier and would be far more pleasing to the ears of weary, lonely wage slaves.

AND, I would do it for only $4.2 million (plus benefits).

Most Listing Prices Are A Joke!

This one just hit the local market today - price tag $1.7 million:




Just about every home that gets listed comes on WAAAAAAAAY to high.

For crying out loud, this home sold at $1.3 million at the peak!



I don't think this house will sell for more than $1.1 million - but, remember, there's no shortage of rich Morons out there. The people who buy these types of homes generally let their flaky wife/life partner pick the house.

As I told y'all 15 months ago - Only Buy A Foreclosure.

Something like 50% of all home sales today are foreclosure related. Wait until that's the case in your hood.

John Taylor Gatto's New Book

My main man, John Gatto, has a new book out. I just ordered it yesterday and eagerly await delivery. Here's his description:



Weapons of Mass Instruction

John Taylor Gatto’s Weapons of Mass Instruction focuses on mechanisms of compulsory schooling which cripple imagination and discourage critical thinking.

Here is a demonstration that the harm school inflicts is quite rational and deliberate. The real function of pedagogy is to render the common population manageable, remove the obligation of child care from adult workers so they are free to fuel the industrial economy and to train the next generation into subservient obedience to the state.

John Gatto shows us that Ivy League schools do not produce the most successful graduates, some of the world’s richest entrepreneurs are high school drop outs and Thomas Edison, John D. Rockefeller, and Andrew Carnegie didn’t finish elementary school. An education matters desperately, but spending a fortune on college fees will not get you one.

Filled with examples of people who have escaped the trap of compulsory schooling, Weapons of Mass Instruction shows us realization of personal potential is not possible within the system of compulsory schooling. That requires a different way of growing up and learning, one Gatto calls "open source learning." In chapters such as "A Letter to Kristina, my Granddaughter"; "Fat Stanley"; and "Walkabout:London", Gatto gives us a window into a different reality.

You can order the book directly from his people - or through Amazon.com and whatnot.

If you have, or are planning to have, kids you'd be an a$$hole and a child-abuser not to spend the $25 and at least let Gatto's insights penetrate your closed, small mind.

I've mentioned Gatto several times in my 1,100 posts now. Click here.

Ken Lewis Interview

The steward of the bankrupt Bank of America will give an extended interview on CNBC at 11am today.

The Moron is expected to say he bought was hoodwinked into buying Merrill Lynch because he was *patriotic*. Seriously.

Of course he's going to say that. You didn't think he was going to *admit a mistake*, now did ya?

How exactly does this guy still have a job? Shares of his company hit 3.77 yesterday!

Upside-Down Dubai

Last May I wrote a post on *booming* Dubai titled....On Dubai!



Did she really say that one fifth of the world's cranes were there?

Arctic Trading

So yesterday I flipped the Nasdaq-100, the QQQQ nicely for 1.05.

Today I shorted it again, into the rally. I sold at 30.07 and stand down .50 to its closing price.

Now, as for this Goldman Sachs debacle. I'm down 20 points in, what, a mere 2 weeks?

This small position is doing its best to burn a hole in my BIG account!

Volatility (option) is sky high but I bought some puts regardless. I added a few Feb 90 puts at an average cost of 5.20 apiece.

When premium is this expensive it's advisable to just short the stock. But this ticker scares me; it always has. I wouldn't be surprised if it gapped up 25 points. So, with the puts, I am paying up for a little less risk.

TODAY is a far more typical trading day - riding out and doubling up losers - than yesterday's anomaly.

I think it was 3 degrees this morning. I wonder what the low was today in Naples....

By the way, it's a cruel thing to walk around Boston with a tan in February, bragging to all within earshot that you've just spent a month in Florida.

The Politics Of Fear

Translation --> Pass Obama's $850 billion *stimulus* package that's currently before Congress.

Oooooh....I'm like so wicked scared!

