Monday, December 07, 2009

Chicks Are Sheep!



Around these parts, EVERY SINGLE *mom* wears black workout (stretch?) pants....ALL OF THE TIME.

Even the ones who don't workout - but should or don't need to - can be seen wearing them.

I recall that my kids' old obese, disheveled, sapphic babysitter and her grungy friends used to derisively refer to these animals as *Talbots moms* with their *$80 yoga pants*.

Let's not forget those hideous, pink Red Sox hats!

Now I may dress the same all the time - jeans, sneakers, and golf shirts - but at least in doing so I don't dress like all the other members of my gender species.

Why can't they make their staple outfit a skirt? They can even make it out of the same material for all I care.

And while we're on the subject, some of these chicks need to get up earlier so they have time to fix themselves up, lose those hats, and perhaps put a smart ribbon or bow in their hair.

After 15 minutes of searching, I finally found what I wrote on this subject some 3.5 years ago:

I may get in trouble for this, but it needs to be said.

Another thing I hate about Boston is how homely the women dress. Women up here hardly ever wear skirts, heels, or even blouses. Everywhere I go, ladies, young and old, are wearing jeans, sneakers, Red Sox hats, sweatshirts, and tee shirts. Underneath those hats is usually unkempt hair.

No DA, it is not a lesbian thing. ALL WOMEN UNDERDRESS UP HERE.

I chock it all up to the groupthink contagion. It's easy to walk around dressed like a slob college student, if only because everyone else does.

14 comments:

Mom in MA said...

Those stretch pants on the Hingham Moms are usually from Lululemon and cost OVER $100. Ridiculous. Yes, they all look the same. Don't blame it all on the moms though...there is a Hingham mens 'uniform' too..you know, khaki's (or jeans on the weekends) a business cazsh shirt and a fleece vest with the name of the bank/fund where they work. Gag.

I was at the Prudential center today and there were far more women in classy attire but it's not NYC or Chicago by a long shot.

Maybe it's the puritan roots. Sexy is not 'in' here...

CaptiousNut said...

Sexy isn't the word I'd use.

I'd say they are androgynous or unfeminine here in Massachusetts.

For $100+ they better where them often!

Mom,

How many pairs do you have?

Megan said...

Wait, are you trying to claim to be going against some fashion grain by wearing jeans, sneakers, and a polo shirt? Because that's what every man on the South Shore wears. With the fleece vest mentioned by Mom in MA, and a baseball cap from a charity golf tournament.

CaptiousNut said...

Nope, I am making no such claims.

This post isn't about me.

Megan,

How many pairs of Lululemon slacks do YOU have?!?!?

Obviously, men can only wear jeans and khakis. We can't don skirts, coolats, sundresses, etc.

Admittedly, I rarely dress up and it pains my wife. How do I know?

When I so much as put a button down shirt on to go with my *good* jeans....she remarks how nice I look. That has to be the most obvious back-handed criticism ever.

But I'm not a slob. I always have a collared shirt on in public - NEVER T-SHIRTS like my entire extended family in Central Mass (women to boot!).

And I have to wear sneakers on account of my broken back.

I shower every single morning; brush my teeth four times a day; and never leave the house *unfixed*....

And I'm the only guy on planet Earth that always washes their hands after visting the comfort station!

Megan said...

I don't own anything from Lululemon. They're a front for the Landmark Forum, a cult-like enterprise that's kind of an upscale Scientology. I usually wear jeans and a nice t shirt.

I used to wear skirts a lot, before I had kids. I find them more comfortable than pants. But they're not really practical when taking care of 2 kids under 3. More importantly, I'm not really out to impress anyone. I'm okay with my frumpiness. Embrace it, even. I drive a minivan, too.

I was just pointing out that it was ludicrous that you claim that you don't "dress like all the other members of [your] gender species," when you describe the normal uniform perfectly. I kind of had a feeling that you weren't a slob, that wasn't what I was getting at.

Anonymous said...

Ah...female frumpiness is one of the things that your brother doesn't miss about the USA. By comparison, Ukraine is heaven for a single guy...the young women may have far less money, but they try a lot harder to dress well.

CaptiousNut said...

Megan,

I remember when mine were little.

Definitely couldn't put a nice cashmere sweater on - EVER. They'd defintely spit up all over it. That burp cloth was no match for well-projected vomit!

With small kids....I'll permit a T-shirt/skirt combo!

Mom in MA said...

What's with the fixation on SKIRTS?! At the playground? Pfft! I've also got two under 3 and that just isn't happening unless it's summer. A nice sundress is better than shorts on a gal with her arm around 40.

I didn't know that about Lululemon (thanks, Megan) but wouldn't have dropped a hundo on yoga pants anyway...even if they are supposedly a miracle for the posty baby figure.

C-Nut, You aren't fundamentalist pentecostal are you? You know, you may want to consider it...the women aren't 'allowed' to wear pants.

Megan said...

Aw, gee, thanks. That means a lot to me.

Today seems like just perfect weather for a skirt, after all. You're probably against pantyhose, too.

Anonymous said...

US rednecks in NH replace the jeans with carthart pants brown or green will do. They have a perfect side pocket for the leatherman tool as a bonus! C-Nut, have you noticed Rich Karlgard talking up Fido in his last post?
Kfell

CaptiousNut said...

Kfell,

I had to google *carhartt pants*!

Never heard that term before.

Haven't read Rich K in ages. Too busy, too uninterested. Who is Fido anyway?

I'm going to guess B. Hussein Obama. Am I right?

I don't really want to look.

As for this pair of chickadees ganging up on me....

I'm probably going to have to introduce a dress code for reading this blog!

No opinion on pantyhose.

Born and raised Catholic, male chauvinist by a *liberated* working mother who vacuumed annually.

On some stuff I'm old-fashioned, and on some stuff I'm new-fashioned and very progressive if I do say so myself.

I think women should either be in burkas or in ladylike clothing. And I'm going to see what I can do to effect societal change!

Anonymous said...

Who is Fido?? Fidelity...Rich is contending that due to their size and resources, the small individual investor does not stand a chance...Sir P has been absent as well. Its no fun without you guys...

Carhart makes pants for the old ladies as well...nothing sexier than a woman in her carharts ice fishing...

CaptiousNut said...

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments...

1 Timothy 2:9

CaptiousNut said...

Girls,

Y'all aren't going to believe what I just bought the wife for Christmas! Will reveal....next week.