Thursday, December 04, 2008

Marginalizing Turkey

Are you one of those clowns that claims to *like turkey*?

I'll bet you are.

The fact is, no one likes turkey. The tasteless bird is almost as bad as *traffic* at Thanksgiving.

As proof, I submit that NO ONE cooks turkey all year long. If people like it, then why doesn't anyone demand it year-round?

And don't tell me that's because *turkey takes a long time to cook*.

Last Sunday we had dinner guests. You should have seen the sullen look on their faces when I pulled a *bird* out of the oven. For a moment they thought I was hitting them with a turkey four days early. It was a roasted chicken. But how funny would that be to have a huge dinner party every year either the week before or after and serve turkey to guests too polite to complain?

Finally, finally this year, on my 34th Thanksgiving I got to eat something besides the stale bird. At a restaurant on 81st and 2nd Avenue in Manhattan I ordered duck.

Though, if memory serves me, I believe I have in years past boycotted the turkey at dinner time.

Pictured above is one of the appetizers we enjoyed - roast quail wrapped in pancetta. It was delicious. I've never had it before and have to admit that it could have actually been *roast Manhattan pigeon* for all I know.

Of course, I could have eaten a half dozen of these quails. The meal was insufficient and a complete rip-off. Welcome to Manhattan!


Funny Circus Bears said...

I never eat turkey. Ever. A nice prime rib roast, thank you very much.

If turkey is so good, why do they give them away at Ralph's with any purchase of Tampons and Sunny D?

Paul Mitchell said...

I do like turkey as long as is it NOT smoked. This Thanksgiving, I deep fried my first bird with an entire pharmacy shot into it with Tony Chachere's garlic, butter injector. I then rubbed it with about two metric tons of poultry rub with cayenne. It only took 600 hours to thaw it, but cooking time was less than an hour and a half for 17.8 pounds. At 1.08 a pound for the turkey, I shall do at least four or five this year. I figure that I spent less that 2.80 a pound and it was probably the best poultry that I have ever eaten. Cooking the sides took considerably longer though.

And what could the connection POSSIBLY be between tampons, Sunny D, and turkey? 'Cause that is funny.

CaptiousNut said...


My MIL tried to dump a *rib roast* on her descendants (and me) a day or two after Thanksgiving. We made her put it back in the fridge while we ordered pizza!

I am not sure of what quality the rib roast was. You specified *prime*....I have a feeling this one so proffered was in fact *subprime*.

If my MIL, who argues with Moses, and who's *never wrong*, could harness enough of her genius to post a comment.....we could receive some clarity on exactly how this beef was graded.

Two Dogs,

The only turkey I had that I EVER LIKED was smoked. Last year, an inlaw twice removed, a Virginian, smoked one and brought it to my abode. He infused all sorts of seasoning under the skin; the bird was moist and tasty for days post-Thanksgiving.

I've yet to taste a deep-fried bird. Would do so happily.

As for Sunny D....

No joke, I like it better than Tropicana.

Paul Mitchell said...

I like those mixed up multi-fruit drinks, too. If you take a quart of Sunny D and a magnum of vodka, you got yourself some football watching refreshment.

I haven't had the time to crop my photos down to post on my blog of the turkey, but it was dang good. I'll let you know when it's up.

Funny Circus Bears said...

Rib roast? No, I wouldn’t be caught dead consuming it much less serving it on holiday.

I’m not even sure which bovine body part it is but I expect it is that bitch of a cut which is hacked around the grisly sinews that hold the rib cage together and then flogged to tight fisted yids for their salt beef.

In any case, I’m certain that for any customer who orders such an abomination my butcher, as a free service, wipes his knob on any cut of meat they select as well as coughing a dockers omelet into the mince. You really don't want to know what goes into the sausages.

Anonymous said...

Ever eat Squab at a blingy restaurant?

Know what it is?

Baby pigeon. It is delicious (and expensive). Turns out pigeons take exceptional care of their young, unlike Sparrows for instance. They hide them very well and keep them in the nest for a good long time-kind of like people. Giving us large plump baby birdies to eat. Baby pigeons may be the bird equivalent of 30 year old college students. Mmm good.

Slow out.

Not quite

BTW: I am good with Turkey. It is not the bird that is important, it is a vessel for artery clogging gravy delivery and a chance to eat lots of cranberry sauce-preferably the canned kind with the rings on it from the can-you know your from New England when...

Anonymous said...

Never had it smoked, but yes, deep fried Turkey is excellent.

Slow out.

Anonymous said...

Deep fried turkey is the best. Very moist and with the seasoning, it is superb. We always consume one on the ice in our annual ice fishing err drinking derby on Lake Whinny. Excellent and I highly recommend it.

CaptiousNut said...

A friend of mine in Baltimore bought a townhome that had been partially burned down.

Previous owner threw a turkey in his deep fryer on the deck. Went to take a shower, the time he came out the deck was ablaze.

Guy must have gone through a whole bar of soap!!!

CaptiousNut said...


Y'all do that ice fishing derby in September, right?

Paul Mitchell said...

Deep fried turkey porn up at my blog.

CaptiousNut said...


You ain't kidding that is "porn"!

I'll post the permalink for you.