Flashback to 14 months ago, on the campaign trail:

"We can’t afford the same politics of fear that invokes 9/11 as a way to scare up votes," he declared before banners proclaiming a new slogan: "Stand for Change."

This little angle is being covered all over the web today and usually I strive to do my own thing. But I wanted to post it because I've been highlighting fear-mongering for a while now. In particular, as far as these disastrous Congressional *bailouts* go, see my prior post John Maudlin - Fear Peddling Elitist. That one has gotten a surprising amount of hits so far.

Marginalizing Analysts

From yesterday's Boston Globe:

Fidelity layoffs slated to start

Round is likely to include FMR cuts
Fidelity Investments is expected to initiate a round of previously disclosed layoffs this week, according to industry executives who have been informed by company insiders, and the job cuts will likely include personnel from the company's FMR Co. investment unit.

The FMR Co. division includes analysts and managers who run Fidelity's well-known mutual funds, and it had been shielded from past layoffs after the company spent heavily to beef up its stock-picking capabilities. Crowley said the company now has about 500 analysts. One executive recruiter who has spoken with company insiders, speaking on condition of anonymity because Fidelity did not authorize the comments, said positions at FMR Co. will be eliminated this week.

Eric Kobren, publisher of an independent newsletter for Fidelity investors, said any cuts to FMR could indicate Fidelity's spending on new staff hasn't always paid off. "They've got to be very sensitive to the fact of how many analysts add value to the process. They spent hundreds of millions of dollars improving their staff, and the fund performance numbers have not necessary improved in line with the investment," Kobren said.

Fidelity's flagship Magellan fund started 2008 at $86.96 and ended the year DOWN a whopping 50% to $43.51 per share.

They pay their analysts and researchers a sh*tload of money - and for what?

(The S&P 500 was down only 41%!)

If you read my other post you'll see what a complete Moron they have captaining this sinking ship - Skim Biz Update - Fidelity Investments.

This clown, Harry Lange, piled into my biggest shorts in September - BAC, WFC, and JPM.

And here's what they've done over the last 6 months:

BAC is down 88%!

WFC is down 52%!

JPM is down 46%!

Fidelity skims like .7% off each equity fund to, I guess, *create jobs*. They have about $1.3 trillion in assets. So let's say they skim about $500 million off (some monies are in lower yielding - for the firm - bond funds) every single year. What exactly has all that *research* wrought?

Eric Kobren, quoted above, wonders how much value additional analysts add to the funds' performances. I wonder, check that I KNOW, that not even one analyst, as they've hired them, constipated MBAs and whatnot, adds ANY VALUE. There's no *adding* anywhere in this Fidelity narrative - just subtraction and division.

Over the years I've met many analysts and read who knows how many *reports*. I can't say I've ever been impressed or edified by any of these overpaid clowns.

It's not *research*, it's marketing. These big mutual fund companies aren't anything other than an elaborate, sophisticated scheme to exploit the naiveté of the masses.

Now, we can begin a whole new discussion about whether or not Fools and their money *should*/*will always* be separated. That's fine.

But let's get the premise about what these skimmers are really doing, let's get that straight first.

Darned Comcast

You can't really appreciate it from this picture but the new Comcast Tower ruined the Philadelphia skyline. We had our first glimpse driving up I-95 last Friday night. [My wife and I met in Philadelphia where we both lived some 13 years ago.]

Here's another angle:



It's the tall building to the left in the second pic. In fact it's the tallest building between NYC and Chicago at 975 feet.

If they had made it equal in height and similar in style (pointed) to the Liberty Place buildings, it mightn't have had such a damaging aesthetic effect. I don't really know.

Click here to read an interesting *curse* upon Philly sports teams from the erection of One Liberty Place - the former tallest building in town.



I may be *stuck* with darned Comcast (as the only Cable TV/Internet option) here on Boston's South Shore, but in Philly they really are subjugated by Brian Robert's massive Comcast ego.

