Sunday, October 05, 2008

The Embarrassment Catalyst

I just came across a story about a LARGE couple that was split up on a plane. They sent one of them to the front for *weight distribution*. The pair also had a previous problem when their collective corpulence tipped a boat and embarassed the sh*t out of their kids. But the plane incident got them motivated and they went out and lost a ton of weight. Good for them!

I submit the real problem of *when-pigs-fly* is not aeronautical, it's personal.

Last week, on my connecting flight from Baltimore to Fort Meyers I got onto the plane and a quick glance down towards my prospective aisle got me worried. I had the aisle seat in row 18; it's always hard to figure how far down you have to go - as the rows fly by rather quickly. There was a ginormous woman - whom I recognized from the waiting area - hanging out into the aisle in what looked potentially like my row.

But I had chosen an aisle seat over the web the night before. Looking at the empty row in front of her and one behind I assuaged my fear with, "she must be in the wrong aisle...or I am seated in an adjacent row."

Of course when I got down there, she was in fact in my seat. I politely mentioned:

"I think I have the aisle seat"


I doubled checked my ticket and the indication above the seat. I calmly pointed out that the aisle seat was mine. She went ballistic.

ObesseBaltimoreWoman - I HAVE MEDICAL REASONS....I asked for an AISLE SEAT....I'm not moving.

Now this was a full flight and while the lady gesticulated and clutched her seat belt extension(s) the line of boarding passengers was piling up behind me.

The gentlemen behind me had presciently already waved down the stewardess.

"Good luck," he whispered to me as he scooted past.

So the stewardess came and eventually got the non-skinny lady to slide over to the window. The only problem was, her booty was co-opting a full 1/3 of my seat. You couldn't even put the armrest down. Didn't I pay for a full seat? I told the stewardess I wasn't sitting there and she left to speak with the agent in the terminal.

Now this was the climax. The chunk-a-doo eventually threw herself against the window and was just able to get the armrest down. I sat in MY SEAT and got as comfortable as I could under the circumstances.

ObeseBaltimoreWoman - I have to keep my leg under your seat...there's no room....for medical reasons.

For the whole flight I had to hang out into the aisle - getting smacked by every other small-bladdered fat-ass that came by. It figures that this flight's stewardesses were also far from skinny. Who's ever seen that before?

According to this advice I found on AOL, I did the right thing by refusing to sit down.

Only they say you should make the airline put a "school age" child in that seat!

They've got measuring sticks in front of rollercoasters and they've got those little displays at the gates indicating the maximum size for carry-on luggage.

So why don't they construct something similar to snag *piggy* passengers who rightfully should be buying two tickets?

This stuff happens to me - all the time. At least when my wife is traveling with me I can make her switch seats and take one for Team C-Nut.

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