Thursday, May 07, 2009

Provoked Crankiness

So the other day I had it out with a deranged woman over her dog. I came extremely close to calling the police.

You see, at the playground where I take my kids daily, there're always piles of dog poop. And everyday, I'm there scrounging for a stick to flick the logs *out of bounds*. Otherwise, one of my kids will surely step (or fall!) in it.

On Tuesday, I espied a rather non-skinny woman letting her dog run loose there. It was raining so playing kids were scarce. The mutt had no leash on and I witnessed it defecate on the grass. The owner did nothing. There was no *bag in hand* - no movement to assess - no nothing. Clearly, based on the size of the dog it had to be the serial culprit!

So I started walking over to her, hollering, "Do you have your dog crap on this grass here everyday?"

She responded in the negative and her mongrel actually charged me with advertised teeth. It's amazing how well canines can accurately sense hostility.

The next day, sure enough, she was back with the dog. I must have walked toward the phone and turned around 3 times. I wussed out on my promise to call the cops on her unleashed, unscooped pooper.

Note the warm weather is now here and soon enough I won't be able to flick the *softies*. A showdown is imminent and it will be blogged.

I've written a bunch on *deranged dog people* - click here to find most of it.


Anonymous said...

:-) Reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld's comment: When Aliens watch us through telescopes and see the dog leading the way , and the human behind it with a bag to carry the dog's poop when it poops, would they not obviously think that the dog is the master and the human the slave?

Anonymous said...

Doesn't Mass have a leash law? Flag down the nearest cop and tell them you have a nice revenue source for them to exploit! That park will be crawling with cops and thus I won't have to worry about having to pay a $100 dollar fine for pulling into the breakdown lane before an exit...

Anonymous said...

Does MA have a leash law? That's funny. I have no doubt that they have a leash law and 500 other laws regulating pet containment and behavior control.

Call the police and tell them that a vicious, unleashed dog attempted to attack you at the park. Meanwhile, continue to provoke the dog and the owner at every opportunity. Feed the dog uncooked dough balls that have been mixed with fresh bacon pieces. If the dog doesn't blow up, you will at least make the owner nervous that the doughballs are poison.

A particularly effective tactic is to come unhinged, Hollywood (or military) style. Start yelling about how the owner's behavior is ruining the country. Serve them with an itemized bill detailing how you have cleaned up after and monitored the dog's behavior.

Such efforts as these can take a little time to work, but I've watched hated neighbors find another place to live as a result of such tactics.

Jone said...

This is a town health code violation. Call the police, it's against the law. This lady will be fined.

CaptiousNut said...

This weekend I went for a walk on a local beach boardwalk. There was dog poop all over it - again, there are trash cans left and right. Nobody cares!

I love dogs but despise a majority of their owners.