Barely Trading Update

Haven't done anything since my last update except one small trade today.

I shorted the Nasdaq-100 this morning. I sold the QQQQ at 30.43 and then took my kids to the mall for the afternoon.

I just covered it a few minutes ago at 29.38.

If ONLY it were this easy!

Had To Rip This One From Drudge

It simply cannot be omitted from this blog.

The uploader titled it *Dumber Than Soap*:



Attention Morons - there are only 300 million Americans, total!

This reminded me of my old post More Economic Illiteracy and a Hillary Cameo:

Hillary Clinton - "ups and downs of the global oil market cost the U.S. economy $7 trillion last year . . . almost enough to pay off our entire national debt."

[Meanwhile, oil imports for the entire year totaled only $250 billion.]

Still Undefeated In Staredowns!

Ever since Labor Day, I haven't uttered a word to my landlord. Back then he pissed me off and we had it out pretty loudly. Of course, he was dead wrong and quite lucky that I didn't open up a can of whoop-ass on him (though he benches like 350 lbs).

So yesterday, he waved hello to me while I was shoveling snow and I did my best to ignore him. Then he approached me to *apologize* without really admitting any blame. Well he did admit some, implying that his personal financial woes (read: upside-down on 4 homes, no income, and no cash) made him act in a way that he shouldn't have. And then he qualified it by suggesting that maybe I was *in a bad place* at the time as well. [I certainly wasn't. I was SHORT!]

Whatever.

EmptyHeadLandlord - I see your wife all the time....I see your kids....I see you all the time and don't want to have all this negativity.

And he stretched out his hand, which I shook, while I crossed the fingers of my other hand behind my back.

Here's ALL that I said throughout this 3 minute *conversation*:

CaptiousNut - It's good that you want to apologize, but I want to keep things the way they are. You continue to talk only to my wife and we'll maintain a strict professional relationship.

He lingered, repeated himself, suggesting he was on some *make amends* therapy and forced me to shake his hand again.

I was as uncordial as I could be and would say that I basically didn't accept his apology - why would I? You can't let people off that easy. What he did, without going into detail, was pretty darn bad.

Essentially what happened was this - he tried to stay pissed off at me but couldn't outlast the maestro. He, like many of my fellow pit traders, out-of-line family members, and other assorted Morons found out he was way over-matched in a war of wills. He blinked first.

Y'all should be aware that I can hold grudges, effortlessly, for decades - five months is nothing. Wow. That went by fast!

Inverts To Convert?

Or perhaps *revert*?

Story:

BOSTON (AP) - A lesbian couple who led the fight for gay marriage in Massachusetts has filed for divorce. Julie and Hillary Goodridge were among seven gay couples who filed a lawsuit that led to a court ruling making Massachusetts the first state to legalize same-sex marriages in 2004. The couple became the public face of the debate in the state and married the first day same-sex marriages became legal.

I propose a Constitutional amendment to define divorce as ONLY the disunion of a man and a woman.

If these people want to get married so badly, then we ought to scare 'em off with finality!

Let's put an end to this silly, symbolic issue....appropriately through a back-door.

Query - Who gets to keep the last name "Goodridge"? They're both wearing earrings....must we presume upon hair length?

$42 Per Square Foot!

Make that *$41.50* for each of the 1,612 square feet on the periphery of Naples, FL.

Of course this is a foreclosure (that my real estate buddy sent me).

According to Zillow.com it sold for $146,900 in December 2003.

Yeah a resident here would be almost in the middle of nowhere, 22 miles from *civilization* on Route 41....

But they'd be paying about a $400 monthly mortgage with no money down!

One could buy this house and with the savings they could book a hotel to stay overnight in Naples when they felt like it.

Yeah, looks like it's a Countrywide REO. What a surprise.

Mrs. C-Nut Dragging Me Into The 21st Century

Since I refused to buy my wife a GPS (or anything else really) for Christmas, she bought one herself. That's it above, one of Garmin's models. I think it retails for $200-$300 but am not very sure. Mrs. C-Nut got it for free *with points*.

