Thursday, January 14, 2010

Doggone Humor

So today a local *mom* was lamenting to me the burden of her new 65 pound St. Bernard - that she couldn't travel far without making arrangements, feeding it, shedding, etc.

So I blithely and thoughtfully suggested...

C-Nut - You know what? You should put it down!

At that her face went blank, and she frantically paused to assess the depth of my seriousness. This *mom* is a very nice lady so I cracked a smile to spare her the burden of my obliqueness.

I've used it a several times now - this *why don't you put it down?* or *you didn't put it down yet?* suggestion - and I have almost always received a *better than expected* reaction. It's got a pretty secure place now in my portable, recyclable, and formidable(!) arsenal of humor.

Dog people are mortified that one would suggest such a thing. My golfing buddy responded with "d*ckhead" in about a tenth of a nanosecond flat when I targeted his *Muffy* or whatever its name is!

The idea of putting down a beloved pet is simply absurd in pet-lovers' eyes.

Of course, aliens might objectively think humans ABSURD for their deranged pet worship!

Dog eulogies???

Apparently there's much on dog eulogy poems as well.

And much on this blog on Deranged Dog People!


Anonymous said...

We were seperated at birth. This past thanksgiving after a few drinks, I "jokingly" told my sister in law that one of my favorite memories of her $%^%bag golden retriever was when they told me they put it down. I am an admitted dog hater. Unfortunately, my wife who has never owned a dog, pestered me into adopting a friend's 5 yr old yellow lab recently.
Guess what. We can't leave any food on the counter unless we want the mutt to eat it. I have to constantly tell the idiot k9 to stop jumping up on people and my favorite, the dog needs to constantly be touched and patted or it will constantly lick my hands when I stop. Admittingly, I have had much worse dogs in my youth but still, its a %$%&* mutt! And guess who ends up walking it before going to bed at night in the freezing NH evening? ME! Did your exterminator friend leave you any extra treats for this mutt?

Anonymous said...

My parents have a dog that's been a bit of a problem. I keep telling them the solution to the problem only costs 5 cents but sound logic falls on deaf ears.