Thursday, December 24, 2009
My teeth weren't that bad as a kid, but I had enough of a *buck* to necessitate braces.
After they came off, the orthodontist gave me a *retainer* that I was supposed to wear while I slept. I did so for a bit, then I stopped. You see, I went to college, where there were broads, and sleeping with the thing gave me dragon breath.
Now, some 17 years since I scrapped the thing, I've noticed that one of my bottom teeth is trying to *wander*, even if ever so slightly.
All I had to do was casually broach the subject in my dentist's office and before you know it, the hygienist was pushed aside by her boss. He came at me hard with a sales pitch for Invisalign - some orthodontic appliance I'd never heard of. Hmmmm....I wondered why dentists were now infringing on orthodontist territory. By the way, did y'all know that dentists are licensed to inject Botox? They fought hard for the privilege; anything for an additional buck - I guess.
Of course, I'm a profoundly curious person. I listened intently and interjected MY questions. Most importantly, I wanted to know about COST, and I asked THREE TIMES.
But the unctuous dentist kept beating around the bush mumbling stuff about *insurance*, how it would be *cheaper to be preemptive*, etc., as if money was merely a detail. Finally I screamed at him:
CaptiousNut - If I was paying cash, how much would it cost me.
Dentist - ....insurance....have to get an estimate...[blah, blah, blah]
CaptiousNut - WOULD IT BE $200 or $20,000???!!!
Dentist - You mean you just want me to *ballpark* it for you?
CaptiousNut - YES!
Dentist - Anywhere from $3,500 to $5,000.
Okay. Thanks. How hard was that, you slimy Moron?
And it was at that very moment that my eyes noticed the jagged, summer teeth of HIS lower jaw!
(*summer teeth* = some are here, some are there)
I really can't stand it when amateurs, be they car salesmen, cab drivers, Craigslist consumers, or dentists, try to play bidding and offering games with me, a savvy professional.
The guy wouldn't give me a price, not because pricing is *too complicated*; no, he was shifty because he was trying to measure me up, calculating how high could he charge!
THAT is why he ran in there to check my teeth personally, for the first time in the last 4 visits.
Do any of y'all know anything about Invisalign or its competitors?
I just assume they work for ten years....and then the teeth start wandering anew.