I have to admit it's pretty cool. I can make do fine without it, but its big benefit, IMO, is that it can quickly confirm your directional hunches. It also allows you to search for hotels, parks, and other attractions. A drawback is that it can make one overly-reliant upon it. The device didn't really work in downtown Baltimore (not exactly place to get lost) - and I hear that is par for most other inner cities with tall buildings.



Wow. Garmin's stock has been crushed. Looks like they have $500 million in cash and zero debt. There must be something going on to explain this crash and a still significant short position (8.5% of the float). After all, GPS signals are *free* - any device can pull them down. I guess cell phones (and iPhones/iPods) will be incorporating GPS technology pretty soon- if they haven't already.

So since my wife got the GPS and she's now on Facebook....all we need is an iPod to get completely up to date!

Facebook - Not For Luddites

Some girl (39 yrs old) told me yesterday that she's furious one of her friends posted the above pic on her Facebook page (or is it "wall"?). The young-old chick can't figure out how to regulate what appears on her own page.

Yeah, it's a pic of the irate girl (aqua-blue); and it's from college in the 80s.

Now they have to find out who that guy in the black pants is and post it on his wall!

[Taylor, those are called "acid-washed" or "stone-washed" jeans.]

Must Have Escaped From That Mental Institution

(Click to enlarge)

Yeah, that's Hurley from Lost - the best show on color TV.

I espied him working at a liquidating Circuit City in Naples. The resemblance had me in stitches - so much so, that I could barely keep the camera still while I snapped the photo. I was somewhat nervous that the flash would alert him to a *hysterical photographer*.

Though I figured I could safely out-run him.

No One Should Be Afraid....

...of the *superior* Chinese education system.

Plus, we've got 3 million strong who are homeschooled!

[That was from a Chinese-to-English textbook.]

Curse Of C-Nut

Last night I randomly met an employee of Houghton-Mifflin the textbook publisher. I asked how business was, "terrible," he responded. Apparently all the municipalities are (finally) cutting back purchases of those *redundant* new editions. This is not an industry I am by any means on top of - but I wasn't surprised to hear of its woes. It's looks like it's *toast*.

So, what-do-ya-know, today the Boston Globe put out a lengthy, comprehensive article on this very company titled - Publisher Teeters:

Boston institution Houghton Mifflin Harcourt faces an uncertain future as textbook sales dry up and its owner reels under heavy debt

The ice is thinning under Houghton Mifflin Harcourt and Barry O'Callaghan, its freewheeling, 38-year-old, Irish owner.

The two big credit rating services, Moody's Investor Services and Standard & Poor's, recently slashed the rating of O'Callaghan's company, Education Media & Publishing Group, and warned that default on its crushing $6.7 billion debt is increasingly likely. Meanwhile, sales of school textbooks, Houghton's bread and butter, are slumping as school districts nationwide cut back orders in the deepening recession.

It's the latest chapter in the convoluted recent history of a grand old Boston name, a publishing institution since 1832. As recently as 2001, Houghton was a strong independent company with thriving K-12 and college textbook businesses and a stable of such best-selling authors as Roger Tory Peterson, JRR Tolkien, Philip Roth, and Rachel Carson. It has had three owners since then, none of them book publishers. Although it's unlikely that Houghton would disappear, default on its debt could mean a fire-sale breakup and a new owner or owners who could move all or parts of it from Boston.

Moody's last month reported that Houghton, with a debt load estimated at more than 10 times gross earnings, is "a likely default" unless its loans are renegotiated. S&P last month placed parent EMPG on its list of weakest links - companies in greatest danger of debt default. "The debt level is our biggest concern," said S&P analyst Hal Diamond, "given the state of the economy and state budget constraints. While they can reduce costs, they can only go so far."

