Friday, February 26, 2010

The Smoke Of Human Sacrifice

So, do women pregnant with twins get special dispensation to eat meat on Lenten Fridays?

I say *NO*. Again, they already GET all new (maternity) clothes, ecstatic drugs during delivery, and the bonding of late-night breast-feeding!

But no one was putting the question to me. That's a conundrum that my wife and her pagan girlfriends are discussing on that Headbook thingy at the moment.

Of course they all concur that the prego princess should get a pass!

I've been very remiss so far this season in my carnal sacrificing. I unconsciously ate meat on Ash Wednesday, last Friday, and today already. I sort of got all depressed last year when a more *upright* friend of mine informed me that if one complained about fasting....that if one gave up meat but COMPLAINED about it, then the fast doesn't even count. And he actually sent me the relevant proscribing Bible passage.

BTW, don't mess around with that *dispensation* fraud. My MIL once served me up a nasty plate of sausage on Good Friday. After I ate half of it, and we realized the oversight, she tried to grant me *special dispensation*.

But not an hour later, while running to the car in a downpour, I hurriedly opened the car door RIGHT INTO MY EYE SOCKET.

I spent the next several hours in the ER of ST. FRANCIS HOSPITAL. Not only did I have a laceration that needed stitching, the sausage declared war on my digestive system. While 'old coots' with *chest pains* kept jumping ahead of me in line for treatment, I spent the entire time alternately curled up in the fetal position or rocking the *comfort station* with the loudest ones my wife still claims to have ever heard (clear across the entire ER!).

Two little stitches is all I got - that and a smug doctor laughing hysterically at me for breaking the meat fast.


Anonymous said...

you seem to slowly become soft, emotional, touchy/feely based on your recent yoga and other blog posts with womanish-thought-traces.

you should hang out more with "men" :)

CaptiousNut said...

Soft? Moi?

Hah! I'm as *hard* as they come. I've plenty of masculinity to spare. I really should post my off-the-charts *motility score*...

There are few real men around here though. They are all exhausted wage slaves - all work for mutual fund companies.

None of them even play golf. I'll bet most of them don't even flatulate.

Mom in MA said...

I think preggos and oldsters get a pass. I have exercised my right 3x now. I also took a pass while breastfeeding. Don't deny food to a hormonal woman.