The article was good reading. And the comments, thanks to many *former employees* were pretty feisty. So give it a whirl if you're idle tonight. It's hard to imagine textbook publishers going broke given the costs they pass on.

But keep in mind that high revenues are no match for the econo-illiterate, political wordsmiths that run the book biz.

So in the last two days I've bumped into a Madoff victim and now a soon-to-be-unemployed Houghton-Mifflin employee.

Y'all should aim to keep clear of me and my curse!

Though, truth be told, the odds that whomever I meet next is in a teetering business are pretty darn high right now.

(I touched, tangentially, on textbooks in Sheep To Slaughter - one of my better posts from when I was a worse blogger. Can't believe that was over two years ago. I can't believe I've known Taylor that long!)

There's No One To Blame...Move Along

Tremont's Rye Burned By Madoff

Rye Investment Management is toast. The division of hedge-fund firm Tremont Group Holdings seems to have lost virtually all of the money it manages to Bernard L. Madoff, who apparently ran the world's biggest Ponzi scheme.

No matter how you slice it, Tremont will get burned as well: Rye accounts for more than half of the assets it manages.

Tremont has two asset-management divisions, Rye and Tremont Capital Management. Rye runs assets of $3.1 billion, virtually all of it invested with Madoff. Tremont Capital has a bit of exposure as well, $200.0 million, or 7.0% of its $2.9 billion total, a source with knowledge of the company told Forbes.com.

It isn't a sure thing that all of the money invested with Madoff is lost, but it's a pretty good bet. Last week, Madoff allegedly admitted that he had lied about years of steady profits and that he had bilked investors out of a mind-boggling $50.0 billion.

Tremont said it had "exercised appropriate due diligence in connection with the Madoff investments." Indeed, it claimed the situation was not within its control. "Tremont was victimized by not just a person but also a scheme and a complex process designed to deceive individuals and organizations, managers and analysts – including some of the largest, sophisticated financial institutions in the world," said Tremont spokesman Montieth Illingworth.

When asked who was responsible for Rye's investment strategy -- which, essentially, consisted of giving Madoff all the money -- Illingworth refused to comment. In June, the company said that the previous Tremont Group chairman, Robert Shulman, who had been running the Rye unit as part of his transition to retirement, had made way for Jim Mitchell, who previously worked in the firm's London office.

Hah! Tremont claims to be *vicitmized...by a process*.

Then they conveniently blame a since-gone chairman for TODAY's investments.

So, just to be clear, when Madoff posts *paper profits* over many years, Tremont's refined crooks take their cut, BUT when the sham is revealed, all of a sudden they are *victims*.

I just so happened to bump into a higher-up from Tremont very recently. We got to talking about the markets and this clown instantly displayed staggering ignorance. He started in by blaming *mark-to-market* accounting for just about everything - yet he couldn't even regurgitate Steve Forbes' sophistry. This guy just didn't know anything about financials or the markets in general. To give an example, he insisted that no one could buy distressed debt because of mark-to-market. I tried to explain to him that mark-to-mark might pose problems for legacy debt holders BUT NOT FOR NEW BUYERS TODAY. After my lecture, I jabbed, "If stuff yielding 18% is really a good, performing investment, then why don't you buy it with your personal funds?"

"I can't....because I'd have to mark it to market..."

Huh?

So why is this Moron in charge of allocating billions of investor monies? Because he's a typical New York poseur. He spends a lot of money on clothes, smokes expensive cigars, talks about his solar panels, and generally tries to act like he's hot sh*t. The guy puts on all the airs of a fifth-generation blueblood - yet in fact he went to a poopy local college and grew up on the wrong side of Long Island!

Disgraced and *fired* Merrill honcho John Thain also blamed his firm's $15 billion fourth quarter loss on *positions he inherited*.

Yet, his minions advised him to dump much of the junk last spring a much less-distressed prices - and he refused to do so.

That poor decision couldn't possibly have been HIS FAULT. Just ask him.